Ya know it does sound like something Stepen King would do My goodness no wonder your scared.I think I'd be all fired up 2.Now that wait for the next test is gonna be the b--ch.I hate that limbo not knowing stuff.The worst part is knowing I can't do anything to try & make you less stressed about it.I mean I can say kind things(which to people like you is easy)But I know I could never say much to take that freaked out limbo feeling.....mj
Hey Danny,
Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier. Wow 32 cysts. That a lot and I know you are very disappointed. I know I would be after waiting for so many months. Living with the daily pain and playing the waiting game. Sometimes life is just this way, sucks though! Well as for the snow you can have it. I would have taken it on Christmas Day but I don't want it now,LOL. It's been like 75 here all week. It is a beautiful evening tonight as well. So what's up with your car? Did the guy call your insurance compnay yet and claim whip lash? Rae
Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier. Wow 32 cysts. That a lot and I know you are very disappointed. I know I would be after waiting for so many months. Living with the daily pain and playing the waiting game. Sometimes life is just this way, sucks though! Well as for the snow you can have it. I would have taken it on Christmas Day but I don't want it now,LOL. It's been like 75 here all week. It is a beautiful evening tonight as well. So what's up with your car? Did the guy call your insurance compnay yet and claim whip lash? Rae
Mj- Exactly..it's like a limbo feeling. When I was so nervous and scared. And then they put me out, all I could think about was "now I will know" and then I wake up to "we have to do it again". I mean, I was hardly able to walk. I did though. I walked out of the hospital. I felt like I was in a dream, after worring for these months. I feel a lot better right now though. But it was like I couldn't stop shaking. When I first got dianosed with this, I quit Xanax at the same time. Talk about Anxiety! So that hasn't helped but I figure if I face life challeneges head on with a clear head, I am way better off.
Danny,
what a horrible experience but it is over for now.Keep your mind in today and try not to project in what could happen.Many times when i do that i find it was all for nothing.There was a reason this didn't happen for you today and who knows why but it will be ok.I am saying prayers for you.
hang in there
love,
ladybug
what a horrible experience but it is over for now.Keep your mind in today and try not to project in what could happen.Many times when i do that i find it was all for nothing.There was a reason this didn't happen for you today and who knows why but it will be ok.I am saying prayers for you.
hang in there
love,
ladybug
LB- Thanks!
Rae, I can't claim whip lash. It was her niciece that rear ended the guy. I am afraid HE is going to....Why I can't make her understand is beyond me
Rae, I can't claim whip lash. It was her niciece that rear ended the guy. I am afraid HE is going to....Why I can't make her understand is beyond me
Misty, you mean to tell me if you're married you can't kiss anyone else??? No one told me that before I said my vows! Who in the world thinks up these rules anyway??? LOL
Danny, sorry things didn't go well..... Before my surgery in July (for my foot), they could tell from my blood work that I had some sort of infection and almost didn't go through with the surgery.... It was probably only a UTI or a kidney infection and one day's worth of antibiotics cleared it up, but I remember being upset b/c I had already taken off of work and psyched myself up for the surgery.... I just wanted to get it over with!
Danny, sorry things didn't go well..... Before my surgery in July (for my foot), they could tell from my blood work that I had some sort of infection and almost didn't go through with the surgery.... It was probably only a UTI or a kidney infection and one day's worth of antibiotics cleared it up, but I remember being upset b/c I had already taken off of work and psyched myself up for the surgery.... I just wanted to get it over with!
danny, I never realized you had such seroius problems. I wish you good luck in all this..and its good to see your keeping your sense of humor.
JohnDee
JohnDee
LMAO....Danielle thanks for the smile.
JohnDee, they are only serious if you let them take over your lives. As you can see, I have not. Maybe when I go in for a procedure, I get paraonid, but I will not be defeated.
Danny, I have been thinking of you all day today. I know how scary this can be. The diagnostic phase seems to go on forever. You wait for weeks for a test, thinking that you will have some definitive news, only to learn that the test failed, or the results are inconclusive, that you must wait some more. Fear looms large when we have no facts, no hard-core data to put things in perspective. The natural tendency is to fill in the gaps with hideous worst case scenarios.
The worst part of my cancer journey was this hurry up and wait stage. I will readily admit that I was luckyI survived. Many good people, some of them close friends, died during my cancer journey and there is no way to reconcile why I survived and they did not.
I wish I had some tangible advice to offer you to help you through this difficult time. Here are a few random thoughts. Take what fits and discard the rest.
There is an old saying in my business: Dont get too up when things are good, and dont get too down when things are bad. Taking all the news we receive, good and bad, with a grain of salt and a smile can really help. We must never give up hope, nor should we slip into denial as to the seriousness of what we face.
I tried to laugh each day. I watched reruns of Whos Line is it Anyway? I wrote jokes. I see you are already tuned into the healing power of laughter.
I tried to play the guitar each day and to always be learning a new song. I tried my best to put those who came around at ease, mostly out of the selfish desire to encourage them to keep coming around.
I used this site to help me stay honest about my pain med use. It is so easy to resort to those pills as an easy salve for the fear.
I sought my higher spirit in everything I did. I sought out things in my life to be grateful for. I tried to catch some sunrises and I sat in the park at the end of my street and took great pleasure in the simple act of playing fetch with my dog. There were many days when I felt too weak to stand up, much less to walk to the park. Luckily for me, my dog does not accept no for an excuse, and as often as not, someone would walk by and sit with me and chat for a few minutes. This helped in that I did not feel like quite the shut in, and that becomes important as the months roll on. I often returned exhausted, but always feeling that the trip was worthwhile.
I reached out to people. I even told a few of them how terrified I was. I wrote volumes in my journal, mostly about fear and how to deal with it. I was lucky in that much of the 12 step program I attended was oriented toward recognizing and dealing with fear in all its multifaceted forms.
I prayed. Funny as it sounds, I did not pray for a cure, or that the cancer would miraculously vanish, though rest assured, I would have taken it in a heartbeat.
I noticed this passage recently from Bills story in the Big Book, and it summarizes the approach I took in dealing with my illness:
I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive.
I took the view that this was simply the next in a long line of challenges I have faced in my life, and while it is not the challenge that I would have chosen, I prayed for the courage to face it as a warrior. I prayed for the strength and courage to meet my ailment head on, to look it in the eye, to not blink in the face of the challenges that awaited me. I prayed for the grace to carry my burden with dignity, to seek opportunities to use it to set an example to my loved ones, to show them how to bear up under adversity.
Some say that faith and fear cannot exist in the same time and space. I do not agree with this. Cancer related fear can be overwhelming. However, faith, the verb, is what we seek and act on in the face of our fear. Regardless of the outcome of our ailment, it will make us stronger.
Take care. Know that I am squarely in your corner. Find the faith, and keep it. Oh, and I hope that the next test indicates that you do not have cancer, just a bad tummy ache.
August
The worst part of my cancer journey was this hurry up and wait stage. I will readily admit that I was luckyI survived. Many good people, some of them close friends, died during my cancer journey and there is no way to reconcile why I survived and they did not.
I wish I had some tangible advice to offer you to help you through this difficult time. Here are a few random thoughts. Take what fits and discard the rest.
There is an old saying in my business: Dont get too up when things are good, and dont get too down when things are bad. Taking all the news we receive, good and bad, with a grain of salt and a smile can really help. We must never give up hope, nor should we slip into denial as to the seriousness of what we face.
I tried to laugh each day. I watched reruns of Whos Line is it Anyway? I wrote jokes. I see you are already tuned into the healing power of laughter.
I tried to play the guitar each day and to always be learning a new song. I tried my best to put those who came around at ease, mostly out of the selfish desire to encourage them to keep coming around.
I used this site to help me stay honest about my pain med use. It is so easy to resort to those pills as an easy salve for the fear.
I sought my higher spirit in everything I did. I sought out things in my life to be grateful for. I tried to catch some sunrises and I sat in the park at the end of my street and took great pleasure in the simple act of playing fetch with my dog. There were many days when I felt too weak to stand up, much less to walk to the park. Luckily for me, my dog does not accept no for an excuse, and as often as not, someone would walk by and sit with me and chat for a few minutes. This helped in that I did not feel like quite the shut in, and that becomes important as the months roll on. I often returned exhausted, but always feeling that the trip was worthwhile.
I reached out to people. I even told a few of them how terrified I was. I wrote volumes in my journal, mostly about fear and how to deal with it. I was lucky in that much of the 12 step program I attended was oriented toward recognizing and dealing with fear in all its multifaceted forms.
I prayed. Funny as it sounds, I did not pray for a cure, or that the cancer would miraculously vanish, though rest assured, I would have taken it in a heartbeat.
I noticed this passage recently from Bills story in the Big Book, and it summarizes the approach I took in dealing with my illness:
I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive.
I took the view that this was simply the next in a long line of challenges I have faced in my life, and while it is not the challenge that I would have chosen, I prayed for the courage to face it as a warrior. I prayed for the strength and courage to meet my ailment head on, to look it in the eye, to not blink in the face of the challenges that awaited me. I prayed for the grace to carry my burden with dignity, to seek opportunities to use it to set an example to my loved ones, to show them how to bear up under adversity.
Some say that faith and fear cannot exist in the same time and space. I do not agree with this. Cancer related fear can be overwhelming. However, faith, the verb, is what we seek and act on in the face of our fear. Regardless of the outcome of our ailment, it will make us stronger.
Take care. Know that I am squarely in your corner. Find the faith, and keep it. Oh, and I hope that the next test indicates that you do not have cancer, just a bad tummy ache.
August
