How are you, and how is your Dad? You've got a lot of love and support coming your way.....check in if you can. Hang in, M.
I'm hanging..been a long weekend. My dad is about the same, no change. Not sure if that's good or not. Me? I'm at the end of my rope. I'm not sure how to feel or to deal. Just doing the best I can.
Thanks for being there M...
Cowgirl
Thanks for being there M...
Cowgirl
Cowgirl,
You're doing great and I am so proud of you. You just stay strong - we all know what a "tough cookie" you are. But I also understand how you feel when it comes to "Daddy" - I'm Daddy's little girl too. It hurt so much to see hiim in the hospital.
Dont worry, sweetheart, I know that things are going to be just fine. You take care of YOU too ! Keep us posted.
Love you,
Marie
xoxoox
You're doing great and I am so proud of you. You just stay strong - we all know what a "tough cookie" you are. But I also understand how you feel when it comes to "Daddy" - I'm Daddy's little girl too. It hurt so much to see hiim in the hospital.
Dont worry, sweetheart, I know that things are going to be just fine. You take care of YOU too ! Keep us posted.
Love you,
Marie
xoxoox
Cowgirl, I am sorry, but what is his condition? Is he coherent? I can't find the post..
I hope he is well. Hang in there, and taking pills wont make anything better...just stay strong, and know that even though it may seem like finding chemical relief might help, it really won't.
Hugs,
Kerry
I hope he is well. Hang in there, and taking pills wont make anything better...just stay strong, and know that even though it may seem like finding chemical relief might help, it really won't.
Hugs,
Kerry
He goes in and out. He didn't know my mom yesterday so that was a little scary... He had his colon removed about a month ago, compication after complication and now an infection that they can't kill. He's had a heart attack on top of everything else.
Kerry..how goes the battle for you? Marie? Briar? Haven't seen Rachel post...where are you girle?
I'm taking a break today from the hospital, my brother is going to take the day off and spend it with my dad, so I'm going to catch up on laundry, finish my shopping and then take a much needed hot tub soak and nap. Wish I could go riding instead but it's raining too damn hard. Besides I haven't been on my horses for over a month....probably get more of a ride than I bargined for.
Everyone have a great day....
Cowgirl
Kerry..how goes the battle for you? Marie? Briar? Haven't seen Rachel post...where are you girle?
I'm taking a break today from the hospital, my brother is going to take the day off and spend it with my dad, so I'm going to catch up on laundry, finish my shopping and then take a much needed hot tub soak and nap. Wish I could go riding instead but it's raining too damn hard. Besides I haven't been on my horses for over a month....probably get more of a ride than I bargined for.
Everyone have a great day....
Cowgirl
Well, Cowgirl, the battle had a major setback.
Last week I went to the dr, the prescribing dr whom I told NO MORE VICS, and told him the ultramm was making me very depressed. I told him the pain was more than advil...he actually prescribed oxycontin...yep...to get off of ultramm...I have never been on oxy...took one once years ago, but I bit it unknowingly and it made me sick as hell.
So what did this stupid addict do? I took 5 that night, and the next day as well, then I flushed the remainder. I am taking ultramm again, but trying to wean.
I wanted to post, but this is during all the drama, and I didn't want to get slammed as I was doing enough slamming on myself..
I have now very strict orders to stay away from the dr. But I know the dr isn't responsible for my sobriety, I am.
Cowgirl, hug your dad..I lost my mom 2 years ago, and had I know it was the end then, there would have been a lot more I wanted to say.
Hang tough, Lady..
Kerry
Last week I went to the dr, the prescribing dr whom I told NO MORE VICS, and told him the ultramm was making me very depressed. I told him the pain was more than advil...he actually prescribed oxycontin...yep...to get off of ultramm...I have never been on oxy...took one once years ago, but I bit it unknowingly and it made me sick as hell.
So what did this stupid addict do? I took 5 that night, and the next day as well, then I flushed the remainder. I am taking ultramm again, but trying to wean.
I wanted to post, but this is during all the drama, and I didn't want to get slammed as I was doing enough slamming on myself..
I have now very strict orders to stay away from the dr. But I know the dr isn't responsible for my sobriety, I am.
Cowgirl, hug your dad..I lost my mom 2 years ago, and had I know it was the end then, there would have been a lot more I wanted to say.
Hang tough, Lady..
Kerry
Hi littlebeach gosh your Dr took you out of the frying pan & into the fire.Is there anything I can do to help in anyway?,,,mj
Kerry,
I am so proud of you for posting. Now it is time to stop beating yourself up and move forward...One day or disaster at a time.....You can do this....I have lots of faith in you,have some in yourself.
Love yah,
Tina
I am so proud of you for posting. Now it is time to stop beating yourself up and move forward...One day or disaster at a time.....You can do this....I have lots of faith in you,have some in yourself.
Love yah,
Tina
Molly, it just showed me that no one is responsible for my recovery but me, and I know that I can never go there again.
How are you doing?
Kerry
How are you doing?
Kerry
Kerry -
I cant believe that Dr. OMG - thats nuts!! I'm also very sorry that you felt you couldnt post about it with all the crap going on here. I hope you are OK now. That really sucks. If you dont mind my asking what mg. did he give you?
Love,
Marie
I cant believe that Dr. OMG - thats nuts!! I'm also very sorry that you felt you couldnt post about it with all the crap going on here. I hope you are OK now. That really sucks. If you dont mind my asking what mg. did he give you?
Love,
Marie
I went in and told him I wanted off the ultramm, but was told that it was unsafe to ct...
I told him that I was getting very apathetic..
He gave me 20 10mg oxy to detox off of ultramm...now, he knows about the vic problem...and then told me to come back in a week to see if that med worked for me. I knew I should have ran fast....but....
I took them, but then ended up flushing the rest..I am an addict, and that thinking pops in like crazy...it is like there are two different people running my show...
I can't believe it happened, and wanted to post, but that was during all of the slamming.
It taught me that I need to be more diligent; all I want is sobriety and out of PillHell....it sucks....
Anyway.....
I hate being altered in anyway now, not only to I feel HORRIBLY GUILTY...but I just don't like the feeling...
so take it from me...it just isn't damn worth it. Waking up sober, knowing you didn't mess up the day before is all I am after..
I also thought that no one would believe me...it is just way to bizarre....it is like giving a crack head a free run on heroin to detox...I was completely honest with him about my addiction...
Kerry
I told him that I was getting very apathetic..
He gave me 20 10mg oxy to detox off of ultramm...now, he knows about the vic problem...and then told me to come back in a week to see if that med worked for me. I knew I should have ran fast....but....
I took them, but then ended up flushing the rest..I am an addict, and that thinking pops in like crazy...it is like there are two different people running my show...
I can't believe it happened, and wanted to post, but that was during all of the slamming.
It taught me that I need to be more diligent; all I want is sobriety and out of PillHell....it sucks....
Anyway.....
I hate being altered in anyway now, not only to I feel HORRIBLY GUILTY...but I just don't like the feeling...
so take it from me...it just isn't damn worth it. Waking up sober, knowing you didn't mess up the day before is all I am after..
I also thought that no one would believe me...it is just way to bizarre....it is like giving a crack head a free run on heroin to detox...I was completely honest with him about my addiction...
Kerry
LB I am proud of you I don't think I would of been able to flush them I know how my addiction can control me still and it probaly always have some kind of hold on me.I'm down to 10 5 in the am 5 inthe pm so I am doing better.Is therre anyway I can help you at all....mj
Molly, I am sooooooooo proud of you!! Way to go, Lady!
I guess unless you have electric shock therapy handy, I will just have to learn again to take it one day at a time...
A lesson learned...now I just have to be more diligent..I really thought that I had cut my source, and didn't go there for more narcotics...
But, if you go to the barber shop enough times, eventually you will end up with a haircut...
I wonder how some drs get away with this...I just don't know...I think that he tought he was just trying to help manage the pain, which is a b****, and said the oxy is 12 hrs, not like norco...
Kerry
I guess unless you have electric shock therapy handy, I will just have to learn again to take it one day at a time...
A lesson learned...now I just have to be more diligent..I really thought that I had cut my source, and didn't go there for more narcotics...
But, if you go to the barber shop enough times, eventually you will end up with a haircut...
I wonder how some drs get away with this...I just don't know...I think that he tought he was just trying to help manage the pain, which is a b****, and said the oxy is 12 hrs, not like norco...
Kerry
Kerry..I'm glad that you understand that you and only you are responsible for your recovery..BUT, that Dr. is a quack and needs to be turned in. How many others has he done this too and could possibly be responsible for an overdose. Isn't he the one that wanted to meet you at the nude beach? Little Mckenna right? If so, almost sounds like he's got some alterive motives going here...get you hooked and beholden' to him. Scary s***. He is right about the ultram. You can have siezures if you go c/t. But there are other meds such as catapress etc, that are safe and non-addictive. Oxy is 10 times more addictive than ultram. Especially the way you ate them that first night.
Your honesty will get you through this. Call the medical board for your state....
Cowgirl
Your honesty will get you through this. Call the medical board for your state....
Cowgirl
Cowgirl,
You're awesome. All there is to it. Hope you enjoyed your day off (kind of) -- you deserved it. Keep hanging in. I don't know how to feel or deal most of the time either....
Kerry -- you're equally awesome, for your honesty, for flushing, for getting back on track. I don't know many people on this site who, when faced with the same circumstance, wouldn't also have given taken that scrip. That's all the permission my little addict brain would need.....time to get a new doc, though.
M.
You're awesome. All there is to it. Hope you enjoyed your day off (kind of) -- you deserved it. Keep hanging in. I don't know how to feel or deal most of the time either....
Kerry -- you're equally awesome, for your honesty, for flushing, for getting back on track. I don't know many people on this site who, when faced with the same circumstance, wouldn't also have given taken that scrip. That's all the permission my little addict brain would need.....time to get a new doc, though.
M.
I know...that is just plain insanity...he knows I am an addict...yep, that is the same one..
I didn't want to do anything because it goes along with the freudian thing we talked about, cg...
I dont' feel so hot, and am actually scared to death of oxy..it sucks..I feel like hell still...
Kerry
I didn't want to do anything because it goes along with the freudian thing we talked about, cg...
I dont' feel so hot, and am actually scared to death of oxy..it sucks..I feel like hell still...
Kerry
Kerry -
Yes I know the oxy is WAY more addictive - he really does need to be turned in to the AMA - he'll continue to do it to others. I really admire you though for having the courage to flush the rest - it did take alot, especially with all the stupid BS going on. I truly apologize for that - for my part in it anyway - I hate to think that I would have ANYTHING to do with someone relapsing. Again, just glad youre OK now - I would just wean down on the Ultram - is that what you plan to do? Good luck, Kerry.
Love,
Marie
Yes I know the oxy is WAY more addictive - he really does need to be turned in to the AMA - he'll continue to do it to others. I really admire you though for having the courage to flush the rest - it did take alot, especially with all the stupid BS going on. I truly apologize for that - for my part in it anyway - I hate to think that I would have ANYTHING to do with someone relapsing. Again, just glad youre OK now - I would just wean down on the Ultram - is that what you plan to do? Good luck, Kerry.
Love,
Marie
Cowgirl:
Thanks for asking about me. You put a smile on my face. It's the end of the year wrap up and I am working a lot. Tomorrow is my last day for 14 days though. Hooray! I hope you are doing okay. I know how stressful what you are going through is. My love to you...
Kerry:
Wow. You are awesome and I'm so glad we're friends. You truly are a shining example of recovery. Thank you for your honesty. I love ya'.
Rachel
Thanks for asking about me. You put a smile on my face. It's the end of the year wrap up and I am working a lot. Tomorrow is my last day for 14 days though. Hooray! I hope you are doing okay. I know how stressful what you are going through is. My love to you...
Kerry:
Wow. You are awesome and I'm so glad we're friends. You truly are a shining example of recovery. Thank you for your honesty. I love ya'.
Rachel
Wow...thank all of you for the support...thanks none...Rachel, and I am glad we are friends too...
Thanks, Cowgirl, I agree with none..you are awsome.
Marie, thank you, and no, you had nothing to do with it. I know very well by now that I am a big girl, and I am responsible for my own recovery. There is nothing ( I hope, anyway) that justifies using for me...
No fight, or situation....it is just dangerous for me to think that way...
I just had them given to me...even though I knew better, it was that "just one more time" thinking...but my lesson got relearned; it just isn't worth it...
The last thing on earth that I want is to be on oxy...
Thank you all for the support..
I would like to be able to blame the dr...LOL...it might take the guilt away. But the only one that pays the consequences is me...
I went to the beach today, and my daughters and I had the best time. We found tiny little hermit crabs no bigger than my pinky nail...it was so fun watching their innocent faces play, and complete joy. I get caught up in my own head so much that sometimes I forget that I am in paradise...
The water was cold, to me anyway. I was rethinking the snow thing...LOL..I just might freeze to death.
Kerry
good evening cowgal -
so good to hear you got a chance to take care of you today. sometimes it's difficult for me when caught up in extreme circumstances such as you have recently experienced to remember H.A.L.T.
i'm of the belief that we are spiritual being having a human experience. i hope that in your human experience that you had today, you were able to reconnect with your spirit. even in your angst and pain your essence is beautiful and i'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to know you better. you are love, my friend - don't you ever forget that.
namaste'
sammy
so good to hear you got a chance to take care of you today. sometimes it's difficult for me when caught up in extreme circumstances such as you have recently experienced to remember H.A.L.T.
i'm of the belief that we are spiritual being having a human experience. i hope that in your human experience that you had today, you were able to reconnect with your spirit. even in your angst and pain your essence is beautiful and i'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to know you better. you are love, my friend - don't you ever forget that.
namaste'
sammy
