Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly a year. Before I was with him he was really bad on drugs such as cocaine and mcat. He had never been with anyone before me and I told him that I wasn't comfortable with him doing it and it wouldn't work if he carried on. So he stopped. And he cut off all his friends that he used to do drugs with. He has always liked a drink aswell and I didn't mind that so much. But the past few months I've started to think that he has a serious drinking problem. It's like he can't go without it. Sometimes it will just be a few beers after work but most of the time he can't stop drinking until he's absolutely hammered. The past couple of months he has been having a drink and then randomly saying he is going out (with one of the Friends that he used to do drugs with). I allowed this and he said he wouldn't touch any drugs and he didn't. Until last weekend when he did. I went out that night aswell and suspected he had done something else. He lied and said he hadn't. Until the next day when he told me him and friend got through three bags of cocaine together. My heart sank as I had always told him this would be a deal breaker for us. He is the loveliest person ever until he's a had a drink. He seems to just stop caring about anything. So he woke up in the morning having a panic attack because him and his friend had borrowed this cocaine off a drug dealer and said they would pay him back the next day. He had lost his bank card that night. When he told me he had done it he was crying and saying I know I messed up and I'm so sorry. I didn't go mad at him, I felt more hurt and let down. When we went to the bank to sort out the bank card, it turned out he had blown 600 pounds in one night!!! So I ended up having to pay this drug dealer for some cocaine. Neither of us have any money now and I feel so let down. The thought of it makes me sick. He says he will stop drinking and he hasn't had one since but he has promised me this many times. I have told him that this is his last chance. But every day I seem to be getting worse. I feel depressed, sad, and I can't stop thinking about it. Does anyone know how I can start to trust him again and what I need to do to move my relationship forward? Thanks.
Hi Sandyj,
First and foremost, I'm sorry for what you are going through. It is hard to see someone that you care about falling apart. If you read through the posts in this message board, you will see that they all have a similar trajectory- a boyfriend/girlfriend or family member starts to use or resumes a habit. They lose jobs, have no money for food, or owe dealers money. That's when we step in to bail them out after the user cries and begs for help and says they will never do it again. Sound familiar? It does to me because I've lived that.
I don't think he is being honest with you regarding all that he's using. You know about the drinking and cocaine because he's admitted to it, but I would bet there's more than that.
It sounds counterintuitive but the more you help, the more you are enabling his drug use. At this time the only person you can take care of is you even if it means you need to move out and move on. Don't make his problem your problem. This is something he needs to do on his own.
I would also suggest reaching out to support groups such as Nar anon or al anon. It is comforting to know you aren't the only person facing this.
First and foremost, I'm sorry for what you are going through. It is hard to see someone that you care about falling apart. If you read through the posts in this message board, you will see that they all have a similar trajectory- a boyfriend/girlfriend or family member starts to use or resumes a habit. They lose jobs, have no money for food, or owe dealers money. That's when we step in to bail them out after the user cries and begs for help and says they will never do it again. Sound familiar? It does to me because I've lived that.
I don't think he is being honest with you regarding all that he's using. You know about the drinking and cocaine because he's admitted to it, but I would bet there's more than that.
It sounds counterintuitive but the more you help, the more you are enabling his drug use. At this time the only person you can take care of is you even if it means you need to move out and move on. Don't make his problem your problem. This is something he needs to do on his own.
I would also suggest reaching out to support groups such as Nar anon or al anon. It is comforting to know you aren't the only person facing this.
He is an alcoholic/addcit. He is lying to you. He was crying/ anxiety attack for sympathy so you would foolishly pay off his dealer.
