Well my wife got kicked out of drug court.. They couldn't deal with her failed UAs and the lies that she told.. She just started being honest with them and I told her it may be to little to late and it was.. So she will be going to prison now.. Hopefully she won't be charged with anything additional and it will just be the 9 months (minus any time served they give her) and she can come home.. Just thought you all would want to know.. Thanks Chris..
Chris, hang in there. I know it's hard as I'm going through a similar situation...though my girl is looking at around 5 yrs...before "good" time. Do what's best for you, and of course, the kids. I know it aint easy, but each and every day will provide a gift...I promise. It took me forever to get that.
All the best, Don
All the best, Don
Sorry Chris. Keep going to those Al Anon meetings and take care of yourself and the kids. You deserve to be happy.
I'm sorry, Chris for you and your kids. Hopefully she will take every opportunity offered to her in jail and will come home a much healthier person because of it.
I can only imagine how much it must hurt. But you will be okay. And so will your kids because I can tell you are a good dad. I know that no words I say will take the pain away. Just know that you have people who care about your family's well-being.
I can only imagine how much it must hurt. But you will be okay. And so will your kids because I can tell you are a good dad. I know that no words I say will take the pain away. Just know that you have people who care about your family's well-being.
Sorry Chris,
Maybe some time will help her? 9 months is not much time in a life time (I know it must seem like forever right now) take this opportunity to heal you and your children. I wish you well.
Maybe some time will help her? 9 months is not much time in a life time (I know it must seem like forever right now) take this opportunity to heal you and your children. I wish you well.
Thanks to all.. I know it is going to be hard without her.. I have talked with her and told her to look at this as a positive thing.. Told her to go to prison and get into every available thing she can to help herself get better.. I believe she has hit her rockbottom and the only way is up from there.. Told her to work the programs and get better and come home to me.. Chris..
well my brother just jumped me at work.. said she is getting what she deserves and that I will never be happy with I continue to stay with her.. said I will be unhappy for the rest of my life.. just not much happiness for me today I guess.. Chris..
Aw Chris....Im so sorry to hear all this.I know you knew this could happen but could and does are 2 different things huh.And though I know that a part of you understands this may be a positive thing,it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt like hell.
As for your brother...I know its easy for me to say this,but in all honesty...hes intitled to feel that way.But your also intitle to have your feelings respected.I just feel that as sad as it may be that you cant talk to him about her & your feelings for her.It may be better just not to bring her up at all around him.Dont give him the chance to diss her.I mean Im an outsider looking in so its easy for me to say things.It has to be you to do them.
mj
As for your brother...I know its easy for me to say this,but in all honesty...hes intitled to feel that way.But your also intitle to have your feelings respected.I just feel that as sad as it may be that you cant talk to him about her & your feelings for her.It may be better just not to bring her up at all around him.Dont give him the chance to diss her.I mean Im an outsider looking in so its easy for me to say things.It has to be you to do them.
mj
I am currently at the mum stage.. don't think it has hit me as to how long that is.. but I think it is for the best.. she wants to get better and come out and be the wife and mother she knows she can be.. so hopefully she does just that and we can live happily ever after.. Chris..
Sorry to hear this Chris. It may very well be exactly what she needs. I am not sure but I think they offer treatment in jail...don't they? She at the very least can go to meetings. She is an addict at the bottom and perhaps this time away in Jail will allow her the time to heal and get better.
Their is a saying that addiction will lead three places....jail, institution or death. In a way she is lucky. She could be in a worse place....right?
As for your brother. I would remind him that the two of you have children together and that he should respect that no matter what happens she will always be in your life. You are connected and if the two of you want it then who cares what your brother thinks. It's not about him....it's about YOUR family and doing what is best for the kids. It's not up to him to determine how that will play out. When kids are involved I think that every effort should be made to keep families intact.
Keep your head up. Things will indeed get better. You are a single Dad now....I wish you all the best. Keep going to those meetings and do what is best for you! Keep posting......you will find friends here,.
Hugs
Their is a saying that addiction will lead three places....jail, institution or death. In a way she is lucky. She could be in a worse place....right?
As for your brother. I would remind him that the two of you have children together and that he should respect that no matter what happens she will always be in your life. You are connected and if the two of you want it then who cares what your brother thinks. It's not about him....it's about YOUR family and doing what is best for the kids. It's not up to him to determine how that will play out. When kids are involved I think that every effort should be made to keep families intact.
Keep your head up. Things will indeed get better. You are a single Dad now....I wish you all the best. Keep going to those meetings and do what is best for you! Keep posting......you will find friends here,.
Hugs
We don't have kids together.. My sons are from a my first marriage but they are like they are ours.. And I do want our lives back as a whole family.. with me and a much better healthier mommy.. and all our kids.. I am hoping and praying for the best and yes the do have treatment in prison and I told her to make the best of all they have to offer and make it work.. Chris..
I think KeeKee said it all.I can't add anything but I will anyway.........I think it's awesome you have a good relationship with your brother but from an outsiders view? He sounds like a judgemental a******.
Yeah,she made some mistakes but she's your wife and he needs to respect that.I'm sure he's never made any mistakes and his Stepford wife is the perfect companion and makes the best blueberry muffins in town,but things are never as they appear.
They have meetings in prison and this could allow her start working the steps.Both of yall could have a fantastic life together when she gets better you could have an intimacy that's real and lasting.Anyone with the devotion you've shown by your writing on here would make a fantastic partner and I'm sure your wife is just as devoted.
She made a mistake.She's sick,she's not an evil person.Addicts and alcoholics who get clean&work the steps are some of the brightest people in the world.
Your brother is myopic.He sees this as a moral condition so trying to change his mind is futile.He needs to educate himself about the disease of addiction and realize that relapse & recidivism is part of it.Unfortunately,you can't do that.
I'm not trying to cause a riff between you two but keep your conversations concerning her out of the equation.I'm sure he's a great father but you are too.You have different issues than he does right now.Don't expect his compassion even though it may seem logical he give it.Don't have any expectations right now.You can write,talk on the phone,visit and certainly they allow some sort of time for intimacy? I don't know but maybe some people who have served time would.
Keep your head up and realize this could turn out to be something you both need Chris.
Yeah,she made some mistakes but she's your wife and he needs to respect that.I'm sure he's never made any mistakes and his Stepford wife is the perfect companion and makes the best blueberry muffins in town,but things are never as they appear.
They have meetings in prison and this could allow her start working the steps.Both of yall could have a fantastic life together when she gets better you could have an intimacy that's real and lasting.Anyone with the devotion you've shown by your writing on here would make a fantastic partner and I'm sure your wife is just as devoted.
She made a mistake.She's sick,she's not an evil person.Addicts and alcoholics who get clean&work the steps are some of the brightest people in the world.
Your brother is myopic.He sees this as a moral condition so trying to change his mind is futile.He needs to educate himself about the disease of addiction and realize that relapse & recidivism is part of it.Unfortunately,you can't do that.
I'm not trying to cause a riff between you two but keep your conversations concerning her out of the equation.I'm sure he's a great father but you are too.You have different issues than he does right now.Don't expect his compassion even though it may seem logical he give it.Don't have any expectations right now.You can write,talk on the phone,visit and certainly they allow some sort of time for intimacy? I don't know but maybe some people who have served time would.
Keep your head up and realize this could turn out to be something you both need Chris.
I know it will work out for he best when it is all over with but righ now it just seems like forever.. I know if isn't really that long in the grand scheme of life.. If I have to give up 9 months of this year to be with her the rest of my life it is well worth it!!! I love her so much and it is just going to be hard to be away from her for that long and no there is no intimacy in prison.. They don't do those kind of visits.. I wish.. it is 200 miles one way to the prison she will go to but I will go at least 1 time a month.. I already called to see when visits are.. I get to see her for 2 hours and if she tells them how far away I am I can see her for 4 hours.. that will be awesome.. Chris..
Chris, if it is any consolation in drug it usually is 1-4 for the drug possession or use, so people in drug court try and stay motivated however after being in drug court and seeing people first hand kicked out for dirty ua's or whatever, even though she is sentenced for 9 months doesn't always mean 9 months. she can get treatment in prison and good behavior and doing everything required plus a little more, taking classes etc, she can really be out sooner, not 100 percent for sure, but it is up to her how she behaves. i have seen a 2 time convicted drug dealer in vegas get 6 months becuz they complied perfectly once in prison. Your main focus should be right now on you and the kids. make this time count for you. honestly chris i have never seen a person kicked out of drug court for a one time problem, so in order to get where she is right now as you posted, she never was in compliance and that is something you need to think about too. drug court is for sure not for the faint of heart. it demands perfect compliance and though i did not see it as a gift then, i am grateful i went thru it and am not a convicted felon.
Chris, I understand where your brother is coming from. I am sure he cares about you and your kids and just doesn't want to see you get hurt. I guess he could express those things to you in a better way. Only you can live your life. I hope you do have the fairy tale ending. If being married was easy, there wouldn't be so many divorced people. Take care. Oh, I still think you should give the friends/family section of the board another try. Its sometimes slower over there so you may have to wait a little longer for replys, but there are some really good people over there. Someone already mentioned Becky P. She was dating a guy who was in and out of court.
I know she didn't comply in drug court.. she had 2 bad UAs and she lies a lot.. I think she finally got over the lieing part but it was just to late for that to them.. I totally understand them kicking her out.. You have to be honest in drug court or they can not help you.. and she learned that too little too late.. But that is in the past now.. I want her to go to prison and learn from her mistakes and make the best out of this situation that she possibly can and come home ready to make a sober life no matter what it takes to do that.. Chris..