Ladybug said this very well in her thread entitled "This Might Help." We are repeating it here (in our own words) in an attempt to communicate this to everyone.
Over the past several months, there has been a pattern of behavior that has fueled the majority of major conflicts that occur on this board, including the recent ones. As part of online recovery, many people become friends and communicate within and outside of this board, which, for the most part is a great thing. However, when a disagreement arises between two members and when one of them happens to be part of a particular group, the group mentality seems to always kick in and the other person gets teamed up on whereas the friend is only held in the highest regard, regardless of what s/he said. When this occurs, the "non-friend" is made out to be the bad guy and perceives that the entire board is against him/her. When someone who does not belong to the group sees this and jumps in (in the underdogs defense), well, we've got war on our hands.
We're aware that people who are assisting their friends are often doing so with the best intentions, but they seem to be blind to the repercussions of their actions. "So-and-so is my friend, so heck yah, I'm gonna back him/her up, it's what friends do!" But it's easy to forget that there is a real person on the other end who is just as great a person, the only difference is you haven't yet gotten a chance to know them and may have just missed out on that opportunity.
As Ladybug suggested, why not let the two people who are disagreeing try and work things out on their own? If they are unable to do so after a few posts, exchanging emails and doing so outside of this forum will minimize the chaos and give them space to work things out unimpeded by others who are inadvertently fueling the fire.
It seems a couple people may have left today for this very reason. I hope people will recognize the role that they play when doing this and allow others to speak for themselves or try to be a little more understanding of both perspectives.
Thank you.
bump
I'm bumping again..Amen
Well I was hoping everybody could get along. Far as groups moderators you have singled me out lately and I haven't been doing anything wrong. I am here trying to be supportive to others and get support for myself. Yet you are determined to lock my threads. I even took out the one piece you complained about and you still locked it. So, I'm very confused. See, when you do stuff like that you are playing in the "other" group here...You have been going after the one particular group and I've seen so many times where they were only trying to defend themselves and people would be way out of line with them. You didn't do anything and do nothing unless it's the other way around.
I'm very disappointed too, Because I've made so much effort these past couple of months to be more respectful of "Everybody" and you still give me a hard time. For real, I think I came a long way...But you lock my threads...Those threads aren't half as bad as other threads I read on here. I think you are prejudice against me and some others here that you allow for these people to push their buttons and mine too..It's not right. That's all I'm going to say about this. I'm moving on and I hope everybody can learn if you want respect you have to learn how to give it.
I'm very disappointed too, Because I've made so much effort these past couple of months to be more respectful of "Everybody" and you still give me a hard time. For real, I think I came a long way...But you lock my threads...Those threads aren't half as bad as other threads I read on here. I think you are prejudice against me and some others here that you allow for these people to push their buttons and mine too..It's not right. That's all I'm going to say about this. I'm moving on and I hope everybody can learn if you want respect you have to learn how to give it.
While I'm "new" to this forum, I agree 100% with your posting. The last thing I - or anyone else seeking support - need is for something to happen to jeapordize the future of this miracle site! I beg those who are involved in this "dispute" to please heed your advice and work things out ASAP.
Wannabefree said it best.. this is a miracle site. We all need it and shame on us to do anything to take it away from the newcomers.
Geeze..I feel like we just all got in trouble from the principal.... lol
Cowgirl
Geeze..I feel like we just all got in trouble from the principal.... lol
Cowgirl
Liz, I can't speak for the other moderators, but I did lock one thread of yours recently (last night) where someone provided their insight into your situation and you responded aggressively and angrily. I let it go at first, but the swear words were increasing and after a few exchanges, I removed your most inflammatory post and locked the thread. It was obvious that the two of you were not working things out and the recovery theme was completely lost. I firmly stand by that action. Last night I also posted that we are locking threads more frequently, in the hope that things will calm down and if so, we will open the thread back up. However, when a thread is locked and the person continues hurling attacks (and in your case) attacks us in other threads, the thread will not be re-opened and there is a good chance that posts which perpetuate the dispute will be be removed and/or locked.
Finally, I'd like to respond to the claim that we are only singling out you and your friends. This is simply not the case. We don't announce every time that we remove someone's post, contact them off board or ban a user, etc. For the most part, we try to handle it discreetly. Many things take place that you are not aware of so I can see how you may have jumped to that conclusion since you are only seeing a small piece of the pie so to speak.
In any case, we welcome you with open arms and suggest that if you get fired up during an argument and your thread is locked to take a short break from the board and when you return, you may find the thread was reopened. Hopefully by then, those involved will be calm enough to work things out in a mature, non-aggressive manner.
Kindest Regards
Finally, I'd like to respond to the claim that we are only singling out you and your friends. This is simply not the case. We don't announce every time that we remove someone's post, contact them off board or ban a user, etc. For the most part, we try to handle it discreetly. Many things take place that you are not aware of so I can see how you may have jumped to that conclusion since you are only seeing a small piece of the pie so to speak.
In any case, we welcome you with open arms and suggest that if you get fired up during an argument and your thread is locked to take a short break from the board and when you return, you may find the thread was reopened. Hopefully by then, those involved will be calm enough to work things out in a mature, non-aggressive manner.
Kindest Regards
Ok Moderators,
Sorry for attacking you. Just been going through some stuff and felt like I was getting attacked every which way I turned. But you are right, I don't know the whole story of what is going on here. Been caught up in my own nightmares lately. But I do want to be able to be here to support others and I can use the support myself.
I agree too, the agruing has to stop. The cursing from me will too.
Love,
Liz
Sorry for attacking you. Just been going through some stuff and felt like I was getting attacked every which way I turned. But you are right, I don't know the whole story of what is going on here. Been caught up in my own nightmares lately. But I do want to be able to be here to support others and I can use the support myself.
I agree too, the agruing has to stop. The cursing from me will too.
Love,
Liz
There's my girl...
Thanks Liz. We know that you're going through a rough time and only wish you the very best.
This is a great thread. I'm bumping again.
WELL SAID BY EVERYONE!!!!
THANKS MODERATORS!!! GOOD LOOKING OUT FOR EVERYONE!!!
YOUR FRIEND, CHRISTINA
THANKS MODERATORS!!! GOOD LOOKING OUT FOR EVERYONE!!!
YOUR FRIEND, CHRISTINA
