HI there
I need some some information and not sure who to ask - I came across this site and thought someone might be able to help me. Basically I am goin out with someone who used to smoke heroin (was addicted for years). Thankfully they are now off it and are doin a great job at sorting their life out.
When he told me about his past he told me that the heroin had affected his sex drive and that he had only slept with one person and had been too worried about sleeping with anyone since because of his lack of experience. He seemed to trust me. However a 'friend' of mine who has had contact with a few addicts doesnt believe this to be true. He says that normally heroin has the opposite affect with a higher sex drive and that my partner would be a high risk HIV carrier.
I have trusted my partner and I am sure he has not lied to me, but at the same time I am concerned just in case I am being taken advantage of. Can anyone help me with this one as I don't want to question him about it in case he thinks i dont trust him.
Thanks
KPM
KPM....WELCOME!,
Quote: He says that normally heroin has the opposite affect with a higher sex drive and that my partner would be a high risk HIV carrier.
Herion and its side affects affects everyone differently. Some lose there sex drive...for other's it is increased and if his was increased and he was having unprotected sex then yes his was/is at high risk. Have you gotten tested? Questioning him about this has less to do with trust and more to do with your life!
Quote: He says that normally heroin has the opposite affect with a higher sex drive and that my partner would be a high risk HIV carrier.
Herion and its side affects affects everyone differently. Some lose there sex drive...for other's it is increased and if his was increased and he was having unprotected sex then yes his was/is at high risk. Have you gotten tested? Questioning him about this has less to do with trust and more to do with your life!
..KPM..
..how you doing..Heroin can cause an addict to lose his/her sex drive..When i first started smoking heroin..my sex drive did start to get quite high..but after a few weeks it started to diminish and i started to lose interest in sex..i use to make all the excuses in the world to my girlfriend at that time about not wanting to have sex..and that went on for years..of course we were having sex..but not on a regular basis and at times it did,nt feel good having it..but it would also depend on the person theirself..we all feel different emotions when we,re in active addiction..i,d imagine sum ppl would have a high sex drive and others a low sex drive..As for your partner being a high risk hiv carrier..smoking heroin is nowhere near as dangerous as injecting it..addicts catch viruses from sharing needles or having open wounds like abcesses that they self inflected by injecting..i used to smoke heroin on the foil..and apart from the withdrawals i never had any kinda illnesses that was created by smoking heroin..but that dose,nt mean its ok to smoke heroin..i did it that way because to me..it was a safer way to use heroin..hope this helps you and im sure sumone else will post to you a bit more info..Robbie..
..how you doing..Heroin can cause an addict to lose his/her sex drive..When i first started smoking heroin..my sex drive did start to get quite high..but after a few weeks it started to diminish and i started to lose interest in sex..i use to make all the excuses in the world to my girlfriend at that time about not wanting to have sex..and that went on for years..of course we were having sex..but not on a regular basis and at times it did,nt feel good having it..but it would also depend on the person theirself..we all feel different emotions when we,re in active addiction..i,d imagine sum ppl would have a high sex drive and others a low sex drive..As for your partner being a high risk hiv carrier..smoking heroin is nowhere near as dangerous as injecting it..addicts catch viruses from sharing needles or having open wounds like abcesses that they self inflected by injecting..i used to smoke heroin on the foil..and apart from the withdrawals i never had any kinda illnesses that was created by smoking heroin..but that dose,nt mean its ok to smoke heroin..i did it that way because to me..it was a safer way to use heroin..hope this helps you and im sure sumone else will post to you a bit more info..Robbie..
No I havent been tested we only started sleeping with each other a few weeks ago. I was (supposedly) his first in 6 years.
It wasnt that amazing that I would say he is an expert and yes the nerves on his side were obvious. He is an extremely good looking guy tho and I found it hard to believe at first that he hadnt been with anyone for so long, but as I got to know him better I believed him.
I guess my mate is just trying to look out for mu interests but all its done is put doubts in my mind. If I question my bf about it again I know he wont be happy about it, and at the minute everything between us is great - I don't want to rock the boat.
My problem as well is that as I have been hurt so much in the past before I am quite cynical - i find it hard to trust as it is. With him tho it feels so right - i dunno if I am just a gullible fool. When he told me about his addiction in the past I was shocked, but at the same time thought that everyone makes mistakes and from what he told me I thought he had been thro enough crap without me suddenly making a run for it. So I hung around. He thanked me for being so understanding. It had taken him a while to pluck up the courage to tell me all about it - he had said there was something he needed to tell me but it took a long time to get it out of him. I think the fact that he has been so honest about his past surely means that he has been telling the truth - otherwise why mention it? He could of kept it a secret i guess. Sorry i am sort of thinking outloud here while i write lol.. Thanks for your reply tho, I think I am gonna just trust him. Cheers
It wasnt that amazing that I would say he is an expert and yes the nerves on his side were obvious. He is an extremely good looking guy tho and I found it hard to believe at first that he hadnt been with anyone for so long, but as I got to know him better I believed him.
I guess my mate is just trying to look out for mu interests but all its done is put doubts in my mind. If I question my bf about it again I know he wont be happy about it, and at the minute everything between us is great - I don't want to rock the boat.
My problem as well is that as I have been hurt so much in the past before I am quite cynical - i find it hard to trust as it is. With him tho it feels so right - i dunno if I am just a gullible fool. When he told me about his addiction in the past I was shocked, but at the same time thought that everyone makes mistakes and from what he told me I thought he had been thro enough crap without me suddenly making a run for it. So I hung around. He thanked me for being so understanding. It had taken him a while to pluck up the courage to tell me all about it - he had said there was something he needed to tell me but it took a long time to get it out of him. I think the fact that he has been so honest about his past surely means that he has been telling the truth - otherwise why mention it? He could of kept it a secret i guess. Sorry i am sort of thinking outloud here while i write lol.. Thanks for your reply tho, I think I am gonna just trust him. Cheers
Thanks Robbie, I appreciate that. I only ever experimented with pot and stuff when i was younger - i know nothing about heroin really. I know that smoking it is safer and less likely to make him high risk HIV. I think my friend meant that the increased sex and sleeping around alot would make him a higher risk. But he doesnt know him and has never met him. He thinks I am a soft touch, but I believe everyone makes mistakes and deserves a second chance.
Thanks again robbie
Thanks again robbie
KPM,
Has he told you how bad his habbit was and how he got off it? What made him stop? Did he just decide to quit one day and never looked back or did he go throug a rehab or a detox follwed by some kind of program? What does he do to keep himself clean?
Usually your a gut is a good indicator and you should trust it - but if you need an extra dose of answears those are some of the things that you should be looking for.
Hope all goes well,
good luck
Has he told you how bad his habbit was and how he got off it? What made him stop? Did he just decide to quit one day and never looked back or did he go throug a rehab or a detox follwed by some kind of program? What does he do to keep himself clean?
Usually your a gut is a good indicator and you should trust it - but if you need an extra dose of answears those are some of the things that you should be looking for.
Hope all goes well,
good luck
..KPM..
..No problem..i just wanted to say aswell..maybe your friend is just looking out for and dose,nt wanna see you get hurt in the future..but your right..everyone does deserve a second chance as long as they have,nt done sumfin terrible..as addicts we made loads of mistakes..and we will in the future just as non addicts will..probably the biggest mistake for us all was choosing to use drugs..but we should be allowed to move on in life and be given the chance to live a life free of addiction..and to be able to start new relationships without our past getting in the way..good luck to you both..Robbie..
..No problem..i just wanted to say aswell..maybe your friend is just looking out for and dose,nt wanna see you get hurt in the future..but your right..everyone does deserve a second chance as long as they have,nt done sumfin terrible..as addicts we made loads of mistakes..and we will in the future just as non addicts will..probably the biggest mistake for us all was choosing to use drugs..but we should be allowed to move on in life and be given the chance to live a life free of addiction..and to be able to start new relationships without our past getting in the way..good luck to you both..Robbie..
Thanks Charly
Well he went into it in quite a bit of detail with me. He has been clean for 18 months but suffered with insomnia up until recently after coming off it. He got off it the hardway by himself, cold turkey - I am so proud of him, even tho i didnt know him when he was using. He says he is completely anti drugs now and spends time on himself now - working out and looking after himself properly - it shows too! I do think he is a good guy and he makes me happy so I think I am gonna just ignore the advice my mate gave me... even tho he called me a tad stupid for getting envolved with a stupid f***er that gets into drugs..... why are people so unforgiving???
Anyway cheers charly
Well he went into it in quite a bit of detail with me. He has been clean for 18 months but suffered with insomnia up until recently after coming off it. He got off it the hardway by himself, cold turkey - I am so proud of him, even tho i didnt know him when he was using. He says he is completely anti drugs now and spends time on himself now - working out and looking after himself properly - it shows too! I do think he is a good guy and he makes me happy so I think I am gonna just ignore the advice my mate gave me... even tho he called me a tad stupid for getting envolved with a stupid f***er that gets into drugs..... why are people so unforgiving???
Anyway cheers charly
here goes the mother in me....
if you only started sleeping together a few weeks ago, why are you not having protected sex???
how long did you know him before you started sleeping with him really doesn't matter, and what he tells you about his past shouldn't matter that much either.
there is only one way to protect yourself from hiv, and that is with a latex condom. until you both are tested, or, you can completely trust him, you should be protected, and not just for birth control.
as a mother of a 19 and 21 year old, protected sex has been discussed in my home for years.
please be careful... i don't think that you can say that you completely trust him yet, because you are here asking questions. and don't get me wrong, that is not a bad thing, i just think that until you are sure, you need to be careful.
only thinking of you,
patricia
if you only started sleeping together a few weeks ago, why are you not having protected sex???
how long did you know him before you started sleeping with him really doesn't matter, and what he tells you about his past shouldn't matter that much either.
there is only one way to protect yourself from hiv, and that is with a latex condom. until you both are tested, or, you can completely trust him, you should be protected, and not just for birth control.
as a mother of a 19 and 21 year old, protected sex has been discussed in my home for years.
please be careful... i don't think that you can say that you completely trust him yet, because you are here asking questions. and don't get me wrong, that is not a bad thing, i just think that until you are sure, you need to be careful.
only thinking of you,
patricia
Ooooooooohhhhhhhh boy KPM.....be careful girl - Im not saying head for the hills, Im just saying do yourself one massive favor and be cautious.....LISTEN to what he sais, watch what he does.....dont take his for it.
18 Months, on his own........almost anyone here on the heroin board will know much better than I, but red flags are going up for me all over the place.
18 Months, on his own........almost anyone here on the heroin board will know much better than I, but red flags are going up for me all over the place.
Ahhh holy mother of stigmas! HIV... if he ever shared a needle, yup, I'd be worried, but like the other guys have said, when you're a heroin addict sex is possibly the last thing on your mind, though darin makes a good point about different people different side effects. Same as robbie, in my experience the first few times I used I like sex a whole lot more, but once I was hooked I had no sex drive at all, ever, not that I have one anyway, but really I wasn't very interested, so I wouldn't be too worried about that, the sharing needle part is what you should be asking about is you are concerned.
Two things.....
Protected sex/unprotected sex. Sadly no sex is the only protection, yeah condoms stop HIV in most cases, but herpes nah a condom won't stop that if it is in it's active state, won't stop a few other things as well. They live inside and out, fluids are not necessarily needed.
Get tested, everyone should in any relationship now a days, sad as well that it comes to that. But life is far more important then the worry of how someone feels and they should be concerned as well.
And as the wife of a heroin user, sex became nothing much of nothing when my husband used, and well things were a few times a week before. From all those I have talked to sex was the last thing on thier minds, to wrapped up in the euphoria of the high to really need any physical needs met.
Be good to you and make sure you are taking good care of yourself.
I wish you the best, him as well.
Love,
Tina
Protected sex/unprotected sex. Sadly no sex is the only protection, yeah condoms stop HIV in most cases, but herpes nah a condom won't stop that if it is in it's active state, won't stop a few other things as well. They live inside and out, fluids are not necessarily needed.
Get tested, everyone should in any relationship now a days, sad as well that it comes to that. But life is far more important then the worry of how someone feels and they should be concerned as well.
And as the wife of a heroin user, sex became nothing much of nothing when my husband used, and well things were a few times a week before. From all those I have talked to sex was the last thing on thier minds, to wrapped up in the euphoria of the high to really need any physical needs met.
Be good to you and make sure you are taking good care of yourself.
I wish you the best, him as well.
Love,
Tina
Thanks everyone for your help and advice.
Just to clarify a few things tho - he only smoked heroin and never injected - so never shared a needle.
Charly, wasnt sure if you understood about the time - he was hooked for 5 years - is off it for 18 months (maybe you meant that it's still early days, not sure), he does get a bit depressed when he thinks about how he has messed up his life but has said that since we met he has never been happier (not that I am that amazing or anything - but we get on really well and I guess I am a bit more understanding that others might be. He can talk to me about anything and I don't think he has had that before)
And as far as the unprotected sex goes - we had both agreed to get checked out. What I couldnt believe however when i enquired about it is that there is only one clinic in the whole of N Ireland and there is a waiting list of over 4 weeks!!! No wonder STD's are rife!
I do feel alot happier about things after talking to you guys so thank you all so much. This seems like a really good site - never knew it was here before, and I wish you all the best of luck.
Thanks again you lot
Take Care
Kx
Just to clarify a few things tho - he only smoked heroin and never injected - so never shared a needle.
Charly, wasnt sure if you understood about the time - he was hooked for 5 years - is off it for 18 months (maybe you meant that it's still early days, not sure), he does get a bit depressed when he thinks about how he has messed up his life but has said that since we met he has never been happier (not that I am that amazing or anything - but we get on really well and I guess I am a bit more understanding that others might be. He can talk to me about anything and I don't think he has had that before)
And as far as the unprotected sex goes - we had both agreed to get checked out. What I couldnt believe however when i enquired about it is that there is only one clinic in the whole of N Ireland and there is a waiting list of over 4 weeks!!! No wonder STD's are rife!
I do feel alot happier about things after talking to you guys so thank you all so much. This seems like a really good site - never knew it was here before, and I wish you all the best of luck.
Thanks again you lot
Take Care
Kx
alright. I would' nt worry to much if your boyfriend only smoked it then the risk of him having contracted HIV or Hep c is reativley low. If he's telling the truth that he's only ever slept with one other person then I do't think you have to much to worry about. Also from my own experience Smack killed my sex drive completley, It's when you get clean that it comes back with avengence.
Oh, KPM, Oh boy, oh boy!!!!!!!
I'm an addict, and I want to say "Run for it, Sister".......but like Trooper said
"Holy Mother Of Stigmas".........now that is hilarious, Trooper.
Anyway neing an addict I know we lie aour azzzzes off, BUT if there's nothing guy wrenching......although obviously you have a doubts because you came here........which is a GREAT GREAT thing......I'd be a little worried.
That test, and the one after will bring you solace I hope.......BUT BUT BUT for all ya ladies out there...well men too......no matter who you're sleeping with go on the presumption they already have HIV, Hep C or whatever.......Universal Percautions.......because even if his drug past didn't lead him into a disease sex in itself could have.......HPV, chlamydia, herpes.......use back up barrier methods no matter what.
Hep C is very easy to catch......there were alot of heroin addicts who "only" snorted their dope, and were cocky about it.......weel you use a straw or dollar bill after another addict, and they have Hep C.....guess what? Yes, transmission
Best of all things with you, and your boyfriend.....he sounds like a good guy......good for him kicking like he did, and staying clean........just be sure no matter what or who you use protection barrier method.
I'm an addict, and I want to say "Run for it, Sister".......but like Trooper said
"Holy Mother Of Stigmas".........now that is hilarious, Trooper.
Anyway neing an addict I know we lie aour azzzzes off, BUT if there's nothing guy wrenching......although obviously you have a doubts because you came here........which is a GREAT GREAT thing......I'd be a little worried.
That test, and the one after will bring you solace I hope.......BUT BUT BUT for all ya ladies out there...well men too......no matter who you're sleeping with go on the presumption they already have HIV, Hep C or whatever.......Universal Percautions.......because even if his drug past didn't lead him into a disease sex in itself could have.......HPV, chlamydia, herpes.......use back up barrier methods no matter what.
Hep C is very easy to catch......there were alot of heroin addicts who "only" snorted their dope, and were cocky about it.......weel you use a straw or dollar bill after another addict, and they have Hep C.....guess what? Yes, transmission
Best of all things with you, and your boyfriend.....he sounds like a good guy......good for him kicking like he did, and staying clean........just be sure no matter what or who you use protection barrier method.
Hi there,
just wanted to say that as an ex addict when I first started using I was like alot of people here I enjoyed sex more, but when I became addicted I had no sex drive whatsoever and to be honest it was the last thing on my mind.I also wanted to say that as an intravenous drug user I have been infected with hep c and wanted to let you know that yes you can catch it through sharing straws rolled up notes etc but hep c is a blood born virus which basically means that you need blood to blood contact to get infected.It is very common amoungst iv drug users around 75-80% so quite high.If you believe in your b/f then that's great honey but if you really want to put your mind at ease then just ask him if he would mind taking a test.Tell him that it is not because you don't trust what he says but it would make you feel better, you could go to the clinic with him for support and if he cares about you babes then it shouldn't be a problem for him.I hope the advice people have given has helped you they are a good bunch of people here.Take care.TTFN.
Akasha xxx
just wanted to say that as an ex addict when I first started using I was like alot of people here I enjoyed sex more, but when I became addicted I had no sex drive whatsoever and to be honest it was the last thing on my mind.I also wanted to say that as an intravenous drug user I have been infected with hep c and wanted to let you know that yes you can catch it through sharing straws rolled up notes etc but hep c is a blood born virus which basically means that you need blood to blood contact to get infected.It is very common amoungst iv drug users around 75-80% so quite high.If you believe in your b/f then that's great honey but if you really want to put your mind at ease then just ask him if he would mind taking a test.Tell him that it is not because you don't trust what he says but it would make you feel better, you could go to the clinic with him for support and if he cares about you babes then it shouldn't be a problem for him.I hope the advice people have given has helped you they are a good bunch of people here.Take care.TTFN.
Akasha xxx
Hey there guys thanks again - didnt think anyone would of taken the time to reply to be honest but you have all been great.
I think this site is great - the only thing is I am even more scared now than I was beforehand...... not about the sex side of things anymore tho - they pale into insignificance when I think about the bigger picture.
I think I was probably very naive in my way of thinking about heroin - but reading thro some of your stories the site has really opened my eyes. One of you said that red flags were waving all over the place, mentioning that he has only been off heroin for the last 18 (19 now) months.... and now I can understand why. I didnt realise that its the case of once an addict always an addict (which is so niave) and thats the scary part! What if he gets stressed out and starts using again?.... He seems to have an addictive personality - and spends most of his time worrying about how much sleep he is gonna get (he suffered with insomnia until recently after coming off the drug) which seems to run in a viscious circle.... the more he worries the less he sleeps! I seem to be able to help at little by calming him down but he did mention that he knows that if he was to smoke some heroin he would have the best nights sleep in months - in the next breath saying that he wouldnt tho.....
Has anyone here had a similar problem and managed to get over the sleep problem? I am worried also that he hasnt had any sort of counselling or help coming off the drugs and dealing with the insomnia - his doctor doesnt seem interested. I thought it might be a good idea if he found a group where he could meet up with others that have been thro same s***.... but maybe thats just bringing him back closer to the drugs if you know what i mean. I guess he has done well on his own - I just dont want him to get to a point where he feels he cant cope anymore and backslide. Or am I just worrying too much lol???
Cheers
Kx
I think this site is great - the only thing is I am even more scared now than I was beforehand...... not about the sex side of things anymore tho - they pale into insignificance when I think about the bigger picture.
I think I was probably very naive in my way of thinking about heroin - but reading thro some of your stories the site has really opened my eyes. One of you said that red flags were waving all over the place, mentioning that he has only been off heroin for the last 18 (19 now) months.... and now I can understand why. I didnt realise that its the case of once an addict always an addict (which is so niave) and thats the scary part! What if he gets stressed out and starts using again?.... He seems to have an addictive personality - and spends most of his time worrying about how much sleep he is gonna get (he suffered with insomnia until recently after coming off the drug) which seems to run in a viscious circle.... the more he worries the less he sleeps! I seem to be able to help at little by calming him down but he did mention that he knows that if he was to smoke some heroin he would have the best nights sleep in months - in the next breath saying that he wouldnt tho.....
Has anyone here had a similar problem and managed to get over the sleep problem? I am worried also that he hasnt had any sort of counselling or help coming off the drugs and dealing with the insomnia - his doctor doesnt seem interested. I thought it might be a good idea if he found a group where he could meet up with others that have been thro same s***.... but maybe thats just bringing him back closer to the drugs if you know what i mean. I guess he has done well on his own - I just dont want him to get to a point where he feels he cant cope anymore and backslide. Or am I just worrying too much lol???
Cheers
Kx
