Hi,
I just found this forum yesterday and i'm so grateful I did because it's very comforting to know that other people share the same struggles i do.
I've read many of the previous posts and it shocks me that while an addiction is unique for everyone there are still many side effects that are common to many.
I read in someone's post that everytime she finally gave herself permission to buy a bag, that sense of relief disappeared as soon as she started to get high only to be replaced with a sense of guilt and regret. I can relate to that on so many levels.
I feel like i've been living a secret life for so long, hiding my addiction from everyone close to me and essentially hiding myself from everyone close to me.
I have intellectualized my addiction for so long, that it feels as though my mind is now smarter than me. (hope that makes sense) It's like as soon as my stash runs out, my mind knows all the tricks and loopholes needed to convince me to buy another bag.
I'm tired of constantly judging myself, and feeling pathetic because I can't even keep a promise to myself.
After coming to this forum I really feel that this can be a place of strength and support for me. There seems to be a lot of wisdom and experience here and I feel that writing and reading here is like being part of a family. Although a somewhat dysfunctional family :-) , a family of people who can accept eachother mishaps and mistakes without judgement.
I've committed to starting anew today. I am quitting coffee, cigarettes and I am quitting my 1 gram a day weed habit. I want to be healthy and proud of myself.
At 28, I've spent 14 years abusing something (weed, cigarrettes, alchohol) in some fashion or another. If it wasn't an addiction to a substance, it was to a person, or an idea...something.
While i don't plan to change my innate behaviour overnight, I can stop using overnnight. Because of my long history with what i consider to be an addictive personality, i've always had fantasies of being healthy, clean and pure. Not putting any toxic or unhealthy substances in my body. Hence my nickname on this forum.
Today is Day 1 and truly pledge right here and right now, that my main life goal right now is to see that there is a Day 2, Day 3 and so on.
I send my blessings and goodwill to everyone else who is on the path to really being clean and sober. And I send extra blessings to those who haven't yet made the committment to stop.
* HERE'S TO LIVING LIFE ON PURPOSE !!! *
I have been clean and sober from weed and xanax since Dec. 3, 2005. What I have learned since that day is that you have to focus on one day at a time. Right now you are on day one right, well focuse on day one. Tomorrow will be day two, then you focus on day two.....and so on. I was smoking way more than 1 gram a day, so I feel that if I can do it you and others can too. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!
welcome Purity to the club of "secret lives". Give yourself a chance to experience the straight life. Say no if it starts calling you back. Talk about how you are feelig, you will get lots of good advice. Keep asking yourself, "do i want to be a pot addict the rest of my life". Wait and see, you will observe a new clarity of thought in yourself. You will experience what you have been "missing". But be carefl, marijuana addiction/abuse can exert a very powerful influence on you, you will need to make a definite effort to keep off the pot.
welcome purity, I think you will find support and inspiration here. sounds like you are quitting a lot of things at once. i wish you the very best of luck.
those addictive voices can be very strong and hard to manage and it is a difficult process to get thru the first few months, and then the temptation is still always there. I think that is why they call it addiction.
Keep reading and posting. Regardless of your status, even if you fall back into your old ways it will help re reading your first post, that is when you are feeling the most desperate and vulnerable.
Good luck to you..
those addictive voices can be very strong and hard to manage and it is a difficult process to get thru the first few months, and then the temptation is still always there. I think that is why they call it addiction.
Keep reading and posting. Regardless of your status, even if you fall back into your old ways it will help re reading your first post, that is when you are feeling the most desperate and vulnerable.
Good luck to you..
thanks alot for your support.
you're right, it's Day 1 and i really shouldn't get too far ahead of myself. 1 step at a time.
I should add that this isn't the first time i quit. A month ago I had been clean for 2 months and 2 months before that it was the same story. Off and on, off and on.
Because of all my relapses I understand that the first few months will probably be the most difficult so i plan on spending alot of time on this forum.
My biggest challenge is not smoking when i'm at home alone. I travel alot and when i'm away there's no opportunity and no connections to smoke. So this next coming week will definately be a test but I feel pretty confident about my committment to this.
thanks again
you're right, it's Day 1 and i really shouldn't get too far ahead of myself. 1 step at a time.
I should add that this isn't the first time i quit. A month ago I had been clean for 2 months and 2 months before that it was the same story. Off and on, off and on.
Because of all my relapses I understand that the first few months will probably be the most difficult so i plan on spending alot of time on this forum.
My biggest challenge is not smoking when i'm at home alone. I travel alot and when i'm away there's no opportunity and no connections to smoke. So this next coming week will definately be a test but I feel pretty confident about my committment to this.
thanks again
Get involved in something new. Exercise is always a great substitute high. When your mind clears you will see new opportunities, take advantage of the serendipity that WILL come your way. Keep Fighting, because it is a fight. You let your guard down and you will loose. It gets easier.
Hi Purity,
I can relate to your post completely. Particularly the intellectualising, and not being able to keep a promise to yourself. It's devastating when you realise how far you are from the person you know you could be.
I've had a minimum gram a day habit for ten years, and am still trying to get on top of it. Am booked into a women's rehab in March. I'm awestruck at your courage; I've tried it alone two dozen times in the last five years and failed miserably every time. I've realised I need to be somewhere where, at least for the intitial de-tox, there is 24 hour support. I live alone, and my pot dealer is "on" till 4am, so by the time it gets to the third or fourth night that i haven't slept, and it's 2am, and I'm already driving my friends (who are mostly totally straight) completely crazy with my neediness and sadness, and so can't ring anyone - and of course, the good old dealer is always avaialble then, isn't he?
But I really just wanted to tell you a couple of tips that have really helped me with "harder" drugs, and that I plan to utalise fully when i am coming off the pot.
1. A recovery program. NA isn't for everyone. But if that's the only option where you live, even going to one or two meetings a week can be a huge support. If you haven't tried that before, it can be a bit overwhelming and you can feel like strangling the people with all their little sayings. Personally, I prefer the "NewLife" program, which is run seperately for men and women, and used to be called "Women for sobriety". If you're an intellectualiser, this could suit you heaps more, because their program teaches you that YOU have ALL the power and are responsible for every thing you do and say (rather than having a disease and being powerless). The only two problems with NewLife is that it's about a fifth of the size of NA (where I am, anyway) and it can be hard to get to meetings without a car and a flexible timetable, and also it is very geared to alcoholics. They welcome any time of substance addict, but the main problem for most of the women is alcohol (although a lot of them also use or have used pot). Anyway, if you wanted to know anymore about NA or NewLIfe, just let me know. I've been bouncing in and out of NA for ten years, and can offer you an alternative view to every intellectual argument you want to use about why you don't need it/doesn't suit you etc, 'cos I've used them all myself. (And these days, I say "Just for today" a hundred times a day). And I've had more success doing "NewLife" for seven months, than I have in ten years of NA.
2. Exercise, till you can barely walk. If you're doing 2 - 3 hours exercise a day, sleep comes fast and is blissful (once you're through the first few s***ful weeks). And it will boost your mood like crazy.
3. Meditation. I'm still trying to get my head around this one, but every calm and balanced person I meet and trust is swearing by meditation. It's driving me crazy. I feel like I'm on speed EVEN when I'm smoking pot, so I'm terrified of how I'll feel when I put the pot down on March 13. But I keep meeting person after person who is promising me I will find some sort of serenity and some level of calm in my mind if I can master this. At the moment, at the meditation classes, i seem to get about 60 seconds of calm at a time, and then I'm off and racing again. But my gut feeling tells me that it would be a significant skill to master, and, maybe for me, crucial to my sanity in recovery.
Anyway, enough advice from someone who isn't even off the bloody stuff yet. My only qualification is failing at quitting two dozen times (although i have successfully quit heroin and speed). You are so brave, and don't lose heart if you don't make it this time. Every attempt brings you closer to the time you will quit for good, and every attempt teaches you something to make you better prepared the next time, until eventually, you can work out what works for you.
I'm taking drastic action this time. I'm going the whole nine yards (rehab), because I can't bear to fail at this even one more time. I'm so, so sick of being a bong head. So sick of lies and deception and leading a double life and de-toxing if i haven't had a pipe in six hours and the money and the wasted time and wasted dreams and wasted potential. "Some life that we've chosen" - Rent.
People say pot is a "soft drug". Well, maybe it doesn't seem to utterly cripple and ruin your life like smack, but it destroys all the things that make you unique and talented, and turns you into a person that you can't stand to be. Pot destroys your life, relationships, finances, dreams and future JUST LIKE heroin does. It'll just take you twenty years to end up in the gutter, a jail or a cemetry, compared to 12 months if you're on the gear. Please don't underestimate the awfulness and strength of a pot addiction. get all the help you need. Get MORE help than you need, and then drop things if you're doing great, but you've got masses of support if you need it. Which you might.
Good luck Purity. Hope you post again. Stay strong. Thinking of you.
Jane.
I can relate to your post completely. Particularly the intellectualising, and not being able to keep a promise to yourself. It's devastating when you realise how far you are from the person you know you could be.
I've had a minimum gram a day habit for ten years, and am still trying to get on top of it. Am booked into a women's rehab in March. I'm awestruck at your courage; I've tried it alone two dozen times in the last five years and failed miserably every time. I've realised I need to be somewhere where, at least for the intitial de-tox, there is 24 hour support. I live alone, and my pot dealer is "on" till 4am, so by the time it gets to the third or fourth night that i haven't slept, and it's 2am, and I'm already driving my friends (who are mostly totally straight) completely crazy with my neediness and sadness, and so can't ring anyone - and of course, the good old dealer is always avaialble then, isn't he?
But I really just wanted to tell you a couple of tips that have really helped me with "harder" drugs, and that I plan to utalise fully when i am coming off the pot.
1. A recovery program. NA isn't for everyone. But if that's the only option where you live, even going to one or two meetings a week can be a huge support. If you haven't tried that before, it can be a bit overwhelming and you can feel like strangling the people with all their little sayings. Personally, I prefer the "NewLife" program, which is run seperately for men and women, and used to be called "Women for sobriety". If you're an intellectualiser, this could suit you heaps more, because their program teaches you that YOU have ALL the power and are responsible for every thing you do and say (rather than having a disease and being powerless). The only two problems with NewLife is that it's about a fifth of the size of NA (where I am, anyway) and it can be hard to get to meetings without a car and a flexible timetable, and also it is very geared to alcoholics. They welcome any time of substance addict, but the main problem for most of the women is alcohol (although a lot of them also use or have used pot). Anyway, if you wanted to know anymore about NA or NewLIfe, just let me know. I've been bouncing in and out of NA for ten years, and can offer you an alternative view to every intellectual argument you want to use about why you don't need it/doesn't suit you etc, 'cos I've used them all myself. (And these days, I say "Just for today" a hundred times a day). And I've had more success doing "NewLife" for seven months, than I have in ten years of NA.
2. Exercise, till you can barely walk. If you're doing 2 - 3 hours exercise a day, sleep comes fast and is blissful (once you're through the first few s***ful weeks). And it will boost your mood like crazy.
3. Meditation. I'm still trying to get my head around this one, but every calm and balanced person I meet and trust is swearing by meditation. It's driving me crazy. I feel like I'm on speed EVEN when I'm smoking pot, so I'm terrified of how I'll feel when I put the pot down on March 13. But I keep meeting person after person who is promising me I will find some sort of serenity and some level of calm in my mind if I can master this. At the moment, at the meditation classes, i seem to get about 60 seconds of calm at a time, and then I'm off and racing again. But my gut feeling tells me that it would be a significant skill to master, and, maybe for me, crucial to my sanity in recovery.
Anyway, enough advice from someone who isn't even off the bloody stuff yet. My only qualification is failing at quitting two dozen times (although i have successfully quit heroin and speed). You are so brave, and don't lose heart if you don't make it this time. Every attempt brings you closer to the time you will quit for good, and every attempt teaches you something to make you better prepared the next time, until eventually, you can work out what works for you.
I'm taking drastic action this time. I'm going the whole nine yards (rehab), because I can't bear to fail at this even one more time. I'm so, so sick of being a bong head. So sick of lies and deception and leading a double life and de-toxing if i haven't had a pipe in six hours and the money and the wasted time and wasted dreams and wasted potential. "Some life that we've chosen" - Rent.
People say pot is a "soft drug". Well, maybe it doesn't seem to utterly cripple and ruin your life like smack, but it destroys all the things that make you unique and talented, and turns you into a person that you can't stand to be. Pot destroys your life, relationships, finances, dreams and future JUST LIKE heroin does. It'll just take you twenty years to end up in the gutter, a jail or a cemetry, compared to 12 months if you're on the gear. Please don't underestimate the awfulness and strength of a pot addiction. get all the help you need. Get MORE help than you need, and then drop things if you're doing great, but you've got masses of support if you need it. Which you might.
Good luck Purity. Hope you post again. Stay strong. Thinking of you.
Jane.
Jane, I can't tell you how great that feels that you find my actions courageous. WOW. The next weak moment I have, I'm going to use your sentiment to keep me strong.
Thank you for the kind words. And the NewLife program does sound interesting. I used to go to AA meetings with my mom when i was little, but from what I know of AA & NA, I definately think I would benefit more from a program that puts all the responsibility on me. That way if i screw up I blame myself, but when i succeed I can pat myself on the back :-)
And I'm amazed that not only did you have strength to kick speed & herion, which takes a strength that I do not know. But now you're continuning the fight to take full control over your life. You really are your own hero! I also had a small battle with speed and meth about 10 years ago, but thank God I made it out free. I agree, pot can be devestating, but speed seems to take you to a level or paranoia and desperation unrivalled by the weed.
You mentioned meditation, interesting because I just finished a 10 day meditation course a month ago and it was life changing. The meditation style is called Vipassana and it's main purpose is to rid the body of cravings and aversion as the belief is that cravings and aversion are the root of all misery. Wanting something you can't have, or something occurs in life that you didn't want. I won't go overboard about it, but if you want more info let me know.
I went because i was having problems dealing with past infidelities in my relationship along with my own feelings of sadness, lonleiness and my secret addiction. While learning the meditation didn't "cure" me, after completing the course I had never felt so hopeful. Hopeful because I had finally learned a way to calm myself, listen to my body and learn how to deal with the cravings that plagued me throughout my life. It's a work in progress, and an amazing experience.
I'm so glad i just read your post because I started doing Bikram's Yoga and was thinking about going to a class. But I was starting to feel a little lazy ( i don't know why, i've lazed around all day! ). Instead i'm going to get off my butt and walk down there and sweat my @ss off for 90 mins.
Have you ever tried Bikram's? I turned my nose up at it all the years but after trying it a few times I can see what all the hype is about. It's expensive, $10-$15 a class, but if you can swing that the benefits make it all worth it.
It's probably good for us too, now that we're cleaning out our systems.
I send you lots of love and good vibes Jane. I think it's so commendable that instead of being satisfied with kicking 2 out of 3 addictions, you're not stopping until you have your life back. You said Mar. 13 is the day you put it down and I think it's really smart to choose a day in the future and plan your Quit, that way you can mentally and emotionally prepare for it.
During these last 2 months try not to feel guilty for using because you already know your using days are numbered. Maybe you could try Hippienerds 'sacred time' method. He goes into detail in a post called "Whatever Works Is Good (edited).
Stay strong and remember that you've already proven you're a fighter and a winner.
Thank you for the kind words. And the NewLife program does sound interesting. I used to go to AA meetings with my mom when i was little, but from what I know of AA & NA, I definately think I would benefit more from a program that puts all the responsibility on me. That way if i screw up I blame myself, but when i succeed I can pat myself on the back :-)
And I'm amazed that not only did you have strength to kick speed & herion, which takes a strength that I do not know. But now you're continuning the fight to take full control over your life. You really are your own hero! I also had a small battle with speed and meth about 10 years ago, but thank God I made it out free. I agree, pot can be devestating, but speed seems to take you to a level or paranoia and desperation unrivalled by the weed.
You mentioned meditation, interesting because I just finished a 10 day meditation course a month ago and it was life changing. The meditation style is called Vipassana and it's main purpose is to rid the body of cravings and aversion as the belief is that cravings and aversion are the root of all misery. Wanting something you can't have, or something occurs in life that you didn't want. I won't go overboard about it, but if you want more info let me know.
I went because i was having problems dealing with past infidelities in my relationship along with my own feelings of sadness, lonleiness and my secret addiction. While learning the meditation didn't "cure" me, after completing the course I had never felt so hopeful. Hopeful because I had finally learned a way to calm myself, listen to my body and learn how to deal with the cravings that plagued me throughout my life. It's a work in progress, and an amazing experience.
I'm so glad i just read your post because I started doing Bikram's Yoga and was thinking about going to a class. But I was starting to feel a little lazy ( i don't know why, i've lazed around all day! ). Instead i'm going to get off my butt and walk down there and sweat my @ss off for 90 mins.
Have you ever tried Bikram's? I turned my nose up at it all the years but after trying it a few times I can see what all the hype is about. It's expensive, $10-$15 a class, but if you can swing that the benefits make it all worth it.
It's probably good for us too, now that we're cleaning out our systems.
I send you lots of love and good vibes Jane. I think it's so commendable that instead of being satisfied with kicking 2 out of 3 addictions, you're not stopping until you have your life back. You said Mar. 13 is the day you put it down and I think it's really smart to choose a day in the future and plan your Quit, that way you can mentally and emotionally prepare for it.
During these last 2 months try not to feel guilty for using because you already know your using days are numbered. Maybe you could try Hippienerds 'sacred time' method. He goes into detail in a post called "Whatever Works Is Good (edited).
Stay strong and remember that you've already proven you're a fighter and a winner.
Dear Purity,
I can't tell you what good medicine your words are tonight. I've had a bugger of a day.
I had lunch with an older female friend from college. She's in her early sixties, I'd say, and she's someone I really admire and respect, and we've been friends for about six months, and I was feeling pretty uncomfortable that some younger friend at college would say something to her about me that she didn't know and would never have suspected, and then she'd feel the whole friendship had been a farce. So I very shamefacedly told her that I smoke "a little" pot, and she told me - literally not basically - that she didn't want to see me again until I was off it. If that's her reaction to marajuana, how am I ever meant to explain "oh, and by the way, I used to be a junkie". If there was one thing I could get back - besides time - it would be my reputation.
Then tonight I did a last minute shift in an ice-cream shop I work at during summer, and the boss, (a great woman who has been on everything in the past), kept trying to convince me I don't need to go to re-hab, and that I can wean myself off it if I really want to. I just felt like pulling my hair out and screaming "don't you get it? This s*** is destroying my life. I have to do something seriously drastic or I am going to die". My soul is dying, while I am using anything. It was just frustrating and SOOO unhelpful.
How are you going? Are you sleeping? You said earlier you don't use when you travel for a week at a time. Do you de-tox while you're away? Or use strong sleepers?
I can't believe you swear by meditation and yoga as well. Do you find the yoga good for actually toning your body? I lost 25 kgs (on purpose) last year, and I do a lot of exercise, but I don't want/need to lose any more weight, I just want to "sculpt", you know what I mean? (I can't believe I'm on a web site for stuff that is a matter of life and death, and I'm STILL obsessed with my stupid weight).
I'm so sad tonight. My name will forever have the word "junkie" next to it in some people's minds. And I can never recapture all the lost years. All my friends are getting married or buying houses or having babies or getting six figure salary jobs. And I haven't even got a degree and still can't get rid of the last loser boyfriend I hooked up with 5 years ago when I was on "heavy" drugs. Who I don't even like as a human being let alone a potential life partner and who has beaten me up in the past for drugs or money (ME? Staying with a man who hit me? UNBELIEVABLE! WHERE THE HELL HAS THE REAL ME GONE?) Sorry - just sad. sad, sad, sad.
Good night Purity. I really hope you're doing well. There is a whole amazing world out there, just waiting for smart, compassionate women to make a difference. I want to be one of them. Part of the solution, not part of the problem. Take care, thinking of you,
Jane.
I can't tell you what good medicine your words are tonight. I've had a bugger of a day.
I had lunch with an older female friend from college. She's in her early sixties, I'd say, and she's someone I really admire and respect, and we've been friends for about six months, and I was feeling pretty uncomfortable that some younger friend at college would say something to her about me that she didn't know and would never have suspected, and then she'd feel the whole friendship had been a farce. So I very shamefacedly told her that I smoke "a little" pot, and she told me - literally not basically - that she didn't want to see me again until I was off it. If that's her reaction to marajuana, how am I ever meant to explain "oh, and by the way, I used to be a junkie". If there was one thing I could get back - besides time - it would be my reputation.
Then tonight I did a last minute shift in an ice-cream shop I work at during summer, and the boss, (a great woman who has been on everything in the past), kept trying to convince me I don't need to go to re-hab, and that I can wean myself off it if I really want to. I just felt like pulling my hair out and screaming "don't you get it? This s*** is destroying my life. I have to do something seriously drastic or I am going to die". My soul is dying, while I am using anything. It was just frustrating and SOOO unhelpful.
How are you going? Are you sleeping? You said earlier you don't use when you travel for a week at a time. Do you de-tox while you're away? Or use strong sleepers?
I can't believe you swear by meditation and yoga as well. Do you find the yoga good for actually toning your body? I lost 25 kgs (on purpose) last year, and I do a lot of exercise, but I don't want/need to lose any more weight, I just want to "sculpt", you know what I mean? (I can't believe I'm on a web site for stuff that is a matter of life and death, and I'm STILL obsessed with my stupid weight).
I'm so sad tonight. My name will forever have the word "junkie" next to it in some people's minds. And I can never recapture all the lost years. All my friends are getting married or buying houses or having babies or getting six figure salary jobs. And I haven't even got a degree and still can't get rid of the last loser boyfriend I hooked up with 5 years ago when I was on "heavy" drugs. Who I don't even like as a human being let alone a potential life partner and who has beaten me up in the past for drugs or money (ME? Staying with a man who hit me? UNBELIEVABLE! WHERE THE HELL HAS THE REAL ME GONE?) Sorry - just sad. sad, sad, sad.
Good night Purity. I really hope you're doing well. There is a whole amazing world out there, just waiting for smart, compassionate women to make a difference. I want to be one of them. Part of the solution, not part of the problem. Take care, thinking of you,
Jane.
Hi Jane,
You have alot going through your mind right now. Don't be so hard on yourself. Try to recognize if you're pissed off/sad about current stuff or old stuff. Seperate the two so it's not all so overwhelming.
What other people think of you, you have no control over. You know your truth and that's what matters.
Regarding yoga, if you like it, do it, that's good enough of a reason. :-)
Your post helped me, thank you for sharing.
You have alot going through your mind right now. Don't be so hard on yourself. Try to recognize if you're pissed off/sad about current stuff or old stuff. Seperate the two so it's not all so overwhelming.
What other people think of you, you have no control over. You know your truth and that's what matters.
Regarding yoga, if you like it, do it, that's good enough of a reason. :-)
Your post helped me, thank you for sharing.
Hi Jane,
Hey if the lady actually told you that she diidn't want to see you again until you are off of it, then she damn sure isn't a true friend. A true friend would do everything in their power to help another friend out thats going through a hard time. And remember that the opinion you have of yourself is more important than what others think. I think that your a hell of strong, and great person to be able to see something in yourself that needs to change, and taking the steps to right the wrong...hang in there your doing the right thing.
may god bless you and all your efforts.
bubba
Hey if the lady actually told you that she diidn't want to see you again until you are off of it, then she damn sure isn't a true friend. A true friend would do everything in their power to help another friend out thats going through a hard time. And remember that the opinion you have of yourself is more important than what others think. I think that your a hell of strong, and great person to be able to see something in yourself that needs to change, and taking the steps to right the wrong...hang in there your doing the right thing.
may god bless you and all your efforts.
bubba
Ouch! quitting ciggarettes and weed at the same time? Good luck with that, thats gonna take some real will power! I've been off weed for 19 days now, and I plan on quitting smoking on June 1 (6 months since my last joint... I hope). Your in for quite a psychological ride. I hope your prepared. Good luck to you!
We're all pulling for you!
Cheers!
Mr.B
We're all pulling for you!
Cheers!
Mr.B
how ya doing purity,
hey i gotta agree with Mr B., i hope your not planning on quitting evrything in one day, if you do you might choose to send the family to a motel for a few days...lol. all kidding aside first off, hows it going so far....just remember that ciggs are bad for you but not illegal, and the don't make you numb. but if you can do it THATS FANTASTIC, more power to ya. but I found that those ciggs were a life saver for me and my family when i quit weed the first time, and as for coffee, i probably wont stop my morning coffe routine until they outlaw it, and probably not even then.....you know what I mean.
good luck and god bless
bubba
hey i gotta agree with Mr B., i hope your not planning on quitting evrything in one day, if you do you might choose to send the family to a motel for a few days...lol. all kidding aside first off, hows it going so far....just remember that ciggs are bad for you but not illegal, and the don't make you numb. but if you can do it THATS FANTASTIC, more power to ya. but I found that those ciggs were a life saver for me and my family when i quit weed the first time, and as for coffee, i probably wont stop my morning coffe routine until they outlaw it, and probably not even then.....you know what I mean.
good luck and god bless
bubba
