How you doing girl not heard from you in a while i hope your ok hun jackie xxxxx
Hi Jacky, thanks for asking and for caring. I am okay...have to start over (ugh) and am on day one (again). I haven't been posting because I feel like such a failure lately. I don't think I have the physical addiction again yet, but I definitely have the mental problem. I was totally clean and blew it...don't even know why.
Anyway, I am trying one more time....and am always here reading. I know you are going through a hard time....I wish the best for you, Jacky. Thanks for the post....I will stay around and let you know how things go....God, I hope I don't have w/d again.....I don't think my boss will understand another week off work..lol...he was great the first time, but making a habit of this problem definitely won't cut it at my job. Talk to you soon...xoxoxo
Anyway, I am trying one more time....and am always here reading. I know you are going through a hard time....I wish the best for you, Jacky. Thanks for the post....I will stay around and let you know how things go....God, I hope I don't have w/d again.....I don't think my boss will understand another week off work..lol...he was great the first time, but making a habit of this problem definitely won't cut it at my job. Talk to you soon...xoxoxo
Hi Betsy,
I can understand about feeling down about starting over. I've been there and I'm sure most have been. I'm at day 1 too. Maybe we can do this together? Don't be so hard on yourself, easier for me to say then to do but I'm trying not to be so negative anymore. Have to think positive. Let's just get and stay clean. I'm here for you.
Liz
I can understand about feeling down about starting over. I've been there and I'm sure most have been. I'm at day 1 too. Maybe we can do this together? Don't be so hard on yourself, easier for me to say then to do but I'm trying not to be so negative anymore. Have to think positive. Let's just get and stay clean. I'm here for you.
Liz
Awwww, Liz, thank you. I feel so crappy...I know you understand. That is why I haven't emailed you at all....I just feel worthless about this relapse and haven't told anyone in my circle here...just this board. It is so weird...I knew exactly what I was doing when I bought the pills...but I did it anyway. Go figure! Thanks for the post....I will be back and fight this damn addiction thing yet again...what a broken record I am...lol. Glad to see you are around and posting...it is good to have support here. I try not to whine and complain since this is a self-inflicted injury so to speak....and I just hate that I did this again.
Back to the ol' drawing board...day one is here and I am headed out to work.
See everyone tonight...xoxo
Back to the ol' drawing board...day one is here and I am headed out to work.
See everyone tonight...xoxo
Hey Betsy,
I hope your day at work goes well for you today. Things will get better, that is what I tell myself. For me they couldn't had gotten much worse. That's why I think I can handle the wd's or anything else thrown my way now. I'm just ready for recovery and I'm not going to let anything get in my way. We can do this. Your not worthless. Let's just keep going and before we know it we will have using so far behind us. So just for today I will not use. Take Care.
Liz
I hope your day at work goes well for you today. Things will get better, that is what I tell myself. For me they couldn't had gotten much worse. That's why I think I can handle the wd's or anything else thrown my way now. I'm just ready for recovery and I'm not going to let anything get in my way. We can do this. Your not worthless. Let's just keep going and before we know it we will have using so far behind us. So just for today I will not use. Take Care.
Liz
Betsy stop it hun you are far from worthless so you,ve had a setback it happens we all have one or two or three lol just learn from it and never give up on giving up. congrats on day one hun how psychic was i then lol. Just remember there are people here who care and will stand by you no matter what hun. you take care and look forward to day 2 it gets better. jackie xxxx
Hi Jackie and Liz....yes, Jackie, you must be psychic...I didn't think my absence would even be noticed, but it really makes my day to know that it was.
Yesterday wasn't bad, but today won't be nearly as comfortable....sniffling and achy already. Thank goodness I am off weekends...if I can just get through today, then the weekend should be the worst of it since now I know what to expect. I guess I just got cocky....and forgot the pain and misery of w/d's.
This is a hard addiction to beat....by far harder than alcohol.
Liz, thanks for the support....hope you feel better than I do..lol...talk to you guys on the weekend. xoxoxoxox
Yesterday wasn't bad, but today won't be nearly as comfortable....sniffling and achy already. Thank goodness I am off weekends...if I can just get through today, then the weekend should be the worst of it since now I know what to expect. I guess I just got cocky....and forgot the pain and misery of w/d's.
This is a hard addiction to beat....by far harder than alcohol.
Liz, thanks for the support....hope you feel better than I do..lol...talk to you guys on the weekend. xoxoxoxox
Hi Betsy,
Honestly my body is getting achy and I've started with the runny nose. My eyes run like a faucet. Isn't that strange? I sit with a tissue under them. It's uncomfortable. For me though, it's not the physical discomfort that worries me. It's the mental obessions that I get. I can really have an all out war in my head. I don't want to go back this time. Believe me, I've had my slips along the road of recovery. Just for different things all the time. Somehow I think if I try something new it would be different. NOT. All the same. Takes you to the same dark place. Some drugs just take you longer to get there then others. These pills didn't take me long at all. I'm just so tired of being sick and tired. I need to learn how to live a clean and sober life once and for all. I'm learning to take suggestions. I've always heard, "Meeting makers make it." not something I wanted to hear for a long time. If the people that have years of clean time say that is how they stayed clean, well how can I question it if I never tried it?
I'm rambling. I hope you hang in there. Day 2 for me. I think it's the same for you. We can do this.
Liz
Honestly my body is getting achy and I've started with the runny nose. My eyes run like a faucet. Isn't that strange? I sit with a tissue under them. It's uncomfortable. For me though, it's not the physical discomfort that worries me. It's the mental obessions that I get. I can really have an all out war in my head. I don't want to go back this time. Believe me, I've had my slips along the road of recovery. Just for different things all the time. Somehow I think if I try something new it would be different. NOT. All the same. Takes you to the same dark place. Some drugs just take you longer to get there then others. These pills didn't take me long at all. I'm just so tired of being sick and tired. I need to learn how to live a clean and sober life once and for all. I'm learning to take suggestions. I've always heard, "Meeting makers make it." not something I wanted to hear for a long time. If the people that have years of clean time say that is how they stayed clean, well how can I question it if I never tried it?
I'm rambling. I hope you hang in there. Day 2 for me. I think it's the same for you. We can do this.
Liz
Hi Liz, Hi Jackie.....here I am, Saturday morning and not feeling great. I was too tired last night to even check email when I got home so am catching up this morning. I am not staying online long...don't feel good...(what a surprise)...and just want to lay around like 3rd base and not move. But what I did do is get out and walk my dog for a good half hour this morning and will do it again in a while. Hope you guys are okay....Liz, this sucks, huh? I will check in later if I can. Sending good thoughts your way...xoxo
Hi Betsy,
Yeah It was sucking big time. I couldn't stay out of bed. I have my kids this weekend and there was no way I could suffer through the wd's with them here. I only get them until tomorrow night and don't feel it would be right to be stuck in bed all weekend. I took methadone to take the edge off. I know it's not for everyone, but for me it's working. I hope you enjoy your weekend.
Liz
Yeah It was sucking big time. I couldn't stay out of bed. I have my kids this weekend and there was no way I could suffer through the wd's with them here. I only get them until tomorrow night and don't feel it would be right to be stuck in bed all weekend. I took methadone to take the edge off. I know it's not for everyone, but for me it's working. I hope you enjoy your weekend.
Liz
Hiya Liz....have a great time with the kids....so glad you have them for a while.
Enjoy the kids and your weekend...chat ya soon...xoxo
Enjoy the kids and your weekend...chat ya soon...xoxo
Hiya Betsy hun you will get there hun, why not try when dog walking take a walkman and switch off to the world (remeber to walk in a safe place though) i used to do it a lot when quiting tabs it sure does help not to think about to much other then a good song have a good weekend and take care jackie xxxx
Liz enjoy your kids and enjoy life after all thats what life is about hun give a little gain a lot have a good weekend jackie xxxx
Hi Jackie,
I took the kids to a haunted hayride last night. It was so much fun. I get a kick out of my son. He tries to act all cool, like he isn't scared. Then when somebody jumps out, my son is pulling my arm and yelling at me that I'm just too slow. He wanted me to run with him. lol. They had a blast though. Got home real late, then had to get up early to get ready for my sons soccer game.
My daughter went to her highschool dance. My son wants to call his friend so I'll talk with ya later. Hope you are enjoying the weekend.
Liz
I took the kids to a haunted hayride last night. It was so much fun. I get a kick out of my son. He tries to act all cool, like he isn't scared. Then when somebody jumps out, my son is pulling my arm and yelling at me that I'm just too slow. He wanted me to run with him. lol. They had a blast though. Got home real late, then had to get up early to get ready for my sons soccer game.
My daughter went to her highschool dance. My son wants to call his friend so I'll talk with ya later. Hope you are enjoying the weekend.
Liz
Betsy check in girl how you feeling today eh?. Liz sometimes as addict we forget the simple pleasures of life like HAVING FUN we forget tooo easiely when consumed with guilt, how much others will us to be better etc but im so proud of you liz your making great progress and remeber im here for you anytime ok jackie xxxxxxx
Hi Jackie, I am checking in...and still not clean. I just am not able to flush the few i have left so after today, there won't be anymore and I can start over. I know I should never have bought those and don't know what made me say yes when she came around with them. I thought I had it under control, but I know now that I never will. If I have them, I take them...period. I am done being all mad at myself...and am ready to start over tomorrow. I hesitate to even post this cuz I don't want to get yelled at (I feel like someone's kid who is scared of getting in trouble..lol) but I am being honest. This is hard to do...I could pretend all is well and I am clean, but I just don't see any sense in lying to anyone...especially to myself. I know I messed up...and I hate it. Starting over tomorrow....thanks for asking about me. I am grateful that someone cares...xoxo
Hi Betsy try not to be too hard on yourself i know its easier said then done but try you dont need a quilt trip on top of addiction. I have every faith in you hun you will achieve your goals it just sometimes takes time. Can i suggest to try to get to know yourself inside and out its there we find some possible reasons why we relapse and why we think we cant do without our crutch i actually made notes about myself simply because the pills have taken their toll and i have bad mem loss who im i again lol kidding but its terrible at times not to be able to remember easy things although i have to say sinse quiting im much more sharper. Well done to you for being honest with yourself and others its a must if you want recovery, and good luck for tomorrow let me know how you get on hun il be thinking of you ((((((((hugs)))))))))) jackie xxx
