my boyfriend of two and a half years has been a heroin addict for 10 years.i really am sick of my life now and cannot talk to anyone.i managed to stop him injecting but he was still smoking it,but i recently saw a mark on his leg and i know hes injecting again.i really dont know what to do anymore,i would love to walk away and leave him but i find it impossible to do.why do the people who love us the most always hurt us the most.if i could do his rattle for him believe me i would but i cant.once again for the 9 or 10th time he said hes gonna get clean but i have lost all faith in him now and do not believe this will happen.i now no longer trust him and fear i never will do again.
I am sorry Kate....
Lived that life as well, although very different. I sure as hell hated the pain, that suffering, but damn you wouldn't find me taking it away. It isn't mine, and certainly I deserved more then having to live the consequences of anothers actions. Not to say I think that anyone I have seen stuck in this hell should have to live that hell, cause god wd is one thing that will always haunt me. It was so brutally ugly, but I can't no matter how hard I could have tried take the pain and make it go away. Your man can though. This is that bad consequence of the way he chose to live his life. He doesn't have to repeat that over and over, feel it over and over. It is within him only, his choice to be done, and once done then that pain never has to be felt again...
If it could only be that easy. If they could see what we did on that outside looking in. But sadly it doesn't work that way. Until he is ready then this is what his life will be.
I am a bit harsh I am told, but I have lived this and found that other side. This peace and happiness no matter how my husband chose to live his life.
Why do they hurt those they love the most? Is that true does he really hurt you? Mine hurt himself. I hurt me far to much allowing his life and all the focus I so put on him to take from me.
This is a complicated disease, one which can eat alive anyone in it, the user as well as the watchers. But we have control over our lives and how we wish to live. We have no control over theirs. You didn't stop him from that needle use. He did....and now it is back. That would be his choice, having nothing at all to do with anything you did, said, didn't do, what you might think you could have, should have done. Never be the blame.
There is this great line to help understand, we didn't cause this, can't cure them and have no control. It is all very true. we can love, see them for more then they see themselves, cheer them on, but from there....
My greatest fear, those watching losing themselves as well in this madness. Losing time, and the good things in life that are everywhere, everyday.
Can you share about you? Can you share what you want from this life? That is the answer that will so help you on your way. What YOU want for YOU. How he might fit in? Are you eating and sleeping good, meeting your responsibilities, taking care of yourself....
Or are you stuck in place, in constant worry, constant questions? Oh hell I remember them days...
This board is wonderful, and there is also a family board as well you can check out..
Know that you aren't alone.
Love,
Tina
Lived that life as well, although very different. I sure as hell hated the pain, that suffering, but damn you wouldn't find me taking it away. It isn't mine, and certainly I deserved more then having to live the consequences of anothers actions. Not to say I think that anyone I have seen stuck in this hell should have to live that hell, cause god wd is one thing that will always haunt me. It was so brutally ugly, but I can't no matter how hard I could have tried take the pain and make it go away. Your man can though. This is that bad consequence of the way he chose to live his life. He doesn't have to repeat that over and over, feel it over and over. It is within him only, his choice to be done, and once done then that pain never has to be felt again...
If it could only be that easy. If they could see what we did on that outside looking in. But sadly it doesn't work that way. Until he is ready then this is what his life will be.
I am a bit harsh I am told, but I have lived this and found that other side. This peace and happiness no matter how my husband chose to live his life.
Why do they hurt those they love the most? Is that true does he really hurt you? Mine hurt himself. I hurt me far to much allowing his life and all the focus I so put on him to take from me.
This is a complicated disease, one which can eat alive anyone in it, the user as well as the watchers. But we have control over our lives and how we wish to live. We have no control over theirs. You didn't stop him from that needle use. He did....and now it is back. That would be his choice, having nothing at all to do with anything you did, said, didn't do, what you might think you could have, should have done. Never be the blame.
There is this great line to help understand, we didn't cause this, can't cure them and have no control. It is all very true. we can love, see them for more then they see themselves, cheer them on, but from there....
My greatest fear, those watching losing themselves as well in this madness. Losing time, and the good things in life that are everywhere, everyday.
Can you share about you? Can you share what you want from this life? That is the answer that will so help you on your way. What YOU want for YOU. How he might fit in? Are you eating and sleeping good, meeting your responsibilities, taking care of yourself....
Or are you stuck in place, in constant worry, constant questions? Oh hell I remember them days...
This board is wonderful, and there is also a family board as well you can check out..
Know that you aren't alone.
Love,
Tina
Kate,
Misty Eyes said it all.
How about you? How are YOU?
Misty Eyes said it all.
How about you? How are YOU?
You need to look out for yourself I'm afraid you deserve to be with someone that will put you first and why your boyfriend is using that will never happen, also i'm afraid that if he's been an addict for ten years unless he is totally commited to getting off the gear then it will never happen. he probably thinks that you will never leave him so maybe you should call his bluff and do it. the woman I loved with all my heart used to take second place to the smack and I used to take it for granted that she would never leave me and then one day she had enough and was gone whren I returned home from work, i was truly devestated but still not enough to get myself clean. put yourself first my dear.
Hello! My dear, it sounds as if you're still labouring under the misapprehension that you have control over his actions, that "love" can change him. It can't, it won't, and it never will. You need to stop focusing your life on him, and start putting the focus on you. Would leaving be any more painful than what you are living now? He's never put you first, and never will. Forget the fantasy, about how life will be "when" he gets clean. It doesn't matter a damn if he smokes it, injects it, or shoves it up his arse! He's using. You would be kinder to yourself if you just gave up on the hope, coz you've had a long wait, and you'll be waiting a whole lot longer yet, if you think that anything you do will have the slightest effect on whether or not he does heroin. Honey, yes, it's a disease (not incurable) but it is a choice too, regardless of what he tells you. And whilst you stay, you are simply encouraging his belief that he is a helpless addict in the grip of a disease he has no control over. Which is utter bollocks. He knows how you feel, and he's choosing heroin over you, every time. As long as you stay, you are fostering that collusion between yourselves that you're not worth any more than that. You feel it, and he takes advantage of that. But you are worth more than that, and until you show him that you are, by refusing to put up with it, and getting yourself the hell away from him, then nothing will ever change. you have the power to control your own actions, not his. All the arguing, tears, heartache etc in the world will not make any difference to his actions, apart from perhaps making him more deceitful towards you. Let go. Live the life you were born to lead, not this half life, full of pain that you live now.
I hope you take heed, and wish you peace.
best wishes
Diff x
(And in case you are wondering, I'm writing this from the perspective of an addict. I'm clean now, but that was entirely my choice. Nobody else in the world, no matter how much I loved them could have cajolled me into getting clean before I wanted it. It's easy to say you want to be clean. It's a whole different ball game to actually go out an get it. Words mean nothing. It's actions that count.)
I hope you take heed, and wish you peace.
best wishes
Diff x
(And in case you are wondering, I'm writing this from the perspective of an addict. I'm clean now, but that was entirely my choice. Nobody else in the world, no matter how much I loved them could have cajolled me into getting clean before I wanted it. It's easy to say you want to be clean. It's a whole different ball game to actually go out an get it. Words mean nothing. It's actions that count.)
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| i really dont know what to do anymore,i would love to walk away and leave him but i find it impossible to do. |
What is more impossible....walking away or the thought that somehow, someway, or somewhere that you can change him. While focusing on him you are losing focus on the one that matters most...YOU! Loving an addict is one hard bumpy and unceratin ride filled with detours, potholes, and roadblocks. As this has become a pattern you can lose your own way. Now take time for you...take time to allow yourself to vent, feel, and heal. Dance with the idea that beyond this pain is happiness custom made just for you! All the best!
