Hi all,
I am dating this wonderful woman who is in recovery and who has been in recovery for the past 9 years. She has had her share of toxic, unhealthy relationships and now functions from a place of fear - fear of codependency, fear of relapse, fear of letting go, fear of healing. She also struggles with generalized anxiety, more recently so much more.
Her pattern with me has been, a few great days then she has a panic attack and the noises from her past get louder and then she shuts down and ends the relationship. We've been on this path for 3 months. Her anxiety is cruel and mean and I sometimes have a hard time seeing through it. I do try very hard to see through it. When she's not anxious, she is kind, loving, gentle and so thoughtful.
I knew this is what I was getting myself into, very early on but I chose to love her despite that and I'm not looking for advice on how I can/should walk away. I would instead like words of encouragement, that this too shall pass, that things will get better.
I would like to hear from fellow partners of addicts, or other recovering addicts and how their relationships have shifted through recovery. I want to be able to see that light at the end of the tunnel more clearly. I have also started going to Al-Anon meetings in hopes of getting more perspective and more support.
Thank you.
That's great that she isn't using. But she might not change any drug is hard to stay away from. I personally am in a relationship with a current addict. And I'm started to get to the point of us breaking up. Just remember you love her, she loves you. No matter what she will wprry that is for sure. But all you can really do is help calm her anxieties. Remind her of how far she's come. Be honest with your feeling and it'll be ok. She might not stop the way she is but id you fell in love with her knowing her situation you should stick with her.
"I am dating this wonderful woman who is in recovery and who has been in recovery for the past 9 years."
What program is she doing?
Does she attend meetings regularly?
Does she have a sponsor and is active in a Home Group?
Does she sponsor newcomers?
What program is she doing?
Does she attend meetings regularly?
Does she have a sponsor and is active in a Home Group?
Does she sponsor newcomers?
She is in AA, has been in AA for the past 9 years. Goes to 2 to 3 meetings per week even if we're on vacation anywhere and everywhere and I am very supportive of it. She is getting into therapy as well and has an appointment to see her therapist next week. She has an incredible sponsor who is kind and loving and very supportive and she also sponsors two people and is very supportive of their recovery. If there is such thing as an ideal recovering addict, she ticks the boxes. She is health conscious and spiritual and constantly seeking to unlearn and learn new behaviours.
Thank you loralieluv for the advice. I would love to stick around for her, more than anything. She is an incredible human being and despite it all, I am grateful for her presence in mine.
