Breaking Through Denial

Breaking Through Denial
by Steve Wildsmith

(Steve Wildsmith is a recovering addict and the Weekend editor for The Daily Times.)

Thanks to actress Lindsay Lohan, the media has focused heavily in the past week on rehab and celebrities with chemical dependency problems.

According to The Associated Press, Lohan checked herself into rehab after a wild Memorial Day weekend during which she crashed her Mercedes Benz into a curb, was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence and was photographed slumped in the passenger seat of a friends car.

Its her second stint in rehab this year; in the May issue of Allure magazine, she spoke about checking herself into treatment in January, during which time she was photographed attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and completing a 30-day stint at Wonderland.

The tell-tale signs that she was headed back to rehab, however if she was lucky enough not to die first were her statements dismissing her troubles and downplaying her substance abuse problems.

I dont know that Im necessarily an addict, she told the magazine last month. Its so weird that I went into rehab. I always said I would die before I went into rehab.

Now, Im not one to point fingers and say that Lohan or anybody else for that matter is an addict. Even when I speak to groups like the Blount County Drug Court program or do 12-Step service work in the detox wing of Peninsula Hospital, I preface what I say with this: Im not here to tell you that youre an addict, or that youre a bad person, or that you even have a problem. Only you can answer those questions. Im only here to share my own personal experience, and if you can relate, perhaps thats something you need to take a look at within yourself.

So yeah ... I cant point fingers at Lindsay Lohan and say that shes an addict. But I can look at her behavior, her well-documented actions, and see similarities with what I went through. And I know that Im an addict. So ... you can do the math.

The problem with Ms. Lohan, and for a lot of others who suffer from addiction in one form or another, is the overwhelming reluctance to admit that they have a problem. And until theyre ready to make such an admission, theres nothing anyone can do to help them. Until theyre willing to help themselves, all of the encouragement and pleading and hand-wringing in the world wont break through that stone wall of denial theyve built around themselves.

I know this, because denial was a coping mechanism, a tool of surviving in the world of active addiction. To admit that I was powerless over my addiction and that my life was unmanageable was unthinkable to me. To make such an admission would mean losing grip on that thinly disguised illusion of control that I had used to justify my actions for so long. It would have meant owning up to the responsibility I had for my own mistakes, to the part I had played in the wrong turns my life had taken, to the role I had in hurting those who cared about me and loved me.

Plus, it would have meant accepting the mantle of addict, a hard thing to do in a world that still places such a social stigma on whats otherwise been qualified by every major health organization in the world as a disease. Despite such a classification, society tends to view addiction as an affliction of weakness and moral failing, and not the illness it really is.

That sort of stigma is something I can live with today. Im OK with admitting that Im an addict, that I have no control over what happens when I introduce drugs into my system, that the only real choice I have is to not do them at all. And that means changing everything how I cope with the world and live life on lifes terms, without falling back on drugs to anesthetize, medicate, augment or numb my feelings.

Just for today, Im OK with that admission. I hope one day that others who struggle with drugs and alcohol can find it within themselves to admit that they have a problem, too. Because only then will they open themselves up to the freedom and the blessings that recovery has to offer .



Kathi, thanks for sharing that. Good reading.
I wear flip~flops year round, too!! Just one more thing we have in common.
Now as for the hairbrush/microphone...............

have a great day. ygm. :-)
Great post CO...

QUOTE
It would have meant owning up to the responsibility I had for my own mistakes, to the part I had played in the wrong turns my life had taken, to the role I had in hurting those who cared about me and loved me.


That really jumped out at me as I'm working on my 4th step and what an eye opener...One thing I can say is there is freedom when I stepped out of denial and started searching and looking at things honestly....

xoxo
Stacey
I really like what Wildsmith has to say, he has a really uncomplicated approach to recovery. He writes a column called Wildsmith on Addiction every Tuesday for The Daily Times.
I most definately wear flip flops in winter, too.

I love them. Here, we call them "slippers" or "slippahs" if you really want to get technical.

I think Lindsey Lohan is not only beautiful, but talented as well. Let's hope that she can come out with some new revelations.