Well, it's that time of year again and I haven't had any contact with my 47 y/o son. I have heard from his exGF that he keeps in touch with. She said he is buying used RV's and fixing them and reselling them. He apparently was putting them on someone's property in the country but they broke in and stole stuff. His ex bought him some clothes since he had none and some food. She said she thinks he is clean. She told him he should call us but he hasn't and we last talked to him on the phone in July when he wanted us to go tow an RV for him and we said no.
My dilemma is with Christmas coming is should we get him a care pkg. with food and some clothes or just not bother?
I am missing him, but don't want to enable at all!
Lori
Hey Lori, I personally don't think gifts for special occasions are enabling. More of a recognition to your son tnat no matter what choices is making, he is loved Hard stuff trying to let them know that we believe in them, somewhere deep down inside. If it feels ok for you, send a gift. Peace, Libby
My first thought is that contact at Christmas - you getting in touch w him - may make him feel like "where were you 6 months ago." I would prepare what you would like to give him and prepare what you would like to say. and wait and see how it unfolds.
about buying stuff - you don't really know what he needs or his sizes. you could give $ to gf to purchase for you to give to him.? she would know what he needs?
write him a note in a card that starts with "we never stopped loving you...
about buying stuff - you don't really know what he needs or his sizes. you could give $ to gf to purchase for you to give to him.? she would know what he needs?
write him a note in a card that starts with "we never stopped loving you...
Hi Lori I would give him a care package to express to him you still care and love him. He's been out on his own a while now so in my opinion it wouldn't be enabling.
I have been thinking about the holidays. They are the worst time of year for our emotions. I dont think it is enabling to give something at Christmas or birthday but, that being said, we must remember that any of our addicts might use money for drugs. We also dont want to send meaningless things they dont need. Even food gift cards can be sold or traded. Contact with them could open a door we want to keep closed. They might think we are willing to give them more. Seems like they wait for any opening to manipulate. They need things now but will still need after Christmas. I think maybe a line must be drawn and maintained. I am reluctant to rock the boat in my case. I would send only a card if I knew where my son was and he had a mailing address. Remembering him at Christmas but still staying neutral. What a dilemma we face and what emotional turmoil it brings!
Yes, it is especially hard with other children in the house. My son doesn't like to admit that we have spent a lot of money this year and he owes us almost $1000.
I am very weary of addiction. It is a constant cycle of grief.
I hope everyone reading this is able to find some peace over the holidays.
I am very weary of addiction. It is a constant cycle of grief.
I hope everyone reading this is able to find some peace over the holidays.
I just joined...this is my first post....I dont know where my daughter is....she type 1 diabetic this is a first that i dont know where she is...i believe she is homeless
Havent heard from her in bout 3wks...am trying to stay strong and in prayer....am attending a wkly support grp...not going to partake in the holidays this year....will continue to be as positive as possible...and keep her in prayer...she has been off and on drugs since early teens she is now in her late 30s...
Havent heard from her in bout 3wks...am trying to stay strong and in prayer....am attending a wkly support grp...not going to partake in the holidays this year....will continue to be as positive as possible...and keep her in prayer...she has been off and on drugs since early teens she is now in her late 30s...
Alwaysinprayer - so sorry - it is so emotionally heartbreaking and exhausting. sending prayers and hugs. keep positive and keep looking for her if that's what you want to do. try to conserve your energy in your 'down time', or focus on getting other things done that you have been putting off.
Alwaysinprayer I'm sorry too it's very painful not knowing where they are. I don't know where my daughter is right now too. She was kicked out of a sober living after 2 months and they told her if she went to treatment for 30 days she could come back. She said no thanks then stayed in a hotel for a while then with friends then wanted to come home and I said no and told her very clearly why. It was hard to do but I had to....It's very heartbreaking addiction it really is.
