Hi everyone. This is my first post. I am hurting inside (oh the pain). My son, 30 yrs old, left our home in a rage almost a week ago. Took all his things and said that if he was that much of a burden he would get out. Well we got into an argument because he is not working, breaks my sleep late at night, does nothing around the house but sleep because he's so exhausted from being out all night. He uses some type of drug(pills) not sure what kind. He lost his job about year ago and it did not appear that he was looking for another one. In fact, wherever I brought the subject up, he said nothing. Or if brought in a minimum wage job, he would say that not enough money to get back a forth to work on a weekly basis. I'm employed and work daily. He stays out every night but comes home in the morning to sleep (when I go to work), he makes sure that he gone before I get home. It all came to a head when I called during the day and he did not answer his phone. When he finally did late in the evening, I asked, "What are you doing"? You can't keep living like this, you need to find a job! He got very angry was in a rage!! He took all his things a left the house. I am so worried about him because he has no where to go. I'm sick inside but I don't want him to think that it's okay for him to just come to the house to sleep during the day (wash his clothes, bath, etc.) and leave in the evening to do whatever he's doing. Does anyone have a suggestion for me? I miss him but can't keep doing this.
Dear IcedTea,
Is there a good reason why your adult son was living with you? Is he able-bodied?
A year ago I "invited" my 20 year old son to move out. Similar story - out of school, in between jobs, stayng up late, and I worried about him not having a stable place to live. It was extremely difficult to kick him out - but was the best thing for him. He is now working, paying his bills, and learning about responsibility. After a few months we began rebuilding our relationship. Now, instead of parent-to-child it is man-to-man.
First, I believe this is the right thing to do to an able-bodied adult. Second, I was further convinced because I have several co-workers who have 30 and 40-something adult children living with them. The children were able to con one of their parents (usually the mom), and the parent ended up enabling behavior which is very unhealthy for their children.
I hope this helps - message back if you'd like.
Is there a good reason why your adult son was living with you? Is he able-bodied?
A year ago I "invited" my 20 year old son to move out. Similar story - out of school, in between jobs, stayng up late, and I worried about him not having a stable place to live. It was extremely difficult to kick him out - but was the best thing for him. He is now working, paying his bills, and learning about responsibility. After a few months we began rebuilding our relationship. Now, instead of parent-to-child it is man-to-man.
First, I believe this is the right thing to do to an able-bodied adult. Second, I was further convinced because I have several co-workers who have 30 and 40-something adult children living with them. The children were able to con one of their parents (usually the mom), and the parent ended up enabling behavior which is very unhealthy for their children.
I hope this helps - message back if you'd like.
Thank you for responding. My emotions are swinging back and forth. I did not actually ask him to leave, but when he suggested it, I just said, "That's your choice" and did not try to persuade him to stay. I feel like I abandoned him, he left on such a terrible note.
I'm also hurt because I'm the one who has always been there for him (all the enabling stuff I guess) hoping and praying each time that he was going to do better. He even accused me of choosing my partner(male) over him. This person has tried to look out for him, give him jobs to keep money in his pocket, and even giving him money when "no work was involved" (basically just trying to let him know that he was there for him and build a relationship). Let me also say, that I have been with this man (partner) for 10 years.
For the last several months my son would not go to work with him after he promised to show up. He also refused leads of any type of job always making some type of excuse! Although I know all of this with my head, my heart still hurts, and there's a pain in the pit of my stomach. I'm afraid for him.
Thanks for listening.
I'm also hurt because I'm the one who has always been there for him (all the enabling stuff I guess) hoping and praying each time that he was going to do better. He even accused me of choosing my partner(male) over him. This person has tried to look out for him, give him jobs to keep money in his pocket, and even giving him money when "no work was involved" (basically just trying to let him know that he was there for him and build a relationship). Let me also say, that I have been with this man (partner) for 10 years.
For the last several months my son would not go to work with him after he promised to show up. He also refused leads of any type of job always making some type of excuse! Although I know all of this with my head, my heart still hurts, and there's a pain in the pit of my stomach. I'm afraid for him.
Thanks for listening.
