I can't believe it.
I managed a full week clean and then decided to have a joint last night. Since I stopped I have been avoiding alcohol as well which I thought may weaken my resolve, then last night my gf invited a mate round with the intention of having a bit of a session on the wine.
I knew this was coming and started to think to myself that I didn't want to drink, but it would be nice just to have one joint. I was sure (and, surprisingly, still am sure) that it was just a one off - ie. they chose to drink I chose to smoke.
Surprisingly, for the first couple of hours, I sat there aware that I could allow myself a smoke, but choosing not to have one - it really wasn't bothering me, but then as they proceeded to get drunk and shout over the TV I started to feel the old anger building up and ended up having a joint to stop myself getting wound up.
I did kind of wonder if when I had one I would love it again, but to be honest I found myself wondering what all the fuss was about. It may seem a strange thing to say after a "relapse" but I really do feel like I have broken the pattern - I just don't see the attraction any more, and know I won't be reaching for the tin tonight - not because I will be trying desparately not to, but just because I really don't WANT to anymore.
After getting used to being clear-headed I was amazed that just one weak joint gave me a "hangover" this morning - did I really used to feel like this ALL THE TIME?!
I do feel a bit ashamed of myself. Not because I think I am going to revert back to daily smoking - it's the furthest thing form my mind - but because I could be saying "day 8" today and I'm back to day 1.
After one joint I feel like all my anger has come back - I feel resentful towards my girlfriend as i really didn't feel comfortable with drinking going on while I was making such an effort to stop - but I know it's not her fault. Once she was drunk she was all for smoking the night away, wheras I was just disappointed in myself. I know it is nobody elses fault but my own really.
All is not lost - if anything last night was a learning experience - but what a stupid waste of a weeks worth of effort...
Hi Londoner,
I wouldnt say this is a week wasted, if anything, because you felt the way you did after that joint, i would say it was just a tiny hiccup and now you know you dont want to feel like you have cotton wool in your head 24/7 it may make the next few weeks easier weed free, just take you mind back to how your feeling now next time you want a joint, and know it isnt that good and you are better off without...................Just a thought.
I think you've done really well coming out feeling this way, see it ISNT that good.
GOODLUCK
love
Gabbi
I wouldnt say this is a week wasted, if anything, because you felt the way you did after that joint, i would say it was just a tiny hiccup and now you know you dont want to feel like you have cotton wool in your head 24/7 it may make the next few weeks easier weed free, just take you mind back to how your feeling now next time you want a joint, and know it isnt that good and you are better off without...................Just a thought.
I think you've done really well coming out feeling this way, see it ISNT that good.
GOODLUCK
love
Gabbi
londoner
I have been in those shoes several times over the years,I tried quitting a week at a time until I was so comfortable that I starting binge smoking after that. It almost as if I micro recovered for a week. I always had a hard time with smoking after a week clean , because I would feel guilty as if my effort was in vain , then render myself helpless, then I would smoke for the next 6 months. Just realize that this is a process, your mind and body likes to do what its used to even if its negative.You have no idea how many time it would take me to stop until I finally did, even realizing that smoking pot gave me terrible anxiety, and chest pains, as well as high triglycerides, and constant sore throat, but hell I just needed to smoke, even if i felt guilty while I was high, it was an oxymoron.
That is my addiction.Try to stop one day at a time
Best of luck
I have been in those shoes several times over the years,I tried quitting a week at a time until I was so comfortable that I starting binge smoking after that. It almost as if I micro recovered for a week. I always had a hard time with smoking after a week clean , because I would feel guilty as if my effort was in vain , then render myself helpless, then I would smoke for the next 6 months. Just realize that this is a process, your mind and body likes to do what its used to even if its negative.You have no idea how many time it would take me to stop until I finally did, even realizing that smoking pot gave me terrible anxiety, and chest pains, as well as high triglycerides, and constant sore throat, but hell I just needed to smoke, even if i felt guilty while I was high, it was an oxymoron.
That is my addiction.Try to stop one day at a time
Best of luck
