Hi,
just wondering how many of you had to walk away from friends to get clean?
I had a childhood friend who I lived with and took care of when her mother died, when she was 9, i was only 15 and we were really close. She was the first one to get into drugs,at the age of 14,had a dickhead bloke who helped her along.
A few years later I started using myself and we used together quite a few times, then we both got clean, seperatly(i had moved away to do it).
So we met up again a few years later and everything was cool, drugs didn't come into it at all, until last summer she admitted to me she had been using again,and that she had some in the wardrobe,did i mind if she did it?
I was surprised and stupidly had a bit myself, made me really sick and buzzing, from there i gradually started using more and more, sometimes with her, until i eventually had a habit again.
Got pregnant and stopped using and started a methadone programme on my dr's advice. I said to my friend i had to stay away for a while as i was sorting myself out,she got really agressive with me saying i was making out she was encouraging me, and i was supposed to be a friend to her...I was seriously fu**ed off,I have been there for her through so much,she has s*** on me loads of times. I was gutted.
There are people I have met while using who i have used with but cutting them off wasn't as hard, I have known this girl all my life, before drugs, we were best mates...
Anyone else had to lose friends like this?
Hi K,
Usually if the friendship is centered around drugs then there is no friendship to begin with. In this case you knew this person before drugs....STILL if you are trying to get clean and they are not then they serve no purpose in your life while you are trying to sort yourself out. This friendship of many years may be hard to let go because of the years of knowing oneanother but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself who is more important. Even with a friendship that was before drugs they still tend to damage the friendship...besides all your attention needs to be focused on the only one that can get you clean and the on that matters most.....YOU!
Usually if the friendship is centered around drugs then there is no friendship to begin with. In this case you knew this person before drugs....STILL if you are trying to get clean and they are not then they serve no purpose in your life while you are trying to sort yourself out. This friendship of many years may be hard to let go because of the years of knowing oneanother but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself who is more important. Even with a friendship that was before drugs they still tend to damage the friendship...besides all your attention needs to be focused on the only one that can get you clean and the on that matters most.....YOU!
Hey Kymbo -
Misery has enough company. She's guilting you and you know how it is when the drugs are doing the talking. So happy for you and your little one that you are clean. My daughter has had to cut out most of her so-called friends. Some still party, but they respect her decision (and the fact that she is an addict and they are mostly not) and only call when they know it will be a safe and comfortable environment for her - ie, no drugs. The others...well, she's done with them.
Your unusual history with this girl makes it especially hard, but you have moved on and she has not. Keep moving...
Peace~MomNMore
Misery has enough company. She's guilting you and you know how it is when the drugs are doing the talking. So happy for you and your little one that you are clean. My daughter has had to cut out most of her so-called friends. Some still party, but they respect her decision (and the fact that she is an addict and they are mostly not) and only call when they know it will be a safe and comfortable environment for her - ie, no drugs. The others...well, she's done with them.
Your unusual history with this girl makes it especially hard, but you have moved on and she has not. Keep moving...
Peace~MomNMore
I cut off EVERYONE many of who were blood related FAMILY. I've been sober 2 years only have ONE friend who don't use and did not use before i got sober.
Sometimes it really bugs me i don't have people to just call up anymore. Meeting new sober friends easier said then done. I know without a dought it would take so little to go back i CAN'T be around the lifestyle that includes people i've known MANY who i've known my whole life. Some were real friends most were just around for there own needs. Yes i've had mean things said about me and to me. At the end of the day i know where i'm at while they are still chasing down H, going to jail, getting Hep c, dope sick, stealing, beggin. It is very important for any lasting recovery to chage the way you live. You can't stay sober and still hang with people who are not.
Sometimes it really bugs me i don't have people to just call up anymore. Meeting new sober friends easier said then done. I know without a dought it would take so little to go back i CAN'T be around the lifestyle that includes people i've known MANY who i've known my whole life. Some were real friends most were just around for there own needs. Yes i've had mean things said about me and to me. At the end of the day i know where i'm at while they are still chasing down H, going to jail, getting Hep c, dope sick, stealing, beggin. It is very important for any lasting recovery to chage the way you live. You can't stay sober and still hang with people who are not.
I think its maybe easier in the long run to cut off the people who you associate using with. Its easy to remember the person you first met but I dont think she is that person anymore. As you said she had sh*t on you loads and you have been true to her so I would back off and if she ever does realise the friendship she has lost then she will seek to find you.
You have been there enough for her and its time she faced responsibilities on her own. You cant blame her for you using but if she knows you are off it then she shouldnt offer it to you in the first place but then again you should be strong enough to say no. I know its easy me saying that because I have never used but from experiemce I think you have to start again with new friends once you have changed your life and stopped using heroin. All that is associated with it, using it etc has to be deleted, and forgotten about so there is no temptation around you!!
xx
You have been there enough for her and its time she faced responsibilities on her own. You cant blame her for you using but if she knows you are off it then she shouldnt offer it to you in the first place but then again you should be strong enough to say no. I know its easy me saying that because I have never used but from experiemce I think you have to start again with new friends once you have changed your life and stopped using heroin. All that is associated with it, using it etc has to be deleted, and forgotten about so there is no temptation around you!!
xx
Hi Kymbo, I was asking myself the same question 8 weeks ago, i even posted on here asking everyones advice. I've been off heroin for about 9 weeks now and HAD to cut my friends off. I still see them, but i can't be around them as i know i'm not strong enough to be in the company of people smokin and say no.... I just can't put myself in that position. Need to think of numero uno!!
I know what you mean, a few of my mates were friends from years back, way before we got into the kit, and it kills me not to have the laughs we used to. You need to think of yourself!! If you are in her company she WILL offer you a smoke,one of my mates offered me about a month ago, not out of spite, but cause that's what we did.... All the best, Kev
I know what you mean, a few of my mates were friends from years back, way before we got into the kit, and it kills me not to have the laughs we used to. You need to think of yourself!! If you are in her company she WILL offer you a smoke,one of my mates offered me about a month ago, not out of spite, but cause that's what we did.... All the best, Kev
| QUOTE |
| zerogirl Meeting new sober friends easier said then done. |
Actually it is not really that difficult. Activities are a good way to meet people. I meet them through softball. But there is gardening, dance, gyms, church groups, you name it there are many different things out there. The issue you have is who to watch the kids. That is an issue that plagues many parents with younger children. Take that out of the equation and it becomes what do I like/want to do and do it.
hurtdad: my thing with sober friends is "i've used something" since my pre teen years. I don't have much in common with sober friends. It's hard to feel a connection ya know. My one sober freiend i connect to her she has a ex hubby who is a crack addict. I honest feel diffrent then them "the sober people". Yeah that might sound DUMB it's that way thou. Then meeting recovery people i feel i can't trust them. It's a real pain to meet people that i feel would be friends. I've got more judgemental and careful about who i call a friend. Yeah i do need to make a honest effort to meet new people. I'm working on it.
Thankyou,all of you for your advice.
Zerogirl i can completly relate to what you are saying...
When i first got clean, i had moved to a new town and found it really difficult to make friends, before drugs i was outgoing and would make friends everywhere but after spending years doing the same thing over and over again,living in a world where only Heroin mattered, i found it hard to make conversation with 'straight' headed people, i felt we had nothing in common.
But that feeling passed and i soon made friends, and now im back in my home town, i see my old school friends and avoid those i used with, other than the girl i was talking about i dont really see any using associates.
Zerogirl i can completly relate to what you are saying...
When i first got clean, i had moved to a new town and found it really difficult to make friends, before drugs i was outgoing and would make friends everywhere but after spending years doing the same thing over and over again,living in a world where only Heroin mattered, i found it hard to make conversation with 'straight' headed people, i felt we had nothing in common.
But that feeling passed and i soon made friends, and now im back in my home town, i see my old school friends and avoid those i used with, other than the girl i was talking about i dont really see any using associates.
Zerogirl...I think you expressed your reservations about us "sober people" very well...and you're right...many people are judgemental and just don't understand you and your life...but there are people who have understanding souls and are willing to learn how to be friends with someone different from them...people who embrace and celebrate differences without fear or prejudice. I pray that you find people who will appreciate you just as you are and still know how to have fun!!!!
Best of luck,
Maddy x
Best of luck,
Maddy x
When I got clean, I walked away from my husband of 16 years and all of our friends. I had to, because I could never have stayed off drugs while living with or associating with using addicts.
I was very lonely for a time. But, I started to develop relationships with other people in recovery and also with my higher power. I've been clean now for just over a year and I'm seldom lonely. Of course I miss some people from my past at times. But I don't miss the past life that they are a part of.
Through working the steps and a lot of journaling, I'm becoming content in my own skin. What happiness I have comes from within, not from other people or substances or activities or any of the other stuff I used to try to fill the void with. For me, it was necessary to go through that period of loneliness. It has made me a better person and a better friend.
I was very lonely for a time. But, I started to develop relationships with other people in recovery and also with my higher power. I've been clean now for just over a year and I'm seldom lonely. Of course I miss some people from my past at times. But I don't miss the past life that they are a part of.
Through working the steps and a lot of journaling, I'm becoming content in my own skin. What happiness I have comes from within, not from other people or substances or activities or any of the other stuff I used to try to fill the void with. For me, it was necessary to go through that period of loneliness. It has made me a better person and a better friend.
OMG! That sounds so "program" and uptight. But, it's also true! LOL
