well as you all know, i am heading off for rehab monday, but i am having the terrible thoughts of wanting one more fling, is this normal? its such a shaming thought, if i get caught by my husband it will be the end....why do i want to do such a stupid thing and dance with the devil, is it because i am leaving my comfort zone? i know i have to take a piss test on monday and i have to be clean, but my stupid brain is playing tricks on me...the gabritil and klonopin have me sleeping all day and all night, why do i want to say goodbye to coke?
please talk some sense into me.
i realize that i am scared to death of facing my life through substance clear eyes, i am really really scared.
another thing is i have to go into work and admit my disease to them, so i can work on a part time basis....God please help me work through my fears.
bob if you are here give me some prayers and strength
anyone who knows and loves me please pop in and give me positive thinking....
i would almost rather die, than go through this, no, i'm not suicidal, just scared sh*tless...
this my tuesday cry for help!
bob if you are here give me some prayers and strength
anyone who knows and loves me please pop in and give me positive thinking....
i would almost rather die, than go through this, no, i'm not suicidal, just scared sh*tless...
this my tuesday cry for help!
Janet,
You are so close to getting well...don't give in now! Talk to your husband...tell him how you are feeling. You were so brave to talk to him already this week, ask him to support you now in this desperate time. You have so much to look forward to and so many friends who are pulling for you. It is going to be a tough road ahead, but giving in to your current feelings is not going to make it easier! Take it one hour at a time, 10 minutes at a time if you have to.
I am praying for you! Love, Stepmom
You are so close to getting well...don't give in now! Talk to your husband...tell him how you are feeling. You were so brave to talk to him already this week, ask him to support you now in this desperate time. You have so much to look forward to and so many friends who are pulling for you. It is going to be a tough road ahead, but giving in to your current feelings is not going to make it easier! Take it one hour at a time, 10 minutes at a time if you have to.
I am praying for you! Love, Stepmom
hey, janet, you know i don't have first hand experience, but i have heard that what you are thinking and feeling is very common. some alcoholics, before rehab and giving a go at giving it up, go on a real "bender." don't take it lightly and give it everything you have to stay alert. don't let what i have just said justify anything.
think the consequences all the way through, from start to finish. you need to pass that test to get better in the longer haul.
nothing, absolutely nothing, is keeping you from going to an NA or AA meeting tommorrow. go. call the number in the phone book and go. you need the support of other recovering addicts right now and yes, you are in recovery.
you've asked for a prayer, so i'll post one to you that you can repeat over and over. it's been beneficial for centuries in all sort of circumstances, and you've probably seen me post it before. take it and latch on to it as your own. i'll send it in the next post.
PRAYER TO
SAINT MICHAEL
THE ARCHANGEL
St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle,
be our defense against the wickedness
and snares of the devil;
may God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the divine power,
thrust into hell Satan
and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
Janet hey sweetie! In my opinion your feelings aer totally normal. The way I look at it rehab is a scarey thing for you. If you are anything like me when I'm scared or unconfrontable I run to my comfort zone...my DOC. And one of the scariest things for me to face was that,"one last hoorah" was never gong to happen. Also most of us want waht we can't have. It's a tough situation sweetie but you will get through it. I agree with others in talking to your husband and telling him how you feel. That is a really great way to open up so you don't fell as if you are alone. You aren't alone and please don't forget that. We love you and keep us posted!
Hi Janet,
I wish you much luck on Monday and I will keep you in my prayers.....
You are so worth this journey.......
Love,
Tina
I wish you much luck on Monday and I will keep you in my prayers.....
You are so worth this journey.......
Love,
Tina
Bob, thanks, I printed that one out and will carry it with me everywhere, i'm sure that it will get well worn before monday, thanks for being my rock and listening and giving me assurance.
Dear Janet, I can only imagine how scared and confused you are feeling right now. And wanting to .... go for a last fling .... I think that is all quite normal. I want you to know that I will be praying for you. You have really been through so much. I believe we are in fear of the un-known. The not knowing what will or might happen next. Or having to let all of yourself open up. Just try to hold on to all that you have. I know that you are a very strong person. But right now, the cocaine has a hold on you, but it is up to you to cut the ties. I do know how you feel. I can tell you if I wasn't staying at my mother's house, I don't think I would be able to stay clean. And my licences' were suspended back in Feb. so I don't get the chance to really drive anywhere. I was pulled over and arrested back in Jan. They found para. in my car & my purse. So another lesson learned. And I guess now with me having Hep. and my liver is in pretty bad condition, I am scared. You know that we are here for you! You are a wonderful and caring person. You will beat this.....I just know you will. Have faith in yourself. Trust in all that is good. Reach for your Higher Power and give all your pain and fear to him. Take things slow and keep things simple. Let go ..... just let it all go. It will get better. All my thoughts and prayers are with you!!! As Always,...EYES
DEAR, JANET
PLEASE READ THIS.. I HAVE ONLY BEEN CLEAN FOR 2 DAYS AND THIS HELPS ME AND IT MIGHT HELP YOU
GOD , GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN ,AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
IM PRAYING FOR YOU JANET
PLEASE READ THIS.. I HAVE ONLY BEEN CLEAN FOR 2 DAYS AND THIS HELPS ME AND IT MIGHT HELP YOU
GOD , GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN ,AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
IM PRAYING FOR YOU JANET
Janet
One last fling...I would say most of us have had that feeling. I know I have but its stinky thinkin. Is it / would it be worth it. You know the answer to that.....NO When I was tapering off vics I got down to a low dosage. Then one day I wanted to feel that high again so I took a few more than I should. And I felt great....For an HOUR. Janet...1 hour..1 day..1 weekend....Its just not worth it. You have already taken the steps you need to. Keep those steps going forward.
And remember we joined this board within 1 day of each other.
Love ya
Frank
thanks honey, i have lost site of the serenity prayer, being out of program for a while...it will be in my mind daily from now on. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you for the hell we are in at this time.
frank, i love you so much....and keep on throwing that one day up at me...it means alot to know that our minds were in the same place at the same time.
frank, i love you so much....and keep on throwing that one day up at me...it means alot to know that our minds were in the same place at the same time.
Im right there with you This drug addiction is the most vicious thing Ive ever dealt with in my life .Good luck at rehab . Tracey
Hi Janet, I couldn't count the times I said it would be my last prescription. When I'm all done with these......one last time then I'll quit, you get the idea. Okay a different drug, but I think the feelings are the same. It's your disease talking. It won't be the last time if you give in to it, those are just the lies our disease tells us to keep us using. Good luck on Monday! Love, Kat
bumpnbad,
Just think when this is over u will have to change your log in name to bumpngood. I can't imagine the fear. I once thought of going after a talk with my husband that turned into an agruement. So I am doing this alone with the board. My husband has noticed something different but can't put his finger on it. I just smile and even if i feel like sh** and say I am fine how r u? I kow he has questions but I will not put my cards on the table again. It didn't work the first time and I am not ready for round 2.
I will be praying for u to have a easy w/d in there with all the extra help u need especially from God and his angels. They will be among us at all times especially when they r n need of reinforcements. I have faith n u. So hurry back and give us fighting people a chance to learn from your experience. We are counting on your experience to help us too.
Much Love,
Tina
Just think when this is over u will have to change your log in name to bumpngood. I can't imagine the fear. I once thought of going after a talk with my husband that turned into an agruement. So I am doing this alone with the board. My husband has noticed something different but can't put his finger on it. I just smile and even if i feel like sh** and say I am fine how r u? I kow he has questions but I will not put my cards on the table again. It didn't work the first time and I am not ready for round 2.
I will be praying for u to have a easy w/d in there with all the extra help u need especially from God and his angels. They will be among us at all times especially when they r n need of reinforcements. I have faith n u. So hurry back and give us fighting people a chance to learn from your experience. We are counting on your experience to help us too.
Much Love,
Tina
Janet: Babygirl, I cant sit here and pretend I have the slightest clue what you are and have been through but I can love you and I do.
When I read your posts, I usually am thinking "how did such a sweet girl get introduced to this, fall into this". Then I realize sweet girls hurt too. My theory is we are addicts because we hurt. We cant run from ourselves but we can alter our reality, feelings and emotions.
You are SO SWEET, I want all of us to be clean, dont get me wrong, but you girl.... pull at my hear strings, for whatever reasons. I picture your arms and it makes me want to cry for all of you. I havent seen what drug use does to your arms but you discribed it and how it made you feel to look at it and I cried and prayed for you. Now you got me crying this morning! Er. K, noughfa dat.
I know you have heard this a million times but stay clean for everyone that loves you, screw what you want. The devil always looks so nice and lovely.
When I read your posts, I usually am thinking "how did such a sweet girl get introduced to this, fall into this". Then I realize sweet girls hurt too. My theory is we are addicts because we hurt. We cant run from ourselves but we can alter our reality, feelings and emotions.
You are SO SWEET, I want all of us to be clean, dont get me wrong, but you girl.... pull at my hear strings, for whatever reasons. I picture your arms and it makes me want to cry for all of you. I havent seen what drug use does to your arms but you discribed it and how it made you feel to look at it and I cried and prayed for you. Now you got me crying this morning! Er. K, noughfa dat.
I know you have heard this a million times but stay clean for everyone that loves you, screw what you want. The devil always looks so nice and lovely.
Janet, thinking of one last fling is normal, but it is wrong to do it! You already have a few days behind you right? So you have a jump start, some do the last fling thing then go to rehab, and are freaking out! You are a strong person, and you can do this. Just please give it a try, because rehab can do wonders! Think of it like a school, you are gonna learn so much new stuff, and meet new people that can relate to you! Please when you get back, keep us posted, I will be thinking of you and praying for you chicky. I know you can do it! Hugs, Kim
Dear Janet.I think it is totally normal to want to binge one last time.BUT YOU MUST NOT do that to yourself.If you do you know all the bad that will come from it.You can do this I belive you can.You already have been through so much that has made you strong even though you dont feel like it.You need to fogive yourself & do what must be done because you deserve a better life than this.I wish I had your addy but I guess I can still talk to you on here,.Take Care...mj
mj and all, you can email me at c21jrlarche@yahoo.com, i would love to get some support from my morning friends. Starting tuesday i will be going to rehab at 8:30 to 2:30 and i would love to hear from my morning friends. To say that I am scared is an understatement. Nobody wants to face down their demons. I am going to work this morning to tell them that I am going part time for a while and owning up to rehab. Thank heavens in my profession I can do that. This event will make me stronger and give me more motivation to do what it is that i need to do. That is of course if I pass the Assessment and can do outpatient rehab, i don't see a reason why I can't but you leave that in the Physicians hands. I will so miss my mornings with all of my friends, but I will do what i have to do to get sane and well.
i love you all for listening to me, offering me love and support and wish that we can continue on. I'm just going to hate having to get up early and moving....I have gotten lazy the last 6 months or so.
I hope that all of you continue on with your recoveries and continue to help those who are in need of your wisdom
love
janet
i love you all for listening to me, offering me love and support and wish that we can continue on. I'm just going to hate having to get up early and moving....I have gotten lazy the last 6 months or so.
I hope that all of you continue on with your recoveries and continue to help those who are in need of your wisdom
love
janet
Janet, I am so proud of you for taking these steps. I know you are scared, that is only natural, but it's a good thing you're doing, and you will come through it just fine. You are a very strong lady.
Good luck at work. I know that's a tough one, but you can handle it! I will certainly stay in touch with you. You have my email, and please know you can use it anytime!
Good luck at work. I know that's a tough one, but you can handle it! I will certainly stay in touch with you. You have my email, and please know you can use it anytime!
