Callie

Callie,

Did I read correctly that you found a new doctor and are beginning Suboxone therapy Tuesday? Wow, you sure dont let any grass grow under your feet. I really admire your for your fast action.

Waiting 72 hours bites the big one. I was told to wait 12 hours and the thought of 12 hours W/O pills made me nuts. lol

I will hold you hand and be here for you and do all I can to get you to Tuesday.

Catherine
Catherine

I've just got to tell you darlin', you are precious to me. We haven't been crossing paths much at all lately but I want to say, I don't know what I would have done without you when I first came here. My heart melts everytime I see you post to a newcomer or a regular who's in crises and I continue to gain strength and courage from your messages. Thank you.

Yes, I finished up the Sub therapy with the research study. I took my last dose 13 days ago and relapsed within 4 days. It was much too soon for me to be off the Sub and I couldn't handle it. The doc I found has chosen not to advertise her Sub certification because she doesn't want to be known as an addiction specialist. She wants to concentrate on her general practice but is willing to help people who are actively seeking recovery. She says there's a lot of con artist addicts here and she doesn't want to muddy her practice with them. I'm just grateful that she recognized my sincerity in wanting recovery.

I really did want to rip her hair out when she said that I'd have to wait til Tuesday but she was so sweet and understanding and I feel I've got someone who is genuinely interested in helping me so I sat on my fists and bawled like a baby for a couple minutes and resolved myself to the fact that I'd have to tough it out. She gave me scripts for all the normal w/d stuff so maybe it won't be too bad. I've not taken nearly the amount of opiates in the past week or so that I had been taking before the Sub so I'm hoping for the best.
She insists that I go to the Pharmacy to get my dose for the day. That's gonna be a hard one. I know how the Meth patience feel now, having to stand in line every day for their dose. I know all the people at the pharmacy and they'll know in short order what I'm there for but.....that's what happens. I won't let dignity and pride take presidence over my health. I'm anxious to get started because this time, I'll be secure in the knowledge that I'll be stabilized, maintained and tapered properly and I won't be messing myself up with the paranoiah of having to come off before I'm ready.

This too, is new. That study doctor asked me a bunch of questions about depression. I've been treated several times in the past and my docs have brought it up but I always denied the behavior that indicates the condition, but because of what I reported to him, he immediately said he thought I was Bi-Polar. He explained there are 2 categories of Bi-Polar. One are the people who are running down the street naked and the other ones are like me. Can't sit still for long, talk a mile a minute, start stuff but don't finish, can't focus on anything for too long and then I come to a complete halt. Stand in the middle of the kitchen for an hour trying to figure out which way to go. I thought it was due to my addiction, or menopause, or just plain being a nut job.

Then this new Doc said the exact same thing yesterday when I told her I couldn't take Zoloft or Prozac because I felt like I wanted to rip my skin off. Has something to do with the absence of mood stabilizers? Both Docs said those kinds of anti-depressants don't work on Bi-Polar people. Wish I'd known that way back when! Anyway, this doc wants to stabilize me on the Sub first, then address the Bi-Polar thing. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a chance at being normal and happy. Now there's a novel concept!

Do you have reading glasses? You'll need them after reading my novel here!
I'm glad I can write whatever I need to here. I don't necessarily even care if anyone reads it, (I know you will) but it feels so good just to get it out. I'm all over the board today but, it helps relieve the anxiety and writing it down confirms for me that I am going to get better.

When I've calmed down a bit and I'm able to think about something besides myself (it'll happen, it WILL!) I want to know all about what's been going on with you, OK!!

Love you!

~Callie~

Callie,

Today I understand I was nuts due to the massive amounts of pills I was taking. It took about 3 months of being completely pill free for me to begin to feel "normal" again. "Normal" meaning having a complete thought, remembering why I was standing in the kitchen, you know, simple things like that. I went to work every day a complete loon and how I kept my job I'll never know. lol

Fight one battle at a time. Address your addiction first. Once you have that under control you can address your other issues. The pills cause depression, anxiety and a host of other being nuts things. When the pills are completely gone from you system, the symptoms go away.

The doctor you found does sound like she may know her stuff. Getting your first dose at the pharmacy concerns me. It is so much safer to be monitored by you doctor when you first start. I understand her logic but I question her safety standards. Will you return to her office after your first dose? You may want to question her more about this when you see her Tuesday.

Thank you for the kind words. People where here for me when I was so desperate and frightened. I know what its like and it isnt fun.

Catherine

Yeah Callie!

I am really so happy that things are working out for you. I have to agree with Catherine about how you being induced on the sub. Worries me a bit that you won't be in your Doc's office. You have gained so much knowledge here about suboxone. I wonder why she wants you to go the pharmacy each day as well. Did she say why? Is it because she thinks you may abuse the sub??? I think perhaps its a matter of trust....perhaps just for now.

Well, the good news is is that at least you know how you will react on sub...that is good. You know what to expect right!

Hang on honey...its almost Tuesday...just make sure you are in w/d before taking any.

Hugs..Kerri
Catherine,

Oh no, no! I won't take the 1st dose AT the pharmacy. The doc will write the script for my first dose, I'll walk across the street to the pharmacy, they'll dispense my induction dose, and I'll bring it back to her office to take it in front of her. What I meant was, she won't write me a script for a supply of Sub. The pharmacy will hold my script there and they will dispense my daily dose to me one at a time. She's being VERY cautious. She's aware that there's a big market for Sub here (I'm oblivious to it) on the island and she doesn't want to be responsible for any black marketed Sub. That's what I meant when I said my pride will take a beating over this. I've known my pharmacist and the staff for 13 years and I've never had pain meds filled at that pharmacy. I cringe at the thought of going in on that first day and seeing the look on his face when he understands that I'm not exactly the person he thought I was. I know it shouldn't matter but this is a very small town and I know everyone here. Even though we know what we know about addiction, other people don't understand and it stings to think people I've developed personal relationships with might think differently of me because of it. Besides, I don't worry about my pharmacist but people in this town don't exactly define confidentiality in the same way as most. Gossip is rampant and word gets around. Example: we finally got rid of a psyciatrist a few years ago because people discovered that they were the topic of conversation at her dinner parties! Yep! I could go to another pharmacy but it's 22 miles away. I can't afford to spend the time or gas to go all the way up there every day.

Oh, who the hell cares! I'm just the crazy lady who talks to the produce at the market and walks around in circles because she can't remember which is left and which is right or why it is that she should GO left or right!

Ok, I gotta go do something productive today. I'm glad you have a good life and I'm blessed that you share it with me!

~Callie~

Callie,

You will be monitored. I feel so much better now that you have explained it. I think you have found a good doctor. Now this is getting exciting!

My doctor was the same way about prescribing Suboxone. He only prescribed the exact amount I would take between appointments. My first visit was on Thursday afternoon, my follow up visit was on Monday morning, and he gave me a prescription for what I was to take for those 3 days, no more. That Monday he gave me a prescription for the amount he wanted me to take for that week, (6 days worth). I saw my doctor every week and each time I saw him I had run out completely and was given another prescription. That was his procedure, he treated everyone the same way. He said he had a rule to trust no one and to not take it personally.

I understood his rule so much better when I had an uncomfortable experience. I began at 24 MGs of Suboxone a day. When I first started coming to this board I was told that 24 MGs was too high and to cut down and a lot of other information. I told my doctor what I was told on this board. My doctor was alarmed and told me I was being given advice from a dealer or a street doctor and the person giving Suboxone advice was very dangerous. He told me people bought Suboxone off the street and attempted to detox themselves. People lie to their doctors and sell their own prescriptions. The dealers make a lot of money selling Suboxone with no regard for the people they are selling it to. He told me of the tragic consequences he had experienced from it.

My doctors job was to treat people for addiction not to contribute to the street sale of Suboxone by giving large prescriptions of the medication. I felt I was in safe hands with him because of his concern for abuse. I knew he really cared about my well being.

I can only imagine how you must feel about going to that pharmacy. The pharmacy I went to had no idea who I was and could have cared less but I was sure everyone knew I was an addict and was pointing their fingers at me.

Go in there with your head held high. You are getting treatment for your addiction, you are making positive steps towards your recovery. Be proud to go there. Its going to be hard but dont forget that you are saving you life.

Catherine
Hello Kee Kee, my Hula Hunny,

How are you? Hows the new Condo? I read where its close to the beach. In Hawaii I think its impossible to not live close to the beach. lol

There are 3 people here that are beginning to take Suboxone or will be starting soon. Callie, beeba and RKT. You took Suboxone and your experience and support will be helpful to all of them.

Catherine