I have lost more than eight years. Something like 20. I do go out into the world but I am drugged. I have just started to ween myself from taking up to 12 percocets a day. This week I'm down to 3 darvocet a day. I don't want to be deathly ill with withdraw. I have an out of town tournament with my daughter for four days and want to be there for her. I'm planning on quitting when I get back. I will have a few days off work and can "play sick" then. I just hope and pray that I don't weaken and end up calling someone for more percs. It's so easy to weaken. I am wearing a bracelet to remind me each time I look at it that "just for today", I can only take three. So far, so good. I've been awake an hour and a half and have only had coffee. I'm trying to time myself and spread out the hours between pills. I think that we are all capable of quitting but we really have to want it. I have always found that when I have alot of pills I am not ready. Whenever I start to run out I realize that I have to go see a doc or a dealer and get more. It's easier to quit when your out of pills. Can you talk to a doctor? Are you on something for depression? This is my first time posting and I could also use some words of encouragement. It helps to hear someone say, "you can do it". I haven't told anyone my secret. I live with this in my own heart and head. I'm sure my husband knows that something is not right. He just thinks I'm going through the change or something. He's not the confrontational type so even if he does know he won't say. He certainly wouldn't know the extent of my use. If he takes 1/2 ultram he has to go to bed and thats for significant pain. Right now I'm fortunate that I don't even have any real pain. Anyway I believe you can quit if you ask for help and really want it. We are stronger than we know and of course with the help of God. I have asked God to help me today to take no more than 21/2 darvocet. I allow myself a small piece of ativan at night so I can sleep. (I hate ativan) I wish you good luck and you can talk to me. I care for you. alice
Alice - I know exactly where you are at because I have been there. My opiate addiction started with Vicodin than went to Ultram/Tramadol, which I took for about 8 years, taking up to 50 - 55 pills a day at my peak usage point. I quit cold turkey 64 days ago. The w/d was horrible; ct is not really the recommended or safe way to do it but I could not deal w/the taper thing. As soon as I hit my tolerance level & w/d symptoms set in I would just take more. I knew I needed to quit; so many things in my life had changed; and definitely not for the better. Oh, at first it was great and I felt like I was super mom, super everything on the pills. But over the years as my tolerance grew and the side effects starting kicking in, it was not enjoyable anymore, I just had to keep taking them to avoid getting sick. I had lost interest in so many things that I used to love; only left the house when I had to and just felt completely depressed and lacking of any energy to do anything. This is a problem for sure considering I have 2 active teenage daughters and a husband who knew nothing of my addiction.
I knew I needed to stop for some time, & finally decided I was ready. I also knew that w/d would be awful so I sort of planned for it. I did it while my daughters were away and I cleared my calendar of appts., etc. (as much as possible), and just prepared to be sick. It was pretty bad for the first few days, peaking at about the 3rd day, then slowly getting better. It was about a week total of feeling like crap - and I'm sure each person has different symptoms and time limits, depending probably on the drug and how long it was taken. It was not fun at all but you CAN do it. I have learned a lot here in this forum and through other research that the w/d is actually the easy part; it is staying sober that is the challenge. I definitely have found that to be true; so now I am taking on that challenge as well. I started therapy last week and was just put on an anti-depressant (depression and lack of sleep are really common in recovery I have learned). I should have sought out the therapy sooner, because it has only been a week and already I feel SO much better!
So - first, you have to be ready - in you head and in your heart. You CAN do it - but you have to want to. Find someone you can talk to; if not your regular dr., then a counselor/therapist in your area. That is what I did - found a place (actually from a link here at this site) close by, called, & they got me in right away. It felt so good to "tell on myself" to someone. I cant believe the difference that just one week has made - I just wish I would have done this right after I was through the w/d. I do believe that everyone is unique and reasons for getting started and staying on pills is different for each individual. But once addiction sets in you lose control and the pills take over. Now it is time for you to take the control back - it is not easy but there IS help out there and it can be done. You just gotta take the first step. Good luck - I hope to hear back from you and hope I can help you in any way.
Julie
I knew I needed to stop for some time, & finally decided I was ready. I also knew that w/d would be awful so I sort of planned for it. I did it while my daughters were away and I cleared my calendar of appts., etc. (as much as possible), and just prepared to be sick. It was pretty bad for the first few days, peaking at about the 3rd day, then slowly getting better. It was about a week total of feeling like crap - and I'm sure each person has different symptoms and time limits, depending probably on the drug and how long it was taken. It was not fun at all but you CAN do it. I have learned a lot here in this forum and through other research that the w/d is actually the easy part; it is staying sober that is the challenge. I definitely have found that to be true; so now I am taking on that challenge as well. I started therapy last week and was just put on an anti-depressant (depression and lack of sleep are really common in recovery I have learned). I should have sought out the therapy sooner, because it has only been a week and already I feel SO much better!
So - first, you have to be ready - in you head and in your heart. You CAN do it - but you have to want to. Find someone you can talk to; if not your regular dr., then a counselor/therapist in your area. That is what I did - found a place (actually from a link here at this site) close by, called, & they got me in right away. It felt so good to "tell on myself" to someone. I cant believe the difference that just one week has made - I just wish I would have done this right after I was through the w/d. I do believe that everyone is unique and reasons for getting started and staying on pills is different for each individual. But once addiction sets in you lose control and the pills take over. Now it is time for you to take the control back - it is not easy but there IS help out there and it can be done. You just gotta take the first step. Good luck - I hope to hear back from you and hope I can help you in any way.
Julie
Thanks Julie. So many of us have so much in common. We're not bad people. The whole superperson thing is good in the beginning. I was painting rooms myself. (I retired from painting after the last job) Ha. But all good things come to an end and it needs to be put down. I was taking my daughter to a nice therapist. I think I will go see him and tell on myself eventually. He will have a better understanding of me and it can help us all. I have to realize that I have a much better chance of success if I am accountable to someone other than me the druggie. I will tell my husband eventually too. Just have to get the courage up for that one. For today I have taken two darvocets. One at 10am and one at 4pm. I promised myself no more than 2 1/2 today. I may not even need the 1/2. Anyway thanks for the vitamin tips. I'm drinking alot of water too. I feel more alive already. I was in such a fog. I took a walk today and just noticed things more clearly. Thanks again for the kind words. Alice