I am bored of punishing myself. Bored of this endless cycle.
OK, so things didn't work out with that bloke, why do I have to punish myself by eating loads of crap, worrying about it, putting on weight and allowing the whole stupid cycle.
Look on the bright side I suppose, at least I'm not drinking or taking drugs, just eating huge amounts of sugary stuff! Actually there is even a bright side to that, at least I'm not having full on food binges like I used to.
Maybe it's not so bad then, I am alot better than I used to be!!
I am working today and going out with my friend later.
Go back three years and I would be heading for oblivion by now, one o clock, yep, blackout, fantastic, the other world where anything goes.
So I have eaten a load of chocolate and biscuits and given myself a hard time about it. Childs play in comparisson to what life used to be like!
Aint it good to realise things aren't that bad!!!
Hi, Lacey.
I wish for you the silence of all the critical voices. I know you've tried NA--have you tried any AAs? I was constantly inside my own head working My Program and struggling heroically with it--all in the wrong manner. Hyper-critical of myself, wondering, pondering, wishing--but I didn't know how to MANUFACTURE the spiritual connection. The Steps showed me how to do that--and develop a conscious "checklist" to determine where my Wobbly was and what to do to fix it.
Good luck--this IS a WE program, by the way...
:)
Bicuits and chocolate? YUMMMM
I wish for you the silence of all the critical voices. I know you've tried NA--have you tried any AAs? I was constantly inside my own head working My Program and struggling heroically with it--all in the wrong manner. Hyper-critical of myself, wondering, pondering, wishing--but I didn't know how to MANUFACTURE the spiritual connection. The Steps showed me how to do that--and develop a conscious "checklist" to determine where my Wobbly was and what to do to fix it.
Good luck--this IS a WE program, by the way...
:)
Bicuits and chocolate? YUMMMM
Lacey ..biscuits and chocolate yummy and it don't even play with your mind. Isn't that a wonderful thing to be able to eat and enjoy it and still be in the REAL world. As for the gaining weight that too takes a lil discipline. Exercise ,exercise !.now if I could only follow my own advice. You have a great weekend Lacey and enjoy your outing with your friend.God bless and be safe.
Progress not perfection....and it sounds like you're doing really well....you'd thought your way right through the issue by the time you'd finished writing the post!
Sounds good to me!
Sounds good to me!
Hi Lacey,
I too find myself getting bored sometimes, progress seems slow at time. But, like you, when I look back I realize that there has been at least some progress.. "Lord I pray for patience, and please hurry up with it!" Oh well, I spent 7 years or so getting into trouble so I suppose it might take 7 to get it back again. Maybe by the time I'm 80 I'll have it all figured out..In the meantime I'll have to figure out how to enjoy life...
one cup of Earl Grey at a time.... Cookster
I too find myself getting bored sometimes, progress seems slow at time. But, like you, when I look back I realize that there has been at least some progress.. "Lord I pray for patience, and please hurry up with it!" Oh well, I spent 7 years or so getting into trouble so I suppose it might take 7 to get it back again. Maybe by the time I'm 80 I'll have it all figured out..In the meantime I'll have to figure out how to enjoy life...
one cup of Earl Grey at a time.... Cookster
Hey cookster have some biscuits with that tea will ya. lol
There's some really good stuff about something you might have come across called "mindfullnes"....I don't know much about it other than my counsellor suggested I read something about it.....she gave me a book months ago that I still haven't looked at (see how stubborn my Will is).....in fact I didn't do anything about it until I read you post a second time (see how we help each other and how gently persistent my HP is)......anyway, I just Googled it and discovered that it's what I've been doing for months....walking in the woods and looking at the tress and thinking about nothing but the woods.....and the trees and each tree and each in on each tree and how beautiful this world really is when I just LOOK.....
and how grateful that makes me and how it makes me cry with joy.....
Nothing to do with me btw, I'm not claiming credit or wisdom, quite the opposite...I was despairing....my way of Being had brought me to despair....my HP led me to this doorway to joy.
Anyway, just in case it's helpful to anyone, from Wikipedia. I was astonished how relevant it is to those of us with chattering minds and how it is yet another "thing" relating to the Unconscious and the spiritual life.
Once you've read this you'll know as much as I do....except what I feel in those woods and walking in our town centre when I really LOOK at the grimy streets:
Give it a try. What's to lose?
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The Buddha provided a guide on establishing mindfulness more than 2500 years ago.
Right mindfulness (often also termed Right meditation) involves bringing one's awareness back (i.e. from the past or the future) into the present moment. By residing more frequently in the present moment, practitioners begin to see both inner and outer aspects of reality. Inner reality may unfold as one sees that the mind is continually chattering with commentary or judgment.
By noticing that the mind is continually making commentary, one has the ability to carefully notice those thoughts, and then decide if those thoughts have value. Those practicing mindfulness realize that "thoughts are just thoughts"; the thoughts themselves have little or no weight. One is free to release a thought ("let it go") when one realizes that the thought may not be concrete reality or absolute truth. Thus, one is free to observe life without getting caught in the commentary. Many "voices" or messages may speak to one within the "vocal" mind. It is important to be aware that the messages one hears during "thinking" may not be accurate or helpful, but rather may be translations of, or departures from truth.
As one more closely observes inner reality, one finds that happiness is not exclusively a quality brought about by a change in outer circumstances, but rather by realizing happiness often starts with loosening and releasing attachment to thoughts, pre-dispositions, and "scripts"; thereby releasing "automatic" reactions toward pleasant and unpleasant situations or feelings.
However, mindfulness does not have to be constrained to a formal meditation session. Mindfulness is an activity that can be done at any time; it does not require sitting, or even focusing on the breath, but rather is done by bringing the mind to focus on what is happening in the present moment, while simply noticing the mind's usual "commentary". One can be mindful of the sensations in one's feet while walking, of the sound of the wind in the trees, or the feeling of soapy water while doing dishes. One can also be mindful of the mind's commentary: "I wish I didn't have to walk any further, I like the sound of the leaves rustling, I wish washing dishes wasn't so boring and the soap wasn't drying out my skin", etc. Once we have noticed the mind's running commentary, we have the freedom to release those judgments: "washing dishes: boring" may become "The warm water is in unison with the detergent and is currently washing away the plates grime, the sun is shining through the window and casting an ever greater shadow on the dish's white ceramics.". In this example, one may see that washing does not have to be judged "boring"; washing dishes is only a process of coordinating dishes with soap and water. Any activity done mindfully is a form of meditation, and mindfulness is possible practically all the time.
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It SOUNDs daft....it IS beautiful...and for me it is an attitude of mind that opens the door to a healthier consciousness that my HP kicked down for me a few months ago. We can do it whenever we want.
Have a great day. Why settle for anything less?
and how grateful that makes me and how it makes me cry with joy.....
Nothing to do with me btw, I'm not claiming credit or wisdom, quite the opposite...I was despairing....my way of Being had brought me to despair....my HP led me to this doorway to joy.
Anyway, just in case it's helpful to anyone, from Wikipedia. I was astonished how relevant it is to those of us with chattering minds and how it is yet another "thing" relating to the Unconscious and the spiritual life.
Once you've read this you'll know as much as I do....except what I feel in those woods and walking in our town centre when I really LOOK at the grimy streets:
Give it a try. What's to lose?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Buddha provided a guide on establishing mindfulness more than 2500 years ago.
Right mindfulness (often also termed Right meditation) involves bringing one's awareness back (i.e. from the past or the future) into the present moment. By residing more frequently in the present moment, practitioners begin to see both inner and outer aspects of reality. Inner reality may unfold as one sees that the mind is continually chattering with commentary or judgment.
By noticing that the mind is continually making commentary, one has the ability to carefully notice those thoughts, and then decide if those thoughts have value. Those practicing mindfulness realize that "thoughts are just thoughts"; the thoughts themselves have little or no weight. One is free to release a thought ("let it go") when one realizes that the thought may not be concrete reality or absolute truth. Thus, one is free to observe life without getting caught in the commentary. Many "voices" or messages may speak to one within the "vocal" mind. It is important to be aware that the messages one hears during "thinking" may not be accurate or helpful, but rather may be translations of, or departures from truth.
As one more closely observes inner reality, one finds that happiness is not exclusively a quality brought about by a change in outer circumstances, but rather by realizing happiness often starts with loosening and releasing attachment to thoughts, pre-dispositions, and "scripts"; thereby releasing "automatic" reactions toward pleasant and unpleasant situations or feelings.
However, mindfulness does not have to be constrained to a formal meditation session. Mindfulness is an activity that can be done at any time; it does not require sitting, or even focusing on the breath, but rather is done by bringing the mind to focus on what is happening in the present moment, while simply noticing the mind's usual "commentary". One can be mindful of the sensations in one's feet while walking, of the sound of the wind in the trees, or the feeling of soapy water while doing dishes. One can also be mindful of the mind's commentary: "I wish I didn't have to walk any further, I like the sound of the leaves rustling, I wish washing dishes wasn't so boring and the soap wasn't drying out my skin", etc. Once we have noticed the mind's running commentary, we have the freedom to release those judgments: "washing dishes: boring" may become "The warm water is in unison with the detergent and is currently washing away the plates grime, the sun is shining through the window and casting an ever greater shadow on the dish's white ceramics.". In this example, one may see that washing does not have to be judged "boring"; washing dishes is only a process of coordinating dishes with soap and water. Any activity done mindfully is a form of meditation, and mindfulness is possible practically all the time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It SOUNDs daft....it IS beautiful...and for me it is an attitude of mind that opens the door to a healthier consciousness that my HP kicked down for me a few months ago. We can do it whenever we want.
Have a great day. Why settle for anything less?
Yes, mindfullness. I have looked at Buddhist philosophy for years and find it very useful. Have you read the Tibetan book of living and dying? The process of death is explained and I must say it is absolutley fascinating!!
Pirate, biscuits and chocolate do play with my mind cos I have an eating disorder!! It's true; the amount of mental energy I have given to food is unbelievable!! I used to seriously binge eat until I felt so sick I had to just go to sleep. I started down the road to bulimia because throwing it up after was better than living with the amount of food I had consumed and the horrendous emotional stuff around it. I am loads better now than I used to be, I just overeat a bit sometimes if I am struggling with something, and it doesn't interfere with my life. It used to control it. When I had resolved never to drink again, I would binge on food until I started drinking again. Quite a mess I was!!
Pirate, biscuits and chocolate do play with my mind cos I have an eating disorder!! It's true; the amount of mental energy I have given to food is unbelievable!! I used to seriously binge eat until I felt so sick I had to just go to sleep. I started down the road to bulimia because throwing it up after was better than living with the amount of food I had consumed and the horrendous emotional stuff around it. I am loads better now than I used to be, I just overeat a bit sometimes if I am struggling with something, and it doesn't interfere with my life. It used to control it. When I had resolved never to drink again, I would binge on food until I started drinking again. Quite a mess I was!!
Gidday Lacey
Spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally my mind needs a fix in any one of these windows if any of them are being affected in a good or bad way and when one is affected it takes up room that the other used to occupy and i get an imbalance into all of the four and the part that is affected the most
What im pratting on about is food and coffee now make up for alcohol as a reward and it is about small steps for me into trying to deal with the underlying fear that is present when i am worrying etc and pausing when agitated
and when things are good i need to give some of the good to others instead of looking to reward myself....bloody hard but better than drinking:)
light and love zac
Spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally my mind needs a fix in any one of these windows if any of them are being affected in a good or bad way and when one is affected it takes up room that the other used to occupy and i get an imbalance into all of the four and the part that is affected the most
What im pratting on about is food and coffee now make up for alcohol as a reward and it is about small steps for me into trying to deal with the underlying fear that is present when i am worrying etc and pausing when agitated
and when things are good i need to give some of the good to others instead of looking to reward myself....bloody hard but better than drinking:)
light and love zac
Hi Lacey. Thank you for telling me about the problems you have or have had with eating. I didn't mean to be callous so if I said something that was offending to you that wasn't my intent. I can understand though how that would be difficult for you. Is binging something that happens when a person is trying to get over an addiction. ?This has happened to my daughter since reab.she will go a few days with hardly eating anything then boom! she will binge. It is unreal how much she can eat in one day when she is on a binge. Her doc now has her on a eating plan that has a limited number of calories per day and suppose to be healthy. I found I have eaten more since I gave up drinking but that too I guess is too fill the void and out of boredom. I didn't used to eat sweets and now I eat it all the time. well enough about me ,I just wanted to let you know that You have my support and even though I might give the wrong advice to you remember I have the best of intentions at heart. God bless and be safe .....((()))
Hi Pirate,
No problem what you said there, I don't expect you to know my history!!
Bingeing is another addiction basically. It is a bit of a weird one, and one I find quite repulsive, but then no addiction is very pretty is it!! I think alot of people who do come off drugs and drink will use food in some ways as a crutch, so your daughter has very likely latched on to food.
Eating disorders are very complex though because you can't give up food!! You have to eat and learn to eat normally. I have achieved it, but that was when I lived with a heroin addict, and I was addicted to him instead because it was a completely co dependant relationship!! There is always an addiction going on somewhere, it's crazy!!
Also, the eating of sweets on your behalf is very normal. If you consider all the sugar you were consuming with the alcohol, the body is so used to it, it gets it through sweets and chocolate. I ate loads of sugar when I gave up drinking, and I still do!! It is very addictive.
Thanks for your input Zac. I like what you said about when things are good, you give that good away - how lovely. I am learning to give more, and also learning grattitude. I understand it so much better now, it is kind of the opposite of all the resentment.
No problem what you said there, I don't expect you to know my history!!
Bingeing is another addiction basically. It is a bit of a weird one, and one I find quite repulsive, but then no addiction is very pretty is it!! I think alot of people who do come off drugs and drink will use food in some ways as a crutch, so your daughter has very likely latched on to food.
Eating disorders are very complex though because you can't give up food!! You have to eat and learn to eat normally. I have achieved it, but that was when I lived with a heroin addict, and I was addicted to him instead because it was a completely co dependant relationship!! There is always an addiction going on somewhere, it's crazy!!
Also, the eating of sweets on your behalf is very normal. If you consider all the sugar you were consuming with the alcohol, the body is so used to it, it gets it through sweets and chocolate. I ate loads of sugar when I gave up drinking, and I still do!! It is very addictive.
Thanks for your input Zac. I like what you said about when things are good, you give that good away - how lovely. I am learning to give more, and also learning grattitude. I understand it so much better now, it is kind of the opposite of all the resentment.
