Hi.
I'm hoping you can answer a couple of questions I have about sober living homes. My situation is unique and I've been unable to find much information that might be useful to me or help quell my concerns.
I have an 8-year-old son for whom I share custody with his now-sober-for-four-years father. He has lived around the corner from me and we have operated on a 5/5/2 schedule for the last year. He's been through a lot of jobs in the last eight years, but has now been offered a job as the resident manager/admissions coordinator for a sober living home (co-ed, last I heard,but no other children on site)that will be opening in our home in a couple of months. It will be housed in a place that operated as a small hotel that is also in our general small neighborhood.This would require him to be live on the premises. So far, the only details of the job description that I know are that he has to be there between 9 and 10 pm to do a curfew check and also wake everyone up in the morning. He is supposed to be getting me a detailed job description from the owner/director, but has yet to do that. He says that his living quarters there are right next to the one-story building (u-shaped,I guess) and that it has its own kitchen, bath, etc.
As much as I am totally thrilled for him to have an opportunity to work with people in recovery, I'm pretty concerned about my son's safety. I have a friend of the family who is a therapist at a credential rehab center in Tennessee and she tells me that it is no place for a child even if he is reportedly being shielded as much as possible. So far, his plan is to leave our son locked in their place when he has to do curfew checks and he tells me he won't be exposed to the clients there at all. We don't leave our 8-year-old (he just turned 8) home alone now. He's a super bright, sweet boy who also has had some therapy for a lot of fears he has. He's an outside kid obsessed with basketball and will spend hours shooting.
I grew up with a stepfather who was a long-time sober and who sponsored many people along the way until he died of cancer. I saw a lot of people go from utter despair to living wonderful, full lives. I love the idea of the peer support and nurturing of a sober house situation. My son has been to AA meetings with his dad, but he doesn't really know what they are all about. He has met a lot of good people in the recovery community and I have no qualms about him being a part of that.
Am I wrong to worry that this is not a safe living arrangement for a little kid?
I can share a little bit on this.
Some sober homes are designed for adults with children. Others are not.
The safety of the child depends on how strict the sober home is, in terms of enforcing the sobriety rules. I am familiar with 5 such homes in my area, and they are all uber-strict. The themes and spirit of these homes is sobriety and recovery.
What would I investigate before allowing my child to be around such a home? I think it depends on the specific individuals who are the tenants. In my experience, I have no problem with my chldren being around ~80% of the people I know in recovery. I have concerns about the other 20%.
I don't know if this helps. I am anvious to see what other peolpe say.
Fly
Some sober homes are designed for adults with children. Others are not.
The safety of the child depends on how strict the sober home is, in terms of enforcing the sobriety rules. I am familiar with 5 such homes in my area, and they are all uber-strict. The themes and spirit of these homes is sobriety and recovery.
What would I investigate before allowing my child to be around such a home? I think it depends on the specific individuals who are the tenants. In my experience, I have no problem with my chldren being around ~80% of the people I know in recovery. I have concerns about the other 20%.
I don't know if this helps. I am anvious to see what other peolpe say.
Fly
Thank you so much for your reply. It is the other 20% that I worry about. Actually, it's the 1% because I feel like 99% of the people there will be focused on recovering and fellowship. I guess I also feel like this will be a very adult world with adult issues that will be his everyday experience 50% of his childhood. It seems like something isn't right about that. I also worry about his dad's plan to lock him inside their part of the place (which is not actually separate..it's connected, but has a separate entrance) while he does his nightly curfew checks. I'm talking to my son's therapist (he has issues with a lot of nighttime fears and had a traumatic experience with waking up during an umbilical hernia surgery) and have had a few opinion's from professionals. I, too, look forward to anyone else's input.
Thanks again.
Thanks again.
