i read a post on here a while ago about how heroin changes you as a person even after you have got clean an stay clean .things never go back to the way they where ,well my b/f has been clean for around 4 1/2 months after using H for 9 yrs and things are just so different i dont know what it is excatly , but i dont like it (im 100% happy that he is clean an hope he never looks back ) . I sometimes lay in bed an wonder if i should leave him as i think i dont feel the same about him anymore but i dont know if this is just a patch im going through or if i have felt like this before only that my mind was else where because he was using so i was consantraiting on that an my valuables being safe . He too is so different i think it could be because we where both very young when he started on H an for the past 7 yrs he has been in an out of jail and my life as gone on with out him when he was out of jail it was for 8 weeks the most then he would go back inside but within them 8 weeks he would be high so i would just pretend he was not here an ignore him but now its like BANG he is home again but this time he is clean and he has been home for 6 months which is a very long time for him .Im just not used to this any one got any advise ???
thanks emma xxxxxxx
EMZ. Relationships are hard. I've yet to figure them out. As for the changes I think i came away from H wiser and maybe less trusting of people. I almost feel a little shell shocked PTS post traumatic stress. It's hard to explain the level i got to was scary. It was like going thru a traumatic experience. You walk away with a diffrent point of view about life.
When all is said and done LIFE is short you do need to be happy and if your not start looking at the real reasons why and work on them. It may or may not be him. I learned years ago other people should not have the power to make you unhappy. It's a bad ideal to use people as a cruth or depend on their mood to dictae your mood. You do have to live and make choices for yourself. Then again i tend to be a tad selfish.
When all is said and done LIFE is short you do need to be happy and if your not start looking at the real reasons why and work on them. It may or may not be him. I learned years ago other people should not have the power to make you unhappy. It's a bad ideal to use people as a cruth or depend on their mood to dictae your mood. You do have to live and make choices for yourself. Then again i tend to be a tad selfish.
Emz, does it really matter why your feelings have changed? Will knowing the reasons why make you feel the way you did before? Everybody changes, but making the change from using to clean is massive. Life is so different. Heroin cripples you emotionally, keeps you like a child. When you get clean you have no choice but to grow up - you have to in order to survive. You've spent most of your relationship just coping with the everyday fall out of active addiction. Now the wider world is swimming into focus. And you probably both want to get on with other things. As an addict in recovery, it is IMPERATIVE that he does. Heroin takes up so much of your life, that when you are learning to cope without it, you need to focus on other stuff, just to fill the gap. I guess that's true for you too.
Only you know if you are still in love with him or not, and that's the bottom line. If you know you are not, then leave, coz life is too short to waste on an empty relationship, and you don't want to string him along, either, if you no longer are in love with him.
love
Diff xxx
Only you know if you are still in love with him or not, and that's the bottom line. If you know you are not, then leave, coz life is too short to waste on an empty relationship, and you don't want to string him along, either, if you no longer are in love with him.
love
Diff xxx
Dear Emma, It sounds to me like you were so wrapped up with the drama of your b/f when he was on H and now that he is home, you don't know what to do with yourself or your time. Maybe try and find a hobby outside the home. Youcan even attend an alanon or naranon meeting and learn how to take care of YOU. Alot of times addicts go through a phase THE DRUGS ARE GONE-NOW WHAT DO I DO? Some get involved with the gym, some get involved with their church. Find something you both like doing. Get on a bowling league, go fishing, start walking every night. Something attracted you two to each other. Good Luck, Dawn
Emz I think if you are having doubts then your probably right...thats special feeling has gone. Even just to have that thought in your head.
Although you dont like it you are so used to drama in your relationship and now nothing.
Just go with your instincts hunny and you cant go far wrong. Thinking ov ya xx
Although you dont like it you are so used to drama in your relationship and now nothing.
Just go with your instincts hunny and you cant go far wrong. Thinking ov ya xx
It's a tricky one, you kinda feel like your role is no longer so clear...You got some good advice here though. Get yourself something to fill the gap too and see if you still enjoy each others' company. No relationship is plain sailing but equally life IS short. If you try in every way to take care of your needs and see if things work then at least, if things don't work out, you can feel at ease that you haven't made a mistake.
Thinking of you at this stressul and difficult time.
Maddy x x x
Thinking of you at this stressul and difficult time.
Maddy x x x
well as usual everyone has taken the words outta my mouth--but hang in there--he isnt gonna be the "same" and you arent the same either and your relationship wont be--try to get to know him, yourself, and your relationshionship all over again look at it like a new start--communitcation is so very important--use i statement--i know it sounds so stupid but it really helps--good luck--and good love :)
Emz, all I can add to what I said before is that when a relationship is dead, in my experience, you KNOW it is. You can't wait to get out, and you are consumed with thoughts of how you can disentangle yourself with inflicting as little pain as possible. But there's no easy way to break someones heart, so before you do anything rash, make sure you are sure, coz once it's done, you can't unburn your bridges. I personally feel that trial separations are a bit cowardly, and often unfair, if deep down you know that you ain't coming back. That said, getting a bit of space can sometimes be the only way you can figure out what you really feel.
I know that when I broke up with my ex, it was after I had been to stay with my mum for a few days, and when I came back, I found out that he'd scored, when he promised me he wouldn't. So when I found out, I said that's it, I want out. At the time it was said in temper, and mainly jealousy, because I was still struggling to stay clean myself. But once it was said, I felt relief, and realised that I was sick of us going round in circles all the time. It was another few months before I actually moved out, but during those months it was all I could think about.
And when I did move out, the first few nights, I would wake up talking to him, before coming round, and realising that I was alone. And he was alone. And I'd cry tears for the both of us. I was eaten up by guilt. By not once did I ever doubt that my decision was the right one for me. I know that my experience is very different - we were both addicts, I wanted to recover, and he didn't, plus he was very ill - he has ms - and although he adored me, he wasn't able to give back to me all the things I required to be happy. I'd cared for him for a long time, and it was breaking me, coz I didn't have any help.
Anyway, I'm getting off the point, maybe you could have a short little break, stay with some family or friends, and just see how much you miss him. It could be a lot more than you think...
I often have doubts about my boyfriend. I know that I'm not happy living in his house, which is why I've got my own house now (almost ready to move into now!!!). But I wonder sometimes how much I really love him, and often feel lonely, and sad, and wonder if there's someone out there who could really make me happy. I think I love and hate him in equal measure. The passion is still there, I know that. I had a strange dream last night, I dreamed the relationship was the way I wished it was, and we could talk the way I want to, and be the way I wish we were together. I don't know if it gave me hope or just made me sad. But we do make beautiful children together, and he absolutely adores our little girl. He's a good dad. He didn't want her when I was pregnant, and made my life a living hell. But he couldn't be more grateful to me now for fighting so hard to keep her... Relationships are so complicated!!!
keep smiling...
love
diff x
I know that when I broke up with my ex, it was after I had been to stay with my mum for a few days, and when I came back, I found out that he'd scored, when he promised me he wouldn't. So when I found out, I said that's it, I want out. At the time it was said in temper, and mainly jealousy, because I was still struggling to stay clean myself. But once it was said, I felt relief, and realised that I was sick of us going round in circles all the time. It was another few months before I actually moved out, but during those months it was all I could think about.
And when I did move out, the first few nights, I would wake up talking to him, before coming round, and realising that I was alone. And he was alone. And I'd cry tears for the both of us. I was eaten up by guilt. By not once did I ever doubt that my decision was the right one for me. I know that my experience is very different - we were both addicts, I wanted to recover, and he didn't, plus he was very ill - he has ms - and although he adored me, he wasn't able to give back to me all the things I required to be happy. I'd cared for him for a long time, and it was breaking me, coz I didn't have any help.
Anyway, I'm getting off the point, maybe you could have a short little break, stay with some family or friends, and just see how much you miss him. It could be a lot more than you think...
I often have doubts about my boyfriend. I know that I'm not happy living in his house, which is why I've got my own house now (almost ready to move into now!!!). But I wonder sometimes how much I really love him, and often feel lonely, and sad, and wonder if there's someone out there who could really make me happy. I think I love and hate him in equal measure. The passion is still there, I know that. I had a strange dream last night, I dreamed the relationship was the way I wished it was, and we could talk the way I want to, and be the way I wish we were together. I don't know if it gave me hope or just made me sad. But we do make beautiful children together, and he absolutely adores our little girl. He's a good dad. He didn't want her when I was pregnant, and made my life a living hell. But he couldn't be more grateful to me now for fighting so hard to keep her... Relationships are so complicated!!!
keep smiling...
love
diff x
