I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and we lived together for about 2 years. Right before Christmas he finally broke down and admitted to me that he had a problem with heroin. I knew something was up and had been giving him a hard time, but never had I thought it was anything to this degree. He only did a 9 day inpatient (because that was all we could get funding for at the time). Overall he has been using for heroin for about 3 years and used opiates as a whole for almost 10 years.
After he got out of treatment he was optimistic, feeling good, actually alive! It was great, but I knew that things could go back to the way they were so quickly. We lost our apartment as a result of his addiction, so the past few months have been rough. He has been staying mostly with his father and doing outpatient treatment. At this point he has started working again and is visiting me mostly on the weekends.
When he comes to visit me he takes public transportation and has to go ride through some neighborhoods that are known for drugs. This past weekend he was 2 hours late meeting his mother and had some backwards story about why it took him so long to get to his destination. I would like to believe the story, and part of me does, but the other part, the part that doesn't want to be fooled again, knows that it is made up.
I really wanted to sure so I requested that he take a drug test. i just explained that it would really help build the trust back in our relationship and that I really wasn't too sure what had happened over the weekend. He said he didn't want to. Not because he had taken drugs but because he didn't want me or his family to feel like we can just give him drug tests all the time. I really didn't think that was a good reason.
I decided to leave and go home at that point. I have never been the one to walk away before. I am just having a terrible time dealing with this situation. I love him more than anything but sometimes I don't know if I am just asking too much of him. I want him to get better, but in the process, prove to me that he IS better. I see that on a daily basis he is getting stronger but then situations happen from time to time and I just don't know what is going on. I have no idea what to do in this situation. I don't know if I am wrong for not trusting him. I don't know if that is hurting his confidence, or if it is showing him that I will not enable him anymore. I have believed so many of his lies and I know that living with me had made it easier for him to be an addict.
At this point in time I am not sure if I should stay with him. I don't want to leave him. That is honestly the last thing I want, but I don't want him to keep using. We have both put so much into this relationship that I would hate to just give up because of heroin. I do not want the drug to beat us, but I just don't know what to do. We still have fun together, and are very much in love, but will he ever get past this addiction with me by his side?
Any advice, opinions, harsh words, reality check, etc are welcomed.
Thanks
All I will say is that when I'm clean I request to do a drug test even when my worker hasn't even asked me this is because I want the world to know when I'm clean and I would do one for anyone who asked :) I would only be offended if I had used so ur instincts are prob rite xx
