Hi there everyone,
I'm not sure if I'm going to be on here regularly, but I was looking around the internet at Naltrexone thismorning, probably because of the empty bottle next to my monitor and the fact that this has got so out of hand that I can't even play Warcraft at night because I'm too drunk.
I quit smoking 5 months ago, and that was a cakewalk compared to this. The longest I've gone without drinking in the last 4 years is a week.
I think my main problem is that I have major depression, and the best med I've found for that has been alcohol. I remember what It was like when I was younger, and how bad I used to feel. Then I discovered alcohol, and It was like a gift from God. Instead of lying in my room at night feeling like crap and hating myself, I could drink instead. Stopping drinking would mean a return to that. I feel like quitting would be easier if only I really WANTED to stop.
How did you guys convince yourself that being sober is really what you wanted?
Nero
Nero
If you are in fact alcoholic it is highly unlikely that you will be able to stay sober unless you want it more than anything else.
I didn't convince myself that sobriety was better because I didn't know what that was like. I just knew I hated who I had become, hated how I felt. The truth was I didn't want to stop drinking - I just wanted the misery to stop. It has taken about 9-10 months for me to want sobriety more than I want to drink.
Now I LOVE how sobriety feels.
Also, how do you know you still have major depression? If you have been self medicating with alcohol for X years you probably have no real barometer on your feelings. This is just an excuse to keep drinking - there are other ways to deal with depression.
all the best.
Idgie
If you are in fact alcoholic it is highly unlikely that you will be able to stay sober unless you want it more than anything else.
I didn't convince myself that sobriety was better because I didn't know what that was like. I just knew I hated who I had become, hated how I felt. The truth was I didn't want to stop drinking - I just wanted the misery to stop. It has taken about 9-10 months for me to want sobriety more than I want to drink.
Now I LOVE how sobriety feels.
Also, how do you know you still have major depression? If you have been self medicating with alcohol for X years you probably have no real barometer on your feelings. This is just an excuse to keep drinking - there are other ways to deal with depression.
all the best.
Idgie
Welcome to the board Nero, I do hope you read a bunch of threads here & you stick around & keep posting. Start with "How much damage has been done", or whatever title grabs you. Nero you say your drinking has gotton out of hand,by night time you can't function very well. Nero you say you were depressed as a kid before you started drinking. You say the booze makes the depression go away. What it really is doing is changing your feelings, numbing the pain. But in all actuality alcohol is a depressant drug. Nero, it's actually making you more depressed then you were before you just think it's helping because you keep drinking more of it so you don't have to think about it ,or feel the pain. I know this because I've done the same thing over ,over again for decades. They aren't kidding when they say this disease will only get worse. You think booze is a God sent, it's not from God my friend it's Satans poison to ruin your life. You came here to this site for a reason you want help getting off the HWY from Hell. I knew I was an alcoholic for yrs. because once I started drinking I couldn't stop over 90% of the time. And I couldn't stop obsessing about it either. And my few days sober here & there was a game I was playing because I wanted to be a normal drinker & I didn't want to feel my pain. So, I surrendered it took alot & I mean alot of really bad things for me to accept that I couldn't control the Beast. I did make some progress on my own in the last 6 months,but it wasn't enough. I had to surrender again to the beleif that I couldn't do it alone anymore. I never posted on any boards, but was guided here in Feb. The caring,supportive, & wise people here shared their Experiences, Stories, & Hope with me & others. I kept struggling I would get 10 days then binge for 2-3 then get 5 then binge 2-3. I didn't even post for a while to ashamed. But I kept reading the posts & I kept praying. I finally checked into Out Patient Treatment, found a counselor to connect with & it took more than one meeting and several phone calls to find one I felt comfortable with. I've been going for two wks. To my surprise I've felt at ease in the groups. This is the best thing I ever done for me. It's helping me so much even though I can't remember all of it & have had some uncomfortable Post Accute Withdrawals. It's really helping me stay sober one day @ a time. I realized that I'm worth it,though I have to remind myself of it. One of the groups is co-occuring therapy for addiction & depression. anxiety the whole gammet. It really teaches you how to cope, how to stop panicking , how to divert the cravings etc. Nero you just have to be honest, open, & willing. Nero you are worth it we all are. I'm at day # 8 & I do feel better some of the time, hopefully with more sobriety & tools from re-hab, counseling, & these great people on this board I'm going to stay sober, be a happier person one day @ a time. You have to want it Nero. Congrats on quitting smoking that couldn't have been easy, but you did it. I've tried to quit that two in the past no success. Once I have enough time built up, that will be my next addiction to give up. However I'm not willing to give up good chocolate. Remember you don't have to do this alone & that your worth it. Keep posting, keep reading, do research, educate yourself, get professional help if you discover thats what you need to get & stay sober, get the depression under control. Please do what ever you have to cause this disease can kill you. PS don't stay in stupid like I did for yrs. If you want to keep suffering just do nothing! Think about it!
Take Care, Chris
Take Care, Chris
Welcome Nero!
Gidday Nero
The love you have for alcohol turn it back to loving yourself and try and acknowledge what it was you hated about yourself when sober all them years ago...alcohol hasnt changed anything it has only frozen time and fear so it can remain a constant. I know the feeling well.
Light and love Zac
The love you have for alcohol turn it back to loving yourself and try and acknowledge what it was you hated about yourself when sober all them years ago...alcohol hasnt changed anything it has only frozen time and fear so it can remain a constant. I know the feeling well.
Light and love Zac
