I am in a relationalship with someone much younger than me. About two months after we started dating I discovered they were using. I found dope in my house. I confronted them about it and "broke" them down. It was rough but I knew I had to do soemthing. I have since taken them to a psychiatrist and they are being treated with suboxone. I control the medication and ensure they take the dosage as prescribed. They are doing better and I am certain they want to get off the junk forever. So now the question? What do I look for that would tell me to be suspicious and maybe worried they are headed for a relapse? What pitfalls might be coming? I would also like suggestions as to how to deal with this person on a day to day basis. I think I'm doing the right things and saying the right things but I wish I could know more.
Chief USN Ret.
chief, we do things out of love and caring and sometimes we do too much. there are many many archives that talk about enabling and codependancy and the best way to help them help themselves is to read these archives and learn that we do not actually have the ultimate control over their using, they do...the book co dependent no more is a classic
very wise words
nothing to really add-
nothing to really add-
Hi Chief,
When we start being concerned about doing or saying "the right thing" we are worrying about the wrong thing. Once we start the walking on eggshells bit things deteriorate and we become unhealthy in our attachment to what happens...to another's outcomes...and that takes the ball out of their court where it rightfully belongs. The addicted loved one becomes the focus of all we say and do and we measure every interaction in unhealthy ways. We stop seeing them as capable of taking care of themselves and that really ends up being a disservice to them in the long run. People in recovery should control their own medications and recovery plan which should include more than just medication. Suboxone is a Godsend for many, but it can't stand alone as addiction is a malady of the spirit and needs more to keep it at bay.
Tell us about YOU...what do you want? How do YOU feel?
Peace ~ MomNMore
When we start being concerned about doing or saying "the right thing" we are worrying about the wrong thing. Once we start the walking on eggshells bit things deteriorate and we become unhealthy in our attachment to what happens...to another's outcomes...and that takes the ball out of their court where it rightfully belongs. The addicted loved one becomes the focus of all we say and do and we measure every interaction in unhealthy ways. We stop seeing them as capable of taking care of themselves and that really ends up being a disservice to them in the long run. People in recovery should control their own medications and recovery plan which should include more than just medication. Suboxone is a Godsend for many, but it can't stand alone as addiction is a malady of the spirit and needs more to keep it at bay.
Tell us about YOU...what do you want? How do YOU feel?
Peace ~ MomNMore
What do I look for that would tell me to be suspicious and maybe worried they are headed for a relapse?
Waiting for the other shoe to drop, is no way to live. You have to accept they are an addict, either you will live with that fact or you won't, that simple for the moment. From there if they aren't ready then you will have to figure out if this is something you want in your life.
What pitfalls might be coming?
Again that shoe .... pitfalls, lapses and downright relapse are teaching tools for an addict, well if no one is taking the learning away and fixing things and smoothing over, and making it all pretty and ok...
I would also like suggestions as to how to deal with this person on a day to day basis. Treat them normal as there isn't any reason not to....know that they will have bad and good days, it is what it is. Know that pity doesn't help, nor does feeding into any pity party...allow them to express how they feel, but don't jump in to say there are wrong or right, just let them talk and find a way to figure themselves out...Treat maybe as you wish to be treated, as well, never a bad thing.
I think I'm doing the right things and saying the right things but I wish I could know more. More what, are they not capable? oh and I will answer that one, they are very capable... you have no control over this at all and won't. And if you think you do, or that love can safe or managing can save you would be very wrong.
We have a family and friends board here, you might want to check it out lots of good information floating around...
Waiting for the other shoe to drop, is no way to live. You have to accept they are an addict, either you will live with that fact or you won't, that simple for the moment. From there if they aren't ready then you will have to figure out if this is something you want in your life.
What pitfalls might be coming?
Again that shoe .... pitfalls, lapses and downright relapse are teaching tools for an addict, well if no one is taking the learning away and fixing things and smoothing over, and making it all pretty and ok...
I would also like suggestions as to how to deal with this person on a day to day basis. Treat them normal as there isn't any reason not to....know that they will have bad and good days, it is what it is. Know that pity doesn't help, nor does feeding into any pity party...allow them to express how they feel, but don't jump in to say there are wrong or right, just let them talk and find a way to figure themselves out...Treat maybe as you wish to be treated, as well, never a bad thing.
I think I'm doing the right things and saying the right things but I wish I could know more. More what, are they not capable? oh and I will answer that one, they are very capable... you have no control over this at all and won't. And if you think you do, or that love can safe or managing can save you would be very wrong.
We have a family and friends board here, you might want to check it out lots of good information floating around...
Chief,
Welcome!
As much as it hurts and no matter how you might feel ,heroin addicts,like any other addict, have to fall flat on their asses ...usually a whole bunch of times before they really "get it", meaning, ...they usually try more than once to get clean before they eventually find which way is the best way for them to stay clean.
What every one said before me is so true. It is harder for some than others. Dont try to "help them". Sure be supportive etc...but they need to do it on their own,and in their own way. They cant do it for you or anyone else. THEY HAVE TO WANT IT FOR THEMSELVES AND THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN DO IT.
They are lucky to have someone who cares. Some addicts burn their bridges so badly that when they finally realize they need to stop and clean up, the only people that will have anything to do with them are the ones in N.A. or A.A or the Doctor who will treat them.Then it is a long road back into their families lives.Hopefully this is not the case for you.
As for things to look for if you suspect they are using......
When I was using the things my family would look for was: strangely bent spoons,So you can sit them down without spilling the contents, strangely bent spoons with black "soot" or dark discolortion on the bottom of them,meaning it had been used to "cook" the heroin to be able to shoot it. Small pieces of dirty cotton balls,syringes,(usually diabetic syringes) When people who use or abuse opiates, their pupils are"pinned", meaning the pupil is very tiny,like the head of a pin.Spending in inordinate amount of time locked in a bathroom or bedroom is another dead giveaway that someone is still using and "nodding".....falling asleep during the day for no apparent reason,usually following one of the long sessions in the bathroom. And they will "nod" sitting up,sometimes in very uncomfortable looking positions and then try to act like they haven't been.
Look at anyone you know that doesnt do drugs. In the daytime your pupils should be small,but not tiny. When it gets darker your pupils will dilate so you can see better.Someone who is using cocaine for instance, are a dead giveaway because their pupils are HUGE!
Someone who is on the right path to getting clean will not look or act like someone with something to hide.I hope I gave you a little insight into what you can look for ,but again, besides taking an inventory of your personal belongings and locking up things that can be taken and pawned there isnt a lot you can do to help.Addiction to heroin is almost as bad as they come.I hope your friends are not in so deep that they can stop now with the help of the suboxone.
Hang in there and know you are welcome here any time ,as are they.
Hope your holidays are happy.
Granny23
Welcome!
As much as it hurts and no matter how you might feel ,heroin addicts,like any other addict, have to fall flat on their asses ...usually a whole bunch of times before they really "get it", meaning, ...they usually try more than once to get clean before they eventually find which way is the best way for them to stay clean.
What every one said before me is so true. It is harder for some than others. Dont try to "help them". Sure be supportive etc...but they need to do it on their own,and in their own way. They cant do it for you or anyone else. THEY HAVE TO WANT IT FOR THEMSELVES AND THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN DO IT.
They are lucky to have someone who cares. Some addicts burn their bridges so badly that when they finally realize they need to stop and clean up, the only people that will have anything to do with them are the ones in N.A. or A.A or the Doctor who will treat them.Then it is a long road back into their families lives.Hopefully this is not the case for you.
As for things to look for if you suspect they are using......
When I was using the things my family would look for was: strangely bent spoons,So you can sit them down without spilling the contents, strangely bent spoons with black "soot" or dark discolortion on the bottom of them,meaning it had been used to "cook" the heroin to be able to shoot it. Small pieces of dirty cotton balls,syringes,(usually diabetic syringes) When people who use or abuse opiates, their pupils are"pinned", meaning the pupil is very tiny,like the head of a pin.Spending in inordinate amount of time locked in a bathroom or bedroom is another dead giveaway that someone is still using and "nodding".....falling asleep during the day for no apparent reason,usually following one of the long sessions in the bathroom. And they will "nod" sitting up,sometimes in very uncomfortable looking positions and then try to act like they haven't been.
Look at anyone you know that doesnt do drugs. In the daytime your pupils should be small,but not tiny. When it gets darker your pupils will dilate so you can see better.Someone who is using cocaine for instance, are a dead giveaway because their pupils are HUGE!
Someone who is on the right path to getting clean will not look or act like someone with something to hide.I hope I gave you a little insight into what you can look for ,but again, besides taking an inventory of your personal belongings and locking up things that can be taken and pawned there isnt a lot you can do to help.Addiction to heroin is almost as bad as they come.I hope your friends are not in so deep that they can stop now with the help of the suboxone.
Hang in there and know you are welcome here any time ,as are they.
Hope your holidays are happy.
Granny23
