Hey Bryn,,,,where r ya ? You still in a rough place in ur head ? Just being nosey and hoping ur OK.....
K
Con i was wondering the same......i hope shes not fretting too much over that daughter of hers......but knowing our Bryn with so much love in her heart ...she is.Have a nice weekend Con and everyone else on the board............Davey
Thanks kids............I'm trying..............trying so hard...........came to the conclusion I will probably never see my own child again.............my mom actually said it, finally....................."Look she wants nothing to do with us so you have to stop this".....................she don't................and I'm not a present, acknowledge a man made holiday kind of chick, but these Mother's Day commercials are killing me.
Yes, I'm paying mind to everything.................and find myself saying in my head................."See, you didn't do this or that so you weren't all that bad a mother"...................and I can't lie..............I'm sad...............physically ill..........and I'm jumpy...............and jumpy brings thoughts of dope..........and I don't like that..............and I still can't imagine raising a child and after 17 years they totally cut you off.................O.K. well maybe a mother, BUT not my mom..........and she's been sick with this blistering disease all over her.........but I don't dare call this kid.................because she promises to keep in touch and doesn't.
What do ya do when somebody wants nothing to do with ya............nothing.
Thanks though and sorry for the wah, wah, wah...................it's sad.
Yes, I'm paying mind to everything.................and find myself saying in my head................."See, you didn't do this or that so you weren't all that bad a mother"...................and I can't lie..............I'm sad...............physically ill..........and I'm jumpy...............and jumpy brings thoughts of dope..........and I don't like that..............and I still can't imagine raising a child and after 17 years they totally cut you off.................O.K. well maybe a mother, BUT not my mom..........and she's been sick with this blistering disease all over her.........but I don't dare call this kid.................because she promises to keep in touch and doesn't.
What do ya do when somebody wants nothing to do with ya............nothing.
Thanks though and sorry for the wah, wah, wah...................it's sad.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and I forgot.................another reason I just have been a lone wolf................the TV tells me the other day they found a body..........where'd they find it..................the same city where the last time I talked to my daughter she told me she was.................and they didn't know if it was a male or female.................and that's where my daughter had been hanging out at.
Then they say it's female and may be the body of this poor 17 year old girl murdered by her cousin and some dude..................it's been months and they can't find the body.....................so I think...............my daughter is around that age and she's got dark hair like that poor girl.................same size, and my heart it just sank.........................they did find out it was a male, but the TV says how bad it was over where they found this kid..................and well I physically got sick....................so sad about this young boy.............very sad...............but I breathed a sigh of relief................and my Tres she checks on Myspace to see if she's logged in or not...............that's all I got..........a Mysapce log in and damn near anybody could log on that thing........I hate this.
Then they say it's female and may be the body of this poor 17 year old girl murdered by her cousin and some dude..................it's been months and they can't find the body.....................so I think...............my daughter is around that age and she's got dark hair like that poor girl.................same size, and my heart it just sank.........................they did find out it was a male, but the TV says how bad it was over where they found this kid..................and well I physically got sick....................so sad about this young boy.............very sad...............but I breathed a sigh of relief................and my Tres she checks on Myspace to see if she's logged in or not...............that's all I got..........a Mysapce log in and damn near anybody could log on that thing........I hate this.
OMG Bryn...your are REALLY going through it...my heart goes out to you...I dont know...I really dont know what I would do in your situation...my heart is hurting for you...damn....just shut the fking tv off...she's 17...and i know ur worrying urself sick about her but watching the tv and all those sappy commericals and the flking depressing news sure sint helping ur state of mind ...I left home at 16...I didnt come back for many years...not until people actually dumped me at my parents house so sick from pnemonia I was dying...no...I never called....but i missed my family at times...i didnt have a Mom that would have been probably as wonderful as you are to come hoome to...if I had had that...if I had known in my heart and soul the love you have for your daughter was somethng my mom had...well...i am sure I wold have come back....she knows you love her...that WILL get her back someday...dont give up on her....and ...ya...well..im no one to say it...but...dont use if you can help it...cuz wonder if she all of a sudden DID need you...and you were strung out ?...lots of love coming your way Bryn...be patient...i'll send you some of mine to tide you over ...:)
K
K
Bryn,
Everything I've read of yours on these boards speaks of love and kindness and warmth. This is who you are, a loving, kind, warm person who reaches out to help others and is wise enough to seek support when she needs it.
Who knows why we do what we do? your daughter is still so very young and finding out who she is and what she wants.
Come over to the families board Bryn, I know you read there and post help for others inculding me, for which I'm so very grateful....well come over there and post for you and listen to those mums who have been going through it for years....they know how you feel Bryn, and they know how they cope one day at a time.
It sounds to me like you really need to focus on you, to let her go with love, to recognise that she is an adult making her own way in life and that when the time is right things will change. Nothing you can possibly do will make any difference other than to your own health and well-being. your daughter is choosing her life right now, as is her right. YOU have a right to a life too, a right to be safe, healthy and happy. Don't make her your addiction Bryn......if you have to fantasize about what she's dong, fantasize that she's healthy and happy...from what I've read of her story to date it's much more likely to be true than that she's dead and in a ditch....
Maybe she just needs to prove to herself she doesn't need anyone, maybe specifically you and your mum....of course that hurts, but if you look at it another way isn't it GREAT that she doesn't? Isn't it great that you raised a daughter brave enough to stand on her own two feet and go out into the world?
I don't know Bryn, no-one's perfect and wouldn't it be nice if everyone behaved as I wanted them to....
Take what you like and leave the rest Bryn, but please take this: you are a lovely person and you deserve to be happy for no other reason than you are HERE, NOW, with a world to enjoy. Life is a gift freely given. Please enjoy it.
Don't think you don't deserve this gift. That's NOT your call or anyone else's. It is a gift and it has been freely given to you. Please don't make the mistake of giving it away or destroying it by making your happiness, your LIFE, dependent on someone else. Take it from me: it isn't a good plan. I'm finally beginning to believe I have a right to life and don't need my ex to give my life meaning anymore.
I don't know if that makes sense, it's just my esh.
Much love and respect,
Martin
Everything I've read of yours on these boards speaks of love and kindness and warmth. This is who you are, a loving, kind, warm person who reaches out to help others and is wise enough to seek support when she needs it.
Who knows why we do what we do? your daughter is still so very young and finding out who she is and what she wants.
Come over to the families board Bryn, I know you read there and post help for others inculding me, for which I'm so very grateful....well come over there and post for you and listen to those mums who have been going through it for years....they know how you feel Bryn, and they know how they cope one day at a time.
It sounds to me like you really need to focus on you, to let her go with love, to recognise that she is an adult making her own way in life and that when the time is right things will change. Nothing you can possibly do will make any difference other than to your own health and well-being. your daughter is choosing her life right now, as is her right. YOU have a right to a life too, a right to be safe, healthy and happy. Don't make her your addiction Bryn......if you have to fantasize about what she's dong, fantasize that she's healthy and happy...from what I've read of her story to date it's much more likely to be true than that she's dead and in a ditch....
Maybe she just needs to prove to herself she doesn't need anyone, maybe specifically you and your mum....of course that hurts, but if you look at it another way isn't it GREAT that she doesn't? Isn't it great that you raised a daughter brave enough to stand on her own two feet and go out into the world?
I don't know Bryn, no-one's perfect and wouldn't it be nice if everyone behaved as I wanted them to....
Take what you like and leave the rest Bryn, but please take this: you are a lovely person and you deserve to be happy for no other reason than you are HERE, NOW, with a world to enjoy. Life is a gift freely given. Please enjoy it.
Don't think you don't deserve this gift. That's NOT your call or anyone else's. It is a gift and it has been freely given to you. Please don't make the mistake of giving it away or destroying it by making your happiness, your LIFE, dependent on someone else. Take it from me: it isn't a good plan. I'm finally beginning to believe I have a right to life and don't need my ex to give my life meaning anymore.
I don't know if that makes sense, it's just my esh.
Much love and respect,
Martin
You two just had me bust out in tears...........sort of in a good way.
Martin you are right as in she's surely self reliant my daughter..........that wasn't my doing...........more my dad's.............then again maybe it was my doing as she saw me as a white hot mess...........so something good came out of it.
Con, the TV.........LOL.........you're right...........you, me and them sappy commercials............thank you for sharing your story, Con.........although maybe my daughter doesn't see me as the warm and caring person everyone else does...........nothing I can do about it.
That American Idol chick was singing "You're So Vain"...........and I hear it and the part with "Clouds In My Coffee, Clouds In My Coffee" comes on and I immediately just bawl like an infant.............my daughter always thought that was so funny...........whenever we'd here it we'd crack up.............and if I hear Cher doing "If You Believe In Life After Love" I crack up but then start crying.......my daughter could imitate Cher down to the hair swing and all and did that song so funny..............and I KNOW KNOW KNOW........if I brought that up to her if she'd even speak to me she would say:
I don't remember that....................OR that was a long time ago so that's over.
It stinks, but Con is right..............using wouldn't help..........and heaven forbid she did need me...............but I have a true confession...........often I think if I went back out and I mean out..............and she saw me a mess living on the street then maybe, just maybe she'd garner up some sympathy, but that's a crazy notion..............thanks again you guys.........you help immensely.
Martin you are right as in she's surely self reliant my daughter..........that wasn't my doing...........more my dad's.............then again maybe it was my doing as she saw me as a white hot mess...........so something good came out of it.
Con, the TV.........LOL.........you're right...........you, me and them sappy commercials............thank you for sharing your story, Con.........although maybe my daughter doesn't see me as the warm and caring person everyone else does...........nothing I can do about it.
That American Idol chick was singing "You're So Vain"...........and I hear it and the part with "Clouds In My Coffee, Clouds In My Coffee" comes on and I immediately just bawl like an infant.............my daughter always thought that was so funny...........whenever we'd here it we'd crack up.............and if I hear Cher doing "If You Believe In Life After Love" I crack up but then start crying.......my daughter could imitate Cher down to the hair swing and all and did that song so funny..............and I KNOW KNOW KNOW........if I brought that up to her if she'd even speak to me she would say:
I don't remember that....................OR that was a long time ago so that's over.
It stinks, but Con is right..............using wouldn't help..........and heaven forbid she did need me...............but I have a true confession...........often I think if I went back out and I mean out..............and she saw me a mess living on the street then maybe, just maybe she'd garner up some sympathy, but that's a crazy notion..............thanks again you guys.........you help immensely.
