So often since I have come to this board I have read and reread., take what you want and leave the rest which I have done. However this week some of the posts have been very disturbing to me and I have taken stuff away that I didn't want too. I saw a man whom I believe to be a kind sensitive man who needed help and I believe some kindness and understanding shown to him. It bothered me a lot that some of the posts to this man was what I perceived to be less than kind. Maybe I am being oversensitive ,I don't know . All I know is that I am bothered by some of the things I have read that were posted and I feel I have to say it. This is not to create any controversy nor to offend anyone. It bothered me to the point where I had to say the way I feel. God bless and take care
Why would it bother you when people, including myself, suggest to focus on the solution, not the problem?
And as for controversy, keep in mind how the thread got started, placing therapy vis a vis with AA.
I understand and hear you when you say posts bothered you and that you felt them unkind. Seaking only from personal experience, co-dependent, cuddling didn't and doesn't serve me at all. 12-stepper said it beautifully, sometime's AAers say some harsh things. Their only intention is to help another person from suffering. Someone was suffering, we offered a course of action: stepping away from the problem and focusing on the solution.
And as for controversy, keep in mind how the thread got started, placing therapy vis a vis with AA.
I understand and hear you when you say posts bothered you and that you felt them unkind. Seaking only from personal experience, co-dependent, cuddling didn't and doesn't serve me at all. 12-stepper said it beautifully, sometime's AAers say some harsh things. Their only intention is to help another person from suffering. Someone was suffering, we offered a course of action: stepping away from the problem and focusing on the solution.
Hi Zipper. I think one can focus on a solution without appearing cold and insensitive. Tough love doesn't work for all people. It might have for you and if that be the case I am glad for you. I am glad you have found a solution that works for you. There are times in people's lives when "cuddling" as you say won't help but there are also times when a person just might need a loving ,helping and kind hand.How would I know that you might ask? I've been there.God bless and take care
| QUOTE |
| think one can focus on a solution without appearing cold and insensitive. Tough love doesn't work for all people. It might have for you and if that be the case I am glad for you. I am glad you have found a solution that works for you. |
Maybe.No one can control how they appear.The problem is that any solution can come across as harsh if the person who it is directed to doesn't want to hear it.Talking about something to death and "processing it" is only the first part of action.Getting off the couch and actually making physical attempts is the second part.
Getting "pissed off" is not a bad thing.In fact it's about the only thing that get's me into action sometime.
I'm not cured either.I love to dwell in my own drama and have people constantly ask "Well, how's that going?" so I can volunteer another chapter in a totally unproductive saga of my life."Hey man,this is great.Look at all the attention I'm getting.I'm going to milk this"
It's only when a sponsor,therapist or someone in the meetings have the guts to call me own s*** will I change...and yes,I do get pissed at first.You can label it tough love or anything you like.Today,I want to surround myself with people who are trying to be honest.It's not in my nature to be brimming with self honesty.I'll admit it.I'm a big con artist and left to my own devices the outcome is never good.
All I have seen directed to Martin,because that's who we're talking about here,are suggestions to look at himself.He seems like a great guy & obviously is intelligent.I think in private he probably recognizes all this but I don't know? I certainly don't have any prescient abilities.
Hi Tim,
Thanks for your time and thoughts. I DO recognise it. That's the bit that's so hard to understand and explain. ALL my life I've been as honest as I possibly can, both in my dealings with others and looking at myself. I think the issue is that so much of it is genuinely hidden from me....I'll say it's in my unconscious, repressed or whatever....I understand some people don't relate to that and nor would I have done until about October when I heard a voice inside me that wanted me dead. Tortured and killed. Since then lots of stuff has happened that is a complete headf***. I am open to the possiblity that I have a personality disorder that I've been unaware of all my life and that is usually co-morbid with addictions...that I avoided it through co-dependency and alcohol and workaholism and whatever.....but I don't know...on the other hand my doctor says I've got reactive depression from living with an active alcoholic for nine years....but he doesn't know how I was drinking because I didn't see it as a problem at the time...
I don't know Tim I am being as honest as I can but I think stuff is split off into different parts of me. At times I can't believe I'm so foolish and I feel barely in control.
I FEEL that I need to just let it all flow at the moment and that it will subside naturally...that it's been bottled up forever....but PART of me is aware that for good reasons I should consider how my communication affects others....THAT part of me is who I've been all my life, the considerate, intelligent, sensible, obedient...yada yada yada....
There's some stuff about Multiplicity, or Inner Family Systems, on the web that seems to make sense to me and I've spoken to a number of people who relate to it....that there are distinctly different aspects of who we are...and that lack of integration can cause issues from relationship problems to addiction...who knows and not everyone is interested...
Anyway....I've not asked or received pity or cuddles from people for much of my life....apart from my kids....I've been too afraid of hurting or being hurt....I've been tougher with myself all my life than anyone here is likely to want to be....tough love isn't what I lacked and what part of me needs if he is to heal and help me become who I am meant to be is just love - or really just acceptance. Just being ok, actually.
Your message was tough, but loving....and was preceded by your thoughtful post yesterday....I guess the thing about giving tough love is that you have to have SHOWN the person you love them before you earn the right to offer it.
You did Tim. Thanks. I admire and respect you for it. Tell me what you like - I know you'll do your best to convey it with respect - and I'll TRY to hear you.
Some people understand that and are better at that than others. Some people just like kidding themselves their tough, and it's pretty safe for them to do that on an internet message board for vulnerable people.
Thanks for your time and thoughts. I DO recognise it. That's the bit that's so hard to understand and explain. ALL my life I've been as honest as I possibly can, both in my dealings with others and looking at myself. I think the issue is that so much of it is genuinely hidden from me....I'll say it's in my unconscious, repressed or whatever....I understand some people don't relate to that and nor would I have done until about October when I heard a voice inside me that wanted me dead. Tortured and killed. Since then lots of stuff has happened that is a complete headf***. I am open to the possiblity that I have a personality disorder that I've been unaware of all my life and that is usually co-morbid with addictions...that I avoided it through co-dependency and alcohol and workaholism and whatever.....but I don't know...on the other hand my doctor says I've got reactive depression from living with an active alcoholic for nine years....but he doesn't know how I was drinking because I didn't see it as a problem at the time...
I don't know Tim I am being as honest as I can but I think stuff is split off into different parts of me. At times I can't believe I'm so foolish and I feel barely in control.
I FEEL that I need to just let it all flow at the moment and that it will subside naturally...that it's been bottled up forever....but PART of me is aware that for good reasons I should consider how my communication affects others....THAT part of me is who I've been all my life, the considerate, intelligent, sensible, obedient...yada yada yada....
There's some stuff about Multiplicity, or Inner Family Systems, on the web that seems to make sense to me and I've spoken to a number of people who relate to it....that there are distinctly different aspects of who we are...and that lack of integration can cause issues from relationship problems to addiction...who knows and not everyone is interested...
Anyway....I've not asked or received pity or cuddles from people for much of my life....apart from my kids....I've been too afraid of hurting or being hurt....I've been tougher with myself all my life than anyone here is likely to want to be....tough love isn't what I lacked and what part of me needs if he is to heal and help me become who I am meant to be is just love - or really just acceptance. Just being ok, actually.
Your message was tough, but loving....and was preceded by your thoughtful post yesterday....I guess the thing about giving tough love is that you have to have SHOWN the person you love them before you earn the right to offer it.
You did Tim. Thanks. I admire and respect you for it. Tell me what you like - I know you'll do your best to convey it with respect - and I'll TRY to hear you.
Some people understand that and are better at that than others. Some people just like kidding themselves their tough, and it's pretty safe for them to do that on an internet message board for vulnerable people.
Yes, Pirate, tough love did and does work for me. When people told me I was doing great every day I picked up a newcomer chip, I believed it, and continued on the descent. When parents paid for a new car for me, I quickly crashed it. When I spoke about the same things over and over, dwelling on the problem, I was miserable and sure made people around me miserable. When people told/tell me that I am loving and big hearted by nature rather than being completely honest and telling me I am co-dependent as hell, it reinforced my belief I had to do and tell you whatever you wanted to receive/hear in order for you to like me.
One last comment...what you deem insensitive and unkind may not be for others. What was unkind and false were the years of people co-signing my B.S.
One last comment...what you deem insensitive and unkind may not be for others. What was unkind and false were the years of people co-signing my B.S.
Zipper,
Thank you for sharing that...I needed to hear it.
I don't like the word "tough love", I mean, isn't it kind of a stupid word? Love is love and for me, being codependent and the mother of a teenage alcoholic, the only thing tough about tough love was on me, not on my loved one as he was active in his addiction. They told me to detach with love and I did. I let him feel the consquences to his actions, he has been in & out of jail (juvenile hall) for 2 years and when he'd be released, he couldn't live under the rules we had at the home (no drinking/drugging) so he'd run away and be homeless and I learned to Let Go & Let God. Today he is clean & sober, back at home and trying to do the next right thing, he is only 18 years old but has quite a bit of experience with active alcoholism/addiction and he teaches me things today.
I like what Tim said (of course, I always have and Tim has been a true friend for a long time now)....
Being in action is part of the solution, sitting in the problem will eventually take me back out and that I've learned from my own ESH.
Pirate,
If something bothers you, I'll share what was shared with me, you need to look inside yourself and see why it bothers you so much, and I found when I look inside my self, I can find where my defects are triggered....I do know I've reached out to you on several occassions and it seemed everytime I did, you would flee. Today I don't take things personally, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Today I pray for willingness, I pray to stay openminded and I pray to stay honest, and that starts with me, rigorous honesty with myself.
Enjoy your day, peeps....
xoxo
Thank you for sharing that...I needed to hear it.
I don't like the word "tough love", I mean, isn't it kind of a stupid word? Love is love and for me, being codependent and the mother of a teenage alcoholic, the only thing tough about tough love was on me, not on my loved one as he was active in his addiction. They told me to detach with love and I did. I let him feel the consquences to his actions, he has been in & out of jail (juvenile hall) for 2 years and when he'd be released, he couldn't live under the rules we had at the home (no drinking/drugging) so he'd run away and be homeless and I learned to Let Go & Let God. Today he is clean & sober, back at home and trying to do the next right thing, he is only 18 years old but has quite a bit of experience with active alcoholism/addiction and he teaches me things today.
I like what Tim said (of course, I always have and Tim has been a true friend for a long time now)....
| QUOTE |
| Getting "pissed off" is not a bad thing.In fact it's about the only thing that get's me into action sometime. |
Being in action is part of the solution, sitting in the problem will eventually take me back out and that I've learned from my own ESH.
Pirate,
If something bothers you, I'll share what was shared with me, you need to look inside yourself and see why it bothers you so much, and I found when I look inside my self, I can find where my defects are triggered....I do know I've reached out to you on several occassions and it seemed everytime I did, you would flee. Today I don't take things personally, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Today I pray for willingness, I pray to stay openminded and I pray to stay honest, and that starts with me, rigorous honesty with myself.
Enjoy your day, peeps....
xoxo
24 and Tim...you've got what I want!!! :) Thank you for being such a great illustration for me to see how it works, sharing your ESH, and showing this alcoholic a glimpse of the future...I love hearing honesty.
24...I never thought about the words "tough love"...yes, what a dichotomy.
Anyway, I am not here today to battle. I was drained last night, as I gave my power to the forum feuding. Someone whom I respect considerably because he speaks to me with honesty and his primary purpose is to help another alcoholic, said something this morning to me that was so dead-on! Right now I am in limbo..between sickness and recovery. My personal recovery MUST be my only priority.
Thank you all for being part of my recovery...and for you old timers...thank you for showing me how it works.
Hugs.
24...I never thought about the words "tough love"...yes, what a dichotomy.
Anyway, I am not here today to battle. I was drained last night, as I gave my power to the forum feuding. Someone whom I respect considerably because he speaks to me with honesty and his primary purpose is to help another alcoholic, said something this morning to me that was so dead-on! Right now I am in limbo..between sickness and recovery. My personal recovery MUST be my only priority.
Thank you all for being part of my recovery...and for you old timers...thank you for showing me how it works.
Hugs.
Hi again all and thanks for your post. I appreciate you taking the time to do so.First of I would like to make clear that my intention is not to argue. I am just stating the way I felt. I mentioned the word "tough" love because that was the word that was used in a previous thread.I have only 14 weeks of sobriety and am only on the 4th step so obviously I have a lot to learn. You guys are way ahead of me when it comes to recovery.So I hope in your experience you can remember what it was like for you when you were new into sobriety and trying to find your way. Zipper I agree when you say what I would deem unkind or insensitive probably wouldn't to others but then again it could be vice versa. 24 Gordon if it appeared to you that I was fleeing when you offered your help then you are mistaken and why you thought that I have no idea. I am always open to suggestions and advice. You are right when you said that if something bothers someone that we have to look inside ourselves and understand why. I KNOW why those posts bothered me. It did because I know what it's like to want understanding ,support and love and compassion and to feel utterly alone. I am a very sensitive and caring person and I hate to see someone suffer and in pain.Whatever I can do to help alleviate some of that pain and to help someone feel better I will. I also KNOW that tough love if you will or whatever you want to call it doesn't work for me. It might at times to a degree but it all depends on the circumstances. What works for one may not work for another. No area or problem or solution is just black and white. Really when you think of it there is no solution either. It's just a daily reprieve .Any of us at any time can go back to drinking. Nothing is written in stone that we will never do it again. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. but I would like to think that whatever the future holds that I would be given compassion and love if that was what I needed.God bless and take care
I offer this in the spirit of mutual understanding and respect - why is it that when I write something here that others disagree with, they invite me to change, whereas when I - or now pirate - disagrees with something someone else has written, were invited to look at ourselves and consider why we don't like it?
....just an observation and a question. Answers?
It's great when people find something that works FOR THEM.....it doesn't necessarily work for EVERYONE....that's all pirate has said and that's all I've said....
So if I were to replay the tape without any intention of upsetting anyone, just replaying what's been said to me and pirate so that we can consider this objectively....if what I, and now pirate says bothers you, perhaps you might like to reflect on why it bothers you.
What's the difference here that justifies different treatment of identical behaviours?
And please note, given that the word fueding was mentioned, I'm RESPONDING to the issue and doing so respectfully. It's an honest question about the interpersonal and group converations here, which affect us all.
I SUSPECT it's about the way AA works. The AA I've seen is brilliant. It's just that this board isn't AA and so that intervention feels inappropriate to someone who hasn't signed up to be policed or guided by a group or a sponsor here. And anyway, the same approach should still apply to everyone....isn't there something about principles not personalities? what principle applies here?
Peace.
I hope this post conveys respect and courtesy.
....just an observation and a question. Answers?
It's great when people find something that works FOR THEM.....it doesn't necessarily work for EVERYONE....that's all pirate has said and that's all I've said....
So if I were to replay the tape without any intention of upsetting anyone, just replaying what's been said to me and pirate so that we can consider this objectively....if what I, and now pirate says bothers you, perhaps you might like to reflect on why it bothers you.
What's the difference here that justifies different treatment of identical behaviours?
And please note, given that the word fueding was mentioned, I'm RESPONDING to the issue and doing so respectfully. It's an honest question about the interpersonal and group converations here, which affect us all.
I SUSPECT it's about the way AA works. The AA I've seen is brilliant. It's just that this board isn't AA and so that intervention feels inappropriate to someone who hasn't signed up to be policed or guided by a group or a sponsor here. And anyway, the same approach should still apply to everyone....isn't there something about principles not personalities? what principle applies here?
Peace.
I hope this post conveys respect and courtesy.
Hello Peeps,
Martin your post is right on spot with me. Something you said yesterday about others being further along then you in their healing and recovery. You are right on spot again!!!
I guess they don't get it. I do because it hasn't been that long for me when I was feeling like you. You are in your phase of recovery. Being in the problem is part of the solution my friend. You haven't been in this phase very long either. Your repressed memories of child abuse have surfaced and your dealing now in therapy.
You are detaching from your ex in therapy. God knows I tried doing this with a AA sponsor 3 1/2 yrs ago and no fault of hers she wasn't qualified. Perhaps some AA people here have forgot that their problems some which were huge is what lead them to the solutions. It takes what it takes. It is not their time table. It is yours and your HP/GOD time table.
They are just telling you move out now! Maybe they forgot how long it took them. They don't want you to suffer anymore then you have to. Well thats really nice of them. But, it's not their heart, and head going through it. You will in your own time make it to the other side just like they did.
Do you think anybody could have told them. Screamed or beat it into them. Jails , suicide attempts, wrecked cars, divorces. You are in a stage of remembering terrifing experiences from your past. Now I'm going to go post on the other thread about some ?? I have about therapy. Don't forget it's the problems which you are have now identified that will lead you to the solutions. Your going to make it. I have faith in God and you!
Now please be a sweetie and meet me over there. Hey I'll open up and reveal some scary S*** about me if it will help you. But I do need to laugh today to. I also need to cook lots of food. I get in those nesting kinda moods. Pasta Pasta. I've being thinking about starting a healthy food recipe thread. I would love to have some quick recipes from other countries. Crap I wished I could type faster. Wished I had one of those PC's that I could just speak into. I think my head is going faster than my mouth, ha ha. I'm a little cuoku today.
Martin your post is right on spot with me. Something you said yesterday about others being further along then you in their healing and recovery. You are right on spot again!!!
I guess they don't get it. I do because it hasn't been that long for me when I was feeling like you. You are in your phase of recovery. Being in the problem is part of the solution my friend. You haven't been in this phase very long either. Your repressed memories of child abuse have surfaced and your dealing now in therapy.
You are detaching from your ex in therapy. God knows I tried doing this with a AA sponsor 3 1/2 yrs ago and no fault of hers she wasn't qualified. Perhaps some AA people here have forgot that their problems some which were huge is what lead them to the solutions. It takes what it takes. It is not their time table. It is yours and your HP/GOD time table.
They are just telling you move out now! Maybe they forgot how long it took them. They don't want you to suffer anymore then you have to. Well thats really nice of them. But, it's not their heart, and head going through it. You will in your own time make it to the other side just like they did.
Do you think anybody could have told them. Screamed or beat it into them. Jails , suicide attempts, wrecked cars, divorces. You are in a stage of remembering terrifing experiences from your past. Now I'm going to go post on the other thread about some ?? I have about therapy. Don't forget it's the problems which you are have now identified that will lead you to the solutions. Your going to make it. I have faith in God and you!
Now please be a sweetie and meet me over there. Hey I'll open up and reveal some scary S*** about me if it will help you. But I do need to laugh today to. I also need to cook lots of food. I get in those nesting kinda moods. Pasta Pasta. I've being thinking about starting a healthy food recipe thread. I would love to have some quick recipes from other countries. Crap I wished I could type faster. Wished I had one of those PC's that I could just speak into. I think my head is going faster than my mouth, ha ha. I'm a little cuoku today.
Perhaps Martin, it's because you started out on the family board where recognizing and calling out unhealthy behaviors is forbidden and is immediately seen as an attack. At first they saw you as some sort of messiah, but as soon as you picked up a few tools, and started thinking differently from them, they questioned your behavior. Next you tried to befriend the heroin addicts by coddling them, and cosigning on stinkin thinkin. You moved on to the pain pill board, where your novelettes fell on deaf ears. So, now you decided that you are an alcoholicare youor are you just looking for a place to be accepted or to fit in? The booze board is all about recovery, real recovery, and yes it is scary at times. To be called out for unhealthy thinking, to talk about solutions, not to dwell on the past so you can stay all comfy and stuck there. And, how about blame, still looking for someone to point the finger at? Your parents, or that inner child? You have been offered a lot of success stories from the members here, and yet you keep differentiating yourself from everyone. This or that wont work for you because you somehow are different. Youre on a first name basis with a suicide hotline, yet you wont even have an open enough mind or the willingness to try what has worked for others. So, you got dumped by an addict, and you are still looking at her for the answers, and the reasons why. Time to take a look in the mirror, thats where the answers are. Its your choice to stay stuck, feel sorry for yourself, dig your heels in, and talk at great length about your feelings, words are cheap. Recovery takes action, from both the addicts side and the loved ones side, doesnt really matter which side of the fence you want to sit on. Yet you refuse to do the work on yourself to change. Are you seeking recovery, or are you seeking the attention that you are no longer getting from your ex?
LOL Martin...
I do, Martin...if something bugs me, I reflect on it and I do a mini-inventory and see what/why/where and what defect it's hitting and I then move into the solution. Most of the time, it's because I see my old character defects pop up, the self centeredness, self pity, self seeking and I then ask God to remove them and I pray. I would share more but I don't want to be accused of taking others inventories...It seems when I share or make an observation, the program gets thrown up and that's not what it's about and I don't want to go there anymore....
I did admit that the term tough love, for me, to me, the way I feel, it's a stupid phrase and that's all about ME baby and I have the reasons why I don't like the term and that's okay, that is MY right and nobody has to agree with me, and that is MY right....
But rest assured, if something p*sses me off, I look at why and what my part is, and sometimes it's as simple as putting myself in the situation, kind of like right here, replying when I probably should of just kept silent but I've read quite a few times over the last couple of days, take what you need and leave the rest so I'll throw myself in here and preclude it with take what you need and leave the rest....
Peace, love and happiness to all...
| QUOTE |
| if what I, and now pirate says bothers you, perhaps you might like to reflect on why it bothers you. |
I do, Martin...if something bugs me, I reflect on it and I do a mini-inventory and see what/why/where and what defect it's hitting and I then move into the solution. Most of the time, it's because I see my old character defects pop up, the self centeredness, self pity, self seeking and I then ask God to remove them and I pray. I would share more but I don't want to be accused of taking others inventories...It seems when I share or make an observation, the program gets thrown up and that's not what it's about and I don't want to go there anymore....
I did admit that the term tough love, for me, to me, the way I feel, it's a stupid phrase and that's all about ME baby and I have the reasons why I don't like the term and that's okay, that is MY right and nobody has to agree with me, and that is MY right....
But rest assured, if something p*sses me off, I look at why and what my part is, and sometimes it's as simple as putting myself in the situation, kind of like right here, replying when I probably should of just kept silent but I've read quite a few times over the last couple of days, take what you need and leave the rest so I'll throw myself in here and preclude it with take what you need and leave the rest....
Peace, love and happiness to all...
Yes,
May we please have some peace and happiness to all. Haven't we heard of disagree to disagree. Or does this belong on the other thread. Lets be respectful of each others opinions. Everybody is right. Everybody's opinions, thoughts and feeling have validation.
Now may I make a suggestion to you my friend Martin. When I read posts that involve me personally that are full of emotion. I've learned that most the time not to respond. I let it go sleep on it for a day, a few days, a wk or two. I pray and look at my part to. When I let my emotions and thoughts from other peoples comments die down. They lose power and intensity. I then often don't even need to say anything at all.
You know this really has helped me many times in life not just here. It's just that I do it more now and can see the great benefit for everyone, but especially me. Don't shoot the messenger.
What the world needs now is love sweet love. I should google the second verse. la la la la. I need to cook food and play music. I will soon.
May we please have some peace and happiness to all. Haven't we heard of disagree to disagree. Or does this belong on the other thread. Lets be respectful of each others opinions. Everybody is right. Everybody's opinions, thoughts and feeling have validation.
Now may I make a suggestion to you my friend Martin. When I read posts that involve me personally that are full of emotion. I've learned that most the time not to respond. I let it go sleep on it for a day, a few days, a wk or two. I pray and look at my part to. When I let my emotions and thoughts from other peoples comments die down. They lose power and intensity. I then often don't even need to say anything at all.
You know this really has helped me many times in life not just here. It's just that I do it more now and can see the great benefit for everyone, but especially me. Don't shoot the messenger.
What the world needs now is love sweet love. I should google the second verse. la la la la. I need to cook food and play music. I will soon.
Martin,
You're right.This isn't an AA site and I need to be reminded of that but AA&NA goes with the territory so to speak.Actually,I've learned much from non-program people here.Also Martin I don't think you're being intervened or policed.The program is a choice and I hope I don't come across as pushing it down people's throats[I'm sure I do at times and I'm sorry]
.I do recommend it all the time to newcomers on the PP board and post contact numbers.I know how desperate I was and I didn't have the money to do anything else at the time.Two guys came to my house and took me to my first meeting.I'll never forget that.It was an unselfish act and from two strangers who didn't want anything from me.
Actually I think this thread has been excellent & I certainly don't understand why the other one was locked? I must have missed something.I'll go back and read it.Nobody seems to be raging yet but I guess the moderators have to make a judgement call.I learn a lot of good stuff from these discussions.
I don't think conflict or disagreement has to be negative.I don't want to be surrounded by others who are always agreeing with me.In the same instance I don't have to insist my days be full of drama.I'm very cool to have a peaceful 24 hours.
I appreciate all you guys being honest about how you feel.
| QUOTE |
| It's just that this board isn't AA and so that intervention feels inappropriate to someone who hasn't signed up to be policed or guided by a group or a sponsor here |
You're right.This isn't an AA site and I need to be reminded of that but AA&NA goes with the territory so to speak.Actually,I've learned much from non-program people here.Also Martin I don't think you're being intervened or policed.The program is a choice and I hope I don't come across as pushing it down people's throats[I'm sure I do at times and I'm sorry]
.I do recommend it all the time to newcomers on the PP board and post contact numbers.I know how desperate I was and I didn't have the money to do anything else at the time.Two guys came to my house and took me to my first meeting.I'll never forget that.It was an unselfish act and from two strangers who didn't want anything from me.
Actually I think this thread has been excellent & I certainly don't understand why the other one was locked? I must have missed something.I'll go back and read it.Nobody seems to be raging yet but I guess the moderators have to make a judgement call.I learn a lot of good stuff from these discussions.
I don't think conflict or disagreement has to be negative.I don't want to be surrounded by others who are always agreeing with me.In the same instance I don't have to insist my days be full of drama.I'm very cool to have a peaceful 24 hours.
I appreciate all you guys being honest about how you feel.
Thanks Chris, I've posted to you elsewhere and thanks for your wise words here
24Gordon, thanks for your post. I appreciate your tone and humour...it's easy to throw stuff around and I find it much easier to respect someone who tries to communicate in a way that minimises the risk of confusion or conflict. I KNOW I fail in that in some instances here at the moment. I apologise. As I work this through I believe I will gain a healthier control of my emotons...I just don't want to risk betraying myself by shutting them all away again. I can guess how difficult that is for others to FEEL as a reality rather than read as an excuse. Or maybe I'm projecting. I know I wouldn't have understood me three months ago.
Tim, I've never had a problem with your posts. You started by accepting me and so won my trust and respect and removed any hooks for me to hang my paranoia on. Yes folks, I'm a little paranoid about being hurt so I read stuff that isn't there sometimes. And sometimes stuff IS there that triggers old stuff I refuse to shut away because my recovery demands that I don't...but which I definitely want to learn to how to manage in more adult ways...And when I see stuff a childish tantrum flares...and in an adult body that's a rage I can ill-afford and the world rightly doesn't want....I'm trying to deal...
Guest...you don't provoke my childish rage because you're so far off the mark. I have no idea who you are but I'm flattered you've followed my career with such interest. I wish you well. Did you forget to log on? lol
;) Actually, the word novelettes gives you away because you used something similar in an unpleasant little playground aside to one of your friends. No worries. Sorry I upset you so much. lol.
btw I didn't "stop getting attention from my ex" - I NEVER got any attention from my ex lol - hey, hang on - sweetheart, is that you? lol
24Gordon, thanks for your post. I appreciate your tone and humour...it's easy to throw stuff around and I find it much easier to respect someone who tries to communicate in a way that minimises the risk of confusion or conflict. I KNOW I fail in that in some instances here at the moment. I apologise. As I work this through I believe I will gain a healthier control of my emotons...I just don't want to risk betraying myself by shutting them all away again. I can guess how difficult that is for others to FEEL as a reality rather than read as an excuse. Or maybe I'm projecting. I know I wouldn't have understood me three months ago.
Tim, I've never had a problem with your posts. You started by accepting me and so won my trust and respect and removed any hooks for me to hang my paranoia on. Yes folks, I'm a little paranoid about being hurt so I read stuff that isn't there sometimes. And sometimes stuff IS there that triggers old stuff I refuse to shut away because my recovery demands that I don't...but which I definitely want to learn to how to manage in more adult ways...And when I see stuff a childish tantrum flares...and in an adult body that's a rage I can ill-afford and the world rightly doesn't want....I'm trying to deal...
Guest...you don't provoke my childish rage because you're so far off the mark. I have no idea who you are but I'm flattered you've followed my career with such interest. I wish you well. Did you forget to log on? lol
;) Actually, the word novelettes gives you away because you used something similar in an unpleasant little playground aside to one of your friends. No worries. Sorry I upset you so much. lol.
btw I didn't "stop getting attention from my ex" - I NEVER got any attention from my ex lol - hey, hang on - sweetheart, is that you? lol
