Hello everyone
Recently, I became involved with a recovering addict. Our time together has been incredibly short, but incredibly intense. She has not actually come out and told me that she is a recovering addict, but I've been able to put the pieces of her story together and am absolutely certain that this is the case (though I do not know specifically which substance took over her life for a time, or any other such details...but I'm confident that it's not alcohol).
She and I had an immediate connection. Our time spent together, even when we first met, was very "couply". Nobody would have guessed we had just started seeing each other. We both gave obvious signs that we saw each other as a long-term prospect. She shared a lot of her hopes for a future together, which encouraged me to treat her more like a partner and less like someone I'm dating. I am not the only person guilty of escalating this relationship by any means - physically or emotionally, but I can only be responsible for what I do and say.
My concern is that coming on so strong has scared her away somewhat. She still talks to me, but seems more detached than she did when we first met. She expressed to me one night that she doesn't know how to handle being treated so well (after being treated like s*** by guys all her life) and that she needs time to get used to it. I'm happy to give her that, but I'm afraid that it's too late - that I've already screwed up. I know that she loves the little gestures of affection I give her, but if it's too overwhelming that doesn't really matter.
I would love some perspective from recovering female addicts. It's impossible for me to put myself in your shoes, as I am not an addict myself, nor am I a woman. I know that I need to slow down, even if she tries to speed things up. How should I proceed?
Thanks
Honestly if I knew how painful life was with an addict I would have never stayed in this relationship (2years plus)or let it go anywhere from the get go. I was the biggest enabler not even knowing it. until recently detaching from her even though we just had a child 4 months ago that is in her mother's (grandma) care because she lost custody.. I'm not saying she can't re cover but she'll spend the rest of her life fighting. her addiction stole my soul. I have to take care of myself so I can be there for my daughter. Me thinking I was helping her just made everything worse. Tough love isn't easy. I can't imagine how I would feel if it was one of my children..you need to reevaluate yourself and decide if this is what you want to do the rest of your life.trust me it's not easy try NAR anon and educate yourself on addiction. It is truly HELL for all involved. .
Thanks for your thoughts. She is several years clean, has a great support network in place, and has built a great life for herself. She is resolved to continue working to repair the damage she's done in her life and the lives of those around her. On top of that, she is working to ensure she doesn't make the same mistakes she did before. I truly believe she has a bright future ahead of her, which I want to be a part of.
Every addict is different. I'm sorry for hat happened in your relationship, but that is not necessarily how mine will be.
Every addict is different. I'm sorry for hat happened in your relationship, but that is not necessarily how mine will be.
