My son has been in a treatment center for 5 weeks and is due to return home in a couple of weeks and I am filled with mixed emotions. Last week he was really struggling and wanted to come home, his wife was also struggling and if left to her, he probably would of. After this addiction rollercoaster that we've been on I can't believe she is playing into this. I am trying so hard to remember my boundaries but I am beginning to get angry. We all worked very hard to get him into treatment but I'm beginning to wonder what support will be there when he returns. I know that this is his journey and I can't do the work for him but every time I bring up the topic of counselling she tells me that she is very familiar with drug addiction and doesn't need to talk to anyone about it. The facility has mentioned that the extended stay should be considered and they both have said no. I understand that she is lonely and even though she says that she will encourage him to attend meetings and support him, I am apprehensive. I must sound like a crazy meddling mom but I would do anything to help him stay on a sober path. I realize that as a family we all have to work on our own issues in support of him and keeping a relationship with his wife is important. But I am angry, I'm been there financially and emotionally for both of them, is it time for me to back off? I am feeling helpless, he's 25 with a family of his own and I can't seem to figure out how to handle this, keep the peace but still help my son.
Hi Lydia
It sounds like you have helped and supported lots and perhaps now you can only stand back as you are powerless over the addict and his wife.
Have you tried Al-anon? Maybe if you went there his wife will see that you are now putting the focus back on things you can control and maybe she will want to go to Alanon as well.
I know the road is hard. My 18 year old daughter is on meth. Been in rehab twice and relapsed each time. She is now living on the streets two provinces away and is addicted to meth. My heart is broken. I let her know I love her, I miss her, I believe in her and if she chooses recovery I can help her.
I feel your pain as I live it daily.
It sounds like you have helped and supported lots and perhaps now you can only stand back as you are powerless over the addict and his wife.
Have you tried Al-anon? Maybe if you went there his wife will see that you are now putting the focus back on things you can control and maybe she will want to go to Alanon as well.
I know the road is hard. My 18 year old daughter is on meth. Been in rehab twice and relapsed each time. She is now living on the streets two provinces away and is addicted to meth. My heart is broken. I let her know I love her, I miss her, I believe in her and if she chooses recovery I can help her.
I feel your pain as I live it daily.
i read your stories and my heart hurts for you. i don't have any magic wands but i have my compassion and i give that to you both. be strong and care for your well being.
Thank you for your kind words. At times I feel like I am going absolutely crazy, but then I realize that addiction is crazy and this is a family disease. We all cope in our own way. I live in a remote area and we don't have any support meetings for families, but I am going to search outside of my community and find a group that knows what I'm going through. Other than work I'm finding it hard to leave my house, see friends or do anything thing and I realize that's not healthy. I will try and not let my own fears get in the way. I really need to learn skills on how to show my support without smothering him. I tried calling the treatment center to get some insight on this but I guess because he's an adult, they never returned my call?????? So frustrating..... To all the moms and dads out there, I pray we all get Serenity, even if its just for today.
It's now been almost 7 weeks and we finally heard from his councilor, had our first family conference and although it was very hard... Emotional and very honest, I think this was a turning part for everyone. He thinks he will be coming home in a week or so. Not sure how I feel about that but I am so very grateful that he has worked thru leaving early and decided to complete the program. Would love to get any advice on what's next. I've been reading a lot and triggers and relapse keeps coming up. This absolutely terrifys me. I know this isn't all about me but would be so grateful for any and all advice.
