I have been reading posts on this board and crying at the shattered lives caused by crystal meth. I know first hand that it is destroying my family. I've been married 23 years to my first and only husband. We have three kids. Ages 21, 20, and 17. The 21 one year old just graduated college and is going into the peace core. The 20 year old just graduated 2-year college and is transferring into a 4-year college. They seem to have their lives under control.
My 17-year old daughter has caused buckets of grief. She lies, is disrespectful, steals, drinks, smokes pot and cigarettes, and is using meth. Underneith it all, she is a delightful, beautiful, smart, kind, loving person. But this meth and the other drugs has put a demon into her.
She sneaks out at night, so now we don't get much sleep. I get up 3 and 4 times a night to see if she is home or not. I have gray hair patches that appeared overnight. My health is going downhill. My mental strength is giving out. My marriage is being hurt. My family, that has always been very close, is breaking apart. The boys don't like to be around her. They've tried and tried to talk to her and she is just caustic in return.
She turns 17 in October. She has been accepted to two colleges. Her future could be very bright. When she is inbetween using, she talks of going to college. She wanted to major in mathematics.
We have her in counseling, but it's only been 3 sessions. It seems to have helped a great deal as she was clean for 3 weeks. Well, not clean. Just off the meth. The drinking and smoking pot seemed to become substitutions for her drug of choice (as she has put it) the meth.
She has a boyfriend that is 33 years old and on probation. I have told her to stay away from him. He supplies her with meth. She sneaks out to go to his place to get high. Yes, of course she has sex with him. She has told me all this.
She just graduated high school, but barely. It took 24/7 watch on my part to make it happen. She went from all D's and F's to passing grades.
She tells me daily how much she hates me, hates living at home, hates this family, hates her life. But all of us view her life and don't understand why. Even her friends don't understand. She has had a loving upbringing with a lot of advantages. We have a nice home, and live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. We take family vacations, we are very close. There are multiple kids that call me mom and hang out at our house. When the older ones come back to town, they always visit us - their second parents as they put it.
I feel I have somehow failed my daughter and I don't understand how. I had a terrible childhood, yet she has had every advantage. All the way to her parents being willing to fully support her through 4 years of college. All we ask in return is that she attend classes and get A/B's.
Since graduation, she has been out nearly every day and night. I told her last night to not go out, that I needed to get some sleep as we were going on a family vacation in a couple days. She went out anyway. Then I told her to come home at 11 p.m. She said no and walked out. My husband called her about 9:30 and told her to come home. She refused. So I called her later and asked her to come home but she wouldn't answer the cell phone.
At 1 a.m. a friend of hers called and told me she was at the home of this creep she's been seeing. We went over there, and called the police to join us. They pounded on the door for over half an hour with no response. 15 minutes later she was caught sneaking out the back door. She was very, very, very drunk. It was 2 am by then. We took her home but she was very abusive, as usual, towards me in particular.
She claims she hates me and calls me filthy, vulgar names. I have prayed and asked for help in forgiving her, knowing it is not mydaughter I am dealing with but a demon in her. I love her and my heart is breaking beyond , well, beyond anything I ever thought possible.
We are thinking of cancelling the vacation and putting her into a rehab instead. They are so damn expensive, and my husband just got laid off, but somehow we have got to do something to help her. She will not go willingly. I don't even know if a rehab is the answer. They seem to have such a low success rate. Should we just get her away from this town, away from her connections? I am so lost and don't know what to do.
All these years I 've been home raising my kids the best I could. I think they are great people, and I am often complimented on how mannered and great they are by others. But this is killing me. I have somehow failed and I don't even know what happened. She said she started using meth last summer.
I'm very afraid that her brain is becoming damaged. She doesn't remember things the way they happened, or even what she has said at times.
Sorry for the lengthy post. I just don't know what to do. Do any of you have any advice? Thank you for your help and I pray God helps all of you in your struggles.
Oops, she turns 18 in October, not 17. She is currently 17.
I AM 22 WILL BE 23 IN JULY I DONT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOING THROUGH BUT I GAVE AND AM PRESENTLY GIVING MY PARENTS HELL TO THIS DAY NOT INTENTIONALY. MY FRESHMAN YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL IS WHEN I STARTED ACTING OUT AND BECAUSE OF THIS I DIDNT MAKE IT TO MY SENIOR YEAR. I WAS SKIPING SCHOOL EVERY DAY NO MATTER IF I KNEW MY MOM WAS GONNA GO TO THE SCHOOL OR NOT. THE PUNISHMENT THAT I GOT FOR MY ACTIONS WAS NOT HARSH ENOUGH. I AM NOT MAKING EXCUSES FOR WHAT I DID BUT IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN JAIL OR A SEVERE BEATING FOR ME TO CARE. I DONT KNOW WHAT GOT ME TO THAT POINT BUT THATS WERE I WAS. AT PRESENT I JUST MOVED BACK HOME BECUASE I AM DATING A GUY WHO IS AN ADDICT AND I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO JAIL HE HAD BEEN RUNNING FROM THE POLICE FOR A WHILE. SO SINCE I HAVE BEEN HOME I STARTED USING METH AND STOPED USING AT PRESENT BUT I JUST DONT CARE I LOVE MY MOM AND DAD BUT FOR SOME REASON THERE IS A LOT OF ANGER. AS YOUR YOUNGEST SHE MAY HAVE SOME HIDDEN ANGER ISSUES THAT YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF THAT SHE MAY NOT BE AWARE OF. WHEN YOU TALK TO HER IS THERE ARGUING ON YOUR PART. HAS SHE EVER BEEN OPEN WITH YOU ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON IN HER LIFE? I WOULD CONSIDER YOU ATTENDING A COUPLE OF THE THERAPY SESSIONS WITH HER. I WENT TO THERAPY FOR MY ANGER AND ASKED MY MOM TO ATTEND HER RESPONSE WAS I WAS THE ONE THAT NEEDED IT NOT HER SO SHE WOULDNT COME. HER PROBLEMS ARE YOUR PROBLEMS DONT EVER FORGET THAT. CONSIDER HARDER PUNISHMENT UNDER AGE DRINKING IS NOT LEGAL THAT COULD BE THE WAY TO GO WITH HER IT WILL BE HARD BUT IT MAY SAVE HER LIFE.
well they dont call meth the devils drug for nothing, and it didnt take long for me 2 find out y. im 17 and i use almost every day, and at times i wander if im still me or just the drug wearing my skin. everything i promised when i was kid that id never do im doing, and trying to justify it. i lie, con, and steal from my own mother, which i know is tearing her heart out. id give anything to make it up to her but the drug wont let me. i promise myself everyday that today is the last day but i always arrive the next day completely spun out. worst part is if i were to die today it might be for the best, shed cry for the moment but its better than me making her cry the rest of her life and sending her to an early grave. if i cant quit soon i know thats what will happen. for what its worth the real her, your daughter is probably crying everytime she sees you, but the drug doesnt feel pain pity or regret.
hi i can feel what u are going through...my son is also a meth user he will be seventeen on july 19 and will be starting his senior year of high school he has been using pot and meth and drinking since he was in eight grade...i just found out all this last year when he got busted at school for being under the influence...i like u did not know where to turn...he has been in and out of juvenille hall for the last year numerous times...my heart breaks. he like ur daughter is very different when not using. he is very loving and considerate and a very bright young man and wants to play college football in between using this is all he talks about...but then he turns around and uses again..he spent 60 days in juvenille hall in a adolescent substance abuse program(ASAP) we call it here and two weeks before he finished he tested positive for pot and meth...i have tried rehab...but juvinille hall is not a rehab and the program was going well for him at the beginning...i live in a very small town where every one knows everyon it is very hard...i also have thought of moving him away...but i still am not sure what to do with him he is now in oregon for the summer with his grand parents he will be home soon and i can only be there for him and love him and do what ever i can to get him the help he needs...that is what u can do for ur daughter..go to aa meetings with her that is what i intend to do with my son...he can go very far with his life and your daughter with hers...get tougher and just be there for her...my son has also stolen, lied and been abusive to his younger brother and sister..his sister is twelve and he took her by her hair and threw her across the room...meth is a very devilish drug...i will be here for u and i wish all the addicts here the best of luck with ur recovery..,.it is a very hard process for all ...u and your familys...but the healing can start and we as mothers need to be there for our kids...i hope my son gets better..and ur daughter allso...sorry so long....WorriedMom
