Geoff, Davey, Robbie....
Where would I be without you all.. I know exactly, sitting on the sofa, tooting away... today was really, really rough for me..
I only took 30 mls yesterday and as you all know, got myself pissed up and popped a few dollys... so I slept ok, but by god did I wake up with a big dragon breathing heavy on me..
I had great intentions for today, I was gonna go and do my hol shopping, but I just sat on the sofa and spent the best part of the day crying, if it wasn't for my bf who made his way home from work to be with me, I dunno wot I would have done.. I did another 30 mls but they didn't seem to have the same effect as yesterday.. I suppose I was hung over, which didn't help, never was a good drinker, always got real bad hangovers that's why I never got into the drink too much... way I feel at the moment I never wanna see another drink again...
I did the babysitting & made an appointment for my doc's for tomorrow at 1o'clock... took another 5 mls before I went over to my sister's and began to feel a bit better before I got there... I'm just back home, feeling kinda ok, can't say it's the best I've ever felt buti it's not the worst eitherl... I printed of Rae's list of OTC meds and called the chemist so see if they had them all in stock, but they didn't, they only have the Benedryl (for sleep) in a lotion & B-12 tablets, some of the other stuff is prescription stuff. I looked up the homeopathy site which seems quite good.. there's stuff called Nux Vomica which seems to help, GABA, Kava KsvaTea & hyland for leg cramps.. I'm also getting some Passionflower drops and Aurum Metallicum.. there won't be any room for clothes in our suitcases at this stage.. I'm gonna chance bringing the meth too.. stick it i a Night Nurse bottle or something like that...
Fingers crossed my docter will prescribe me something for the two weeks, in fact I think I'll try the 'I'm not leaving here till you do'...
Geoff mate I'm so sorry to her ahout your gf - especially after the flowers and the nice wordds but stay strong mate.. you no u can do it..maybe you shud question where you're both going? how is this any of my business...
Thanx to you all, if it wasn't for you, I would have used today,,, but I didn''t and that's mostly down to the love of my life who has been ny my side throughout the good times and the bad times, and has insisted that we're gonna make it this time.... and you no what, I think he's right this time....
Lou.....
Morning Lou, Had a bit fight on the phone last night, but I texted her this morning and said sorry and told her that I did'nt want to lose her, which I don't but as much as I have denide that she is holding be back, I am now starting to think the worst.
She is in a bag way today heavey withdrawels but she just told me that she has been taking the gear since she started the subs. I told her that if the subs arn't working she is going to have to get back on the meth, because I can't go over there til she stops the gear out I will be right back on it.
All your opinions will be well respected by said to stay away from addicts when you are getting clean, but what when that addict is the love of your life and the mother of your daughter. If I want anything in this world it's having my family.
Sorry for moaning just feel like am going to explode, not going to say any to her that will upset her, the last thing I want is to upset her on her birthday.
oh nearly forgot decided to try 10mil today so am just hoping it holes me together, What are you on today?
A know what you mean about the hamgovers I get it bad to, that why I don't go out as much as I used to, getting old.
Really hope that you doc helps you out, and I took meth with me on tnhe last 5 holidays and I just had it in a clear bottle, if any one word of seen it, Airport secrurity "Er whats that green stuff?" Me "oh thats just apple juice for the child" aw right don't think so pal.
Fu*king fool are what.
Felt really down last night, was so close to going to dublin, but I did'nt.
Lots of love Lou.
Geoff
p.s A was getting worried last night, really glad to here your doing a bit better, how you feeling today?
She is in a bag way today heavey withdrawels but she just told me that she has been taking the gear since she started the subs. I told her that if the subs arn't working she is going to have to get back on the meth, because I can't go over there til she stops the gear out I will be right back on it.
All your opinions will be well respected by said to stay away from addicts when you are getting clean, but what when that addict is the love of your life and the mother of your daughter. If I want anything in this world it's having my family.
Sorry for moaning just feel like am going to explode, not going to say any to her that will upset her, the last thing I want is to upset her on her birthday.
oh nearly forgot decided to try 10mil today so am just hoping it holes me together, What are you on today?
A know what you mean about the hamgovers I get it bad to, that why I don't go out as much as I used to, getting old.
Really hope that you doc helps you out, and I took meth with me on tnhe last 5 holidays and I just had it in a clear bottle, if any one word of seen it, Airport secrurity "Er whats that green stuff?" Me "oh thats just apple juice for the child" aw right don't think so pal.
Fu*king fool are what.
Felt really down last night, was so close to going to dublin, but I did'nt.
Lots of love Lou.
Geoff
p.s A was getting worried last night, really glad to here your doing a bit better, how you feeling today?
Hey Geoff,
Not feeling too bad today, did 20 mls but will no doubt have to do a bit more later on this evening... gonna try my hardest not to though.. I'm going down to my doc's for 1o'clock today to see what he can do for me, if anything...
bet your feeling better for not coming to Dublin.. I know exactly wot you mean about your gf and all that about staying away if they're users too... I get that too... but most of the time it's my other half who gets me through... I'm lucky in the sense that he's completely honest with me... never scores without me and is always encouraging me/us to get clean...
I'm gonna get off my a** today and get busy, doc's, shopping and davey at 5pm.. I'm gonna hit the chemist today too and the homeopathy shop which is just up the road...
wot u think of my idea of putting the meth in a night nurse bottle? I don't think they'll cop, I'll keep it in my handbag and if asked anything just say I have a bad cough which stops me sleeping...
Gud to hear from you & if I'm not on for the nexy while I'll be on later this evening..
Lou..
Not feeling too bad today, did 20 mls but will no doubt have to do a bit more later on this evening... gonna try my hardest not to though.. I'm going down to my doc's for 1o'clock today to see what he can do for me, if anything...
bet your feeling better for not coming to Dublin.. I know exactly wot you mean about your gf and all that about staying away if they're users too... I get that too... but most of the time it's my other half who gets me through... I'm lucky in the sense that he's completely honest with me... never scores without me and is always encouraging me/us to get clean...
I'm gonna get off my a** today and get busy, doc's, shopping and davey at 5pm.. I'm gonna hit the chemist today too and the homeopathy shop which is just up the road...
wot u think of my idea of putting the meth in a night nurse bottle? I don't think they'll cop, I'll keep it in my handbag and if asked anything just say I have a bad cough which stops me sleeping...
Gud to hear from you & if I'm not on for the nexy while I'll be on later this evening..
Lou..
..Lou..
..Good to hear you did,nt give into temptation..trying to stay off the gear will create all kinds of emotions and times where your feel really low..but crying is the best way to get out how your feeling..even with ppl around you..your feel so alone trying to stay off it..its all part of the early stages of recovery..but you should be proud of yourself..your showing you are stronger than that s***..and the more days you,ll stay off it..the stronger both physically and mentally you,ll become..of course you,ll get cravings and your emotions will be up and down..
but don,t give up on yourself lou..just take it one step at a time and one day at a time..then you,ll be back in control of your own life without having to live with addiction controling you..good luck mate..Robbie..
..Good to hear you did,nt give into temptation..trying to stay off the gear will create all kinds of emotions and times where your feel really low..but crying is the best way to get out how your feeling..even with ppl around you..your feel so alone trying to stay off it..its all part of the early stages of recovery..but you should be proud of yourself..your showing you are stronger than that s***..and the more days you,ll stay off it..the stronger both physically and mentally you,ll become..of course you,ll get cravings and your emotions will be up and down..
but don,t give up on yourself lou..just take it one step at a time and one day at a time..then you,ll be back in control of your own life without having to live with addiction controling you..good luck mate..Robbie..
good on ya lou..u got thru day 2&it was nice to meet u both,if only breifly,geoff hope things are good,hope yer your good self robbie.chat later ....davey.sorry lou day three isnt it ,
Yes Lou, That should be perfect, I really did push my luck, most of the times I had it in a lucazade bottle and the green stood out a mile, me and the gf even drinking in the airport like it was juice, but I suppose no one relly thinks, I wonder if that is methadone, but if people saw it in a prescription bottle they would be alot of questions asked then.
Still can't believe I have made it though today on 10 mil if I can keep this up I will be clean in no time, just pray that I can stay clean.
I told the gf that if she was going to be screwing around with gear that I would not be over, and I think it has wised her up a wee bit.
How did you get on today, it's not long to friday now, remenber when your away to post us a thread and tell us how ur hols are, be like a postcard, I am going to lansarote in 3 weeks, and I want to be of everything for that.
Think it's so cool you and dave meeting, have to say am a wee bit jealous, as you and dave can put a face to the name. if you are feeling bad and you are tryong not to take any meth that is good, but don't let yourself get to bad as it sometimes takes more meth to get you back to normal.
Have been doing loads of overtime the last few weeks and am really tired now in the evenings, but it's good I don't have to sit about feeling ill and sorry for myself.
In case you are wondering about me and the gf, we live together and I think are relationship is similar to yours in the way that we always scored together, and I am always trying to figure how we are going to detox next. There is no help here, so I sent her home so she can detox of the subs, she is scotish. We tried to down it at home but it wasnot working.
Geoff XXX
Still can't believe I have made it though today on 10 mil if I can keep this up I will be clean in no time, just pray that I can stay clean.
I told the gf that if she was going to be screwing around with gear that I would not be over, and I think it has wised her up a wee bit.
How did you get on today, it's not long to friday now, remenber when your away to post us a thread and tell us how ur hols are, be like a postcard, I am going to lansarote in 3 weeks, and I want to be of everything for that.
Think it's so cool you and dave meeting, have to say am a wee bit jealous, as you and dave can put a face to the name. if you are feeling bad and you are tryong not to take any meth that is good, but don't let yourself get to bad as it sometimes takes more meth to get you back to normal.
Have been doing loads of overtime the last few weeks and am really tired now in the evenings, but it's good I don't have to sit about feeling ill and sorry for myself.
In case you are wondering about me and the gf, we live together and I think are relationship is similar to yours in the way that we always scored together, and I am always trying to figure how we are going to detox next. There is no help here, so I sent her home so she can detox of the subs, she is scotish. We tried to down it at home but it wasnot working.
Geoff XXX
Davey woz a life saver today, I'm well sorted now for everything which makes me feel even more positive.. as i said in my other posting I got the brain wave going into the docs that I'd tell him I was going for 4 weeks rather than 2 so that I could share whatever I got with my bf.. I got a cert for the month for work and stuck it in the post today, if they find out I'm in Cyprus I'm finished.. At least they have to wait for me to get back to fire me, so there shud be some salary going in the bank for me...went to the chemist and got my script filled and it wasn't too dear either so that was surprising....
the doc gave me centrax 10mg and told me to take 2 a day, 1 in the am and 1 in the pm.. I looked them up on the net and their benzo's from what I can make out.. they must be of some good or why else wud he give them to me? I asked him for DF118's and 'no way, they're pain killers I can't give you them' was his response.. even though I explained that I was going to be in pain he still said no and that the centrax wud do the trick.. good diet, plenty of exercise, walking etc, keeping myslelf hydrated etc..
I reckon I'll be ok though.. we have about 160 mls at the moment, and have been promised a bit more 2moro so fingers crossed....
Davey you're one of the good ones (that goes for everyone I've met on here too) you didn't have to do what you did today but you did, keep it up mate you'll do well.. I hope things work out good for your gf, it must be hard when you're not together, but at least you know you're in someones thoughts, and everyone on heres thoughts too don't forget..
I shud be tired at this stage after all the running around that I did today but I'm not and I wanna get up early tomorrow morning.. I think I'll try a couple of dolly's and catch a few zzzz's and be bright and breezy on my 20 mls, pg....
Nite, nite all... talk tomorrow.....
the doc gave me centrax 10mg and told me to take 2 a day, 1 in the am and 1 in the pm.. I looked them up on the net and their benzo's from what I can make out.. they must be of some good or why else wud he give them to me? I asked him for DF118's and 'no way, they're pain killers I can't give you them' was his response.. even though I explained that I was going to be in pain he still said no and that the centrax wud do the trick.. good diet, plenty of exercise, walking etc, keeping myslelf hydrated etc..
I reckon I'll be ok though.. we have about 160 mls at the moment, and have been promised a bit more 2moro so fingers crossed....
Davey you're one of the good ones (that goes for everyone I've met on here too) you didn't have to do what you did today but you did, keep it up mate you'll do well.. I hope things work out good for your gf, it must be hard when you're not together, but at least you know you're in someones thoughts, and everyone on heres thoughts too don't forget..
I shud be tired at this stage after all the running around that I did today but I'm not and I wanna get up early tomorrow morning.. I think I'll try a couple of dolly's and catch a few zzzz's and be bright and breezy on my 20 mls, pg....
Nite, nite all... talk tomorrow.....
Lou it was a pleasure to help out&glad u sound positive.it made me feel good to be able to help out so it works both ways.take care ...davey.p.s maybe just seeing so much selfishness with smack,has made me realise we have to become human/humane again to recover ..
