Brendidi

Hey Brenda:

Just wanted to check in with you and see how your holiday went?

Hope things are well with you!

Sarah
SARAH! Thanks for checking in! I am doing so good! I am sluggish physically, but getting better. This was the best christmas I have had in years. My daughter agrees! It is 27 days today! My brother in law was real happy I was able to stop the pills, (he said I look 10 years younger) In Just 27 days?! I know I was really bad off, but wow! I feel like I am connecting again, rather than trying to go with the flow. All things are not well though, as I am really concerned about a family member. Same medicines as what I was taking. I am scared not to say anything. I did a lot of HINTS, but it didn't get through. Never did I hear what I wanted, (that a quit date would happen one day) I even mentioned the "Gorilla"! I liked that saying someone came up with about methadone! Hydrocodone might be a monkey on yur back, but methadone is a gorilla! Right now, the gorilla is tame. Switching back and fourth, you know the routine.
How are you? and how was your christmas??? I have missed posting! Missed chatting with you! Hope the weather was allright there! We had snow in the mountains, but good roads, so we were fine. Talk soon! Brenda
Brenda:

Hey!

One of the first things I thought about once I was through with the worst of detox, was all the people I loved, really close to me, friends and family, and how the narcotic abuse situation was rampant in lots of areas of my life. I dont really know what cross-section of American culture really isnt touched by this somewherebut it seemed more apparent to me all at once.

Of course, that only speaks to how numb I was for so longright? And, how lovely clarity can be. (not to mention the way we look, and the way we feelbut also, the new way our minds work)

I have always felt that getting clean was a reacquainting myself with myself.

Quickly, I could see how my being clean was going to have an effect on my young niece and nephewboth in their early 20s.both been using since their teens.
Both have been and to some extent, still are, out of control. (not judging, just saying!)

I look back and see I was too at their agein different ways. I guess youth isnt wasted on the young after allAnyway, I recognized the onus of being the possible beacon for those two. It helped me to feel this wayI may never see their recovery, but at least I know I can give them a little liftif they ever reach up.IFI keep myself sober. That drives me.

Just my take on it!

My holiday was fine. I was fairly under the weather, but I cannot complain. Being kinda ill gave me a place to rest my mind at what could have been a really tough time. I guess some blessings are very strange indeed.

Anyway, the short time I had with my family was very sweetand we all conducted ourselves in a way that really honors what my Father represented in my family.so, the best I can come up with is his spirit lives on

I am glad to hear yours was good as welland seeing snow must be such a treat! Hahahait is still fairly warm down here in the Delta. Magnificient sky tonight though!

Take care,

Sarah
Thanks Sarah.
I think that hit it right on the head. I think what is hard though, is that we are mirror images of each other, and I am affraid I will loose that. I don't judge either, I just don't want to see it go as long as mine did. It was so awful to get off of, I worry. I look for others that were on methadone, and try to compare odd things that were happening. One of them were my legs jerking at night right before I slept. Really bad! Sweating was another, and by the way it finally don't stink, lol!!! You are so right on with stuff. I think my mind is relaxing a little about the starvation issue, as I am slowing down to normal. I kept a little photo log, and wow I am happy to be my old me. Still a way from kicking my heals, and I swear that methadone is the bugger still screwing with me! Its so weird how things are changing, or maybe they never were happening, and I am just waking up. The boyfriend is not as interested in me as I was with him. I think he felt sorry fr me? Anyway, he likes to distance himself these days. I am not in a god place for a solid relationship. I need to re-develope myself. I would talk to certain people while on pills that were really bad to me.... now it just shocks me that I did that. I have a long way to grow! Take care!