Day 13, And My First Meeting.

It is Saturday, April 14th which means I am on day 13, opiate free. A friend who had to work late tonight gave me a last minute idea to go to my first meeting. It was at a huge church, took about 20 mins to find the basement. I was about 50 mins late but no one seemed to mind.

I heard horrible stories. I will not mention them here, you never know..they may be on the board. But anyway, I kind of felt a little guilty being there. I felt such pity for these people, but the fact they were at this meeting shows that at least they have strength left.

The moderator called on me after a few folks, while everyone said "Hi I'm Joe Blow and and addict" I was wondering, was I supposed to say that? I do consider myself a recovering addict, I just wasnt to say it.

I said my name was Chris, and this was my first meeting, and I got a round of applause from the entire room. I was really taken, and proud to be there.I told my story, the abusive parents, the supportive grandparents, all the way to flushing my pills down the toilet. The withdrawals, the pain, how I felt on day 6m how I feel now. It was a very special, uplifting and religous experience. At the end of the meeting everyone said this prayer, I didnt know the words, the moderator smiled at me..I told him it was my first time and laughed. I was given a keychain for my first meeting, which I actually have in hiding because of my fiancee, but I will keep it.I must have hugged 6 or 7 total strangers and it felt great.

After the meeting, folks began to talk, I didnt know if it was my place to join in, I politely waved to everyone and thanked them, and this woman grabbed my arm and told me to join in. She told me her story, I told her more details of mine. It was awesome. On my way out a couple of guys were waiting for me and hugged me. They told me how brave I was and to keep coming(Which I will.)

In one portion of my story to them, I told them how last saturday while feeeling a bit better, I still felt weak. I mentioned as I was a huge Yankee fan (while pointing at my yankee cap i was wearing) As I was watching the yankee game on YES(, the yanks were down. A-Rod hit a walk off grand slam, I jumped out from the couch like I got hit by lightning, picked up my fiancee and we celebrated, I told them all this was the first time I realized I could be happy without drugs.

When I got outside, another guy stopped me, and told me he saw the grand slam and knew that feeling as well. We talked for about 10 minutes and I told him I'd do my best to see them next week.

One important thing, I told them I was not ready to surrender, and flushing those pills were a victory, they accepted who I was, almost as an immediate part of the family, and told me they wanted me back next week, I will do my best.

Anyway, day 13, still clean, still minor leg cramps but nothing I cant handle. I had a great day today, made many friends...and look forward to reuiniting with these people.

If one meeting was this uplifting, I can only imagine how the next ones will be. A real uplifting experince.

So long folks, thanks for litening, and guiding me - Chris
Keep on keeping on.
You are doing great and it gets so much better. I don't know if you wrote this or not, but cutting of your sources is absolutely crucial.

My dealer kept calling me when I didn't call him. Called me 4 times, kept lowering the price, was asking if i was having financial situations, i kept trying to tell him I was done. And he said since I was such a good customer He'd give me 100 pills for free. I said sure meet me here, and I gave him the address of a police station in midtown. Didnt report him or anything, but I told him if he calls me one more time I'm gonna meet him at the diner we usually did business, drag him by the hair into the bathroom, flush those "freebees), stick his head in the toilet and call the cops.

Have not heard from him since, and quite frankly, I dont think he wants to hear from me. :) - Chris
Chris<

Good on you dude! Seems like when I first quit every time I turned around pills would be in my face. Where the heck were they when I was detoxing? Anyway you are a fighter and I admire your determination. All the best on your journey of recovery.

Jan
Wow..it takes alot of strength and determination to do what you did. Awesome. As far as your meeting went, I'm so glad that you had a good experience. It will make going back that much easier. I'm sorry if I missed this but did anyone talk to you about finding a sponsor? Even a temp. one right now would be so beneficial. I'm really tickled for you right now and I'm glad you didn't wait until Monday. That's taking care of you.
Well honestly if my friends would not have gotten home late from work(they called in advance) I would have waited until Monday. In the end we stayed at my place and played video games all night. :)

A lot of people told me to go to as many meetings as I can, right now I am comfortable with this one, which I do plan to attend next Tuesday. There are some people who go to meetings every day, and while that is fine and I in no way disrespect them for it, I just have too much of a business and social life that I will not abandon in huge abundance for the sake of meetings. I have cut off ties with another user, until he calls me and lets me take him to a meeting. The rest of my friends are drug free (Well, I did have a baileys last night, usually have one or 2 over the weekend.) And did not feel the need for an opiate at all, I was too busy kicking a** in Virtua Fighter 5. :)

Till later. - Chris

Chris, I just want to say, "Hooray". There is something that is so freeing about those meetings and the fellowship you will find there is a real perk.

Those people will go to no end to help you!
Along with my current childhood, non addicted friends as well, wait till I hit them with this news one day.. :) - Chris
Chris,

Your friends will love you and embrace you. Honesty sometimes helps you to see who your real true friends are.

Love and acceptance comes from those who truly get you.

It feels good...doesn't it...to be clean, and not dependant on a pill bottle.
You'll find out real fast who your real friends are. I had to let go of a few, ones that just didn't get it and continued to enable me. I set bounderies with the others and my relationships are better than I ever thought they could be.
Great job Chris...
It keeps getting better. I have been clean now for two months. I just can say it gets better. I thought I was hopeless. I go to meetings occasionally, but I find mostly that I relapse when I go to meetings. Different strokes for different for different folks.

Deirdre
Chris, I'll give you props when you are no longer drinking or taking additional psychoactive drugs.
Bullwinkle, as for my Xanax, if you can find my psychiatrist, you can speak to her about my prrescription. As for props. A s for my bailey's, I have a glass or 2 every weekend. As for your props, you can keep them to yourself.

2 full weeks clean, regardless of what this jerkoff said. - Chris
I never keep props to myself for those that actually deserve them. And a lot of people here do deserve them, and not only from me but other sober ex-addicts. You will find that as you are further along in your recovery.

Thanks for your input though and good luck to you..


Sincerely,

Jerk-off
Chris, Congrats to you for going to a meeting. I know Danny and he is only trying to help. He is far from a jerk off. Shantel
Well Bull, judging from the pic you chose for your sig, you have other issues to fiigure out. That picture is a disgrace to the sport,and if you are any kind of baseball fan, a disgrace to you.

I've busted my a** getting off of vicodin, been clean 2 weeks, and have made a lot of friends. I have a lifestyle. I have a couple of Bailey's every week, is it possible that it will turn me into an alcoholic? Not likely, but not impossible either. As for my Xanax, I have an anxiety issue I had way before I was on opiates, so ask questions before you judge. And again, they are prescription, my psychiatrist knew about my habit, knows I kicked it and recommends that I take them still. She's a huge part of my success, so again, get the facts before
making a judgement.

By theway, If you are a cubs fan, why don't you put up something more inspirational? Like when Sammy Sosa hit that home run, and ran around the base with the american flag after 9/11. One of the greatest moments in baseball. - Chris

Think Positivie dude.
Yes, I agree. I should put up a picture of someone who used drugs to enhance his performance. I guess that follows along with your other advice. However, based upon your stated desire to beat people and put their head in a toilet, my Cubbies pic seems appropriate.

Whatever Chris. You are displaying classic addictive behavior in your replied. I think what you will find with me is I am not the least bit judgemental nor hostile.

I am concerned for other members of this board, especially those new into recovery, reading your post and thinking benzodiazepines and alcohol are answers to ending addiction.

Chris, you are having a fairly easy time of the withdrawal process because you are under the influence of other addicitng drugs. I don't expect you to see that yet.

Your advice is dangerous and reckless.

You have attacked me, called me a jerk-off and inputed I have some kind of psychological issues.

Sincerely

Bullwinkle - The Malevolent Jerk-off
Bull, it was the American flag I was talking about. Not that ugly photograph that disgraces the game that you have.

Do me a favor Bull, dont respond to my posts anymore, if you do I'll just ignore them. The folks here dont need this bulls***, and quite frankly, neither do I.

Peace.
Chris- I will reply as much as I want to. This board doesn't need instruction is cross addiction.

Thanks
Chris-Congratulations on going to a meeting.That's a first step.
One thing a lot of newcomers are told in the beginning is "To take the cotton out of their ears and put in their mouths".....It's a tounge and cheek reminder to let you know that you need to listen to older members who have been where your at.At this stage of the game you do not have the answers.I'm not being mean just realistic.If you get a sponsor they will be a lot more direct.

Danny is dead on.Even in the preamble of Narcotics Anonymous they will say"Alcohol is a drug" and Xanax most definitely is.It's certainly your choice if you choose to take them but you're not clean.Don't take my word for it.All you have to do is ask them at the meeting.Their feedback will be no differently than you get here.It's just a fact.
You can't compartmentalize drug use.
You might not be abusing it but they still are drugs.

You are welcome here and if you keep an open mind ,you will learn a lot about Recovery.There are some people on here that have long term abstinence and some good sobriety.

Welcome