Just wanted to let those of you who have been following my crappy journey know that this would be my 5th day clean, but I didn't get past day 4. My husband came home with a script of 10 5mg lortab cause he had some tooth work done and I chose to take them for a number a reasons. I have severe nerve damage in my lower back and I wish I could say I took them for that reason alone, but I took them cause I hate how my life has been going the past couple months, I was starting to clear it up and it came tumbling down on me again. My withdrawl symptoms weren't even that bad, I was getting through it great, but I took a couple and didn't even feel them which pissed me off even more. I'm in a horrible place right now, especially with my marriage and I don't think it's fair to keep posting if I'm not gonna get serious about me recovering because I hate to say this, but I could care less about me right now.
I hope I can learn from this down the road, but for the time being I don't see it...
Stacey
Stacey,
Thank you for your honesty! Don't give up.The fact that you "confessed" here tells me you're pretty serious about your recovery. I had 5 months clean and went out on Darvocets. When i went to meetings after relapsing, everyone was great..said "welcome back, great to see you"
Relapses happen. I had all sorts of good things going on, and out I went. Addiction is tough. Please keep posting..get to a meeting.
You can do this!
A big hug to you,
Omega
Thank you for your honesty! Don't give up.The fact that you "confessed" here tells me you're pretty serious about your recovery. I had 5 months clean and went out on Darvocets. When i went to meetings after relapsing, everyone was great..said "welcome back, great to see you"
Relapses happen. I had all sorts of good things going on, and out I went. Addiction is tough. Please keep posting..get to a meeting.
You can do this!
A big hug to you,
Omega
The wonderful thing about recovery is that there is no set time for anything.
Get back up, dust off your britches and try, try, try again.
Keep coming back and posting!
Get back up, dust off your britches and try, try, try again.
Keep coming back and posting!
There is a solution. Just don't take any more.
Stacey - I think you're already learning from it by posting what happened.
When I quit the pills this time I had to get at the underlying reasons / behaviors that I would use to justify taking pills. Quite simply I wasn't willing to deal with life on life's terms. It's still a work-in-progress for me, but so far so good.
Can you speak to a counselor or therapist to help you sort out the problems you're experiencing? Have you tried meetings? IMO it's so important to get support in recovery from someone you can trust.
Good luck;
Jim
When I quit the pills this time I had to get at the underlying reasons / behaviors that I would use to justify taking pills. Quite simply I wasn't willing to deal with life on life's terms. It's still a work-in-progress for me, but so far so good.
Can you speak to a counselor or therapist to help you sort out the problems you're experiencing? Have you tried meetings? IMO it's so important to get support in recovery from someone you can trust.
Good luck;
Jim
"Welcome Back"
Addiction is a disease where relapse is a normal side effect. I suppose you have a choice. You can learn from this, get in touch with why you are feeling so crappy or you can simply wallow in this set back and choose to die.
There is no shame in being an addict or in suffering from some of the side effects of the disease, like relapse.
In fact quite the opposit, courage. You have demonstrated courage by coming back and being honest.
Recovery is process not an event, allow yourself to grow from this experience, use it to fuel your desire to keep clean and move on.
Speaking only for myself I know I relapsed several times before getting seriouse about recovery, perhpas you can choose to look at this point in your life as "The first day" instead of your last?
If your higher power, I call mine God, is anythig like mine than all he wants are good things for you and has the power to help you get there. Maybe it's time to allow him to affect change in your life? Just a thought.
God bless.
Addiction is a disease where relapse is a normal side effect. I suppose you have a choice. You can learn from this, get in touch with why you are feeling so crappy or you can simply wallow in this set back and choose to die.
There is no shame in being an addict or in suffering from some of the side effects of the disease, like relapse.
In fact quite the opposit, courage. You have demonstrated courage by coming back and being honest.
Recovery is process not an event, allow yourself to grow from this experience, use it to fuel your desire to keep clean and move on.
Speaking only for myself I know I relapsed several times before getting seriouse about recovery, perhpas you can choose to look at this point in your life as "The first day" instead of your last?
If your higher power, I call mine God, is anythig like mine than all he wants are good things for you and has the power to help you get there. Maybe it's time to allow him to affect change in your life? Just a thought.
God bless.
Stacey-As much as it pains me to agree with 12th stepper.LOL.....just kidding kids.Shes right.If those pills are around,you will take them.Your husband needs to understand this too.Lock em up, hide them at his work,keep them in his drawers but get them out.Have you been honest with him?
Addiction is tricky and pains will show up at the strangest tines.Especially if your looking at a bottle of pills.
Isnt it a b**** to not even get a buzz? All you get is a bunch of senseless guilt to add to another senesless list.
Forget it and do what you need to get started on a recovery program
Addiction is tricky and pains will show up at the strangest tines.Especially if your looking at a bottle of pills.
Isnt it a b**** to not even get a buzz? All you get is a bunch of senseless guilt to add to another senesless list.
Forget it and do what you need to get started on a recovery program
I remember last year around this time I was at the DDS. They didn't offer it but I
"asked for them" and all DDS prescribe are the 5's AND a very small quantity. It was like a skittle to me. I remember that everytime I go to the DDS now. Why bother?
"asked for them" and all DDS prescribe are the 5's AND a very small quantity. It was like a skittle to me. I remember that everytime I go to the DDS now. Why bother?
I dont consider that too much of a setback. Look how much you have spared your body in the last 5 days -that is success already. I know during what I called my "taper", there were times when I had access to some pills and I gave in - but mostly just to weaken those damn withdrawals. I realize some people cannot take a "few" while trying to withdraw - one is too many - 20 is not enough. But in some cases, if it is all you have and you get right back on that horse you will be fine. If EVER pills are accessible to you again, just make sure someone else has control of them. The point is, dont lose those 4 days you were pill free. Dont allow these pills to offset that. You took them. You are still ahead of the game. Just get right back in - today!
IMO
relapse is NOT part of recovery. it is indicative of a lack of commitment and clearly exhibits the individual's inability to completely surrender.
i say this based upon my own personal experience. it is not a judgment upon you, stacey, or anyone else who stumbles along their way. lord knows that was my pattern for many many years.
what i am saying is that recovery requires a complete and total surrender. as the saying goes, "half measures availed us nothing."
at some point you will have to draw your line in the sand -- make a commitment to maintaining your physical sobriety one day at a time, no matter what!
until you can do that with conviction i will guarantee that this dance you are doing with the devil will only get worse. that is my experience.
hugs of love and support,
*sdr*
relapse is NOT part of recovery. it is indicative of a lack of commitment and clearly exhibits the individual's inability to completely surrender.
i say this based upon my own personal experience. it is not a judgment upon you, stacey, or anyone else who stumbles along their way. lord knows that was my pattern for many many years.
what i am saying is that recovery requires a complete and total surrender. as the saying goes, "half measures availed us nothing."
at some point you will have to draw your line in the sand -- make a commitment to maintaining your physical sobriety one day at a time, no matter what!
until you can do that with conviction i will guarantee that this dance you are doing with the devil will only get worse. that is my experience.
hugs of love and support,
*sdr*
sdr,
I agree with you on that it is NOT part of recovery. There is a person here who used that info to relapse. She would agree as well.
Regards,
Tom
I agree with you on that it is NOT part of recovery. There is a person here who used that info to relapse. She would agree as well.
Regards,
Tom
I can only speak of my experience. I had a few slips but they got me over the hump and I made sure pills were never accessible to me again. My point is that she needs to know she is NOT a failure. She CAN do this if she learns from this. I KNOW! I did it. What happened to "just today" ? Well, she screwed up today, but she has tomorrow and the next to make resolve. The key is WANTING to do it.
I just feel it is negative to say she does not show committment. Im glad I had noone around to tell me when I did slip that I was not committed. I know that I wanted to get away from these pills I realized suddenly I was actually addicted to. I dont know how many or how long she took, etc. Im sure all those factors matter. Not everyone who slips is bound for failure. I was committed to being pill free. Just learned that having access to ANY was too tempting. And I learned, and I am pill free. I am so glad I did not need to go the NA route because of many reasons, I think it is a marvelous program however. But I have pride in all those days I stayed under the covers, on the couch, took cold meds and tylenol and immodium d and came out a week later a new person. Its not impossible by any means, and it certainly is a deterrent from ever taking another pill.
Donna,
I understand and respect your point. My point is, if it is constantly pounded into someone that relapse is part of it, then that person begins to see that as an oppurtunity to use.
Regards,
Tom
I understand and respect your point. My point is, if it is constantly pounded into someone that relapse is part of it, then that person begins to see that as an oppurtunity to use.
Regards,
Tom
Tom - I definitely agree with that point. If it becomes an excuse, well one is not looking for sobriety then.
Hi,
First , dont stop posting.Just start over. I was told relapse is not a requirement. I wish I would of listened.That is why I am sitting here with 3 1/2 monthes clean & sober and not almost 4 years. But as they say it takes what it takes. When I had enough pain is when I finally surrendered. I am just lucky I made it back alive. I am so grateful today. It does get better. It really does. Hang in there. Praying helped me alot especially in the beginning. I just asked God to do for me what I could not do for myself. And I would say the serenity prayer. That was about all I could get out. That and I went right back to meetings. AA is what works for me. Have you tried any NA or AA meetings? Take care and be good to yourself. You are worth it. We all are. My email is at the bottom is you want to you can use it, just put your screen name here in the subject so I know who it is. I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless
gi
First , dont stop posting.Just start over. I was told relapse is not a requirement. I wish I would of listened.That is why I am sitting here with 3 1/2 monthes clean & sober and not almost 4 years. But as they say it takes what it takes. When I had enough pain is when I finally surrendered. I am just lucky I made it back alive. I am so grateful today. It does get better. It really does. Hang in there. Praying helped me alot especially in the beginning. I just asked God to do for me what I could not do for myself. And I would say the serenity prayer. That was about all I could get out. That and I went right back to meetings. AA is what works for me. Have you tried any NA or AA meetings? Take care and be good to yourself. You are worth it. We all are. My email is at the bottom is you want to you can use it, just put your screen name here in the subject so I know who it is. I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless
gi
Donna 2 and stacey,
Donna two I agree with you, she feels bad enough about it as it is. its done. It is harmful and insensitive to question her determination. ( It may work for some but this tough love turns off and hurts many more..)
stacey use this as a learning tool and move FORWARD.I happen to know how determined you are through our email communications.
Im rooting for you. Know you can do it. you now have yet another lessonor tool to beat this....go for it!!!!!
Love,
Ali
P.S. Tell hubby that if he "gets" any pain pills not to even TELL YOU!!!!! I dont think its dawned on him just how important this is to you.
Donna two I agree with you, she feels bad enough about it as it is. its done. It is harmful and insensitive to question her determination. ( It may work for some but this tough love turns off and hurts many more..)
stacey use this as a learning tool and move FORWARD.I happen to know how determined you are through our email communications.
Im rooting for you. Know you can do it. you now have yet another lessonor tool to beat this....go for it!!!!!
Love,
Ali
P.S. Tell hubby that if he "gets" any pain pills not to even TELL YOU!!!!! I dont think its dawned on him just how important this is to you.
looking back at my own struggle to get sober, with the clarity of 20/20 hindsight, i can appreciate that the people who cared the most and really wanted me to succeed were the ones who told me the truth and didn't try to sugarcoat it with some warm-fuzzy bullsh*t that they thought i wanted to hear.
for many of us this truly is a life or death proposition.
stacey, i have seen your picture. you're a beautiful young woman. i wish that i could just hug you and impart to you, in that moment, the benefit of my experience -- give you a glimpse into how good your life could be if you could simply grasp the inescapable fact that this is an all or nothing deal.
i truly do wish you the very best.
*sdr*
for many of us this truly is a life or death proposition.
stacey, i have seen your picture. you're a beautiful young woman. i wish that i could just hug you and impart to you, in that moment, the benefit of my experience -- give you a glimpse into how good your life could be if you could simply grasp the inescapable fact that this is an all or nothing deal.
i truly do wish you the very best.
*sdr*
Relapse is not part of recovery.It has nothing to do with recovery .
This is another line that is taken out of context.Its not even required but relapse usually happens to addicts when they first start trying to get clean.It doesnt always and it doesnt have to.Im not a census phobic and doubt anyone could even verify it.Guilt and shame do nothing to help either.I dont think it helps one bit to try and beat somone up with a relapse.That has nothing to do with tough love
.....One of the best examples of tough love I remember was many years ago when this guy I didnt know that well,I dont even think he was even in the program,said to me at a party I was at in the 80's"Man,Ive been watching you tonight".(We were all drinking,doing blow whatever the drug du jour was and in all sincerity)...dude you got a problem.You drink those drinks like water and snort enough blow to kill a horse.Your a good looking guy,you seem smart but your going to have some problems.Im not trying to be an a****** but you cant do this stuff.There is something different in the way you do it.You also get mean and I know your not"...next thing I know he gives me a hug.
Isnt it funny you can remember something said to you 25 years later?
All I can say my friend is try again.You are on the right road.Please let me know what I can do to help.
.
This is another line that is taken out of context.Its not even required but relapse usually happens to addicts when they first start trying to get clean.It doesnt always and it doesnt have to.Im not a census phobic and doubt anyone could even verify it.Guilt and shame do nothing to help either.I dont think it helps one bit to try and beat somone up with a relapse.That has nothing to do with tough love
.....One of the best examples of tough love I remember was many years ago when this guy I didnt know that well,I dont even think he was even in the program,said to me at a party I was at in the 80's"Man,Ive been watching you tonight".(We were all drinking,doing blow whatever the drug du jour was and in all sincerity)...dude you got a problem.You drink those drinks like water and snort enough blow to kill a horse.Your a good looking guy,you seem smart but your going to have some problems.Im not trying to be an a****** but you cant do this stuff.There is something different in the way you do it.You also get mean and I know your not"...next thing I know he gives me a hug.
Isnt it funny you can remember something said to you 25 years later?
All I can say my friend is try again.You are on the right road.Please let me know what I can do to help.
.
There is a huge difference between using a potential relapse as an excuse and accepting the fact that unfortunately sometimes it happens. There is merit in the statement that one totally needs to surrender but the fact remains I have known many who have stumbled and have grown from the experience.
I suppose the point I am trying to make is do not beat yourself over something that many of us have gone through.
I suppose the point I am trying to make is do not beat yourself over something that many of us have gone through.
