Bob, My Son Needs Help

Hi, Bob
I am relatively new to this board. I am here because my son has a serious addiction and I am so scared that he will overdose. He has gotten himself into very heavy debt, can't told a job, and has resorted to breaking the law to get money for drugs. He hasn't done any time yet, but it's a matter of time with the direction he's headed. He comes from a very loving family, but his father had to work night shift for the past 20+ years and wasn't around for him much. He has been addicted to something since he was about 12 or 13, starting with cigarettes, then alcohol, now oxycontin. He is very smart and creative about coming up with ways to continue his addiction, although he tells us he wants it out of his life. Before the drugs, he was a great guy. Very reliable, could talk to anyone...young or old, very caring. I'm so scared for his safety!
I guess what I'm asking is if there are any words of wisdom you can share with me that I can share with him. I have been touched by your responses to people on here. I don't know what all you've been through since I am new, but you come across as very caring and compassionate. I just thought there might be something you might say that would touch his heart to realize he needs to stop hurting himself. Thanks so much!
Susan
Hi,
Your son and I seem to have alot in common. I also started with alcohol then pills and whatever I could in between. I lied, stole, cheated hurt people, mentaly
and physically. I can tell you he'll only seek help when he's ready to admit he's got a problem. It'll only work if he does it for himself. I suggest for you and your husband to look into a support group for yourselves. Alanon, or Naranon, this disease effects the whole family. If you'd like, you can e-mail me and I'll chat with you further about it. ...... sunberst585@msn.com

Take care....................................God bless.........................................Bob
Hi, Bob
Today my son says he's going to try to get off oxy himself. He had been talking about going for detox. He never has been one to like being by himself. He's being treated for depression and he's afraid he'll get more depressed being away. As far as we know, he's taking vicodin pills from friends and friends of friends. I know nothing of drug abuse, but he comes home being so drowsy he falls asleep sitting up. His girlfriend said he has actually fallen asleep standing up! She has been rehabbed herself 3 times, and she said he has had some very close calls....stopped breathing. She is on methodone treatment now because her other attempts were unsuccessful. My son said that he has gone cold turkey 3 times but hasn't been able to stay off. I don't know why he thinks this time (on his own) will be better. What do you think of the drowsiness? It's driving me crazy seeing him like this.
My husband has no compassion for him. He said that he can't understand people who do things to harm their bodies. I know that the lieing and lack of respect for our rules or laws gets to me big time, but I realize he has an addiction that is changing who he is and I have compassion about what he is going through. I was telling my daughters that my son was a little better....not meaning he was done by any means...just that he was better the last two nights than he has been for months. He started yelling and saying, "He's NOT better!" I explained what I meant, and he continued to yell. All the stress of worrying about our son is taking a HUGE toll on our whole family! I hope and pray that he gets help to get free of this once and for all!

Susan
dear susan -

even in your angst and pain, you sing a beautiful song. your compassion, care and concern for your son is heartfelt. as you are learning, addiction affects the entire family and at some point not just the addict, but all whose paths cross that of the addicted find that they need some help.

one of the first thoughts (when i realized the gig was up) was that which led to a part of my surrender. my way to this point was not working, and it was time to let go and allow someone who had a little more experience, a little more knowledge about addiction than i, to take charge and guide me while i heal. it started with going to a detox facility and detoxing where i was safe physically and emotionally. after i got clean, my recovery has continued as i have empowered myself not only physically and emotionally, but spiritually through the 12 steps. again, under the guidance of someone (my sponsor) who had walked this path before me.

in looking back on it, it's amazing to me how my perceptions have changed. i went from thinking i could control my life/addiction (when i was so out of control - now that's a silly thought to me) to becoming empowered and restoring my sanity. this only came after i became to willing to surrender to the fact that i needed help and there was absolutely no reason to do this alone.

albert einstein once said something to the fact that we can't fix the problem with the same mind that created it. that reminds me of the slogan we hear around the 12 step rooms, "my best thinking got me here." it's an awesome thing when we sift through the lies and deceit our disease would have us think and reach out for help and go to any length we have to for our recovery. because recovery has to be the primary focus in our lives...without it, there is no life. to deny life is the greatest evil one can do.

i wish you and your son the utmost of courage. i know it's (courage) there - you wouldn't be posting here if it wasn't. quiet your mind, my friend - go within and tap on that place that enabled you to reach out here. this is the place where you will find the strength to do the next right thing. your son and your family need some help with this and that's ok.

namaste'

sammy
Hi, Sammy
Thanks so much for the reply. Today was a tough day because it's the day before my son's hearing (at DJ's office). He told his dad and I that he doesn't want us in there. I feel so helpless to help him. Also, I was calling about his gas bill (going to be shut off), and while I was on that call, I got a call from his bank that his negative balance had to be paid or they would have to take legal action. What a wonderful way to start the day! My husband and I have been paying his rent and utililties since he is unable to work because of the drugs and his depression. We've been trying to keep him out of legal problems with the lease, but we made our son move back home. He had bronchitus and wasn't taking his antibiotic....getting close to pneumonia. My husband and I have decided that we're going to tell him no more rent, utility, or loan payments until he shows us that he's getting help. That gives him 2 weeks to decide which way he's going with his problem. I sure hope he chooses to get help!
I actually did get somewhat peaceful and strengthened while I was attending Sunday's church service. I intended to go to church this morning, but when the alarm went off my husband told me but I didn't make any sense he said. I think it is because my granddaughter woke up last night and I held her until she fell back asleep so I was in a deeper sleep from having that disruption. If I had actually been woken up, I would have run off to church. I'm going to try again tomorrow...to pray for him and to be strengthened. To be honest...my heart is BREAKING!!!!! When one of my children is hurt, I'm a mess. This is the biggest problem our family has had....you people here help me to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for that! I just hope he stays safe until he gets to the end of the tunnel!
God bless!

Susan