Please help, my son who is fantastic and has always been good, he is 18 works hard, has bought his own scooter, off road bikes, car and insurance etc has a certain group of friends who he goes off with and they all smoke cannabis. I really hate this the smell the possibilities of the damage and after having a mum who suffered with mentle illness but not through drugs I worry that this could affect him. I have given him ultimatum of stopping smoking and he has chose to move out rather than give up. He said i should be proud of what he has achieved and that it is quite acceptable and more people die from alcolhol than smoking. They have answers for everything.
I find it embarrassing the smell from his clothes when he walks in if we have any one come etc, and i worry as he rides his scooter after having smoked it. Told him can not drive or ride with this as it will affect him. he just throws a strop at me.
He is a good hard working lad and i am very proud of him, but i never thought he would do this the other group of friends do not and disagree with him doing it. He does not go out drinking to pubs, as they usually come here with his friends and I find this safer and cheaper for them to do and i know where they are instead of being at risk of being attacked by mindless thugs.
what can i do and who is right.
Hi Mum,
So sorry you are worrying and going through this.
"WHO IS RIGHT?" Well I ain't an expert, but I'd say YOU. I think you know the answer as well. It's just when it's our kids we have to question it. Also whenever someone is using illegal drugs they're going to turn it around of course.
You did good giving him that ultimatum. You have to stick to it though. Also you DEFINATELY have reason for concern in regards to you mom's mental health issues. Personally I have seen people who smoked weed get more depressed when they didn't have it.
If you don't like he's doing it then you have that right. You're already proud of him. So, that debate holds no water. Someone from the board from Family & Friends will be here to help more. I'm just a recovering addict, BUT I can tell you and this sounds hypocritical that pot broke up my marriage.
My daughter is almost 18 and she started smoking ciggies. My ex husband told her he much rather her smoke pot as it's less a health risk. So, I kind of know where you are at. All good things to you and I am certain you'll get help here.
So sorry you are worrying and going through this.
"WHO IS RIGHT?" Well I ain't an expert, but I'd say YOU. I think you know the answer as well. It's just when it's our kids we have to question it. Also whenever someone is using illegal drugs they're going to turn it around of course.
You did good giving him that ultimatum. You have to stick to it though. Also you DEFINATELY have reason for concern in regards to you mom's mental health issues. Personally I have seen people who smoked weed get more depressed when they didn't have it.
If you don't like he's doing it then you have that right. You're already proud of him. So, that debate holds no water. Someone from the board from Family & Friends will be here to help more. I'm just a recovering addict, BUT I can tell you and this sounds hypocritical that pot broke up my marriage.
My daughter is almost 18 and she started smoking ciggies. My ex husband told her he much rather her smoke pot as it's less a health risk. So, I kind of know where you are at. All good things to you and I am certain you'll get help here.
Right or wrong.
How about him vs. you. That is what this will turn out to be.
You have to say what you mean, and mean what you say always. Should he be getting high no, but you will not be able to stop that at all. Only he can when he wants to. It is your house though, and you make the rules. No drug use in your house is a good one, and if he cant abide, well he is 18 he live elsewhere. As far as what he does out of the house you have no control over. Honestly there is no control ever.
You cant take anything away that is his either ( although you can ban him from your cars ). It seems he has his own toys, and pays the insurance for them. He does sound like a good kid, who is responsible except that he gets high.
From here what really do you want to do? This is hard in a lot of ways. Do you think he is an addict, or is he just partying? I know that some freak at this questions but you want to keep this in perspective. Not all children who use, even abuse drugs at this age become addicts.
Also the mental health issue comes in as well. If there is a history, then there is a concern. Many addicts do self medicate but you would know him best. Is he presenting signs of what you saw with whatever your mothers condition was? If it was schizophrenia I would worry as there is a link between smoking pot as teens and the earlier onset of it, and a worsening of the condition
There are some good posts on the family board about enabling and such and about codependency, you might want to check some out. One thing that seems so important is letting them learn from their actions and face all consequences no matter what they are. They cant learn if we save them, or fix things.
Take good care of you.
Love,
Tina
How about him vs. you. That is what this will turn out to be.
You have to say what you mean, and mean what you say always. Should he be getting high no, but you will not be able to stop that at all. Only he can when he wants to. It is your house though, and you make the rules. No drug use in your house is a good one, and if he cant abide, well he is 18 he live elsewhere. As far as what he does out of the house you have no control over. Honestly there is no control ever.
You cant take anything away that is his either ( although you can ban him from your cars ). It seems he has his own toys, and pays the insurance for them. He does sound like a good kid, who is responsible except that he gets high.
From here what really do you want to do? This is hard in a lot of ways. Do you think he is an addict, or is he just partying? I know that some freak at this questions but you want to keep this in perspective. Not all children who use, even abuse drugs at this age become addicts.
Also the mental health issue comes in as well. If there is a history, then there is a concern. Many addicts do self medicate but you would know him best. Is he presenting signs of what you saw with whatever your mothers condition was? If it was schizophrenia I would worry as there is a link between smoking pot as teens and the earlier onset of it, and a worsening of the condition
There are some good posts on the family board about enabling and such and about codependency, you might want to check some out. One thing that seems so important is letting them learn from their actions and face all consequences no matter what they are. They cant learn if we save them, or fix things.
Take good care of you.
Love,
Tina
If he is still working hard and achieving his goals, you need to let him live his life.
Don't start a war that you can't retreat from. You have drawn a line in the sand, and he has respected that by moving out.
Let him make his own decisions and hope that, like most 18 year olds, he grows out of it. I did.
Don't start a war that you can't retreat from. You have drawn a line in the sand, and he has respected that by moving out.
Let him make his own decisions and hope that, like most 18 year olds, he grows out of it. I did.
Since he is a great young man, he is worth the efforts you are making. If his life of making bad decisions about drugs brings instant bad results he may make better decisions sooner. Otherwise, if life is great with the drugs, it will get worse quick and your great kid will become someone you don't recognize. Trust me on that.
It is not an easy job being a parent, especially during those years. However, you still have to be mom (mum) and do the right thing.
God bless!
Lois
It is not an easy job being a parent, especially during those years. However, you still have to be mom (mum) and do the right thing.
God bless!
Lois
I have a son who was a great kid at 18 too. His second year at college he started smoking pot, became addicted and depressed and triggered some mild mental illness. I heard all the arguments about how it was safter than alcohol, etc. and how it made him a better person. Unfortunately that wasn't true. Many kids aren't aware that pot is addictive, and some move on to harder drugs to deal with the depression from pot. Fortunately so far we have been lucky in that respect, but I know someone whose son moved on to cocaine. I wish my son would have listened to me, but they think that they know everything at that age. I have come across people lately whose kids are addicted to pot, or caused depression in themselves with pot. I guess the pot these days is really strong. It is not the harmless drug some claim it to be.
