Hi everyone-
I haven't posted here in a number of years. I don't know if anyone remembers me, but when I came here before and needed help and support this was the place I came to. I was off of pain pills for a couple of years. I'll make a long story short...after neck problems earlier this year I have been taking pain pills. Thankfully the neck pain is better, however, over the course of the problem I was taking more than I should have been. I knew better. I foolishly thought again and again that I could control myself. I kept telling myself, if I just get another refill I will use them to taper. Of course that did not happen. Here I am and I can not and do not want to get anymore pills. I have 9 pills left. I'm going crazy because the thought of going through withdrawal terrifies me. I've done it so many times in the past and it just seems to get worse every time. The depression is almost more than I can bear. I'm supposed to go on a trip in a few weeks and I'm freaking out at the thought of dealing with withdrawals and the trip. The only person I talk to this about is my husband. And while he is a great support to me, he does not understand what it is that I am going through. I just really want to open up about this and quit being in such a denial about these pills. I'm ready to get off of this horrible roller coaster.
Thanks for listening. I would gratefully appreciate any advice.
valley
Hi Vally, it's nice to see you back...I remember your story and was so proud of you for getting clean. You know, you can do it again. It is going to be harder this time, each time is, but you did it once, you can do it again. Tapering doesn't work for 99% of addicts. It's silly. Best thing for you to do is get honest with your doctor and pharmicist so that no more scripts will be available. Flush the 9 you have left and get on with it. You'll feel like death warmed over for a couple of weeks but then you get to start living again.
Keep posting here...get some face to face support. Did you ever go to meetings? Counseling? Being around other addicts who have been there was the only way I could do this. They knew what I was going through...people who don't live this disease, don't have a clue how we feel.
I'm glad you're here...
Keep posting here...get some face to face support. Did you ever go to meetings? Counseling? Being around other addicts who have been there was the only way I could do this. They knew what I was going through...people who don't live this disease, don't have a clue how we feel.
I'm glad you're here...
Hi Cowgirl-
I'm glad you remember me. Tapering definitely does not work for me. I just want this to all be over. So, disappointed in myself. I have never done any face to face counseling. I do have a psychologist I see for depression problems, but he is really not of much help in the substance abuse area. I have looked for meetings in my area and there are some, but I have always been scared to go. My doctor told me he would not give me any more pills. He is a specialist and since my neck is better I have no need to see him any more after the last appointment. There is no where else for me to get pills.
I just want to keep from feeling like I am so alone in all of this. That is why I came here. I know that all of you knows how this feels. It is such a scary place for me. When I go through withdrawal it is like being sucked away into a black hole. I can't function and get so depressed. A few years ago the depression was so bad I had to spend a week in the hospital psych unit. I'm just terrified of what is to come.
Thanks for listening.
I'm glad you remember me. Tapering definitely does not work for me. I just want this to all be over. So, disappointed in myself. I have never done any face to face counseling. I do have a psychologist I see for depression problems, but he is really not of much help in the substance abuse area. I have looked for meetings in my area and there are some, but I have always been scared to go. My doctor told me he would not give me any more pills. He is a specialist and since my neck is better I have no need to see him any more after the last appointment. There is no where else for me to get pills.
I just want to keep from feeling like I am so alone in all of this. That is why I came here. I know that all of you knows how this feels. It is such a scary place for me. When I go through withdrawal it is like being sucked away into a black hole. I can't function and get so depressed. A few years ago the depression was so bad I had to spend a week in the hospital psych unit. I'm just terrified of what is to come.
Thanks for listening.
I wouldn't freak out over the trip in a few weeks. Let it go. It's not the last trip in the world. Cancel it. It means nothing next to getting well.
If you went into the psych hospital last time quitting, you may need that care again. If you do, then so be it.
Whatever it takes...
No use going into this all freaked out. You've done it before and it sucked.
It'll suck this time too.
But it gets better.
You already know that.
Once you're all clean and better, just don't use again no matter what.
Whatever it takes.
And don't be scared of the meetings - they may save your a**.
If you went into the psych hospital last time quitting, you may need that care again. If you do, then so be it.
Whatever it takes...
No use going into this all freaked out. You've done it before and it sucked.
It'll suck this time too.
But it gets better.
You already know that.
Once you're all clean and better, just don't use again no matter what.
Whatever it takes.
And don't be scared of the meetings - they may save your a**.