To all my friends here , I am sorry we have all been affected by this horrible disease of addiction ...it has caused such pain to all of us...I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your heart felt words and kindness....It's only been days and I can't wrap my head around this meaningless death...when a family member shared his passing on facebook it exploded with such a tribute to my son....I am blessed his friends posted pictures of their fond memories of Chris...words that were repeated over and over his smile his laugh the love he gave...so sad his love couldn't battle the demon.....yesterday he was released to the funeral parlor...I sat with him for hours...it hurt deeply that as his Mom that was suppose to take care of him protect him I lost to this evil enemy...I told Chris it wasn't fair ...we weren't near done with my check list....I wouldn't see him in the tux awaiting his bride ,I was robbed of being a grandmother to his children I know he wouldve cherished...Chris loved kids. ..our dance at his wedding. ..knowing he'd be there as I aged knowing I'd have his strong arm to hold onto our walks ....We have been robbed cheated ...I'm fighting so hard not to be angry although right now it's deep pain...I didn't even bother to get showered or out of my.pjs today. ..people call but I haven't answered. ..I just well I don't even know...Monday the man at the funeral home they are closed for the weekend as they really are a viewing home for the bodies awaiting the cremation process...the state requires a.permit for cremation...anyway Monday he said I could call him and he'd allow.me to come spend time with my Chris again....I know I have to let go at some point but I want to be with him..Christophers Dad and I are divorced our marriage fell to the weight of addiction although I never allowed Chris to.believe that...his Dad is one state I'm in another...I was allowed to make the decision regarding Chris...I decided upon cremation cause my Chris always hated feeling closed in...i was going to keep half his ashes and give his father half...I decided yesterday that herion. Ripped my son apart for years tortured him...I decided to get a heart locket that says always in my heart for a few of his ashes ,but the rest will remain together ...Chris will be placed with his Pop Pop that he so dearly loved...I don't know how I'm going to go on I don't want to but I still have his brother my youngest son who still deserves and needs me..although I'm a mess right now...I will try and remain here if it's ok as I feel.here is where we know the pain the agony the struggle and we bond through that...I'm sharing my pain with you cause maybe just maybe someone will read this and realize it's time to go get help it's time to try and stop this madness...It's not fair at 29 he's gone...He didn't get a chance to get started...although this.horrible disease aged him...tired him out...But one thing I promise is this....I will do my best to remember not the bad times but then times when we shared smiles laughter and love....My heart broken....till my last breath I will carry him in my heart and love him.
Thank you for sharing this with us....i don't know where you get the strength to.....by sharing, you have strengthened every one's sobriety or helped anyone struggling to get sober...so thx again for sharing....it is well appreciated.
I will continue to pray for you and your family for continous strength and hope and love.
we are all here for you.
rest in peace Chris.
I will continue to pray for you and your family for continous strength and hope and love.
we are all here for you.
rest in peace Chris.
Sober Turtle I don't know how strong I am I didn't shower today get out of my pjs ..I'm trying to just take a moment at a time ...I can't imagine my beautiful son gone ..just writing that pains me ...I am trying to share our experience so Chris and I might make someone realize fight for life do what you must but fight ..I don't want another to fall to this...im alive but I feel dead inside now...my pain cannot be measured ...I care about all of those struggling with addiction I feel for the families ...I care....the only comfort I convince myself is ..herion no longer holds my son prisoner ..his torment has ended ...where mine has just begun...Rest in Peace my beautiful son
I truly feel we are family bonded by the hope love and prayer our loved ones will recover....bless us all..God give us strength please
You are in my prayers, and my condolences to you and the survivors--his sibling will need your guidance, so turn over what you're able, okay? God of All Comfort console you and may you find peace in the knowledge that your son's suffering in this broken world is through.
The Lord is close at hand, Chris' Mom. Lean into Him....
The Lord is close at hand, Chris' Mom. Lean into Him....
My deepest condolences. The only thing I know is that Chris has a wonderful Mother. Your wisdom has been much appreciated. Thaank You
Dear Being Me ,Thank you for your kindness...although we Chris and I lost the battle ,I will continue to try my best to help others that suffer with addiction. ..sadly we are losing good people to this disease...luckily I was able to separate the addictive nature and realize it was the demon of the drug that drove him to make bad mistakes ....as I said one thing that makes me feel peace is on his Facebook page it hasn't stopped with all his friends neighbors all those he met along life's path they all repeat his smile his kindness his beautiful heart....it has broken my heart but I know now Chris is no longer tormented by addiction that no one is profiting from his pain his agony...my son is in my heart and I will keep him safe in there loved and missed till the day I hold him in my arms again.
Dear Christopher's Mom,
I have not been on here in over a week because I had my own traumatic event that took me into a sadness and pain that I just could not shake away. OH Christopher's Mom my heart is in so much pain for you!!! I am SO sorry you are going through this!!!
I am at a loss for words.......my heart hurts for you......for everyone affected by addiction. From one Mom to another ((hugs))
I have not been on here in over a week because I had my own traumatic event that took me into a sadness and pain that I just could not shake away. OH Christopher's Mom my heart is in so much pain for you!!! I am SO sorry you are going through this!!!
I am at a loss for words.......my heart hurts for you......for everyone affected by addiction. From one Mom to another ((hugs))
Dear Mom Thank you...I have been trying so desperately to wake from this nightmare....my god its only days and I can't imagine my life without him...I went to the funeral home again today and sat with him...it's so hard to let him go...it's like I have hovered over him now like in protection mode...I feel I failed him I did all I could have but I keep asking was there something I left out...I was told today that most likely they would transport him today to await his turn in the creamatory...I can't allow myself to think of it...the pain is enormous. ..I will be contacted when his ashes are ready for pick up...my god I can't imagine my beautiful handsome son being reduced to ashes in a cube..My god I would give anything and everything to see him again...I curse the people that sold and profited on his addiction i curse those he called friends who didn't say stop Chris ..the ones that knew my number that didn't call me...it is so freaking hard.....as much as it pains me I am charting this posting this because you all believe it won't happen to you...You keep putting off recovery you keep saying you will cut down...the biggest shame is your fooling yourselves....and eventually it will catch up to you...then those who love you are tortured by your loss ...I don't think I'll ever be the same....I will do my best to.go on because Chris has a.brother and he has been hurt enough cause now he not.by choice is an only child....I haven't been able to take a deep breath in days....Someone please tell me this isn't happening ...Chris we need you....
Christophers mom. You are a blessing to all strugling parents here. I am just like chris. I am an addict. But the difference between us is I wanted to get clean. Not just for me but my family deserved better. Ive thought numerous times in the past to just end it all. Life is too precious to lose. You are so insperational to evryone on this site and please please continue to post your feelings here. Please continue to post all your feelings no matter what they are as long as they are as honest as they always been. My little cousin is strugling with heroine and I gave his mother this site. She is non stop talking about Christophers Mom for the past 2 months. She is also heartbroken about Chris. But I told her not to give up yet on her son. He can come around if and when he is ready. He is 22 years old and he's aging his mother. Please try and stay strong. Especially for your other son. He has to be having painful emotions as well. He needs you.. All my love!!!!
I wish you peace and comfort and lovely memories...but mostly I wish for your heart to heal. So sorry for your loss.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Peace ~ MomNMore
My heart goes out to your whole family. You have helped many on this site and I hope now this site can help you. Remember the good times. Keep those that are dear to you, near you and love and support each other through this horrible time. Be kind to yourself. He is at peace and now it is your time to grieve and heal. God bless.
Dear Joseph Thank you...I am glad I found this site I find alot of understanding here ...we are our own community bought together by addiction...We are all struggling here from the addict to the family...It has been so hard the last few days...it's a nightmare . I still cannot process all this...I can't allow myself to think to far ahead...it's pains me to deeply to think he won't be there...I come here because this is one place where there is no judgment. ..we try and help each other to give each other strength to grasp for answers. ..You understand my loss...My sister of course I called to tell her of Christophers passing...I have called her twice since Christophers passing....the first conversation she told me how my nephew was taking this hard how I need to call him and talk to him...I thought I understand but I need comforting....the next call said how it was such a waste and in the next sentence how my nephew would be graduating law school and how my niece decided to go back to school....it was like What about Chris...He mattered my god you can't even respect him in his passing...it's like his own Aunt my sister looked at my son like society did...they placed that stigma on him..he's an addict he don't matter....Addiction is yes at one point it is a choice ...a choice made foolishly because of misunderstanding...I know my Chris was smart if he had known the path this would drive him down he wouldve never ever tried any of it...but what happens is they somehow get deeper into it whether it's a escape for them i don't know...This cannot be treated at any rehab for a matter of days ...that's why we are losing and paying the ultimate price ...I know there were many amazing days with Chris and those I shall focus on...I'm also trying to understand how tormenting this was for him...I do know Chris loved me and I know it was never his intention to hurt me...I have to find a mission now to find strength...one thing i am doing is Chris loved kids and was asked shortly before his death to be a coach for kids 6 to 11...Chris still to the end had a amazingly athletic body he was gifted with sports...He was so thrilled to be asked to do this....it's a chance he will never get...but I have asked all those who ask me if there's anything they can do...I have started a memorial fund at the church where he was asked to coach ...I asked for donations so they can get the children the sports equipment they need to play...alot of these kids can't play because they can't afford the equipment. ..Chris and I will change that....we will supply these kids with the equipment where they can play share smiles and have parents to watch them and cheer them on...Some of my happiest days were spent watching my son round the bases heading to home plate....I cannot allow his death to be in vain....I also will try and do all I can for my other son...He hurts deeply he is an only child now...thank each and everyone of you for your kindness your love your compassion....I have never met you except through words but you all matter to me...God bless us all..I am comforted being able to talk to people here that understand ....more so then family members...Joseph please keep fighting for your 22 year old nephew....never give up ..even with all the struggles with Christophers addiciton we managed to still get days where we shared smiles....a few weeks ago Chris and I spent wonderful moments together we walked alongside a lake we slow danced we shared smiles....
Dear Christopher's Mom
"....a few weeks ago Chris and I spent wonderful moments together we walked alongside a lake we slow danced we shared smiles...."
hold on, hold on tight to those beautiful memories.....................those words gave my sad heart a little peace/piece of happiness.........and I pray that one day SOON those memories make your heart swim in joy/love and somehow mend the broken parts. I imagine the heart will never heal 100%, but enough to give you joy. ((hugs))
To you with LOVE from one Mom to another
"....a few weeks ago Chris and I spent wonderful moments together we walked alongside a lake we slow danced we shared smiles...."
hold on, hold on tight to those beautiful memories.....................those words gave my sad heart a little peace/piece of happiness.........and I pray that one day SOON those memories make your heart swim in joy/love and somehow mend the broken parts. I imagine the heart will never heal 100%, but enough to give you joy. ((hugs))
To you with LOVE from one Mom to another
Dearest Christopher's Mom,
I Pray Your and Christopher's name nightly, I Pray for all of Us as a suffering yet hopeful group of very special people here on this site. I have 11 yrs with my Son in active addiction, on the street yet once more 1100 miles from me. My last contact via phone with Him was the 16th for a blink of a minute. It's never been this long before that I have not heard from Him, have a way to contact Him and vice-versa. This last time was really bad. I always do as you did, love, always take the call, Pray, and re-peat. This time feels so different than all the other disappearances as He and I always had some way to reach each other in good bad high hungry or clean. (for a small stretch.)
I don't know if I want my phone to ring or not as for my gut & heart as a Mom is very intuitve and as much as I stay positive and hopeful, my deepest voice is the end is near. I imagine my Son's death inevitable, then thoughts follow of just exactly your experience now and I break weary and remind myself just maybe, recovery is still a hope for my Son.
I am so sorry for your pain and sadness, and the pain for your family.
I am so proud of you for having the strength you don't realize that you have at these very moments. The PJ's are a comfort, The showers will come, The motivation will come to live and be okay with laughing at something once in a while, The pain so unbearable at this time will slowly and Miraculously turn into unbelievable Strengths which you will turn into positive actions in Honor of Christopher. I love your heart charm necklace idea, I love the action of the Church Sports Donation Fund, I Love you!, for all of us share a very personal bond here in the world of addiction. You see Chris's Mom, you have already helped me today, I wish I could help you, instead, I will always have Christopher and You in my heart too and If you gain the strength, please let us know how you're doing. We all care, all day, everyday.
May Chris fly with the Angles now in Peace, and Their Wings carry Mom through everyday.
I say this all the time, I share it with you and ALL of Us. ....
To Trust
To Hope
To Endure
Whatever Comes.
God Bless You Chris's Mom and Everyone loving an Addict, the Addict, and Each Other. Our Addicts are People and each one of them have a heart too. Lovingly, Joanne.
I Pray Your and Christopher's name nightly, I Pray for all of Us as a suffering yet hopeful group of very special people here on this site. I have 11 yrs with my Son in active addiction, on the street yet once more 1100 miles from me. My last contact via phone with Him was the 16th for a blink of a minute. It's never been this long before that I have not heard from Him, have a way to contact Him and vice-versa. This last time was really bad. I always do as you did, love, always take the call, Pray, and re-peat. This time feels so different than all the other disappearances as He and I always had some way to reach each other in good bad high hungry or clean. (for a small stretch.)
I don't know if I want my phone to ring or not as for my gut & heart as a Mom is very intuitve and as much as I stay positive and hopeful, my deepest voice is the end is near. I imagine my Son's death inevitable, then thoughts follow of just exactly your experience now and I break weary and remind myself just maybe, recovery is still a hope for my Son.
I am so sorry for your pain and sadness, and the pain for your family.
I am so proud of you for having the strength you don't realize that you have at these very moments. The PJ's are a comfort, The showers will come, The motivation will come to live and be okay with laughing at something once in a while, The pain so unbearable at this time will slowly and Miraculously turn into unbelievable Strengths which you will turn into positive actions in Honor of Christopher. I love your heart charm necklace idea, I love the action of the Church Sports Donation Fund, I Love you!, for all of us share a very personal bond here in the world of addiction. You see Chris's Mom, you have already helped me today, I wish I could help you, instead, I will always have Christopher and You in my heart too and If you gain the strength, please let us know how you're doing. We all care, all day, everyday.
May Chris fly with the Angles now in Peace, and Their Wings carry Mom through everyday.
I say this all the time, I share it with you and ALL of Us. ....
To Trust
To Hope
To Endure
Whatever Comes.
God Bless You Chris's Mom and Everyone loving an Addict, the Addict, and Each Other. Our Addicts are People and each one of them have a heart too. Lovingly, Joanne.
hi Christophers Mom - the tragic death of your beloved son, Christopher has been on my mind since i read your post- i wont pretend i have any way of understanding the pain you are enduring-perhaps if their is one message myself and other addicts, both those in recovery and those still battling our demons and in active addiction may take from this tragic loss - we may realise the danger involved in using-we always think that it will be some other addict who will sucumb to this disease, never ourselves-we all need to realise before we are tempted to relapse or to continue to use just how deadly this can be - it is of little comfort for you, but perhaps if the tragic death of Christopher brings just one addict to their senses and helps to prevent some other mother having to suffer as you are, then perhaps in some small way the tragic loss of christopher may serve some purpose- once again my deepest condolences to you and your family - may Christopher rest in eternal peace and happiness free from the curse of addiction- all the best- Patrick
From one mother to another , my heart hurts for you. I want you to know that I care ....hugs
Traveling man, Your so right less then a month ago Chris and I were talking...I said Chris you gotta fight to stay clean you can't keep doing this...so far you have been able to beat the odds but one of these days ...your luck is gonna run out...He looked right at me Mom I'm strong I have done alot nothings gonna take me down...I said Chris please I need you....little did we know less then a month later ...I'm not doing well at all...it's really a struggle ..
I am so sorry for your loss.
There was another mother here not too long ago who also lost her son. I hope she comes along and can help you in your grieving. My heart goes out to you and your family. We are here for you. Sending lots of love and hugs and prayers.
There was another mother here not too long ago who also lost her son. I hope she comes along and can help you in your grieving. My heart goes out to you and your family. We are here for you. Sending lots of love and hugs and prayers.
Hi Christophers Mom - i am so sorry you are finding it so hard- i dont know if there are any words that can help you through this pain- i truly wish i did- thinking of you and praying that your pain will lessen- please take care of yourself and yours -
