Right well once again day one has gone for my partner and he got through it. I have left him in bed this morning cos no doubt he will be feeling groggy and probably in a stinking mood. He is still getting the pains in his kidneys..is this normal. Anyway I thought if he is stopping then I am going to put all my efforts into stopping smoking again. I stopped for three years and then one day last year I had an argument and just lit one up...you see Davey we all have relapses at some point, even my partner hadnt touched heroin in 4 years and he is on it again now. I did stop in January for a week but then my partner started on the gear and I smoked again. Anyway I have got tablets off the doctor but I have to smoke for the next 10 days till it gets into my system then fingers crossed!! I have done it once so I can do it again. Maybe not sure 2 moody grumps in the same house is a good idea but atleast I can understand his pain as I will be withdrawing slightly myself!
Well wish me and my partner luck!! xx
Alright..Lynds..just to answer yer Q?bout how long to get a habit back..i would say for someone whose been addicted in the past a week or two is enough to give them that habit again.Also i think deffo.that ya can have some smack and leave it..maybe have it a couple of times and leave it at that...i know folks who have done just that taken a bit and left it but as ya know theres plenty of us out there who wish we never had touched it..but thats history.
Take care........Davey
Take care........Davey
Well well well....just when I thought he was getting somewhere once again. He was supposed to get his tablet this morning, but yip you guessed it. He didnt. He was out for an hour and a half and I knew what he was up to. I dont know why but I cried and cried. I shouldnt let this get to me but once again I feel like I am back to square one. I physically wanted to kick him all over the place. He was so arragent when he came back and dam right nasty to me.
I have told him it is over between me and him and that we are now going to live seperate lives. I cant take this s*** anymore. I havent ate a thing al day and I am worried sick. I aint scared of being of my own but I suppose I am a little anxious.
He reckons he is starting again tomorrow but who cares! I dont anymore. I dnt care what he does, where he goes as long as I dont see him off his face again.
Its the first time in 2 month that he has gone out and came back in that state where he can barely open his eyes. I just felt hate for him and I mean pure hate. I feel angry now just typing this. One thing I find very difficult when he is like this is controlling my anger cos I wanna just go mad with him but that just makes him nasty to me.
God I so got to stick to my word this time because he can destroy his life but he aint destroying mine! I have my daughter to think about and she is all that matters to me.
Today I went for a walk in the field next to my house, to clear my head. You know what...all the so called friends and family I have....I had never felt so alone in my whole life. I couldnt call anyone, go anywhere or do anything. I havent got a penny to my name because I didnt get paid today. I just felt so stuck and so alone.
Anyway my moan over.
Love Lynds xx
I have told him it is over between me and him and that we are now going to live seperate lives. I cant take this s*** anymore. I havent ate a thing al day and I am worried sick. I aint scared of being of my own but I suppose I am a little anxious.
He reckons he is starting again tomorrow but who cares! I dont anymore. I dnt care what he does, where he goes as long as I dont see him off his face again.
Its the first time in 2 month that he has gone out and came back in that state where he can barely open his eyes. I just felt hate for him and I mean pure hate. I feel angry now just typing this. One thing I find very difficult when he is like this is controlling my anger cos I wanna just go mad with him but that just makes him nasty to me.
God I so got to stick to my word this time because he can destroy his life but he aint destroying mine! I have my daughter to think about and she is all that matters to me.
Today I went for a walk in the field next to my house, to clear my head. You know what...all the so called friends and family I have....I had never felt so alone in my whole life. I couldnt call anyone, go anywhere or do anything. I havent got a penny to my name because I didnt get paid today. I just felt so stuck and so alone.
Anyway my moan over.
Love Lynds xx
Awwww, my poor Bunny Rocker......I'm so sorry honey.......although hate to say this, but I kind of expected it......not because of your man......I'd think that of any of us.......it's more likely we'll pick up than not.....or keep on using than kicking........that's how it is, sweetie.
BR, ya know what.......I love seeing you here......I mean I wish you didn't have to be, but over on Families/Loved Ones.......they have been through it.....it's so sad but it's true........I mean still come here.......but check them out, alright because you're in a really, really bad spot.
Meanwhile he was mean and nasty to you because he can be......because he might be so disappointed in himself........because that place where you're so high ya can just itch and nod.........all those reasons.........bottom line don't mess with that high.........crying messes it up.
I'm sorry BR.........you gotta do what ya gotta do.
BR, ya know what.......I love seeing you here......I mean I wish you didn't have to be, but over on Families/Loved Ones.......they have been through it.....it's so sad but it's true........I mean still come here.......but check them out, alright because you're in a really, really bad spot.
Meanwhile he was mean and nasty to you because he can be......because he might be so disappointed in himself........because that place where you're so high ya can just itch and nod.........all those reasons.........bottom line don't mess with that high.........crying messes it up.
I'm sorry BR.........you gotta do what ya gotta do.
Awwww thanks Bryn. I really am so down in the dumps. He has gone to bed early and I was just gonna go to bed myself so I think I will stay on the settee tonight. I really am so down in the dumps and to be honest I really dont wanna be on my own right now. I just need a hug of reasurance. I keep crying all the time and I have smoked like mad today. I cant even face food and I feel real shaky! Makes it worse cos its my time of the month too so I am mixed up as heel to start with. I go a bit nuts this time of the month.
To be honest hunny I kind of expected it myself but I suppose there had always been that hope at the back of my heart which thought he could crack this because he done it before and didnt have as much to loose as he has now. Truth is maybe he needs to loose me before he realises that he has nothing and gets himself sorted.
I think he thinks all is ok and that he is going to go to the chemist as normal tomorrow and everything will be sweet but the truth is I dont trust him at all and can see no way forward anymore.
I promised myself I wouldnt do this to myself and get myself into this state again so I am making a promise to myself now that I aint gonna do it again.
Thank you so much Bryn for being there and always replying to my posts. Love ya girl....hugs to you (((((((((hugs))))))))) xxxxx
To be honest hunny I kind of expected it myself but I suppose there had always been that hope at the back of my heart which thought he could crack this because he done it before and didnt have as much to loose as he has now. Truth is maybe he needs to loose me before he realises that he has nothing and gets himself sorted.
I think he thinks all is ok and that he is going to go to the chemist as normal tomorrow and everything will be sweet but the truth is I dont trust him at all and can see no way forward anymore.
I promised myself I wouldnt do this to myself and get myself into this state again so I am making a promise to myself now that I aint gonna do it again.
Thank you so much Bryn for being there and always replying to my posts. Love ya girl....hugs to you (((((((((hugs))))))))) xxxxx
1. Don't make promises you don't intend to keep.
2. Don't leave in the hopes he will see the light. Make sure you leave for the right reasons.
3. You should look into naranon or alanon meetings.
Some people like using a roller coaster analogy when dealing with a loved one in active addiction. I don't like that analogy because with a roller coaster you have to wait until the ride is over to get off.
I prefer to compare it to a merry-go-round. When you are on the outside of the merry-go-round you just keep doing the same thing over and over. More than likely get sick as well. So you have 3 choices. Keep going around on the edges, jump off or move to the center.
If you are going to stay with a loved one in active addiction you have to move to the center. The madness spins around you but you are not really affected much. This is not easy to do and takes work on yourself. This is something we loved ones do not like to do. After all our addicted loved one has the problems not us.
The jumping off is obvious. You know what that means. If you can't deal with it and can't move to the center this is the only option.
You are in the third situation. You keep doing the same things over and over but hoping things will turn out better this time. If you just try it a little different maybe it will make him finally see the light. If you just watch him a little closer.
I don't mean to be mean BR but smoking a lot and not eating are not healthy. They are not doing you any good and are not helping your child either. You need to quit obsessing with what he is or is not doing and start healing yourself.
I have been where you are so you can't bs. Tossing and turning all night. Jumping if the phone rings and your addicted loved one is not there. Hearing a siren and wondering if that is them. Losing all joy in life. Not doing things you enjoyed doing before. I have done them all.
I took my life back and you can to. You just have to start taking the steps. Nobody can force you to just like you can't make your loved one change. Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you like what you are seeing. Picture yourself 10 years from now. If you don't like it, change for your own self and your child. Whatever that change means. If it is staying but doing the things you love again and living life to its fullest then great. If it is without him that is up to you as well. You just have to picture where you want to be and make it happen.
2. Don't leave in the hopes he will see the light. Make sure you leave for the right reasons.
3. You should look into naranon or alanon meetings.
Some people like using a roller coaster analogy when dealing with a loved one in active addiction. I don't like that analogy because with a roller coaster you have to wait until the ride is over to get off.
I prefer to compare it to a merry-go-round. When you are on the outside of the merry-go-round you just keep doing the same thing over and over. More than likely get sick as well. So you have 3 choices. Keep going around on the edges, jump off or move to the center.
If you are going to stay with a loved one in active addiction you have to move to the center. The madness spins around you but you are not really affected much. This is not easy to do and takes work on yourself. This is something we loved ones do not like to do. After all our addicted loved one has the problems not us.
The jumping off is obvious. You know what that means. If you can't deal with it and can't move to the center this is the only option.
You are in the third situation. You keep doing the same things over and over but hoping things will turn out better this time. If you just try it a little different maybe it will make him finally see the light. If you just watch him a little closer.
I don't mean to be mean BR but smoking a lot and not eating are not healthy. They are not doing you any good and are not helping your child either. You need to quit obsessing with what he is or is not doing and start healing yourself.
I have been where you are so you can't bs. Tossing and turning all night. Jumping if the phone rings and your addicted loved one is not there. Hearing a siren and wondering if that is them. Losing all joy in life. Not doing things you enjoyed doing before. I have done them all.
I took my life back and you can to. You just have to start taking the steps. Nobody can force you to just like you can't make your loved one change. Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you like what you are seeing. Picture yourself 10 years from now. If you don't like it, change for your own self and your child. Whatever that change means. If it is staying but doing the things you love again and living life to its fullest then great. If it is without him that is up to you as well. You just have to picture where you want to be and make it happen.
Thanks HurtDad,
Your honesty is appreciated. I did get my life back before but it seems I have took 10 steps back to the way I was before. I was doing my own thing before, going places, having fun and he wasnt involved in that, I just stayed away and to be honest it was good. Thats what I am going to do. I am going to a concert tonight with my sister and cousin and a few friends. I havent spent much time with my sister lately, and my sis is kind of my best buddy. Cant tell her everything but she is always there.
The one thing I cant control is my eating. The smallest thing knocks me off my food and it can take days to eat again but I have food suppliment drinks so I take one of them to give me energy and goodness. Yip smoking aint good but I am quiting. I have started tablets but still have to smoke for the first 10 days. I am making one step to my better life cos I hate smoking...I stopped for 3 years before so I can do it again.
I suppose I few weeks ago I was in the middle of that merry go round and I was content with what was happening around me and then everything changed. I hate changes, he started to go behind my back again, so you see things get better and then like a click of the fingers...back to square one and I realise that we aint ever gonna go anywhere like this so I have decided to move away from the ride and start my own ride!
Wish me luck!! and thanks for your advise xxx
Your honesty is appreciated. I did get my life back before but it seems I have took 10 steps back to the way I was before. I was doing my own thing before, going places, having fun and he wasnt involved in that, I just stayed away and to be honest it was good. Thats what I am going to do. I am going to a concert tonight with my sister and cousin and a few friends. I havent spent much time with my sister lately, and my sis is kind of my best buddy. Cant tell her everything but she is always there.
The one thing I cant control is my eating. The smallest thing knocks me off my food and it can take days to eat again but I have food suppliment drinks so I take one of them to give me energy and goodness. Yip smoking aint good but I am quiting. I have started tablets but still have to smoke for the first 10 days. I am making one step to my better life cos I hate smoking...I stopped for 3 years before so I can do it again.
I suppose I few weeks ago I was in the middle of that merry go round and I was content with what was happening around me and then everything changed. I hate changes, he started to go behind my back again, so you see things get better and then like a click of the fingers...back to square one and I realise that we aint ever gonna go anywhere like this so I have decided to move away from the ride and start my own ride!
Wish me luck!! and thanks for your advise xxx
..Lynds..
..Wishing ya well in wotever you decide to do..ya gotta lookout for yaself and child now..if you stay down in the dumps that will only reflect on ya kid as the days go by..as hard as it is..try stay strong in ya heart and mind..if ya feel like ya can't trust ya man then listen to yaself and do wots best for you and ya kid ?..take care and get sum food down ya neck ; )..Robbie..
..Wishing ya well in wotever you decide to do..ya gotta lookout for yaself and child now..if you stay down in the dumps that will only reflect on ya kid as the days go by..as hard as it is..try stay strong in ya heart and mind..if ya feel like ya can't trust ya man then listen to yaself and do wots best for you and ya kid ?..take care and get sum food down ya neck ; )..Robbie..
Hi Lynds, I really hope you listen to hurtdad. He really knows what he's talking about. But like a lot of things until you put it into practice and actually start feeling different, it's just words on a page. All I know is that when I really made the decision to stop obsessing over what my ex-b/f was doing in terms of drugs, and finished the relationship and moved out, I felt so tremendously liberated. It wasn't that I stopped caring about him, it's just that I came to recognise that he was an adult, and was making his own decisions, and none of my screaming and crying was going to make one jot of difference. And also realised that I am an adult, and if it did my head in to see him off his head, then the best thing would be to stay away and get on with my own life. Which is what I did. The pain of ending the relationship was bad, but not as bad as the total headf*** of living with him. There was something so symbolic and beautiful about painting my new flat, and trawling round the secondhand shops looking for furniture. New start. Say goodbye to the pain of the past. Nobody but you can help yourself. And you can't help him. Your hate for him right now hurts you far more than him. He just isn't feeling the anguish you feel, and trying to change him by saying "look how much you're hurting me" will never ever work. Please for your own sake stop trying. The is no way you can stop him from doing heroin.
love
diff xxx
love
diff xxx
Thanks Robbie/Diff,
I am getting on with my own thing again. Kind of moved on again. I feel kind of better in myself although I am still struggling to eat. This happened before. Although I can persude myself that I am ok my body is obviously still churned cos I feel physically sick at the thought of food. Didnt do my any good last night as I went to Girls Aloud concert and then night clubbing afterwards and you can imagine the drink went straight to my head. I promise I am going to force something down today cos I am not getting into this rut AGAIN.
Anyway I am going to keep going out with friends and having fun and he can do what the hell he likes. He is still here and we are speaking and I suppose were still together but what he does is up to him. I chose to move on myself. His problem he can fix it and I know there is nothing I can do or say to change him or make him do anything.
Right got to shoot...baby winging. She wants her morning peeps.
Take care and speak soon. Thanks again xxxxx
I am getting on with my own thing again. Kind of moved on again. I feel kind of better in myself although I am still struggling to eat. This happened before. Although I can persude myself that I am ok my body is obviously still churned cos I feel physically sick at the thought of food. Didnt do my any good last night as I went to Girls Aloud concert and then night clubbing afterwards and you can imagine the drink went straight to my head. I promise I am going to force something down today cos I am not getting into this rut AGAIN.
Anyway I am going to keep going out with friends and having fun and he can do what the hell he likes. He is still here and we are speaking and I suppose were still together but what he does is up to him. I chose to move on myself. His problem he can fix it and I know there is nothing I can do or say to change him or make him do anything.
Right got to shoot...baby winging. She wants her morning peeps.
Take care and speak soon. Thanks again xxxxx
Hello bunny im new to this site an im so glad i found it i can listen to people who are going throu the same thing as i am well ill start telling you a few things about my life i have been with my partner for 10 years now he was not a user when i met him were child love sweethearts anyway when he was 17 he started hanging around with the wrong crowd an this is when he was itroduced to the gear, for the past 9 years we have battled with the gear he as been to prison several times for burglarys he as done an i have stuck by him everytime we have 4 kids together from the age of 5 months to 7 years an i feel so sorry for them as one min there dad is there the next he is behind bars i cant stand to communicate with him when he is high i even lash out an attack him he just sits there saying "im sorry " an that pisses me off even more cause he wouldnt have to say sorry if he never took that s*** i just want a happy normal life , when he is straight he is a total different person he is my soul mate but when he is an addict he is a nasty horrible pig its like a split personality . well this morning when i woke up he was not here so after about an hour he strolls in with sweat dripping down his head small pupils an very energetic their is no mistaking what its from so i kicked the b****** out but he hovers around looking for his clothes etc but really its cause he has no where else to go he only came out of the nick 3 weeks ago an has been clean up till now ,but its not that easy when you have children together you always got a connection with them throu the kids so you cant just wipe the slate clean an start again cause there always in your life but to be honest i always give in to him cause im scared of him doing something stupid im just not strong enough to stick to my word an he knows this have you got any advise for me please ????? luv emz xxx
Well Emz I wish I could give you advise but I knew what I had to do yet I never did so it. Some people choose to stay, some choose to leave but I truly think if its making you really unhappy that you should maybe move on if he is still using, athough 10 years is a long time. We also have a child together but we have only been together for 3 years. This has done my head in because at first I didnt understand the first thing about drugs and thought that my bf had started using because of me, and that he didnt love me...it was strange the things that went through my head. Anyway its 5 or 6 months later now and he is still here although I am getting pretty much close to ending it...the relationship because to be honest there isnt much left anymore. He has been to prison before but not since we have been together and he works to pay for his habbit, so he doesnt steal or atleast not that I know of. I just cant stand the look when he has a smoke...his eyes bulge and go dark and he suddenly gets cocky and thinks he is funy and it just makes me cringe. I have warned him to get himself sorted asap because I wont hang around forever. I have learnt that no threats will work and that he wont do anything unless he truly wants to and he has to do it for him xx
