I posted on the heroin board also,but I think maybe I see a little more 12 step experiance over here.
I started up NA meetings again the past few months and this getting a sponser thing is on my mind. Now,I know it takes time,but every effort I gave these 12 step programs in the past seemed to stop when I felt I had to choose a sponser.
I know what qualities I should look for ,and I know that clean time is ultra important but this hurdle is a tough one for me.
Any suggestions how you guys went about this or if any of you feel its not nessecery. ?
thanks once again
peace& respect
jack
jack,
are you a spiritual person? if so well thats who i chose as my sponser and i surrounded myself with other recovering addicts who we can meet for coffee and talk about whats up or go out after work and hang out, we dont say hey i am meeting people from the program, we say hey i am meeting adam to watch the game or take a hike. see what i am saying? i dont know maybe i am lucky that way to know healthy recovering addicts doing it thier way and living as outstanding functioning members of society. you know what they say, every thing happens for a reason. its what we do with what gets thrown our way that counts
terrianne
are you a spiritual person? if so well thats who i chose as my sponser and i surrounded myself with other recovering addicts who we can meet for coffee and talk about whats up or go out after work and hang out, we dont say hey i am meeting people from the program, we say hey i am meeting adam to watch the game or take a hike. see what i am saying? i dont know maybe i am lucky that way to know healthy recovering addicts doing it thier way and living as outstanding functioning members of society. you know what they say, every thing happens for a reason. its what we do with what gets thrown our way that counts
terrianne
Jack hi there hun the answer my friend is simple go with what you feel is right for you, im sure that if you choose the wrong kind of sponser for you then you can change, its just finding the right way that works for you as an individual. Well done for at least investagating any option good luck jaxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Jack
Don't be so picky. hehe There is no "perfect" sponsor. All you need is someone that has worked the steps and is living the principles of the program in all their affairs. Don't complicate it. If things don't work out with the first sponsor you can always get a second (kinda like marriage). Listen at meetings and just ask someone. What I tell people is if you find someone that has what you want and they say they can't sponsor you, ask if they have a sponsee that can.
Good luck
Don't be so picky. hehe There is no "perfect" sponsor. All you need is someone that has worked the steps and is living the principles of the program in all their affairs. Don't complicate it. If things don't work out with the first sponsor you can always get a second (kinda like marriage). Listen at meetings and just ask someone. What I tell people is if you find someone that has what you want and they say they can't sponsor you, ask if they have a sponsee that can.
Good luck
What 12 stepper said...there is no perfect one, although I seem to have found one..lol
Look for clean time, look for a personality that will kick your butt but love you at the same time.
Listen to people as they are sharing in meetings. Get a feel for them that way. That's when most are being real.
When you find one, ask how many sponsee's they have. If it's more than 4 or 5, ask someone else. I only say that because on of my first sponsor had 7 sponsees and she never had time for me.
If you don't like the first one, move on to another. Just don't give up. And remember it's up to you to call them and do what they tell you to do, every day. It's not up to them to call you. This takes some effort...but it is so worth it to have someone in NA that can walk this journey with you.
Hope this helps
Cowgirl
Look for clean time, look for a personality that will kick your butt but love you at the same time.
Listen to people as they are sharing in meetings. Get a feel for them that way. That's when most are being real.
When you find one, ask how many sponsee's they have. If it's more than 4 or 5, ask someone else. I only say that because on of my first sponsor had 7 sponsees and she never had time for me.
If you don't like the first one, move on to another. Just don't give up. And remember it's up to you to call them and do what they tell you to do, every day. It's not up to them to call you. This takes some effort...but it is so worth it to have someone in NA that can walk this journey with you.
Hope this helps
Cowgirl
I completely agree with what cowgirl & 12-stepper said above
I am relatiely new to the NA program myself
At my home group, they ask at the end of each meeting for those to raise their hands that are willing to be a "temporary sponsor". I like that cause you can choose someone to help you thru the steps and if it does not work well, you can switch to someone different cause it started as just a "temporary" relationship.
I picked the woman as my "temporary sponsor" based on the fact that she HAS WHAT I WANT, is very active with the group, attends 99% of all meetings, has almost 15 years of clean time, etc. I also liked that she always shares about her problems with life. I can relate to much of what she talks about even though we are very different from each other. Even though she has been clean for a long time, she still has problems in life (as we all do) and talks about them and what she is doing to get thru them, how the program helps her do so, etc.
So far, everything is great and I don't consider her "temporary" - she IS my sponsor!!
Good luck to you!!
:-)
Swizzle
I am relatiely new to the NA program myself
At my home group, they ask at the end of each meeting for those to raise their hands that are willing to be a "temporary sponsor". I like that cause you can choose someone to help you thru the steps and if it does not work well, you can switch to someone different cause it started as just a "temporary" relationship.
I picked the woman as my "temporary sponsor" based on the fact that she HAS WHAT I WANT, is very active with the group, attends 99% of all meetings, has almost 15 years of clean time, etc. I also liked that she always shares about her problems with life. I can relate to much of what she talks about even though we are very different from each other. Even though she has been clean for a long time, she still has problems in life (as we all do) and talks about them and what she is doing to get thru them, how the program helps her do so, etc.
So far, everything is great and I don't consider her "temporary" - she IS my sponsor!!
Good luck to you!!
:-)
Swizzle
Swizzle..that is so cool!!!!!!!!!! Happy for you that you found the right one. It makes the journey that much easier.
Good for you!
Love
Cowgirl
Good for you!
Love
Cowgirl
I have been going to one NA group kind of regular,so I guees it would become my home group,they,re are a lot of hard core addicts ( older) there, so I feel a bit more comfortable.
However,I like the idea of a temp. I have a fear of commitment anyway. Does it cause any silly ego problems when you switch sponsers?. I would hate to cause any animosity by telling a temp. that I have thought about it and now I choose someone else.
This issue is not somthing I want to hurry,but I would like to find someone ,as my methadone dose is getting less a less.
thanks to all who responded.
still tryin
jack
However,I like the idea of a temp. I have a fear of commitment anyway. Does it cause any silly ego problems when you switch sponsers?. I would hate to cause any animosity by telling a temp. that I have thought about it and now I choose someone else.
This issue is not somthing I want to hurry,but I would like to find someone ,as my methadone dose is getting less a less.
thanks to all who responded.
still tryin
jack
If your sponsor takes it personally, that's their problem. I actually went to a class of sorts that taught me how to be one. One of the things covered is that if it doesn't work out between you, it's ok to walk away and not feel bad.
It's about you Jack. You have to work a "me" program for awhile. So don't worry about a sponsor getting their feelings hurt. They've been around for awhile and understand how things work. A simple phone call saying, I'm sorry but this isn't working for me, is all that's needed. Then let it go.
Try not to over think this. Just ask for a sponsor and let it happen the way it's suppose too.
Have a great day...
Lisa
It's about you Jack. You have to work a "me" program for awhile. So don't worry about a sponsor getting their feelings hurt. They've been around for awhile and understand how things work. A simple phone call saying, I'm sorry but this isn't working for me, is all that's needed. Then let it go.
Try not to over think this. Just ask for a sponsor and let it happen the way it's suppose too.
Have a great day...
Lisa
Jack,
Echoing what Lisa said (I seem to do that a lot!), never lose sight of the fact that your sponsor wants to help you to stay clean by guiding you through the 12 steps. If your recovery takes you in a different direction, as often happens, then your sponsor will recognize that you are doing what you feel you need to do in order to continue your best recovery. And if he doesn't, that's on him.
BTW, I don't know how deep into Queens you live, but there's a great NA Men's meeting on Thursday nights in Roslyn. A good mix of older and younger guys, and really, really strong recovery.
Matt
PS Bob Weir and Ratdog are playing Monday night at Westbury Music Fair (North Fork Theater) I'll be manning the Wharf Rats table if you can make it!
Echoing what Lisa said (I seem to do that a lot!), never lose sight of the fact that your sponsor wants to help you to stay clean by guiding you through the 12 steps. If your recovery takes you in a different direction, as often happens, then your sponsor will recognize that you are doing what you feel you need to do in order to continue your best recovery. And if he doesn't, that's on him.
BTW, I don't know how deep into Queens you live, but there's a great NA Men's meeting on Thursday nights in Roslyn. A good mix of older and younger guys, and really, really strong recovery.
Matt
PS Bob Weir and Ratdog are playing Monday night at Westbury Music Fair (North Fork Theater) I'll be manning the Wharf Rats table if you can make it!
Hi,
I'd also add, if you pick the person that says the things you wanna hear, you probably picked the wrong person. Like what was said above, pick someone with good clean time, someone who walks the walk outside the rooms as well as in, and someone that will expect you to do the things that normally you would think was bullsh-t. When I asked the guy thats my sponsor today to be my sponsor, #1 I didn't know him before hand, #2 he isn't a guy that sugar coats anything, ( Which I like ) and he said to me, "I don't like the word "Sponsor", we'll just be two friends helping eachother stay clean & sober".
Take care..........Bob
I'd also add, if you pick the person that says the things you wanna hear, you probably picked the wrong person. Like what was said above, pick someone with good clean time, someone who walks the walk outside the rooms as well as in, and someone that will expect you to do the things that normally you would think was bullsh-t. When I asked the guy thats my sponsor today to be my sponsor, #1 I didn't know him before hand, #2 he isn't a guy that sugar coats anything, ( Which I like ) and he said to me, "I don't like the word "Sponsor", we'll just be two friends helping eachother stay clean & sober".
Take care..........Bob
Thanks to all for the helpful info. I guess when it comes to this kind of stuff ,I get a little shy -never mind apprehensive.
I,ll get over it and,and now knowing that any decision I make isnt carved in stone helps a lot.
Matt--
Ive lived on 28th& 7th(Chelsea),-Corniela/off of Bleeker(village-a real dump) and finally with my brother at 101st and Broadway(by Columbia University-where he finished grad school)
Never out in Queens though- although the 7 train has brought me to Shea stadium many times. Witnessed some nice stuff at the Westbury Music Fair years ago-its a great small venue.
Now after my Dad passed away,Mom needed help.She converted a large home in Northern NJ into a 2 family house. My son,g/f and I live upstairs pay her reasonable rent- and we,re only a short ride to the Lincoln Tunnel
Way to go getting involved with the W/rats!!!-maybe not this show -but Im sure I,ll run into you sooner or later
peace & respect to all
gratefully,
jack
I,ll get over it and,and now knowing that any decision I make isnt carved in stone helps a lot.
Matt--
Ive lived on 28th& 7th(Chelsea),-Corniela/off of Bleeker(village-a real dump) and finally with my brother at 101st and Broadway(by Columbia University-where he finished grad school)
Never out in Queens though- although the 7 train has brought me to Shea stadium many times. Witnessed some nice stuff at the Westbury Music Fair years ago-its a great small venue.
Now after my Dad passed away,Mom needed help.She converted a large home in Northern NJ into a 2 family house. My son,g/f and I live upstairs pay her reasonable rent- and we,re only a short ride to the Lincoln Tunnel
Way to go getting involved with the W/rats!!!-maybe not this show -but Im sure I,ll run into you sooner or later
peace & respect to all
gratefully,
jack
Hello Jack,
I agree with everyone that has posted, they know much more than I do, I am a newbie to a 12 step program. Me and hubby both attend AA and NA. I found a sponser after a few weeks. My husband asked for a "temporary" one. I think this made him more comfortable, in case he needed to find a different sponser. I don't know what others think of this. But, just another thought. Like everyone said, you will know, don't be shy, you are not only helping yourself, but them also. Take care, Best Wishes
I agree with everyone that has posted, they know much more than I do, I am a newbie to a 12 step program. Me and hubby both attend AA and NA. I found a sponser after a few weeks. My husband asked for a "temporary" one. I think this made him more comfortable, in case he needed to find a different sponser. I don't know what others think of this. But, just another thought. Like everyone said, you will know, don't be shy, you are not only helping yourself, but them also. Take care, Best Wishes
