Can Anyone Relate Or Am I Just A Line Wolf Here ?

Marijuana
1
This is a clear as a description I can give, the time when I smoked is like a blurred memory and actually so is everything before and after. So hi sorry I've just stumbled upon this, as I searched into Google very similar symptoms to what you's have. I'm surprised and kind of comforted that I am not the only one going through this. But I fear that my case is possibly worse as the first time I tried weed was age 12. ( I know ridiculous right?) and have been mostly a daily smoker since the age of 13 of both weed and synthetics, weed gave me this inspirational feeling that I could do anything I set my mind to. That perished once I got to the point where I only smoked weed to feel normal. I only think My state of mind, memory, sense of self, brain function and structure is worse is because at that age in adolescence is where brain devolopment is very crucial and weed would stealth this growth maybe even stop it temporarily since I was such a chronic smoker. Weed was a social thing for the first 2 years, but I did sometimes smoke so much I would end up vomiting. I became really dependent in the final 2 years of smoking weed 3 sessions a day most days a week, with friends and by myself (probably a ratio of 50/50) at that time if they're was a pie graph of my life, my hobbies and interests and what most of my time was spent on weed would be over half maybe 3/4, none of my family knew, mum found out about last year. I only thought weed was harmless because I was still considered intelligent by friends and family I was getting better at skating. I was doing well in school and showing up 3 days a week still passing I was popular and known for saying some good wisecracks and never really felt the effects until the last few months before I quit depression was one, feeling lathargic constantly , couldn't recall the previous day, felt distant when I was with a group of people, my personality alterd, when I was given something as a present, at my sisters birthday or a special event I wasn't even happy for them even though I wanted to be, on payday I wouldn't feel any emotion or sense of reward that I deserved it no motivation whatsoever I was and still am all round round really flat now I'm never sure of the date or time my mind feels empty at times I struggle to understand comprehensive concepts I can't analyse any situation, suicide has crossed my mind only a few times, some people who I've recently consider me as "simple" it's as if weed was holding me together until It couldn't anymore. I could go on and on but I'm going to stop, I'm now 17 and a half probably with the mental age of 13 or 14 and probably with the intelligence of one too I really do feel dim witted and don't really understand much anymore some of the most simple things will just go straight over my head, it's my last year at school I'm struggling and haven't really matured , I was a different person a fun likeable smart relatable person until weed finally deteriorated my brain I haven't been to the doctors in 4 or 5 years and am going to make an appointment , can someone give me a response ? Anyone ? By the way this took about an hour to write excuse the lack of punctuation, it's my 2nd month into being clean of weed and I fell like nothing I was before I think I should see a councillor or something I'm a shell of who I was and most peoples know kind if see it sorry for any mistakes in this really big paragraph
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Just released I posters this in the wrong section
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Sharky:

Are you attending NA meetings in your area?
Get to meetings and you'll meet lots of folks who feel just like you.
I always thought I was so bad, so different, so unique until I ended up in a recovery home .... there was 200 folks there who were just like me.

I came to see that I was a garden variety alcoholic/addict.
There are millions of us at AA & NA meetings.

All the best.

Bob R
4
I haven't, yet but I am trying to lead a better lifestyle, attempting eating nutritious food and drinking water every day, brain training games, my own diary, reading, but I feel these are only bursts of motivation. Nothing is really sticking at the moment but I'll look into these meetings I just would feel out of place I think. Those are some good quotes 'and I appreciate the advice. thanks
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Alcoholism/addiction is a deadly disease in that it will try to convince you that you don't have it.

It will make it extremely (impossible) difficult to see what the simple problem is.

Here is AA's HOW IT WORKS : http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf

Can you identify?

Good luck
Bob