Hi to everyone, I have a bit of a dilemma as my partner, well he is not really my partner anymore, but he just won't seem to get the message. I have been with him for 8 years (on and off), anyway he is currently in prison again!, which is a regular occurance for him. This man frightens me, he is extremely moody and can be violent when it suits him, I have had my fair share of black eyes, split lips and cracked ribs. I know a lot of you are probably thinking why I have not kicked him to the curb, so to speak, but I am pretty ashamed to admit this, alot of the reason I have contact with him is that when I had a massive habit he would fund it for me, I know that is really sad, but I was a junkie, and if someone is giving you gear and feeding your habit, then most people I know would not say no, to a freebie. When he is in one of his better moods, he could be the nicest guy you would ever meet, but I am constantly walking on egg shells, waiiting for him to explode, he is alot older than me, and very insecure. He is due out of prison in about 2 months and to be honest I am s***ting myself. He called me yesterday and done nothing but abuse me, telling me that he was going to break my jaw, I have tried so hard with this man, but he treats me like a possesion rather than a person. Every other time he goes to jail, 9 times out of 10 I will be clean when he comes out, which usually lasts all of 2 weeks, before I have a full on habit again. Don't get me wrong I am to blame as well, because having spent time in prison, he comes out clean although not always as there is a lot of drugs inside as well as on the out. I know that if I have contact with him when he gets out it will only be a matter of time before I start to use again, over the last few days I have used, I am not using him as an excuse, but now I know that it won't be long before he gets out, it ain't helped matters, and it is really worrying me. He is the sort of man who could not accept just being mates. Because I have tried to sort myself out, starting a meth script and starting a course, he is putting me down, he hates to see me have any independance whatsoever. Sorry to waffle on about this but if anyone at all has got any advice then please do share. I don't want this to take over my life, just as I am beginning to get it back. He is not to take all the blame not that he would anyway, but he always manages to make me feel guilty somhow, reminding me what he has done for me all the time, and how he was there for me when I was in jail myself. I just don't now what to do has anyone got any suggestions?
Take care all
CLAIRE XXX
Hi Claire, I was in a relationship similar to yours, though not as physically abusive because when my ex raised his hand I would kick his butt!!! My ex and I started using H together, he quit way before I did, and of course was very devastated when he found out I was using. He was very verbally abusive, even from the start of our relationship. It seemd though that whenever I was sober and got an ounce of independence he was threatened, he seemed happier with me on drugs becuase he could controll me and out me down, he didn't want me to have any free will of my own, and I'm not even sure that he realizes that he is this way...
My point is, that is exactly what your guy is doing, he knows without drugs that you dont need him and dont want him, and he is very thratened by this. Inside he is weak and scared, and thats why he is physically violent toward you. If it is necesarry I would get a restraining order. You need to do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and sober!!! Don't worry about him as he will only drag you down, the saying misery loves company is very true! Good luck, keep on your program and look out for yourself!
My point is, that is exactly what your guy is doing, he knows without drugs that you dont need him and dont want him, and he is very thratened by this. Inside he is weak and scared, and thats why he is physically violent toward you. If it is necesarry I would get a restraining order. You need to do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and sober!!! Don't worry about him as he will only drag you down, the saying misery loves company is very true! Good luck, keep on your program and look out for yourself!
Claire Hello
No one should be some one elses punch bag.
You need to protect yourself ,what about a court order for him to stay away from you.
About 12 yrs ago i ended a violent relationship with my childrens father.
A hair line fracture to the jaw was the last time he hit me.
I have now been in a relationship for 11 yrs i love him more now than when we first met.
Where you live is it your house/flat? or is it his ?
stay in touch
Emily
No one should be some one elses punch bag.
You need to protect yourself ,what about a court order for him to stay away from you.
About 12 yrs ago i ended a violent relationship with my childrens father.
A hair line fracture to the jaw was the last time he hit me.
I have now been in a relationship for 11 yrs i love him more now than when we first met.
Where you live is it your house/flat? or is it his ?
stay in touch
Emily
Thanks for your words, I know I am not the only one with this problem. What you both said about restraining orders is a very good idea and something that I have been giving a lot of thought to lately. What worries me though is that I was bought up to believe that you should not go to police or authorities, because you would be considered a "grass". But as you have both said, why should I be someones punch bag, since getting clean I am looking at things so differently now, I do not want my 8 year old son to see this sort of crap, he could grow up to think that it acceptable to do the same. I am lucky that I live in my own home and he has no say over my home. I have been really stessing over it and I know it sounds like I am trying to make excuses, I have even used over the last few days, but I have decided that I am not going to accept his calls anymore, and if it does come to it when he gets out, I will do something about it this time.
Thanks once again for you help and advice.
Best of luck of luck to you all
Thanks once again for you help and advice.
Best of luck of luck to you all
Claire stay safe and i sincerly hope that everything turns out ok for you.
Emily
Emily
Claire! Kid! "Grassing", I have always heard, was done when you were busted for something,then you had knowledge to trade to the cops. It is NOT grassing when someone is gonna hurt you & you need to protect yr self. This guy, frankly, sounds like BAD NEWS & you don't need that. You need to think of yr self, truly! Chin up! Let us know how it goes.
