Last night my kids and I had a church play to go and perform and my husband said he would go, but then at the last minute he said he didn't feel good and didn't want to go ( he has a little cold, but he acts like he is dying). I was really upset about it because this was really important to me and he knew it, he was also supposed to help light the candles and he didn't go.
Well after the program I went looking at Christmas lights with my kids. I came home and ignored my husband because I was mad at him. I talked to Thumper and she gave me some good advice and I did what she suggested. He was being nice to me so I forgave him and things were going great. We stayed up till 12 with the kids and then opened our presents, had some fun.
Today we were supposed to go to my sisters for Christmas dinner. We went to his mothers first and then to my sisters. We were all hanging out when my brother in law invited my husband to go and deliver presents. He said he would be back soon and I was like "ok". He came back and then asked if he could go have a beer with my brother in law. I told him ok but to hurry back before dinner. Well he didn't come back for and 1 1/2 and he missed Christmas dinner. Me and my sister ate with our kids alone. I am so mad at him. I was trying to get him to see my point, but of course he didn't. I am mad because he was too sick to go see my kids 40 minute play, but he can go to the bar the next day for almost 2 hours. He just doesn't get it and I told him I was mad and I scolded him. Then he started being mean and telling me rude things. UGH, he just makes me so mad and hurts my feelings.
I think I just needed to vent this. So thanks for letting me.
dear stephy
that really bites and it hurts real bad too, doesn't it?
my husband has done those things to me a hundred times, when our 19 year old was in the hospital for jaundice from a pre mature birth, the bears and drinking was more important than to come up to the hospital to see our new born baby. i hold on to those past resentments and that is not healthy. i did have a good Christmas, i am so blessed with the sons i have who did 3/4 of all the work. my counselor told me that my expectations of the holiday are too high, so i lowered them this year and i am ok julie
that really bites and it hurts real bad too, doesn't it?
my husband has done those things to me a hundred times, when our 19 year old was in the hospital for jaundice from a pre mature birth, the bears and drinking was more important than to come up to the hospital to see our new born baby. i hold on to those past resentments and that is not healthy. i did have a good Christmas, i am so blessed with the sons i have who did 3/4 of all the work. my counselor told me that my expectations of the holiday are too high, so i lowered them this year and i am ok julie
I guess some things never change. We've been married 46 years and when my mother was in the nursing home with Alzheimer's (for 5 years), my husband never once visited her, nor did he help to pack up her "stuff" after she died or help in any way to do the paperwork involved. He's wonderful in many ways like today, when there is every dish in the house in the sink and his "present" is doing them all and he did all the work of the dinner yesterrday. Still, there are things that I guess will never change. I guess the thing is that men are less "giving" than women and you come to accept that (or not and get divorced.) Lowering expectations helps a lot. ((((Hugs)))) and happiness.
stephy............
after i spoke with you............i went to sleep...........
he is really trippin.
sorry ........
well i am just waking up here myself............
call me later please.......
hi jewels.........man your avatars are so pretty !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi mom.........happy new year.
thanks for always reaching out to us...........
your so nice.
thumper
after i spoke with you............i went to sleep...........
he is really trippin.
sorry ........
well i am just waking up here myself............
call me later please.......
hi jewels.........man your avatars are so pretty !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi mom.........happy new year.
thanks for always reaching out to us...........
your so nice.
thumper
I think I over-reacted yesterday. He didn't get drunk or anything. He only had 2 beers. I just hate when he says he will come back in a little bit and stays longer than he should. I got mad because he told me "I wasn't the one driving" and uses that as an excuse to be late. He has been really nice lately because he had stopped drinking. Friday night he went out with my brother in law to the bar for a couple of hours. (my brother in law is in the army and he came down from Kentucky to visit for Christmas) He doesn't go out and drink anymore and this was a one time thing, but I just got mad because I expected him to eat Christmas dinner with us.
I know I should lower my expectations and He should too. Thanks for all the replys.
Thumper today I am going to the doctors for my hands. I will call you when I am done, ok.
I know I should lower my expectations and He should too. Thanks for all the replys.
Thumper today I am going to the doctors for my hands. I will call you when I am done, ok.
Steph...as long as you keep forgiving him and letting him off the hook, the more he'll continue this bad behavior. There is no excuse for a man to NOT be with his wife and children at Christmas unless it's something that can't be helped. Bars can be helped.
Start sticking to your guns kiddo. You don't have to stay mad but it's not ok for him to treat you like that. He needs to know what his priorities are.
I'm sorry that Christmas wasn't what you wanted it to be.
Take care
Lisa
Start sticking to your guns kiddo. You don't have to stay mad but it's not ok for him to treat you like that. He needs to know what his priorities are.
I'm sorry that Christmas wasn't what you wanted it to be.
Take care
Lisa
Stephanie Lisa says it all.
You write
"
I know I should lower my expectations and He should too."
Lower your expectations? Your husband cant spend dinner with you at Christmas?
Steph its your marriage. What you decide to live with his your choice. If he cant make Christmas dinner?
What is he willing to do. Christmas with the kids Family that's what its all about.
I do not mean to be rough or mean but kind of shocked at your response.
Good Luck--Jeff
You write
"
I know I should lower my expectations and He should too."
Lower your expectations? Your husband cant spend dinner with you at Christmas?
Steph its your marriage. What you decide to live with his your choice. If he cant make Christmas dinner?
What is he willing to do. Christmas with the kids Family that's what its all about.
I do not mean to be rough or mean but kind of shocked at your response.
Good Luck--Jeff
Stephanie,
Your post struck a cord with me. If you are willing to "lower your expectations" at your age - which is a very young age - you are setting yourself up for a future not worth much. Now is the time to aim high. Set your goals high. Set your expectations high. Life will guide you as to where you need to make adjustments. But if you think expecting your husband to share Christmas with his family - his wife and his precious children - is too high an expectation you are very wrong. For the sake of your children, that is only the beginning of what you should expect from him. I cant imagine expecting my children to accept that there is anything more important to thier father then they are. This is where self-esteem and pride in oneself all begins. Of course your husband has a right to enjoy himself during the holidays, but if seeing the happiness on his childrens faces isnt the FIRST thing that brings him joy on Christmas, he has a lot to work on as far as being a father. We did not have much growing up, but my parents were always there for me and I knew there was nothing more important than us being together. Remember, "noone can make you feel inferior without your permission". Dont give anyone permission to treat you with anything but respect. I am sure your children will always remember Mommys face at church and that Daddy's face was not. Ask him if a few beers is worth that memory to him.
Your post struck a cord with me. If you are willing to "lower your expectations" at your age - which is a very young age - you are setting yourself up for a future not worth much. Now is the time to aim high. Set your goals high. Set your expectations high. Life will guide you as to where you need to make adjustments. But if you think expecting your husband to share Christmas with his family - his wife and his precious children - is too high an expectation you are very wrong. For the sake of your children, that is only the beginning of what you should expect from him. I cant imagine expecting my children to accept that there is anything more important to thier father then they are. This is where self-esteem and pride in oneself all begins. Of course your husband has a right to enjoy himself during the holidays, but if seeing the happiness on his childrens faces isnt the FIRST thing that brings him joy on Christmas, he has a lot to work on as far as being a father. We did not have much growing up, but my parents were always there for me and I knew there was nothing more important than us being together. Remember, "noone can make you feel inferior without your permission". Dont give anyone permission to treat you with anything but respect. I am sure your children will always remember Mommys face at church and that Daddy's face was not. Ask him if a few beers is worth that memory to him.
He didn't go to the bar instead of the play. He didn't go to the play because he was really sick, this was Christmas Eve. On Christmas day he went to the bar to have a beer with my brother in law and he was only gone an hour, but we ate without him because we were really hungry. I was mad because he should have been there. He didn't ruin my whole Christmas, just the evening.
stephy
what is wrong with your hands?
thumper, your advatars are prettier than mine. julie
what is wrong with your hands?
thumper, your advatars are prettier than mine. julie
I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome sp? It is getting really bad to the point where I can't do anything because it hurts and my hands go numb. I went to the doctors today and she referred me to a Neurologist. SO now I have to make an appointment and then see what they are going to do.
sorry to hear this............
but i am so glad that you are seeing a specialist............
and getting help honey.............
love ya............who hoo.........
and i hope that you have a wonderful new year.........
can you believe that this year.............this new year you will be pill free....
that is so wonderful stephy....i am really proud of you......
i am so happy that you have sought help until you were able to be PILL FREE.
this is such a blessing...............whoo hoo..............
you go girl..............
thumper
but i am so glad that you are seeing a specialist............
and getting help honey.............
love ya............who hoo.........
and i hope that you have a wonderful new year.........
can you believe that this year.............this new year you will be pill free....
that is so wonderful stephy....i am really proud of you......
i am so happy that you have sought help until you were able to be PILL FREE.
this is such a blessing...............whoo hoo..............
you go girl..............
thumper
Sweet Pea,
You were the one upset with the fact he didnt go to church but then was well enough to go out for a drink. Obviously you had a change of heart on his actions. So be it. If you are happy with things, thats all that matters.
You were the one upset with the fact he didnt go to church but then was well enough to go out for a drink. Obviously you had a change of heart on his actions. So be it. If you are happy with things, thats all that matters.
I like what Lisa states under her signature. Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. Just curious where you got that saying from. It is so true. Shantel
You are right, I was upset, but I guess I just feel like I made him sound like a big jerk. He didn't intend to hurt or upset me, I chose to get mad. I mean he is a good father and he was with the kids all day, we even stayed up til 12 to open presents and he video taped for me.
I just needed to vent and get my feelings out. He has actually gotten better about things and has been trying really hard to not fight with me and has been more understanding about stuff I don't get done.
I was mad when he did this and he knows it. I just came here to vent.
I just needed to vent and get my feelings out. He has actually gotten better about things and has been trying really hard to not fight with me and has been more understanding about stuff I don't get done.
I was mad when he did this and he knows it. I just came here to vent.
stephy...........
i understand.........
it does help, when we vent......sometimes when we fight with our husbands it can seem like the worst thing in the world , because we get so mad and angry...
especailly when things dont go our way........
but just step back and pray, but at the same time stand your ground and let him know.............
and pray for me because i got a message from the doctor and the
mamogram was abnormal......
and the doctor wants to see me.......
i was afraid of that.............
please pray for me , will you please i am scared.
thumper
i understand.........
it does help, when we vent......sometimes when we fight with our husbands it can seem like the worst thing in the world , because we get so mad and angry...
especailly when things dont go our way........
but just step back and pray, but at the same time stand your ground and let him know.............
and pray for me because i got a message from the doctor and the
mamogram was abnormal......
and the doctor wants to see me.......
i was afraid of that.............
please pray for me , will you please i am scared.
thumper
Thumper:
What is happening with you? What you just posted is very scary...Would you mind sharing that with us?
Sarah
What is happening with you? What you just posted is very scary...Would you mind sharing that with us?
Sarah
Thumper, of course I will pray for you. I pray for you daily.
I am sorry that you are scared, but you know who takes care of us right. I will always be here for you whenever you need anything ok?
I am sorry that you are scared, but you know who takes care of us right. I will always be here for you whenever you need anything ok?
hi sarah.............
how are you..........
so nice to see ya...........
can you please go to the thread called."well poop"..........i got that form skeeter.....LOL
thumoer
how are you..........
so nice to see ya...........
can you please go to the thread called."well poop"..........i got that form skeeter.....LOL
thumoer
Stephanie...I know how it goes, we get mad at our spouses one day and then quickly back peddle the next. It's just when you write stuff here on the board, you're going to get opinions. Some you won't like, but you put it out there for all to see.
You did sound very hurt and upset that night and what he did was wrong. As long as you keep excusing his behavior the longer it will continue. If it's not that bad, then I suggest you don't make a big deal about it on a public forum. You'll get answers you don't want.
Here's to a better New Year...
Take care
Lisa
You did sound very hurt and upset that night and what he did was wrong. As long as you keep excusing his behavior the longer it will continue. If it's not that bad, then I suggest you don't make a big deal about it on a public forum. You'll get answers you don't want.
Here's to a better New Year...
Take care
Lisa
