The following are all taken from books by Jack Handey, who did segments called "Deep Thoughts" on SNL several years ago. I've found that you'll either find them hilarious, or stupid. Enjoy! (or not)!
"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone."
"If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you."
"If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say 'Injection? I thought you said inspection.' They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it."
"I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas."
"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."
"If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would make you made if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine."
Very funny. Got a good laugh out of those. Thanks, it feels good to laugh.
Glad you liked them! My husband doesn't get that type of humor at all, and one of my sons, like me, has that warped, weird sense of humor!
We saw comedian Brian Regan in Milwaukee a few days ago; we have his CD and just love his humor. Very clean, but very funny and relateable. Hubby didn't find him funny either!
We saw comedian Brian Regan in Milwaukee a few days ago; we have his CD and just love his humor. Very clean, but very funny and relateable. Hubby didn't find him funny either!
Definitely need to have a certain kind of mentality to appreciate that kind of humor. We are not alone that's for sure. SNL is still running in high gear.
Not sure who the comedian is your referring too but I've probably heard the jokes and just don't recognize him.
Post some for us. The laughter will do us good.
Not sure who the comedian is your referring too but I've probably heard the jokes and just don't recognize him.
Post some for us. The laughter will do us good.
Brian Regan does alot of self-deprecating humor, like he never spits out words right. He says "I try to say, Take Care, or Good Luck, and it comes out Take Luck!" Then he expands on it, and it just is really funny. I can't even capture his comedy in print. He has been on Comedy Central and Leno and Letterman.
Good stuff, LMAO, at firt I thought u said it was from "Deep Throat" not deep thoughts.
Along the same lines of your words of wisdom and inspiration I am reminded of something that happened to one of the Greek (or Roman) gods after one of their nightly orgies.
Thor (the god of thunder?) the next morning after the orgy, though he was kinda burned out from the night before, sees this beautiful goddess and walks up to introduce himself to her. In all his splendor and magestical voice and machoism He says to her "I'm Thor."
She responds, "You're Thor, I'm tho thor i can hardly pith"
Along the same lines of your words of wisdom and inspiration I am reminded of something that happened to one of the Greek (or Roman) gods after one of their nightly orgies.
Thor (the god of thunder?) the next morning after the orgy, though he was kinda burned out from the night before, sees this beautiful goddess and walks up to introduce himself to her. In all his splendor and magestical voice and machoism He says to her "I'm Thor."
She responds, "You're Thor, I'm tho thor i can hardly pith"
Dog, that's an oldie but a goodie! (Like us!!!)
we are gettin there, just hope these young pups learn from our mistakes. the older u got, the harder it is (im talkin about quitin drugs, not the thing some use viagara for)
LMAO!
