Hi not posted for a while been away, christina hope you enjoyed your stay in wales.
My daughter has been out of the house 28 days now and life is still the same. Before we went away my husband found money missing from his work room which he keeps locked,the money was in a locked box in a cuboared that was locked. The first thing he said was that my daughter had taken it,I of course jumped to her defence,when I phoned her she said "I took that a while ago," no Im sorry but I had to have money from somewhere just nothing.Now my husband does'nt want her to even call in the house.
As I said we went away for 6 days and my daughter has told me she is of the H but since I have been talking on this site a think she is just saying what I want to hear. She was smoking more than a bag a day I'm sure she would need help and support mentaly.She is seeing her drug worker on Monday 28th and that will be the first time since Christmas as the lady has had leave.The waiting list for detox in our area is 8months so she is not on a script either.
I feel as if I can't go on and I get annoyed with my husband becouse he says that this something she has to do her self.Surley there is something I can do to help, I am trying to leave her alone to sort things out her self , but the phone calls are never ending and there is always can you leand me 20. At the moment she is living with friends that she new before she started taking Heroin
she only gets 36 pound a week which I think is not a lot.During the week I do give her friends money for gas and electricity,and food will there ever be an end to all this,I hope there will . Until we speak again love and hugs Welsh Ladyxx
i dont want to sound harsh--but i want to be honest--as you probably know--giving her or her friends $ will nothelp her stay clean or get clean--she has to reach her rock bottom --whatever that may be, and if you constantly pad those rocks shes never gonna feel that impact. I could not imagine my son doing this drug--god forbid, i know you must be so torn, but your husband has the right idea--im not saying cut her off from you and your love--just from the things that support her addiction....the best thing my parents ever did was cut me off and tell me no--only then did i decide it was time to figure out how to live my life instead of living my death...so glad to see you again, and thank god for mothers like you--if there were more , the world would be a better place to live
Nytepassion's wisdom always comes to mind when I read of someone enabling their addict.
If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me)
Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit...trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me...The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours...the sooner I will arrive...and on time...just right where I need to be..me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead...resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one...
If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile, I am free to to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out...I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound.
Don't you see?? Don't you know?? You can't do this for me...
I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever supposed to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours
I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act fom your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me...but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good.
Don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly...Nudge me out of your safety net...trust the process and pray for me...that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar.
If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me)
Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit...trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me...The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours...the sooner I will arrive...and on time...just right where I need to be..me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead...resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one...
If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile, I am free to to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out...I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound.
Don't you see?? Don't you know?? You can't do this for me...
I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever supposed to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours
I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act fom your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me...but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good.
Don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly...Nudge me out of your safety net...trust the process and pray for me...that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar.
Sure is there is something you can do, love her, hug her, see her for more then she sees herself and let go.that is it, very simple.
The calls, they never much bugged me and I didnt give money.I just listened let my son run on and on, and if it was getting to redundant, or insane I would tell him I loved him very much yet had to go
One thing I did do is feed, I would feed anyone who happens to be here, so I will feed my child, always. It is amazing how many times he needed money to eat, and yet he must have not been all that hungry cause he never stopped over to eat with ushmmm makes me wonder
I was tough on him, I didnt drive him anywhere, didnt pick him up, not even when he was in outpatient, figured he could walk to the gfs where the crack was in a cold rain he could walk to out patient on a sunny day, and a rainy one.
I gave time to listen, even though it was insanityI gave patience, I bite my tongue a lot to keep from needing to show the lesson, and repeat the obvious that I believe they know
This is so hard to watch, but it isnt yours and your husband is right about that. This is her journey, she put herself on this path and she is most capable of changing directions. Dont help her stay sick
Believe in her
Maybe find some support for you, addiction isnt called a family disease without good reason
I will keep her in my prayers and you as well.
Remember to breath!
Love,
Tina
The calls, they never much bugged me and I didnt give money.I just listened let my son run on and on, and if it was getting to redundant, or insane I would tell him I loved him very much yet had to go
One thing I did do is feed, I would feed anyone who happens to be here, so I will feed my child, always. It is amazing how many times he needed money to eat, and yet he must have not been all that hungry cause he never stopped over to eat with ushmmm makes me wonder
I was tough on him, I didnt drive him anywhere, didnt pick him up, not even when he was in outpatient, figured he could walk to the gfs where the crack was in a cold rain he could walk to out patient on a sunny day, and a rainy one.
I gave time to listen, even though it was insanityI gave patience, I bite my tongue a lot to keep from needing to show the lesson, and repeat the obvious that I believe they know
This is so hard to watch, but it isnt yours and your husband is right about that. This is her journey, she put herself on this path and she is most capable of changing directions. Dont help her stay sick
Believe in her
Maybe find some support for you, addiction isnt called a family disease without good reason
I will keep her in my prayers and you as well.
Remember to breath!
Love,
Tina
bumps,
I will post the other by passion.
You can't make me clean
I know it is what you want for me to be and until I want it - I won't be.
You can't love me clean ...because until I learn to love myself. I won't be.
I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a lifestyle of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experience ... I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.
I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.
You see although I look and sound like your loved one. Me, the person .. is locked away deep down inside my being. What you see before you is a addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. The main focus of a addict is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of helping me *the person* falls prey to my addict giving more power to the addiction to shackel down *the person in me .. a little more each time.
I feed my addiction enough ... please don't help me.
The only way for the person in me to get free is to be free .. to fall as far as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight back and break free.
How can or will I ever be able to get clean.
The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF
By allowing me to reach 'rock bottom' you move over and allow me to find the my own way back .. It is in the fight to break free that I will find myself .. it is in the fight that I learn to love myself .. the more I love myself the more I will do to better myself.
I am aware that when I use I am playing russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance we take when we use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.
Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't get in if you are blocking the entrance ...
Please for the sake of the person in me .. move out of the way .. and let me fall as far down as I have to in order to reach the bottom .. and pray for me that when I do hit .. that is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that .. be sure to tell my story so that others might learn and live.
Passion
Recovering Addict
I will post the other by passion.
You can't make me clean
I know it is what you want for me to be and until I want it - I won't be.
You can't love me clean ...because until I learn to love myself. I won't be.
I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a lifestyle of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experience ... I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.
I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.
You see although I look and sound like your loved one. Me, the person .. is locked away deep down inside my being. What you see before you is a addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. The main focus of a addict is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of helping me *the person* falls prey to my addict giving more power to the addiction to shackel down *the person in me .. a little more each time.
I feed my addiction enough ... please don't help me.
The only way for the person in me to get free is to be free .. to fall as far as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight back and break free.
How can or will I ever be able to get clean.
The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF
By allowing me to reach 'rock bottom' you move over and allow me to find the my own way back .. It is in the fight to break free that I will find myself .. it is in the fight that I learn to love myself .. the more I love myself the more I will do to better myself.
I am aware that when I use I am playing russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance we take when we use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.
Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't get in if you are blocking the entrance ...
Please for the sake of the person in me .. move out of the way .. and let me fall as far down as I have to in order to reach the bottom .. and pray for me that when I do hit .. that is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that .. be sure to tell my story so that others might learn and live.
Passion
Recovering Addict
Hi there Welsh Lady
Oh honey, I know its tough at the minute and unfortunately, this is part of the pain the f****** disease brings with it- its affects the whole family! Please listen to me, because I am feeling your pain right now. Please take a little comfort in knowing that you arent alone in this nightmare world called Heroin addiction.
One of the hardest parts of this journey after the total shock of discovering your child is a Heroin addict is accepting the fact that there is nothing more YOU can do, you have to let go. That is apart from concentrating on fixing you.
However much you dont want to admit it, you know in your heart your husband is right. Unfortunately, men re-act differently to mums. There is NO love stronger than a mothers love for her children and thats what makes it so hard for us to let go. We are so used to protecting them and for making things ok the more they fall, the harder we try. only instead of helping we actually fail them by doing so. As hard as it sounds, its true. Just read the words of the addicts themselves and you will see. You have to go against every maternal instant you have. and believe me I know how hard it is.
You must remember that Heroin has changed your daughters way of thinking she still loves you in her own way, its just that her brain is clouded by the H. The only thing that will occupy her mind will be when and where shes next going to score. Of course she will tell you shes clean, shell tell you anything you want to hear so you will give her money for her next hit thats the only food she has a need for. What you are doing by giving her money is enabling her to kill herself a little more how does it sound when I put it like that??? Not so good is it. But you are her mum so you think by giving her money, you are helping her, Ive done it and so do all of us mums. For gods sake we are human beings and we love our kids but because we do love them we have to say NO.
Does the following statement ring true with you?
As a parent who loves them, you get no respite at all, and its a 24/7 living nightmare, which unfortunately NEVER goes away. You have to get through your working day and drag yourself up out of bed every morning. Only for one split second every morning when you first wake up (if youve managed to get any sleep that night) you think everything is ok..then reality hits you and you remember my daughter is a heroin addict.
The other thing I did for as long as possible was to protect EVERYONE around me, including and especially my daughter. The only person who was not protected from it all was ME.
Many times Ive thought in a strange way its harder for you than for them, because at least they get some escape from the pain when they have their next hit, they can go to a place where they enjoy the feeling of "being wrapped in their warm blanket but you can never escape the heartache or pain. Night after night with little or no sleep just tears and pain. You feel like the only person on earth who is suffering sooooooo much with no one to share it with but you are not alone Welsh Lady, I am here for you and I do know your pain and suffering.
Just try to stay strong and have faith.. we are all here to help you. Like I told you before the guys on this site are fantastic people who have experienced such a journey, which they kindly share good and bad. and thats such a help. They say an addicts life is a lonely one, but its not much different for an addicts family either.
I am appalled that your daughter has to wait so long to get a script but maybe her drug worker can help when she sees her on Monday. Do you have contact with her drug worker? How old did you say your daughter is?
Sorry I havent posted for a while but Im here for you. I know some times its just a brief word you need to hear at the right time that helps.
YOU take care of YOURSELF Welsh Lady and thats an order OK!!!!
LUV and BIG HUGS 2U
Christina xx
Oh honey, I know its tough at the minute and unfortunately, this is part of the pain the f****** disease brings with it- its affects the whole family! Please listen to me, because I am feeling your pain right now. Please take a little comfort in knowing that you arent alone in this nightmare world called Heroin addiction.
One of the hardest parts of this journey after the total shock of discovering your child is a Heroin addict is accepting the fact that there is nothing more YOU can do, you have to let go. That is apart from concentrating on fixing you.
However much you dont want to admit it, you know in your heart your husband is right. Unfortunately, men re-act differently to mums. There is NO love stronger than a mothers love for her children and thats what makes it so hard for us to let go. We are so used to protecting them and for making things ok the more they fall, the harder we try. only instead of helping we actually fail them by doing so. As hard as it sounds, its true. Just read the words of the addicts themselves and you will see. You have to go against every maternal instant you have. and believe me I know how hard it is.
You must remember that Heroin has changed your daughters way of thinking she still loves you in her own way, its just that her brain is clouded by the H. The only thing that will occupy her mind will be when and where shes next going to score. Of course she will tell you shes clean, shell tell you anything you want to hear so you will give her money for her next hit thats the only food she has a need for. What you are doing by giving her money is enabling her to kill herself a little more how does it sound when I put it like that??? Not so good is it. But you are her mum so you think by giving her money, you are helping her, Ive done it and so do all of us mums. For gods sake we are human beings and we love our kids but because we do love them we have to say NO.
Does the following statement ring true with you?
As a parent who loves them, you get no respite at all, and its a 24/7 living nightmare, which unfortunately NEVER goes away. You have to get through your working day and drag yourself up out of bed every morning. Only for one split second every morning when you first wake up (if youve managed to get any sleep that night) you think everything is ok..then reality hits you and you remember my daughter is a heroin addict.
The other thing I did for as long as possible was to protect EVERYONE around me, including and especially my daughter. The only person who was not protected from it all was ME.
Many times Ive thought in a strange way its harder for you than for them, because at least they get some escape from the pain when they have their next hit, they can go to a place where they enjoy the feeling of "being wrapped in their warm blanket but you can never escape the heartache or pain. Night after night with little or no sleep just tears and pain. You feel like the only person on earth who is suffering sooooooo much with no one to share it with but you are not alone Welsh Lady, I am here for you and I do know your pain and suffering.
Just try to stay strong and have faith.. we are all here to help you. Like I told you before the guys on this site are fantastic people who have experienced such a journey, which they kindly share good and bad. and thats such a help. They say an addicts life is a lonely one, but its not much different for an addicts family either.
I am appalled that your daughter has to wait so long to get a script but maybe her drug worker can help when she sees her on Monday. Do you have contact with her drug worker? How old did you say your daughter is?
Sorry I havent posted for a while but Im here for you. I know some times its just a brief word you need to hear at the right time that helps.
YOU take care of YOURSELF Welsh Lady and thats an order OK!!!!
LUV and BIG HUGS 2U
Christina xx
