Can an addict on this forum please help me? My husband was a great man. He was a great father, husband, worker, family member etc. He had high morals. We had been high school sweethearts and intimacy was a once special thing to him. He had only been with me. To make a long story short, he was doing coke and meth on and off for 10 years and the last two years regularly like an eight ball or meth or coke a day. Once I found out, he denied it and left. Within the three months he left before admitting he had a problem and going for help, we lost our home, separated, he withdrew from me and our children lost two jobs he worked for 9 years, and got arrested and put on probation. Once he got help I thought I could deal with all this and now he has been sober for almost 4 months. He wants to save our family and I want to as well. However the problem I am having is that while he left, he was in a two week relationship with a coke addict. He said it was all about the drugs and that he was only with her barely twice because he could not do much while on drugs. Is this true and can someone tell me how he could let this happen. He had only been with me and we held that sacred. I know he would not do that off of drugs or if he was on drugs while we were together. I feel it was cheating because we were separated not divorced but he said when he left, he was sure it was over and I would never want him back the way he was. He said he was lonely and she supplied him and endless amount of drugs for free. What should I do or believe. I imagine this long intimate sex due to the drugs but he says it was not at all like that because he could not function on them and felt guilt for me. Please give me some insight if anyone has an experience like this.
I DO THING FROM HEARING YOUR STORY IT WAS JUST FOR THE DRUGS. NO AS FAR AS NOT FUNCTIONING ON METH THATS NOT TRUE. IT ACTUALLY BOOSTS THE SEX DRVE NEED OR WANT HOWEVER YOU WANT TO WORD IT. SO THAT MAY HAVE BEEN ANOTHER REASON FOR HIS ACTIONS. I WOULD DEFINATLY HAVE HIM GET TESTED JUST IN CASE THERE HAS BEEN MORE THAN JUST THE ONE OTHER PARTNER AND EVEN IF THERE WAS JUST ONE OTHER PARTNER. WHEN YOU ARE ON METH AND SEXUALY ACTIVE YOU TEND TO FORGET THE PERCUATIONS OF SAFETY.
I appologize for dissagreeing with the previous answer to this post. In many if not most cases meth destroys a mans sexual function. I know this both from personal experience and from many other cases. I was a meth addict when the drug first became a problem about thirty years ago. Quit it after five or six years and never went back. Now I have a wife that is a meth addict. You are lucky that the role is not reversed. There are many meth dealers that do not do meth but use it as a tool for sexual predators. For women prostitution and rampant sexual misconduct seems to be almost inevitable with meth adiction but for men it is very differenty. I have met many men who are uncomfortable in relationships and they use meth to kill their sexual desires not to enhanse them. The chances are that your husband is telling the truth regarding his sexuality. But remember that in general meth addicts have no concept of truth, love, or loyalty and canot in any circumstances be trusted. It is the most difficult drug to get off of and the most destructive. I have worked with addicts of many sorts over the last twenty years and heroin and cocain are in my experience much less damaging than meth. Not good but less bad. Be sure and have him tested for any disease that can be cought from unhealthy contact though as the drugs are much more risk for diseases than sex.
REV C
IT DOES DESTROY SEXUAL DESIRE AFTER A WHILE BUT NOT IN THE BEGINING FOR A MODERATE TO CASUAL USER. IT ACTUALY MAKE SEXUAL EXPEIRANCES MORE PLEASURABLE THAT IS WHY IT IS SO BAD AMONGST GAY AND LESBIANS IT IS A PROVEN FACT IM NOT TRYING TO ARGUE.
IT DOES DESTROY SEXUAL DESIRE AFTER A WHILE BUT NOT IN THE BEGINING FOR A MODERATE TO CASUAL USER. IT ACTUALY MAKE SEXUAL EXPEIRANCES MORE PLEASURABLE THAT IS WHY IT IS SO BAD AMONGST GAY AND LESBIANS IT IS A PROVEN FACT IM NOT TRYING TO ARGUE.
To help you both understand where I am coming from. When my husband left, he had been doing meth for 10 years on and off and for the last year everyday (an eight ball and with coke). We did and still have sexual problems.
It is very hard to trust him. He went to rehab and has been sober for 4 months. Tomorrow night he starts outpatient treatment that I will be heavily involved with. Maybe through listening and learning, I can understand why he did what he did.
What about powder cocaine though? He did meth but he mainly used coke with her. What about with Adderol, Xanex, Valuium, Loratabs and Morphine? He pretty much did all those daily. He drank too.
It is very hard to trust him. He went to rehab and has been sober for 4 months. Tomorrow night he starts outpatient treatment that I will be heavily involved with. Maybe through listening and learning, I can understand why he did what he did.
What about powder cocaine though? He did meth but he mainly used coke with her. What about with Adderol, Xanex, Valuium, Loratabs and Morphine? He pretty much did all those daily. He drank too.
Is your husband completley free of all of the drugs that he was taking?
Do you feel a commitment from him to really get his life in order?.
It will be educational for you to go to as many meetings as you can.
If you decide that you are comfortable that he will not relapse then you have to learn to forgive what happened while he was using, easier said than done. You will be taught how to get past this in the sessions ahead.
Good luck to you both.
Keep in touch.
Karen
Do you feel a commitment from him to really get his life in order?.
It will be educational for you to go to as many meetings as you can.
If you decide that you are comfortable that he will not relapse then you have to learn to forgive what happened while he was using, easier said than done. You will be taught how to get past this in the sessions ahead.
Good luck to you both.
Keep in touch.
Karen
ash, for me my ex did meth once aroumd me that i know of and that was a useless drug for him sexually, complete zero in that department, however drinking and i mean to the ground seemed to have no effect on him sexually, if he was drunk he was probably on the prowl. opiates he could not perform either.
hope that helps
carol
hope that helps
carol
Ash,
I can understand what you are going through. My husband is also a meth addict. We have been together for 22yrs & I just found out of his addiction 4yrs ago. He has been an addict of meth for 12-13yrs. I was clueless. He has been clean since April 24-05. He has been to 2 programs in the last 4yrs. #1 he was in for 30 days stayed clean for a few wks #2 he was in for 60 days & was clean for 108 days. He relapsed in Jan 2005...He left me & our 3 children for 3 months (this was the fifth time he abandoned his family in a spree of 18months).
I have learned a lot because of his addiction. I have informed myself & educated myself through sites like this one & others.
Through his periods of leaving us, yes he had a fling with his drug buddy. He denied at first. This was very hard to deal with & still is. The thought of him being with this fling disgusted me & still does. Why? because I know who the fling is, and it just so happens that I work with her. She has slept with just about every male species @work. Why my husband would even have sex with this person is beyond me & I know in my heart that there is more to this story than he is telling me.
During his last disapearing act (Feb 2005) I joined Al-Anon. They have helped me so much. Once you start going to meeting you will see that we are not alone. I am glad you are going to meeting with him, but you need meetings of your own. You need to vent from time to time & once you do you feel so much better. Good Luck & God Bless you with love,tsr
my husband when he is high he gets very sexual as far as getting an erection for some reason he just doesnt wich is very frustrating for him and i
