Hello!
I am twenty-nine years old and I have been married to a drug addict for six years.
This has been one of the worst experiences I have ever known. I left him about four
months ago and I have finally found my peace. We had a lot of ups and downs. I have woke in the night to him having violent convultions. I have the privilage of having a gun to my head when he was using. Not to mention the thousands of nights that I had to tell my child that I didn't know where daddy was. Drugs make me sick. We didn't have anything because he wouldn't work and when he did work he spent his money on drugs. He kept these things in my house with my children. This makes me very angry to recall. He didn't care who was in his path when it was time to find a bump or what ever his choice drug was he would run you over to get it. Now that I have left him he claims to be clean. I find it hard to believe that someone can be so dependent of something and quit it cold turkey with absolutly no help. I do not think that I could ever take him back because I don't believe a word that comes out of him mouth any more. I have put a wall around myself and I feel like I can't let anyone in. Any advice or to share a story would be helpful.
yes!
studies done with vietnam vets showed(who had abuse and addiction), that most had no signs of addiction nor the urge to use again once they were back home.
granted this study is mainly about SETTING, it shows that the mind can indeed stop using any drug at any time
studies done with vietnam vets showed(who had abuse and addiction), that most had no signs of addiction nor the urge to use again once they were back home.
granted this study is mainly about SETTING, it shows that the mind can indeed stop using any drug at any time
Do you know how many times I've broken up with my boyfriend for being a crack user only to take him back when he says he's hit rock bottom and he's quit? And then he comes back and low and behold, he's back at it.
I've known way too many addicts who have quit and then relapse. He most likely won't be able to quit on his own, this is his way of trying to get back into your life.
Yes some people actually do quit and don't use again but it takes a lot of effort and if you take him back and he hasn't gotten proper help, chances are good he'll use again. Mine quit for 4 months and relapsed as soon as he had a problem he couldn't handle it was just easier to start using again.
From my own experience and the experience of friends, I wouldn't trust him. He needs to prove to you that he's attending NA meetings, saving money, and staying off the drugs.
Mine even admitted to me that he keeps using because he knows I'll always take him back. By taking him back I'm just enabling him to keep on using.
Don't fall into that trap. Get proof first if you ever are to want him back.
I've known way too many addicts who have quit and then relapse. He most likely won't be able to quit on his own, this is his way of trying to get back into your life.
Yes some people actually do quit and don't use again but it takes a lot of effort and if you take him back and he hasn't gotten proper help, chances are good he'll use again. Mine quit for 4 months and relapsed as soon as he had a problem he couldn't handle it was just easier to start using again.
From my own experience and the experience of friends, I wouldn't trust him. He needs to prove to you that he's attending NA meetings, saving money, and staying off the drugs.
Mine even admitted to me that he keeps using because he knows I'll always take him back. By taking him back I'm just enabling him to keep on using.
Don't fall into that trap. Get proof first if you ever are to want him back.
I have suggested that he take drug test to prove he hasn't been using. All he says is if you can't take my word then we shouldn't be together anyway. I am to the point that I really do not care if he is clean or not as long as he stays away from me. My only concerns at this point and time are my children. If they grow up with someone acting like him they will most likely act like that themselves. This may be wrong but it's the way that I feel.
Hi,
I'm going through the same thing. See my story "The trust is gone". I don't think you can trust him. I kicked my bf out for the 4th and final time in one year about 1 week ago and I'll never live with him again. You will see from my story that I too had a drug addict husband with small children - my ex-husband abucted my children when I filed for divorce, held a gun to my head and all that jazz. He pushed my around when I was pregnant, the whole scenario. I said I would never go through that again and what did I do but meet some else who uses. I really don't think my bf will ever quit. Right now he's still in a hotel and looking for a house he says. After he finds a house he will go to rehab - well we'll see. I just told him straight up that even if he did, I could never live with him again and take that chance. My boys are 24, 22 and 15 now and the 2 older boys are living on their own, but I still have the 15 year old at home and I'm not doing that to my son. Your kids don't deserve that and mine doesn't either. But you know, my sons and I are very close and they know I did what was right for them because they were my first concern. They just gave me a card on Mother's Day telling that they appreciated all the sacrifice's I had made in my life for them to have a better life. I cry everytime I read that card. Crying right now thinking about it. It was the most important thing that could have ever said or done for me.
I know it will be hard for your children on some ways, but better in others. My kids addict dad left town after the divorce when they were 2 and 4 and hasn't seen or talked to them since. Fortunately, I did marry a man who adopted them and we had another child. He was a great father to them and he never used drugs. He is still in their life and loves them very much. Unfortunately, he cheated on me and I divorced him. We tried to make it work, but I, of course, could not trust him either after that. Now I have an addicted bf - I give up! Just want peace - I think I found it for now. Hope you find yours. God Bless!
I'm going through the same thing. See my story "The trust is gone". I don't think you can trust him. I kicked my bf out for the 4th and final time in one year about 1 week ago and I'll never live with him again. You will see from my story that I too had a drug addict husband with small children - my ex-husband abucted my children when I filed for divorce, held a gun to my head and all that jazz. He pushed my around when I was pregnant, the whole scenario. I said I would never go through that again and what did I do but meet some else who uses. I really don't think my bf will ever quit. Right now he's still in a hotel and looking for a house he says. After he finds a house he will go to rehab - well we'll see. I just told him straight up that even if he did, I could never live with him again and take that chance. My boys are 24, 22 and 15 now and the 2 older boys are living on their own, but I still have the 15 year old at home and I'm not doing that to my son. Your kids don't deserve that and mine doesn't either. But you know, my sons and I are very close and they know I did what was right for them because they were my first concern. They just gave me a card on Mother's Day telling that they appreciated all the sacrifice's I had made in my life for them to have a better life. I cry everytime I read that card. Crying right now thinking about it. It was the most important thing that could have ever said or done for me.
I know it will be hard for your children on some ways, but better in others. My kids addict dad left town after the divorce when they were 2 and 4 and hasn't seen or talked to them since. Fortunately, I did marry a man who adopted them and we had another child. He was a great father to them and he never used drugs. He is still in their life and loves them very much. Unfortunately, he cheated on me and I divorced him. We tried to make it work, but I, of course, could not trust him either after that. Now I have an addicted bf - I give up! Just want peace - I think I found it for now. Hope you find yours. God Bless!
Dear peaceful,
Yes some rare people out there can quit by themselves, but this this is not the case for most. My hubby was using for a few years tried out patient rehab and relapsed twice. Then he found CA Cocaine Anonymous and I went to Alanon and Naranon. Just as he has to work out his own problems so did I. It is a good place to release the anger and resentments that we hold inside. As for trust.... it took a long time before I had any trust in him again. I guess when you have been lied to so many times it take more than words to make me a believer. It was more show of show me then I"ll believe. Hubby has been clean over 10 months. And still goes to meetings 3-4 times a week. Recovery for an addict is a life long battle. Quitting is not the only thing it is also learning a new life style and being able to deal with reality. Look I can't tell you that a 12 Step meeting is going to work for your hubby but it worked for mine. But he wanted it. Good luck in finding your path to recovery.
God Bless
lildee
Yes some rare people out there can quit by themselves, but this this is not the case for most. My hubby was using for a few years tried out patient rehab and relapsed twice. Then he found CA Cocaine Anonymous and I went to Alanon and Naranon. Just as he has to work out his own problems so did I. It is a good place to release the anger and resentments that we hold inside. As for trust.... it took a long time before I had any trust in him again. I guess when you have been lied to so many times it take more than words to make me a believer. It was more show of show me then I"ll believe. Hubby has been clean over 10 months. And still goes to meetings 3-4 times a week. Recovery for an addict is a life long battle. Quitting is not the only thing it is also learning a new life style and being able to deal with reality. Look I can't tell you that a 12 Step meeting is going to work for your hubby but it worked for mine. But he wanted it. Good luck in finding your path to recovery.
God Bless
lildee