"These are days".............not like the 10,000 Maniacs tune either...I freaking wish I was Natalie Merchant.
Today more than any day since I been clean I so fr*g*ng feel like getting high.
Yes, I'm a big baby............everyone else in life got their own chit.......yes, I know, but like we do here I'm sharing this..........I wanna get high.......I don't want to use..........like anytime I felt like it in the past and posted.......I wanna get sraight up high..........plain an simple.
I know, I know, I know........there's people way worse off in this world,,,,,,,blah, blah, blah............guess what I really don't give a flying f*c*.........i really don't.
Who sings that song.........oh Talking Heads........"Same As It Ever Was"..........that's how every damn day is.............and don't even say well it's up to us to make the day different............no kidding.........the day would look much well whatever.............high!
Hang in there bryn...its been 3 yrs....it won't ever be as good as the 1st time...just be a big huge waste of 3 yrs...
I know how much it SUCKS to feel that way. I have been craving real bad these last few months, i've been drinking more then ever. i've came so very close to just doing it. It's a real urge to nod out, slur, the total middle finger to the world, HIGH. everytime I don't just do it, i'm thankful later. I just want high to but, i know it would never be a one time thing for me i have no sense of doing things in moderation "neither do you, were addicts!".
I felt this way just saturday screw being responsible doing what's right. I wanted to get away. My urges are ALWAYS triggered from stress. What has helped me "not totally helped" but, helped was getting away chilling with some good music just forgetting, i also love to drive when i'm craving real loud Radio MINDLESS car driving to nowhere.
I get Overwhelmed real easy!. H always seems like the soft friends shoulder to cry on. Worst enemy and best friend all in one.
I hope your doing better. Do feel free to write me a message on how your feeling, sometimes it helps. I get so annoyed when i hear it gets easier "when exactly?" in some ways i crave less then i use to but, still times urges are like a ton a BRICKS. I can tell you using is not gonna make you feel better it will make you feel like crap. Just driving to my old spot made me feel like a real immature selfish a-hole.
I felt this way just saturday screw being responsible doing what's right. I wanted to get away. My urges are ALWAYS triggered from stress. What has helped me "not totally helped" but, helped was getting away chilling with some good music just forgetting, i also love to drive when i'm craving real loud Radio MINDLESS car driving to nowhere.
I get Overwhelmed real easy!. H always seems like the soft friends shoulder to cry on. Worst enemy and best friend all in one.
I hope your doing better. Do feel free to write me a message on how your feeling, sometimes it helps. I get so annoyed when i hear it gets easier "when exactly?" in some ways i crave less then i use to but, still times urges are like a ton a BRICKS. I can tell you using is not gonna make you feel better it will make you feel like crap. Just driving to my old spot made me feel like a real immature selfish a-hole.
Hello Doll....
You know I'm gonna call you that from now on, don't you? I could get on here and make use of my talent for writing novels but there's nothing at all that's gonna make any difference in the way you feel right now. I know you're just blowin' smoke and I know you'll get over this so I'm not gonna say anything 'cept..................
.......................................I LOVE YOU, DOLL...............................................
You know I'm gonna call you that from now on, don't you? I could get on here and make use of my talent for writing novels but there's nothing at all that's gonna make any difference in the way you feel right now. I know you're just blowin' smoke and I know you'll get over this so I'm not gonna say anything 'cept..................
.......................................I LOVE YOU, DOLL...............................................
Bryn,
My dad used to say that life was awful sometimes, boring and hard most of the time that's why we have to enjoy the odd good bits.
Sending you good bit thoughts.
k
My dad used to say that life was awful sometimes, boring and hard most of the time that's why we have to enjoy the odd good bits.
Sending you good bit thoughts.
k
Bryn- It sucks that we are always having to be strong for everyone else, when we would just like to be the one being taken care of. Today sounds like one of those days for you, well hey this to will pass. You have too much good in life right now to do anything that will change that.
You are definetly stressed over your brothers surgery, worried about your mom and her stress level, and then your daughter. I for one wished I could take some of the stress off of you today so you can see just how lucky you are!!! You are stronger than the feelings of wanting to be high. I have never been there but seems to me that just triggers a whole lot more of worries and problems.
Where is momnmore when you need her? Off on vacation at Marthas Vineyard...
Listen little missy, we all need you on these boards and we all look forward to your strength and words of wisdom, so please think of something else to make you feel better, chocolate always works for me????
Here's a hug for you and sorry you are feeling so down, I promise tomorrow will be a better day and if not the next surely will...
The ulceratied colitis? My 24 year old daughter has that, she struggles for awhile with it then it seems to settle down and back again, stress related when it is out of control. I'm going to tell you a story, a little laugh at her expense but for a good cause. About 6 months ago she was getting out of class at night, 9-10 in the evening. On her way back home and oh my gosh she needed a restroom and right then. She is in her car, a very good, cautious driver, never a ticket or accident since she began to drive, so she speeds up to get home faster, well in a construction zone and a police officer behind her!! Well you guessed it, he pulled her over, I asked her why she didn't tell him the problem so he would let her go, he happend to be her age and very cute!!! She was embarrassed. So she got a ticket, way to late for the need to the restroom. Well she fought the ticket, went to court with a letter from her doctor stating she has ulcerated colitis, 10 pages from the internet on what it is, what happens during an episode, I am sure the judge thought she was nuts. Well they dropped the additional pts and fines from the construction zone, and lowered her ticket to some speed where it didn't affect her too much, little did they know she is very tight with her money so the 100 fine about killed her!!!!
Be strong, you are a good caring person and you have come such a long way, we all need you. thinking of you, sherri
You are definetly stressed over your brothers surgery, worried about your mom and her stress level, and then your daughter. I for one wished I could take some of the stress off of you today so you can see just how lucky you are!!! You are stronger than the feelings of wanting to be high. I have never been there but seems to me that just triggers a whole lot more of worries and problems.
Where is momnmore when you need her? Off on vacation at Marthas Vineyard...
Listen little missy, we all need you on these boards and we all look forward to your strength and words of wisdom, so please think of something else to make you feel better, chocolate always works for me????
Here's a hug for you and sorry you are feeling so down, I promise tomorrow will be a better day and if not the next surely will...
The ulceratied colitis? My 24 year old daughter has that, she struggles for awhile with it then it seems to settle down and back again, stress related when it is out of control. I'm going to tell you a story, a little laugh at her expense but for a good cause. About 6 months ago she was getting out of class at night, 9-10 in the evening. On her way back home and oh my gosh she needed a restroom and right then. She is in her car, a very good, cautious driver, never a ticket or accident since she began to drive, so she speeds up to get home faster, well in a construction zone and a police officer behind her!! Well you guessed it, he pulled her over, I asked her why she didn't tell him the problem so he would let her go, he happend to be her age and very cute!!! She was embarrassed. So she got a ticket, way to late for the need to the restroom. Well she fought the ticket, went to court with a letter from her doctor stating she has ulcerated colitis, 10 pages from the internet on what it is, what happens during an episode, I am sure the judge thought she was nuts. Well they dropped the additional pts and fines from the construction zone, and lowered her ticket to some speed where it didn't affect her too much, little did they know she is very tight with her money so the 100 fine about killed her!!!!
Be strong, you are a good caring person and you have come such a long way, we all need you. thinking of you, sherri
Man, I'm "Little Missy"......LOL.......I like that DW........and "Doll".......Callie I say that in like a Brooklyn accent.........."Doll Face" would be good.
Seriously, thank you all so much........it was a bad one.......bad......not even that bad a day just the crave............close call..........I appreciate all y'all's support, and Jaz's dad's words of wisedom........."Lil Odd Bits"......would make a good name of a screen play.
Though at least I know it's picking up before I pick up........got that knowledge.
Thanks you all.
Seriously, thank you all so much........it was a bad one.......bad......not even that bad a day just the crave............close call..........I appreciate all y'all's support, and Jaz's dad's words of wisedom........."Lil Odd Bits"......would make a good name of a screen play.
Though at least I know it's picking up before I pick up........got that knowledge.
Thanks you all.
Wha....??? Oh, hi Bryn! It's you. Didn't know you were here. Hang on just one mintute while I turn my keyboard upside down and bang it on the desk. There's fish bits in there from my fish and chips dinner. There, that's better. Did you know you could put your keyboard in the dishwasher (no soap) if it gets stuff in it? Yep! I didn't stay to find out if it worked but a friend did it when I was at her house one day. Ummm...come to think of it, she hasn't emailed me in a while. Maybe you should hold off using my "helpful household hints" until I find out what the verdict is.
Well? Are you all better now? I figure you must be if you're trying to boss me about what pet name you'd prefer. I had a hard time for a minute, trying to figure out what "Doll" would sound like in a Brooklyn accent but it finally came to me. Yep, I like Doll Face better too, now that you mention it. Hey! Here's the next thing. Did you know that if you take the first 2 letters and the last 2 letters of the word Brooklyn and put them together, it spells your name? Is that a coincidence or where you clever enough to put that together and use it for you screen name? Could be...I mean, how do I know what your real name is?
OK...well, I'm gonna go finish weeding my flower bed. Thanks for stopping by and....if nothing else in my message makes sense...maybe this'll mean something.
I was praying for the very best for you today. Hope it worked.
Love you!
~Callie~
Well? Are you all better now? I figure you must be if you're trying to boss me about what pet name you'd prefer. I had a hard time for a minute, trying to figure out what "Doll" would sound like in a Brooklyn accent but it finally came to me. Yep, I like Doll Face better too, now that you mention it. Hey! Here's the next thing. Did you know that if you take the first 2 letters and the last 2 letters of the word Brooklyn and put them together, it spells your name? Is that a coincidence or where you clever enough to put that together and use it for you screen name? Could be...I mean, how do I know what your real name is?
OK...well, I'm gonna go finish weeding my flower bed. Thanks for stopping by and....if nothing else in my message makes sense...maybe this'll mean something.
I was praying for the very best for you today. Hope it worked.
Love you!
~Callie~
