Can This Be Turned Around

My husband just left me because he is a drug addict. He has changed everything about himself in the past 2 years. He didn't say goodbye to the kids or anything. I feel like it is the end of the world. The drug use has been going on for a while but I have always thought that we would get through it. He was once one of the most dedicated husbands and fathers I knew. I am literally not sure I can go on with out him. What can be done?
Oh Day, welcome, and I am so very very sorry honey. May I ask what was your hubby on? Did you two seek counseling? I just kicked out my fiancee about 2 weeks ago, and like your hubby before the drugs, he was kind a wonderful father, a loving sweet guy. But I quit drugs in Feb, and he was still using, so he had to go and get clean. I know your heart is breaking. I know mine still is too, because we love who they are and were before the drugs! Is he seeking help, is that why he left? Maybe him leaving, and being away from you and the kids will make him hit bottom? And realize that the drugs took him from you and the kids? Sometimes that is what they need to get help. God I hope so, because I know exactly how hard it is right now for you. It is so raw right now. How old are your little ones? There is a family support part on the message boards if you need more support..and I am here for you anytime, because I have been there, and I still am going through it too...Big hugs, and prayers to you, Kim
Thank you. It must be hard for you to be recovering yourself and stay clean going through what you are. And still able to offer kind words and advise to others in need.
My husband is on percocets, vicodin, oxycontin. Those are some I have head him talk about. Maybe others. Not sure. He has been in rehab, And we have councilled with our Pastor.
Our 2 boys are 8 and 15.
How did you quit and what were you on? You can email me at daydreamerohio@aol.com
I'm glad to hear about the counseling..do your boys know what their dad does? Do they know he left? You have a tough road, with their ages, especially with a 15 year old, I have one too. I was on oxycontin..and that was the hardest thing to quit..very very very ill with withdrawals..I know it is still new, but have you decided on anything? What you're gonna do? If I can help, please let me know..noone but this board helped me when I needed it, so I'm here for you..Hugs, Kim
Hang in there hun, I'll be back in a bit. I have 4 kids to get up and ready for school, but I want to talk to you some more, you can email me..I will drop you a line, after they go to school....talk soon, Kim
hi daydreamer, im kimber. i wanted to say that you have came to a great place here, you will find caring people whom you will call friends, that listen with open ears, and offer support,information,advise,experiences,encouragemnt,prayers.

i am 29, mother of 12 yr old daughter,married for 13 years,i am a recovering addict.i was addicted to lortabs and im 7 weeks clean. my husband knew i took them frm time to time, but was fooled , because i took them daily almost.they controlled my life,worrying if i would run out,if i could get more,if i had the money,how could i explain to husband the money disapearing so rapidly from the account.when i was addicted to lortabs, it gave me a calmness, as well as energy,like 3 pots of coffee.i was able to get tons of things don, like never before.

in april, i had a heart to heart with myself. i felt like me and the devil went rounds for days.when my last pills were gone, i knew it was now or never for me.
i had ruined our finances,my relationship with husband was barely there,we were in the same house,but miles and miles away.my daughter,had seen me franticly looking for pills one day,i was a mad woman.she said i know you take lortabs, and i know you love them, and you love them more than me. that is when,i became honest with myself, and my family.i wanted to be me again,and me be in control,not me being controlled by something.
when i realized that i was an addict,i felt ashamed and wondered how i went so wrong?i never knew the power that a pill would have over me,but it did. it has been hard,the hardest thing i ever had to do, but i am doing it, and will continue.

i wanted to be a better mother, better wife,better person and a better daughter.
i am already much better,i do not have to be fake,i dont have to lie, i found strength in me that i didnt know i had, and i keep fighting for my recovery every day.

you are needed by your children,they need mom more than ever now. i know that you aresad and hurt, and im so sorry.my heart goes out to you and your children. be strong,and do not allow yourself to give up,we wouldnt want our children to give up.
i wated to share a littl of my story,as an addict and a parent,maybe it will offer you a little insight.if you need to talk anytime,please let me know.
be good to yourself,have hope and faith that better days are ahead.give your children a big hug and kiss,and know that you are loved....kim:)
Hey Kim,

My story is a lot like yours and on the same date. It was April 3rd at 3am in the morning when I had my battle with the Devil and God. God asked me to chose by saying, "don't you trust me"? I flushed over $1000 worth of Lortabs that morning. Which makes me a few days over 7 weeks clean. I still don't have any cravings, never did after the flush but boy was I sick!
Feeling much better except for yesterday, had a stressful weekend and it felt
like w/d's again.

charlie
Wow Kim and Charlie, what stories! Charlie, I read about yours before, and it blew me away. You are so lucky to have Him speak to you the way he did, I admire your strength for fluxhing 1000.00 worth of pills...whewwww, Kim I bet that broke your heart when your daughter said those words to you, it brought tears to my eyes! But I guess god spoke to you that day too, through your daughter. "He works in mysterious ways"! You two are wonderful and strong!

Day,everything will be ok. Not today, but in time the pain will ease up, and things will be put in perspective. Maybe this is what you needed to make you and your kids stronger, and given a break? Love ya, Kim
I appreciate all of your advise, wisdom, experiences, and most of all support. Seems like just knowing I am not alone makes a world of difference. People who have not been exposed to any of this just do not understand.
My boys did not know until tonight that he was gone. Sometimes he works alot of overtime and so it is not uncommon from time to time for him to get in late so yesterday they didn't figure it out. I probably would not have told today but he failed to show up for a baseball game. Our youngest plays coach pitch league and guess who is the pitcher. Yep. the dissappearing Dad. Let everyone down. Especially his own son. So I had to tell them. I didn't go into alot of details. Just that daddy has a drug addiction. He loves us. It has nothing to do with us. But right now he is not in control of his actions. Last night I was totally miserable but today, some of that is replaced with anger. Leaving me to explain to our son why he didn't show up for the ballgame, when I didn't know what to say, and seeing his sad little face. It was bad. I wish I could understand. How could how throw away everything that once meant the most to him. I didn't ask him to leave. I didn't want him to leave. I always thought we would get through it. I can't believe that he is letting it destroy our whole future. All the plans we have. All the memories we have made. I can't believe it. Everything seems so bleak.
day, just wanted to say that i'm so sorry that you're going through this..
in time things will start to turn around..may not seem that way now but someday soon i'm sure..it's a shame he's gonna miss out on all those wonderful things you mentioned..maybe he will come to his senses and take care of himself so he can come home to take care of his family..
but for now that falls to you..your kids need you..
i'm sure you will do a wonderful job..
i'll be thinking and praying for you and your family...
if theres anything else i can do,please let me know...
much love to ya...dj
Daydreamer,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. All I can think to say is what our marriage counsellor told me when my husband and I were going through a bad patch (not drug related, but addiction nonetheless). Her words infuriated me at the time because of course, it was all his fault and I wanted him to change. I didn't want to hear that I had to do a single thing. I apologize if this doesn't sound helpful to you right now.

She told me that I had to take 100% of the responsibility for the problems in the marriage, and not try to assign blame. She said no one can change another person, they can only change themselves. She said I had to take care of myself and my own needs and grow stronger in myself. That way, whether my husband changed or not, I would still be better off. She asked me what I wanted. And I said, "I want him to..." She cut me off. No, what do YOU want? I said, "Well, I want for the children..." She cut me off again. No, what do YOU want? I wasn't able to answer that question for a couple of months.

Daydreamer, what do you want? Now. For yourself?

I hope any of this made sense.

Best wishes,
Gina

Dreamer

I'm sorry for what you're going through. First let me tell you that I was on vicodin for 8 + years. I 'm married with 2 kids, older than yours. I kept my addiction from all of them until about 7 months ago when my wife was going to leave me. She didn't know what was wrong but she knew I wasn't the same man she married. When I told her about my addiction she was so supportive and helped me to do something about it.

Now as far as your husband....well I felt like saying f**k it and just leaving many times while I was using. I felt so hopeless at times. I knew I was ruining my life and sometimes I felt like I was also ruining my families life as well so why stick around. These drugs can have so much power over you its hard to explain. I wanted to quit..I didn't want to quit..I wanted to tell someone..I wanted to keep it to myself for the rest of my life...etc etc. There is no doubt that your husband loves you and his kids. I think he is really confused and feeling lost right about now. Probably having a difficult time just dealing with it. For me, having my wife sit me down and telling me that we will beat this thing together is what changed my thinking. I'm not sure if this helps you but I really hope it does. It just reminded me of my situation so much that I felt I needed to share with you.

I hopr everything works out for you.

Frank
Hello, Day, welcome. I'm very new to the board, but this place is great.
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. I don't know what I would do in your situation, Just thinking about it gives me anxiety.
It must be so painful to have to share the man you love with an addiction. I was with a guy who did pills and pot, and was basically high all the time. I finally had to realize that he was never "normal", never "real", and for about 95% of the time we were together he was just this fake, diluted version of the boy I wanted to love. I wanted him to love me and leave the drugs, but I ended up coming in second place. I would have married him, too.
I'll be praying for your boys, and for your heart. If you can keep your head clear, you'll see the best path to take and as you follow things will get easier.
I do believe that your husband has love for you and your children, but addiction can overpower every single intelligent thought in our heads. When I came clean to my boyfriend of 1.5 years that I was taking pills and was out of control, he reacted poorly, and I fled from him in a bout of shame. Thing is, since I was the one in withdrawl, I probably just saw things in his words that weren't there, and my addicted brain made me feel things that weren't true, like judgment and wretchedness.
I hope your husband will overcome his addiction. You're obviously an Angel to him, and I'll be praying that he'll be able to accept your help.
Good luck.