How many times must we repeat our mistakes? If we are intelligent beings than why continue insanity? Don't we a have a choice to do what is right? When we no the outcome of something already tested,why continue the destructive path? I wished there was a magic pill, that could make it all disappear. Is it a disease of the mind or the body? Or our choice to keep living like the walking dead? I wonder is the golden key acceptance of something we have no control over. Or is it just a choice. I made it five days, & let the cravings & mind games take control. I wished I was stronger than the Alcohol. Yet, I know I'm not. Maybe I just quit caring about everything. How do I learn to care again? Before it's too late! I pray to God each day, I try to thank him for everything. I've tried AA & Rational Recovery. They both have their points. I honestly don't know which theory is correct. I'm so sick & tired of being sick & confused. If I can't get better because I have a disease,or choice. Whats the point of caring on? I try to think of what my families lives would be with out me,or with me. I'm starting to believe they really would be better off without me. Or is this just a lie Satan wants me to beleive? I'm so tired of trying to do this over & over again. Is there really a way out? Because I really really want to be free from the depressive, dehabilitating grips of alcohol. I beleive their is someone who cares, someone who can help. So I thankyou, in advance for listening & caring. May God Bless you for Helping Others, Chris
Chris, I don't know the answer to your question. I have pondered those same questions myself many times..... Two years ago I was drinking every day.
After supper I would sit in fear for awhile knowing that I was going to start drinking even though I didn't want to. As I lifted the first drink to my lips and I would think "how will this evening end?" Now I am a reasonably inteligent succesfull person otherwise, I have no idea why or how alcohol could do that to me.
After missing work three times in a short time period I got scared and tried cutting down. I thought I was getting my drinking under control. I got to the point where I was drinking in such a way that I wasn't hung over on week day mornings. In the last 6 weeks there were even 3 weeks that I abstained sunday,monday, tuesday and wednsday. I thought my use of alcohol was getting to be nearly normal.
However, last weekend I went out thinking that I would be doing some "normal weekend drinking" and went right out of control. Thankfully no lasting consequences other than my self respect and dignity. While relfecting on this event I realized that :
1) I have been completely ignoring the fact that I have binged like this on three other ocaisions in the last year
2) I DONT HAVE CONTROL OF THIS BEAST! I have learned to play games that help me avoid the worst of it some of the time.
Chris you are not alone or abnormal.... hang in there...
Bye for now, Cookster
After supper I would sit in fear for awhile knowing that I was going to start drinking even though I didn't want to. As I lifted the first drink to my lips and I would think "how will this evening end?" Now I am a reasonably inteligent succesfull person otherwise, I have no idea why or how alcohol could do that to me.
After missing work three times in a short time period I got scared and tried cutting down. I thought I was getting my drinking under control. I got to the point where I was drinking in such a way that I wasn't hung over on week day mornings. In the last 6 weeks there were even 3 weeks that I abstained sunday,monday, tuesday and wednsday. I thought my use of alcohol was getting to be nearly normal.
However, last weekend I went out thinking that I would be doing some "normal weekend drinking" and went right out of control. Thankfully no lasting consequences other than my self respect and dignity. While relfecting on this event I realized that :
1) I have been completely ignoring the fact that I have binged like this on three other ocaisions in the last year
2) I DONT HAVE CONTROL OF THIS BEAST! I have learned to play games that help me avoid the worst of it some of the time.
Chris you are not alone or abnormal.... hang in there...
Bye for now, Cookster
For me I believe it is a disease...my family is riddled with alcoholics and addicts...I am told it is a three-fold disease and I am plagued with a mental obsession (once I start I cant' stop thinking about it), cravings (once I start drinking I crave more and more) and I have a spiritual malady (which I can tend to by staying away from drink/drugs and by having a relationship with my Higher Power). I work the Steps in my life (or try to) on a daily basis....Step One, that was such a relief, to admit I am alcoholic and my life had become unmanageable, and still is at times, but I go back to the Steps in "all my affairs" and when I do I have a pretty good shot at staying sober one more day.
For me,
I also believe it's a disease. My medecine is a program of recovery, for me, A.A. and recently I've begun also attending a couple N.A. meetings as well.
Just like someone who MUST take medecine for whatever disease on a daily basis, I need to attend meetings, and of course do whatever else is suggested to keep my disease, which is progressive, and deadly, at bay. Anytime in the past that I've slacked off and thought I could controll my disease on my own, without the help of others and a program, my disease snuck back up on me and for argument sake, I broke out again. Just like any other disease, cancer, diabeticts, etc.. this is also a disease that willpower has nothing to do with.
Without my "medecine" my disease gets worse every time it comes back. One thing I've learned, for me, is I don't try to anylize it. It is what it is. I'm an alcoholic/addict. Quite simply, if I do whats suggested I stay clean and sober.
When I don't, I end up picking up. Even when I don't want to. Because my disease tells me, when I'm not doing whats suggested, it's ok, I can handle it, and my addiction when it's in control of me can justify anything. And when I'm not doing whats suggested and these thoughts come up, they win because I'm not taking my "medecine" to fight it. Personally, I don't care what it is, when I follow suggestions, I stay sober and life is good. It's just that simple for me.
I think we all have that want or desire in common, that makes us wanna anylize something and try to find some sort of answer where we can end up saying, "I was right". It's a "Foolish Pride" thing that I think all addicts have to work on letting go of. Admitting complete defeat is probably one of the hardest things we do. But without honestly doing so, it's us who in fact are defeated.
Having Pride in ourselves is a good thing, but "Foolish Pride" is a deadly thing.
For me anyway.
Take care,
"Keep It Simple"
Bob
I also believe it's a disease. My medecine is a program of recovery, for me, A.A. and recently I've begun also attending a couple N.A. meetings as well.
Just like someone who MUST take medecine for whatever disease on a daily basis, I need to attend meetings, and of course do whatever else is suggested to keep my disease, which is progressive, and deadly, at bay. Anytime in the past that I've slacked off and thought I could controll my disease on my own, without the help of others and a program, my disease snuck back up on me and for argument sake, I broke out again. Just like any other disease, cancer, diabeticts, etc.. this is also a disease that willpower has nothing to do with.
Without my "medecine" my disease gets worse every time it comes back. One thing I've learned, for me, is I don't try to anylize it. It is what it is. I'm an alcoholic/addict. Quite simply, if I do whats suggested I stay clean and sober.
When I don't, I end up picking up. Even when I don't want to. Because my disease tells me, when I'm not doing whats suggested, it's ok, I can handle it, and my addiction when it's in control of me can justify anything. And when I'm not doing whats suggested and these thoughts come up, they win because I'm not taking my "medecine" to fight it. Personally, I don't care what it is, when I follow suggestions, I stay sober and life is good. It's just that simple for me.
I think we all have that want or desire in common, that makes us wanna anylize something and try to find some sort of answer where we can end up saying, "I was right". It's a "Foolish Pride" thing that I think all addicts have to work on letting go of. Admitting complete defeat is probably one of the hardest things we do. But without honestly doing so, it's us who in fact are defeated.
Having Pride in ourselves is a good thing, but "Foolish Pride" is a deadly thing.
For me anyway.
Take care,
"Keep It Simple"
Bob
Chris,
It sounds like you have got what you need, and that is a real desire to stop.
Something I have been finding incredibly helpful lately is to stop questioning everything. Just stop, it is quite liberating. There never seems to be an answer, the questions just go on and on. It is insanity.
Good luck to you, you can do it.
Love Lacey.
It sounds like you have got what you need, and that is a real desire to stop.
Something I have been finding incredibly helpful lately is to stop questioning everything. Just stop, it is quite liberating. There never seems to be an answer, the questions just go on and on. It is insanity.
Good luck to you, you can do it.
Love Lacey.
I ACCEPT that I am POWERLESS over ALCOHOL
came to believe that a power GREATER THAN MYSELF could restore me to SANITY.
You can't think yourself sober - believe me I tried for a long time. You've just got to find that acceptance.
came to believe that a power GREATER THAN MYSELF could restore me to SANITY.
You can't think yourself sober - believe me I tried for a long time. You've just got to find that acceptance.
