I was just thinking...have you thought about Suboxone for your son? Are you working with a doctor for him at all? He definetly needs inpatient treatment but sub might be an option.
My son, Jake, is on Sub. It was a last resort but a very good one. Oxy is a very different drug than abusing a few vicodans or percs.
Jake sees an addiction specialist that requires him to go to meetings, have a sponsor and see a counselor alond with being on the sub. After 3 years of abusing Oxy, thousands of dollars in debt, it is the only thing that is keeping him clean now. I have my son back because of it. He'll be on it long term, probably a year or so but he'll learn how to live life on life's terms and grow up. He's finally taking responsiblity for himself and being accountable. He's 22 now but started using when he was 18. I hate for any parent to have to go through this hell...
Hi cowgirl,Yes I have read about sub and my son wants to take it,however our family doctor cannot perscribe it.he does have an appt at the methadone clinic on march 5th(this appt was made a long time ago but since detox I'm not sure he should go on meth,the counsellors said he would always be an addict if he went the methadone route)but I am wondering if the doctor at the methadone clinic can perscribe him suboxone.other then that i dont know where else to look.Since he came out of detox last thursday he was suppose to have been set up with a counsellor I have yet to see him go see and he was suppose to go to n/a meetings but I havent seen that happened yet either.I have a bad feeling he is relapsing but he will not tell us.Maybe he has put everything on hold until he turns himself in to the police on wednesday,as he doenst really know if he can get to a rehab or to his appt at the clinic until he finds out what the cops are going to do.I have been reading a great book called :Healing the addicted brain,he talks alot about suboxone and I really think thats the answer,does he need to see some sort of speicalist to get this perscribed.?
We've been trying to find rehab centers for him but for the 3 I have insurance for,one you have to be 19 he is 18,the other is a smoke free one and he needs his cigs to get thru this and the 3rd one is $550/day and my coverage is $200/day so i cannot afford to get him in that one.
thanks for thinking of us,
bhm
We've been trying to find rehab centers for him but for the 3 I have insurance for,one you have to be 19 he is 18,the other is a smoke free one and he needs his cigs to get thru this and the 3rd one is $550/day and my coverage is $200/day so i cannot afford to get him in that one.
thanks for thinking of us,
bhm
QUOTE |
Since he came out of detox last thursday he was suppose to have been set up with a counsellor I have yet to see him go see and he was suppose to go to n/a meetings but I havent seen that happened yet either.I have a bad feeling |
I don't blame you nor would I dismiss it.
A lot of Methadone clinics now offer both Methadone & Suboxone.It's finacially pragmatic.I don't know where you live but it would be prudent to check it out.
Unfortunately,it's all up to him.
Ruling out a rehab because it smoke-free sounds like no one is ready for recovery...you've got to want it that badly.
In my opinion, methadone is a really bad idea. There is a website that gives you names of drs in your area that prescribe sub, help me out people, I had it written down and now can't find it... yes, drs do need a special license to prescribe it but that doesn't mean that those who do, should. Finding a good addictionologist is key. A dr who spealizes in addiction.
Sounds like your son is putting up some road blocks and isn't quite done. But that doesn't mean he can't BE done. I did everything within my power to get my son to treatment. He went kicking and screaming, but he went. He wasnt' ready either but at least it took the fun out of his using from there on out.
Sounds like your son is putting up some road blocks and isn't quite done. But that doesn't mean he can't BE done. I did everything within my power to get my son to treatment. He went kicking and screaming, but he went. He wasnt' ready either but at least it took the fun out of his using from there on out.
thankyou Tim,unfortuneatly I dont see canada on the list.I have googled suboxone doctors etc and have not found any info yet for canada as to where i can find a doctor.So yesterday i get him to call back the rehab place that is smokefree,i said if you want it bad enough you will go anyways.So he calls and they say he can smoke out on the sidewalk,so he"s happy and willing to go,tey say with my insurance there is a 1 to 3 week waiting period and he needs a doctors referral,perfect,\We're both excited,but while I'm scanning their web site for the fax number for my doctor i read that you have to be 19 years old! crap another road block,so i researched all thje rehabs in ontario I could find and most of them are starting at 19,hello are people under 19 not addicts??i have to find a place soon,I am almost sure he is using again,money keeps going missing out of my wallet,and thats with my house locked up and my purse hidden in my locked bedroom!He had to have gotten some keys cut because i count my money before I head to work and yet it disappears while I'm gone.And of course he denies it constantly to the point I think I am losing my mind.Anyways I am going to get my doctor to referr my son to this rehab center and hope they will let him in cause he is only 2 months away from being 19,i hope they can over look that because we dont seem to have alot of options.Today is the day he is to turn himself in to the police.
bhm
bhm
BROKENHEARTED MOM:
I have been on methadone 2 times in the past. I am now fortunately on suboxone. They are two entirely different things & they both have their place, but based on my experinces, if I were you,
I WOULD DO ANYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET MY SON ON SUBOXONE, NOT METHADONE.
Methadone definitely has a place in recovery and if a person it a hard core heroin or oxy or dilauded addict, (especially if IV, but even if other methods) -it is better to be on methadone then those things for a lot of reasons.
Also, if there was not a strong, good alternative to methadone, and the addict is in a position were realistically speaking he has at that time little chance of recovery without the aid of methadone, he is better off on it.
THAT BEING SAID, methadone can become a monster in itself , and the methadone clinic can easily turn into a bad place. He will come into contact with all kinds of people --a lot of sincere people who want to use methadone to keep off of drugs, but also a strong, big handfull of people who are still actively using. (Methadone does block the effects of most narcotics, but not other things & there are tricks.)
There was a time, after being on methadone for a few years, and living an essentially drug free life and actually doing volunteer work at a hospital rehab and going to school to be a drug counselor, that I ended up going thru my worse relapse EVER. I actually ended up with a triple habit. YES, IT WAS TOTALY MY FAULT, but my whole new array of contacts came about as a result of 'friends' I had met in an advance recovery group.
I don't have time to tell you all the NEGATIVES ABOUT METHADONE which in many if not most peoples case now a days does not outway the benefits because now SUBOXONE IS AVAILABLE.
I dont know where you live, but if it is in Florida, they charge a ridiculous amount of money for suboxone. Last time I was at a clinic it was $25.00 a day.
YOU CAN FIND A SUBOXONE PRESCRIBER IN YOUR AREA. lOOK IT UP ONLINE, or even better, do what one smart lady in Pennyslyvania did and suggested it in one of her posts:
Go to a major pharmacy and ask the pharmacist what Drs in the area prescribe suboxone. They will tell you.
At first I had difficulty finding a Dr- but the online list is better. If you go that route be patient and go thru every Dr. on the list in ur area until u find one ( a lot of the list is hospitals and stuff)
By the way, if u come up against the situation (u shouldnt) where u have to get him on methadone for a while till u can find a Dr,, make sure he keeps his dose below 40 mg- or the switch wont work.
I WAS COMPLETELY OFF METHADONE WHEN I GOT ON SUBOXONE. In spite of what they might tell you at the methadone clinic, it is very difficult to get off methadone, & withdrawels (not as intense as H ) go on & on & on.
The only reason I got on it a second time is I pretty much thought I would be on it for life. The way I got off I would not suggest to anyone. I had takeouts, and with my wives help, I gradually lowered my dose. In the midst of this I got hit by a car while on my motorcycle. Ultimately my shoulder got crushed and I was on all kinds of narcotics for pain which I used to get off of methadone. Now I was back on narcotics. I was pretty desparate to get off, but no way could I handle the wd & I was again psycologically addicted big time.
I'm fairly certain my marriaqge would have broken up if I didn't do something. There were no threats or anything like that,,,,but I couldnt have blamed my wife for leaving me. I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
I DID. I GOT ON SUBOXONE and it was a lifesavor. It is so different from methadone. Your thinking gets clear pretty quick, so quick that u tend to forget u r on suboxone. Your cravings are gone. The only thing I didnt like about sub at first is it didnt get u high , like methadone. SUBOXONE IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT CONCEPT.
I BELIEVE the operating theory is ur brain has been hijacked by drugs & this makes u feel normal. But it takes time for the brain to heal. And when the time is right u can gradually detox. PLEASE DONT GET YOUR SON ON METHADONE. IT IS BETTER THEN USING ILLEGALY- BUT U HAVE A MUCH BETTER OPTION.
I have been on methadone 2 times in the past. I am now fortunately on suboxone. They are two entirely different things & they both have their place, but based on my experinces, if I were you,
I WOULD DO ANYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET MY SON ON SUBOXONE, NOT METHADONE.
Methadone definitely has a place in recovery and if a person it a hard core heroin or oxy or dilauded addict, (especially if IV, but even if other methods) -it is better to be on methadone then those things for a lot of reasons.
Also, if there was not a strong, good alternative to methadone, and the addict is in a position were realistically speaking he has at that time little chance of recovery without the aid of methadone, he is better off on it.
THAT BEING SAID, methadone can become a monster in itself , and the methadone clinic can easily turn into a bad place. He will come into contact with all kinds of people --a lot of sincere people who want to use methadone to keep off of drugs, but also a strong, big handfull of people who are still actively using. (Methadone does block the effects of most narcotics, but not other things & there are tricks.)
There was a time, after being on methadone for a few years, and living an essentially drug free life and actually doing volunteer work at a hospital rehab and going to school to be a drug counselor, that I ended up going thru my worse relapse EVER. I actually ended up with a triple habit. YES, IT WAS TOTALY MY FAULT, but my whole new array of contacts came about as a result of 'friends' I had met in an advance recovery group.
I don't have time to tell you all the NEGATIVES ABOUT METHADONE which in many if not most peoples case now a days does not outway the benefits because now SUBOXONE IS AVAILABLE.
I dont know where you live, but if it is in Florida, they charge a ridiculous amount of money for suboxone. Last time I was at a clinic it was $25.00 a day.
YOU CAN FIND A SUBOXONE PRESCRIBER IN YOUR AREA. lOOK IT UP ONLINE, or even better, do what one smart lady in Pennyslyvania did and suggested it in one of her posts:
Go to a major pharmacy and ask the pharmacist what Drs in the area prescribe suboxone. They will tell you.
At first I had difficulty finding a Dr- but the online list is better. If you go that route be patient and go thru every Dr. on the list in ur area until u find one ( a lot of the list is hospitals and stuff)
By the way, if u come up against the situation (u shouldnt) where u have to get him on methadone for a while till u can find a Dr,, make sure he keeps his dose below 40 mg- or the switch wont work.
I WAS COMPLETELY OFF METHADONE WHEN I GOT ON SUBOXONE. In spite of what they might tell you at the methadone clinic, it is very difficult to get off methadone, & withdrawels (not as intense as H ) go on & on & on.
The only reason I got on it a second time is I pretty much thought I would be on it for life. The way I got off I would not suggest to anyone. I had takeouts, and with my wives help, I gradually lowered my dose. In the midst of this I got hit by a car while on my motorcycle. Ultimately my shoulder got crushed and I was on all kinds of narcotics for pain which I used to get off of methadone. Now I was back on narcotics. I was pretty desparate to get off, but no way could I handle the wd & I was again psycologically addicted big time.
I'm fairly certain my marriaqge would have broken up if I didn't do something. There were no threats or anything like that,,,,but I couldnt have blamed my wife for leaving me. I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
I DID. I GOT ON SUBOXONE and it was a lifesavor. It is so different from methadone. Your thinking gets clear pretty quick, so quick that u tend to forget u r on suboxone. Your cravings are gone. The only thing I didnt like about sub at first is it didnt get u high , like methadone. SUBOXONE IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT CONCEPT.
I BELIEVE the operating theory is ur brain has been hijacked by drugs & this makes u feel normal. But it takes time for the brain to heal. And when the time is right u can gradually detox. PLEASE DONT GET YOUR SON ON METHADONE. IT IS BETTER THEN USING ILLEGALY- BUT U HAVE A MUCH BETTER OPTION.
Go to a major pharmacy and ask the pharmacist what Drs in the area prescribe suboxone. They will tell you.
Excellent advice.
Sub is available now in Canada. There used to be a poster here that did finally get it there. I don't know where you are in Canada but hopefully you can find a doc close by.
Our children are worth every effort we have to give. You've been so good at setting bounderies, way better than I have. I may have gone about it in alot of wrong ways but the end result is clear. My son is clean, happy and in recovery. It just takes what it takes.
Excellent advice.
Sub is available now in Canada. There used to be a poster here that did finally get it there. I don't know where you are in Canada but hopefully you can find a doc close by.
Our children are worth every effort we have to give. You've been so good at setting bounderies, way better than I have. I may have gone about it in alot of wrong ways but the end result is clear. My son is clean, happy and in recovery. It just takes what it takes.
thanks everyone,I definelty dont want him to go on methadone,even the counsellor at the detox center was against it, the only reason i want him to keep his appt at the methadone center(because it was a 3 month wait even for the appt) is I'm hoping the doc that hands out methadone can give him a script for suboxone.But then I would likely have to be there to pay for it,i'm not sure,i m going to get my son to call the clinic first and ask if they even perscribe it.i never thought about asking the pharmacist,i will try that,not sure if they give out that info here in canada or not,but I have nothing to lose in trying.i live in ontario canada,my own doctor hasnt even heard of suboxone so thats the type of battle I'm up against here,we have such strigent laws about drugs in canada,for example we cant even get the diet pills people are allowed in the states.I will have to keep searching i even found a suboxone forum but they were al lout of my country too so couldnt help.My fingers are crossed today that the police let him go today with a "promise to appear" but we never know for sure what they'll do,maybe a few days in lock up will do a lot of good,but how hard it is on my heart to think of my son in jail..somehow I have to learn how to shut off the MOM part of me for a awhile,this is honestly consuming my life.
Hi BHM,
this is honestly consuming my life.
I can relate to the insanity of it all, I was there and thankfully, I've gotten away from the consumption of anothers addiction...I've learned boundries and how to take care of myself, what part is my business and what part is none of my business....
Forgive me if you've already posted this, but have you been to an Alanon meeting? There are tons of people going through what you're going through that would be able to support & help you, face to face.
I've included a link to meetings in Canada.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting
Take care of yourself~
Stacey
this is honestly consuming my life.
I can relate to the insanity of it all, I was there and thankfully, I've gotten away from the consumption of anothers addiction...I've learned boundries and how to take care of myself, what part is my business and what part is none of my business....
Forgive me if you've already posted this, but have you been to an Alanon meeting? There are tons of people going through what you're going through that would be able to support & help you, face to face.
I've included a link to meetings in Canada.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting
Take care of yourself~
Stacey
24 gordon,thankyou for the link(my guy is number 48 btw and my fiances is 24 lol)i have not been to a meeting yet,I know this likely isnt the right way to feel but I cant take care of myself until I help my son..which is likely why this is consuming my life..I know he is considered an adult but he is only 18 so he still depends on me both emotionally and finacially.i will look into it,i work shift work so I guess I would have to only go a couple times a month or find different meetings.I am extremely shy though so that kind of makes me nervous.I have had one counselling appt though,but now i cant get in for another month.i sort of feel like I'm just floating through my life right now waiting for this to come to an end,i cant move forward in my relationship (after 5 years of dating we wanted to try living together but of course he is afraid my son would rob him if i was living there)so I just work at getting my son the help he needs and trying to act like nothing is wrong in my life when I'm around other people.hmmm kinda sucks
I don't think we ever "shut off the mom part of us". I can't anyway. Being in lock up for a few days might give him something to think about but is it really aiding him in his recovery? I don't know the answer to that one.
I would really call the clinic first before you go. If you don't want him on methadone then don't go unless they have alternitives. They mightl talk him into the methadone if they don't prescribe sub.
I would really call the clinic first before you go. If you don't want him on methadone then don't go unless they have alternitives. They mightl talk him into the methadone if they don't prescribe sub.
Yeah, it does suck and I did that for quite awhile, I also missed work to take him to appointments, court dates, he'd get a couple months clean then break probation, run away and stay strung out for months before he'd turn himself back into juvenile hall....It was such a chaotic way of life and there came a point when I saw my part and what I enabled in the insanity of it all and I took a couple steps back, let him go (he does have a HP too) and do what he needed to do and I accepted the fact that he might not make it out alive, after months of living on the streets & spiraling out of control, he was arrested yet again but this time something changed. He started to want to stay sober, had nothing to do with us, it was his choice and he started doing the footwork to stay sober.
He's out of jail today (which for me, I believe jail helped him and was a blessing) and working at doing the next right thing. My motto is the same for him as it is for others, if it's something he can/should be doing for himself, then it's not my business to step in and try to "help". My boss told me years ago, that when I'm doing for my kids what they need to try and do for themselves, I am robbing them of the experience of life and the opportunity to grow & grow up.
I understand about his age, my son is only 19yrs old and he's already lived a full lifetime of addiction.
Do what you need to do to feel okay with yourself but try and stay openminded and if it's not working, do something different.
Have you read the families board on this site? There are some great threads about co-dependency and how to set up boundries you can live with, enabling vs. helping, how to not love them to death.
It's awesome to meet another Nascar fan, it's my addiction today...my husband & I are leaving tomorrow, headed to Vegas to see the race in person and I'm so excited~!
xoxo
Stacey
He's out of jail today (which for me, I believe jail helped him and was a blessing) and working at doing the next right thing. My motto is the same for him as it is for others, if it's something he can/should be doing for himself, then it's not my business to step in and try to "help". My boss told me years ago, that when I'm doing for my kids what they need to try and do for themselves, I am robbing them of the experience of life and the opportunity to grow & grow up.
I understand about his age, my son is only 19yrs old and he's already lived a full lifetime of addiction.
Do what you need to do to feel okay with yourself but try and stay openminded and if it's not working, do something different.
Have you read the families board on this site? There are some great threads about co-dependency and how to set up boundries you can live with, enabling vs. helping, how to not love them to death.
It's awesome to meet another Nascar fan, it's my addiction today...my husband & I are leaving tomorrow, headed to Vegas to see the race in person and I'm so excited~!
xoxo
Stacey
QUOTE |
...when I'm doing for my kids what they need to try and do for themselves, I am robbing them of the experience of life and the opportunity to grow & grow up. |
Amen, Stacey. It took me SO long to really hear and integrate that message into my parenting. R actually said something about it to me over the summer when she first told me she was pregnant and I was still pretty mad about it. She said something like, "All my life you bailed me out and made decisions for me and tried to protect me from the world and from myself, and then you act surprised that I can't make a good decision or any decision? You never gave me a chance to learn from my mistakes and so I never learned how to solve my problems, didn't even think I had any."
Sometimes, especially with where we are now, a baby on the way and me feeling the urgency of that while she really doesn't appear to, I still think I 'need' to step in and 'fix' things...'need' to tell her what to do...'need' to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. But she's going to do stupid things just like the rest of us, and I don't have to put my life on hold while she makes her mistakes. We had words last night about her lack of contribution to the household (not in a monetary way, more like helping take care of the home) just as her dad and I have been having tentative discussions about letting her stay for awhile with her child, maybe till September...but ugh, I so don't want to deal with that. I was going to tell her, "You don't have to tell me about working 11 days in a row while pregnant...wait'll you have to do it on your own somewhere...then you'll see..." and all the rest. But you know what? The future will take care of that part of her education ;-) and that's how we learn to take care of ourselves.
Peace ~ M&M
She said something like, "All my life you bailed me out and made decisions for me and tried to protect me from the world and from myself, and then you act surprised that I can't make a good decision or any decision? You never gave me a chance to learn from my mistakes and so I never learned how to solve my problems, didn't even think I had any."
Why am I waiting for Jake to say that?
Why am I waiting for Jake to say that?
She wanted something more than I wanted it for her...that was the big difference. I wanted the academic success...I wanted her to finsih high school...I wanted her to make it on her own in Texas...I wanted so much for her that she never really got to find out what she wanted for herself...and I think she wanted me not to have those things because they never really were mine to want....if that makes sense. I tried so long to do it for her, thinking if I wanted it enough I could will it into being...I could make her want it, too.
Then along came this baby...she wanted this...she made the decision...and so it begins...
"It just takes what it takes." Yes, when they are children this is so, but as adults (even immature adults) it should take it from them, not from us. There does come a time when it has to come from them...the taking from us ceases to serve them, though we can be good at creating the illusion that we are giving and helping. That doesn't mean we don't give and help, it means that we know when and under which circumstances to do so...that's what setting boundaries is all about....knowing where we end and they begin.
BHM, I've been there, too, and sometimes I forget how hard it is to be where you are...my heart goes out to you as you struggle through this with your son.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Then along came this baby...she wanted this...she made the decision...and so it begins...
"It just takes what it takes." Yes, when they are children this is so, but as adults (even immature adults) it should take it from them, not from us. There does come a time when it has to come from them...the taking from us ceases to serve them, though we can be good at creating the illusion that we are giving and helping. That doesn't mean we don't give and help, it means that we know when and under which circumstances to do so...that's what setting boundaries is all about....knowing where we end and they begin.
BHM, I've been there, too, and sometimes I forget how hard it is to be where you are...my heart goes out to you as you struggle through this with your son.
Peace ~ MomNMore
You've come a long way Sandra.
Brokenhearted, PLEASE find a doctor who will prescribe Suboxone, especially since he's been through Detox. It did wonders for my son but, unfortunately, we couldn't afford it (he had cleaned our bank account out). Then he went back to Oxy. I would give anything in my life to have found someway to keep him on Suboxone. Now I have to live with the guilt I could have helped my son, but didn't. He was killed trying to buy Oxy.
Matt has this written on the back of his bedroom door" THE CHOICES I MAKE TODAY AFFECT MY LIFE. FIGHT TODAY TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE. MY LIFE IS IMPORTANT. Perhaps your son could write it on the back of his bedroom door. I STRONGLY encourage you to seek out a Suboxone doctor...it may cost you some money, but it might save his life.
Matt has this written on the back of his bedroom door" THE CHOICES I MAKE TODAY AFFECT MY LIFE. FIGHT TODAY TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE. MY LIFE IS IMPORTANT. Perhaps your son could write it on the back of his bedroom door. I STRONGLY encourage you to seek out a Suboxone doctor...it may cost you some money, but it might save his life.
This is where I struggle...I read Stacey and Sandra's posts and I think..ok, I need to do what they do, I need to get tougher and have better bounderies and then I read Abennet's post? Forget it. I'm sticking with what I know best and that is to do whatever I can to save my child's life. Even if it means I lose a part of me in the process.